What is considered “settling”?

1Here4Bach · 2023-09-09T12:56:36+00:00

If you don’t like the person you marry on your wedding day; you settled. If you’re madly in love on your wedding day but five years later you hate that person’s guts you didn’t settle, you just grew to dislike that person.

l00ks-p1lled · 2023-09-09T12:44:03+00:00

Settling is usually used to express the situation when you're dating or are in a relationship with someone you're not physically attracted to.

Basically, emotional connection and stability are there but there's little or no passion/lust at all and thus sex and intimacy are boring/stagnant

Nellylocheadbean · 2023-09-09T13:38:04+00:00

Lowering the majority of your standards just to be with someone. When cons about the person outweigh the pros. Lastly if you’re with someone and believe you can actually attain someone better than that person. Better as in they meet more of your standards. People don’t believe they’re settling unless they know or believe they can get someone better.

It doesn’t guarantee that the person they truly want, wants them back but that’s the gamble they have to take when they believe they can do better.

Safinated · 2023-09-09T13:54:51+00:00

If you don’t think your male partner is Chad, apparently

Men also don’t settle because they have no options, find every woman extremely sexy, and never get bored or disillusioned with their partners

FightMeCthullu · 2023-09-09T13:39:01+00:00

Settling is, to me at least, a very active decision.

It’s choosing to be/stay with someone who does not fulfil you emotionally. Who does not inspire love (they might inspire affection, gratitude, desire, platonic love etc….but not romantic love. They also might not bring forth any of those feelings at all).

It also looks different to different people. It depends on what you prioritise. Settling is different to compromise - settling will make you feel actively resentful or disappointed or like you could have done better. I guess there are “non negotiable” characteristics in a partner, and “perks” that would be nice to have but not deal breakers and not hugely disappointing to not get.

Using myself as an example - I love music, history, and arts and crafts. As a teen, I thought my “non negotiable” would be having someone who was good at music. As an adult, my fiancé is tone deaf. My real “non negotiables” were shared values, and being able to banter. I don’t give a fuck that my fiancé can’t sing. I don’t wish he could. I love what he is.

Now, if I secretly longed for him to be able to sing duets with me and was frequently disappointed he couldn’t….that would be me “settling”.

I think more than anything, settling is choosing despite/in spite of instead of regardless. I love my fiancé regardless - who gives a fuck that he can’t sing. I don’t love him “despite the fact he can’t sing”.

So I guess, in my eyes, it’s whether or not you don’t care about the differences to your “ideal” or you do care but you choose them anyway.

Cjaylyle · 2023-09-09T19:27:32+00:00

In 2023?

Every relationship ever.

jay10033 · 2023-09-09T13:26:18+00:00

Settling is another way of saying you are not flawed so you deserve everything on your unrealistic checklist. It's a self-centered idea that a person deserves their idea of perfection (personally defined) and anything less than that ideal would be problematic. What they tend to not understand is that they are ok with others settling for them as long as they get what they want.

dishonouronmycow · 2023-09-09T13:48:56+00:00

To me settling is being with someone that you don’t love/treats you poorly. If you love someone completely and they love you, it’s not settling.

OkLingonberryx · 2023-09-09T14:02:24+00:00

Settling is when you blow him, and his gut touches your forehead. That's EXACTLY the moment you know you settled.

(he has a gut and it touches your forehead - every time, and it doesn't get better)

Over_North8884 · 2023-09-09T14:39:08+00:00

Settling is the typical fate of saying "I know my worth".

lolmastr13 · 2023-09-09T14:43:53+00:00

Bad settling is going for someone you’re not attracted to for what the relationship can do for you.

Flightlessbirbz · 2023-09-09T14:46:05+00:00

Settling is choosing to be with someone you don’t really want to be with because you don’t want to be single. What it’s not is realizing that there may be “better options” out there somewhere. Because this is always going to be the case, nobody is perfect and you’re going to have to eventually pick someone. Settling is also not slowly growing to dislike someone due to their behavior over many years. That’s a relationship breaking down.

Someone who’s settling can’t really tell you what they like about their partner or what drew them to that person initially. They were just there when they wanted to be in a relationship. Now don’t get me wrong, timing is ALWAYS important in who people end up with. But there should be something that made that person specifically stand out as someone you wanted to date. Not just “he isn’t abusive” or “she has sex with me.”

Proudvow · 2023-09-09T18:00:43+00:00

Settling is marrying someone who isn't among the highest tier of partners you've been involved with. They don't turn you on as much, etc. This is "negative" because it's likely to impact your marital satisfaction.

