Why doesn't the ideal relationship include getting some strange?

Willow-girl · 2018-07-09T12:33:20+00:00

When you have sex with a new person, you tend to bond with them, and it destroys (or at the very least, damages) whatever bond you had with your spouse. Resources (time, attention, money) are diverted to the new person, which naturally leads to resentment and insecurity.

carefreevermillion · 2018-07-09T11:51:31+00:00

1) [Sex is included in the ideal relationship model]. But most relationships are not the "ideal" because people are human and flawed.

2) Because men really like monogamy because it helps them know that their kids are actually their kids.

azngirl7689 · 2018-07-09T12:46:15+00:00

Why doesn't the ideal relationship include getting some strange?

It does, mff

Dubslav_von_Chekem · 2018-07-09T13:09:39+00:00

Why doesn't the ideal life include a hooker factory that shoots rainbows and donuts?

philomexa · 2018-07-09T12:13:25+00:00

We all know lust and infatuation period doesn't last forever.

No, it waxes and wanes

Humans aren't monogamous .

I certainly am

So why is the ideal marriage lifelong monogamy?

Because proof of paternity and feelings (bonding, avoiding betrayal) weigh more heavily than quickly dissipated lust for someone else.

Why not allow flings with other people?...experience acting on lust again

why is there an automatic assumption that lust for the spouse is gone? Its quite easy to reconfig lust onto a spouse, the frame work is already there.

Why doesn't the ideal relationship include getting some strange?

not everyone is interested in getting some strange, and see no need for it in a marriage that already has a healthy supply of lust for the corresponding spouse.

Will the ideal relationship change to a lifelong partnership with no expectation of monogamy?

No, we're a jealous and possessive species that forge heavy emotional bonds and investments with only a handful (at most) of people in our lives. you can't socially engineer out feelings of bonding and betrayal, that shit is deeply programmed for whatever reason (probably to support child rearing and then elderly life care/companionship).

quotient_is · 2018-07-09T13:43:37+00:00

I'm in an open marriage, but the reality of this is pretty far from the all day sex party people seem to imagine.

1) Finding new partners can be fun, but it's a lot of extra work. Introverted, busy or less than very attractive people are likely to have issues with it.

2) You have to work your hookups around the whole family's schedules. This can get pretty tedious.

3) It's a terrible idea to try to get hookups because you've been married X amount of time and you're dissatisfied in the bedroom. Hookups are an extra perk. Getting some elsewhere without taking care of your spouse sexually and emotionally is a relationship bomb.

Why doesn't the ideal relationship include getting some strange?

Will the ideal relationship change to a lifelong partnership with no expectation of monogamy?

Most people are viscerably disgusted by the idea of their partners having sex with other people. Most people are also not capable of maintaining multiple relationships at once in any sort of healthy manner. I don't see this changing on a wide scale any time soon.

belletaco · 2018-07-09T14:31:10+00:00

Lifelong monogamy just seems silly ...depriving yourself of lust because it's the right thing to do...

Not everyone sees it as deprivation. A lot of people are happy to grow and create a life with another person.

wtknight · 2018-07-09T16:14:16+00:00

I wouldn't want my wife having sex with strange men, so I'm not going to have it with strange women.

goatismycopilot · 2018-07-09T12:59:45+00:00

It might for some people, the problem is the folks who want strange are generally not partnered with people who think that is cool. Of coure now one or two people, man humans are going to pop up and say they have a side action agreement with the wifey while leaving out the part where they make assloads of money and provide a lifestyle the wife does not want to lose so she agrees to let him have some stuff on the side. The pool of people who think getting some strange is is cool who are conveniently partnered together is very very small like water droplet on a plant small. Then there are the guys who go get some strange and don't tell their wives but tell the side piece the wife is cool with it.

reluctantly_red · 2018-07-09T14:15:01+00:00

Because -- unless the guy is really freaking hot (most are not) -- the proposed arrangement gives all the power to the woman since she can find a guy hotter than her husband to fuck anytime she wants and he likely cannot. What rational guy would agree to this?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-07-09T14:34:23+00:00

People dont demand exclusivity in marriage because it is just some relative cultural ideal

KikiYuyu · 2018-07-09T18:43:22+00:00

I guess I'm not a human, and neither are many of my family members, or my best friends.

You can go on about this all you want but the thing is some people actually like monogamy. The problem arises when people who don't pretend that they do so they can fit in.

SkookumTree · 2018-07-09T13:32:52+00:00

Because when your guy becomes infatuated with the new girl he loses all interest in you. Don't believe moids who tell you any different.