Not marrying a supermodel isn't settling since you never had a chance to do anything with a supermodel to begin with.

OmoshiroiKudamono · 2023-09-10T02:43:49+00:00

The TRUE definition of setting is getting someone significantly below one's TRUE smv.

With the "body positivity" and "I'm a 10" movement, it has been HIJACKED to mean any man less that a 10 is a settlement. A 4 will think she deserves a 9 because "I'm a 10."

In REALITY, most women are AVERAGE at best. If a TRULY average woman gets with an average man, they are getting what they can "afford."

Demasii · 2023-09-09T12:53:45+00:00

Settling is when you get together with someone when better options are available and possible.

Bubbly_Taro · 2023-09-09T12:25:21+00:00

Settling is dating a guy who speaks with full mouth and doesn't wash his hands after going to the toilet.

Alhambra-squatch · 2023-09-09T12:41:55+00:00

Men are settling differently than women.

Men settle by being less and less able to get the hot 15 year olds they crave. Whereas women settle by accepting poor looking men in favor of their primary drive, money.

So women settle by gold digging (which isn’t settling to women as that’s their primary relationship drive) and looks isn’t, men settle in looks as that’s their primary drive.

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DietTyrone · 2023-09-09T14:40:45+00:00

It's only settling if your yourself think you can do better. If you're content with your choice then it isn't settling. Settling is more of a mindset than anything else.

KayRay1994 · 2023-09-09T14:41:53+00:00

Way I see settling is actively compromising on your core values for the sake of not being lonely - and that’s kinda where intention makes the difference - ie. if you’re compromising cause you like the person that much, it isn’t technically settling - but if it’s a trait you know you have a problem with, but stick to it anyway cause you don’t want to be alone, you’re settling

babazuki · 2023-09-09T14:42:29+00:00

You hear it here because of the abundance of internet users that have never been in a relationship.

They think of people as disposable and replaceable because they've never grown to care about another person romantically. Or they might just be horrible, self-centered, unempathetic, and possibly sociopathic people that don't actually care about the people they enter relationships with. But I assume most of them are just inexperienced.

They think you pick someone and you just get what you get and someone else with their same superficial traits will be equally appealing to you. They don't consider that most people develop attachment and see others in an emotional lens.

armpitpics · 2023-09-09T14:58:46+00:00

Settling is getting with someone you don't actually find attractive. Being with someone you recognize is flawed, but someone you're attracted to is not settling. If none of the people you're attracted to are attracted to you them there's the option of being single.

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-09-09T15:02:31+00:00

Settling is when you have better options being offered for what you desire but you choose the “worse” options

But these days women think getting a man on their level or even slightly above their level is settling

Lazy-Fisherman-6881 · 2023-09-09T15:30:26+00:00

Relationships are made from three components: attractiveness, similarity, and compliance.

When Person A (very attractive) gets into a relationship with Person B (much less attractive), and the difference in their attractiveness levels is so great that the culture believes Person A entered this relationship for compliance reasons.

Then they are said to have “settled”

tonyghow · 2023-09-09T16:37:03+00:00

IMO, settling is different per gender: * A woman settles with a man who is half baked, doesn’t meet all her initial expectations, but hopes he will change over time— a project. * A man settles with a woman who gives him sex but mistreats him in other ways.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-09-09T16:56:14+00:00

Settling is when you end up marrying/being in an LTR with someone who you don't think is all that great, who has traits that you greatly dislike but you're begrudgingly putting up with them because you think this is the best you're going to do. This shouldn't be confused with being with someone who is awesome but has habits/mannerisms that annoy you from time to time. Nobody is perfect and everyone has faults, no human being is a joy to be around 24/7/365. But someone you settled for is going to be at best ''okay'', not ''amazing but sometimes X drives me up the wall''.

thetruthishere_ · 2023-09-09T17:08:59+00:00

Settling to me is being with someone just not be alone you dont truly want to be with..

thestruggle-isreal · 2023-09-09T23:59:34+00:00

For me settling is dating someone I’m not attracted to or doesn’t treat me right

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2023-09-11T12:32:42+00:00

I would say when you don't actualy WANT the person but you don't want to be alone / you need them to have kids / you are getting old and afraid you won't find anyone else... You choose them for stability, safety, companionship, but you don't actualy WANT them and desire them. It's "better than nothing", but it's not what you truly desire.

Title	What is considered “settling”?
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	15
Comments	60
Date	September 9, 2023 12:20 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/16e4dfm/what_is_considered_settling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-considered-settling.1231304 https://theredarchive.com/post/1231304

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