Entropy-7 · 2018-07-09T13:49:29+00:00

This is sort of Black Dragon's schtick: an open long term relationship with one primary partner and some FBs on the side.

[deleted] · 2018-07-09T18:31:27+00:00

Why doesn't the ideal relationship include getting some strange?

The real question is why doesn't YOUR ideal relationship include getting some strange? Who the hell is stopping you exactly?

thepunnylord · 2018-07-10T02:57:45+00:00

Humans are bad at being monogamous, but they are worse at dealing with jealousy. So many other good points mentioned in the comments.

Gravel_Roads · 2018-07-09T13:09:11+00:00

I'm not monogamous. It doesn't work for me. I form connections to people very fast and don't care to impede my social biorhythms.

I have only had open/poly relationships. I've also maintained a 14 year LTR, during which time I also had a second 8 year LTR and a handful of ONS's simultaneously. None of them were unhealthy, and none of them ended on poor terms.

What works for one person just doesn't work for another. "Jealousy" is essentially frustration at being "left out" of something - in most relationships, people feel jealousy for their partners getting and giving sex/affection/validation/attention that doesn't involve them. This is incredibly painful, so I have no criticism for people that choose to be monogamous. But it's not a requirement so much as a taste. Some people also like living in the Midwest but you'll never get ME back in Omaha XD

(note: I'm not immune to jealousy, sex and relationship stuff just isn't one of my things.)

nomansweb · 2018-07-09T12:12:57+00:00

1) Jealousy evolved in a time when people didn't live to see their kids be adults and there was no contraception.

2) Getting some strange definitely can (and usually does, at least in the case of women) signal dissatisfaction with the main partner.

Eastuss · 2018-07-09T12:26:48+00:00

I think we both evolved to hate when our partner is not 100% invested in us, because that means we're loosing some of their resources (or them completely). We evolved to want the best quality as sexual partner, and when they're not invested in us, they're loosing quality.

Men who have sex with other women will spend time, eventually money, and sexual energy on other women. Women with pregnancy can only commit to one man at a time, and will also spend their resources on other men in the form of time and sexual energy.

And now even if these aren't much issues and that we can have sex without having a single impact on the other's life, we still have these visceral disgusts, and then there's also the issue with STDs.

kandyapplez · 2018-07-09T14:00:31+00:00

idk as an adult i've learned that a lot of couples in my parents social sphere are quietly nonmongamous, they just don't make a trendy identity out of it. so i would say for many it is ideal.

AutoModerator · 2018-07-09T11:47:48+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

S1imdragxn · 2018-07-09T14:03:23+00:00

Because life as a male is a curse and ideals are in heaven not this hell we call earth and the flesh

newName543456 · 2018-07-09T22:46:22+00:00

Monogamy is socially sanctioned since it provides a nuclear family to raise children. Sex is not a concern for this construct. Which is also why cheating/divorce are rather prevalent.

Eartherry · 2018-07-10T04:58:18+00:00

The ideal relationship includes whatever the couple agrees on. Open relationships are a thing. But if one enters a relationship with the preface that it's supposed to be monogamous, it's not acceptable for either party.

sea_of_cairo · 2018-07-11T05:35:00+00:00

Open relationship? You're free to have it.

exhibitionistcouplez · 2018-07-16T02:21:03+00:00

Lifelong monogamy is economically sound.

Relationship standards are changing. It is becoming appropriate to discuss open relationships openly and to expect to be respected. It is something that with someone who enjoys open relationships you can discuss candidly pretty early. I bring up swinging in an eventual future sense during discussion of turn ons usually before we actually have sex.

Lifelong monogamy is silly for some. It's right for others. Humans aren't monogamous. SOME humans are.

Ercole_ · 2018-07-09T12:05:37+00:00

Why doesn't the ideal relationship include getting some strange?

It does for me. Being that I think women are hypergamous and men are polygynous, the ideal relationship would be a one-sided open relationship where the man fucks whoever he wants.

Will the ideal relationship change to a lifelong partnership with no expectation of monogamy?

Maybe if we don't extinct ourselves first. These kinds of social evolutions take a while.

petrichordium · 2018-07-09T18:12:30+00:00

It does though! Most people are just too small minded, jealous, or selfish to make it work longterm. Their loss.

Title	Why doesn't the ideal relationship include getting some strange?
Author	Pretty_Please_C_My_V
Upvotes	7
Comments	118
Date	July 9, 2018 11:47 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8xau21/why_doesnt_the_ideal_relationship_include_getting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-doesnt-the-ideal-relationship-include-getting.261609 https://theredarchive.com/post/261609

Comments