Your Biggest Influence

NarniaFox · 2021-03-13T03:45:51+00:00

My mother. She wasn't dating anyone when I was a kid, but she gave me the right mindset. Dating should be pleasant for both of you, saying no is completely normal, your boundaries are important, don't let people do things to you you don't want, dating both boys and girls is okay and she'd accept my choice whoever it was, sex should be always safe, sex isn't dirty, you don't need a man just for the sake of it, be able to provide for yourself, no drama bullshit, don't be dependent on your partner, don't let them treat you badly etc.
My older penpal friend. He supported me when I was a bullied teen and when I felt used by my long distance romantic interest. Gave me good advice considering dating and sex, that were also about being safe, consent, respecting boundaries and some just about the practice. All on all, I consider him my older brother or uncle.

NICHIJOU2411 · 2021-03-13T02:45:03+00:00

My parents. Hands down. Always pushed me to go socialize, meet women, all that jazz. Haven’t had success yet but I ain’t given up yet. Hell I’d consider them to be red pilled in terms of dating.

Legitimate-Tap-2435 · 2021-03-13T02:33:38+00:00

r/TRP parents didn’t teach me shit. Personally I think that the likelihood of you receiving very good advice is extremely low considering the amount of beta dads and single moms there are nowadays.

If you didn’t have a strong masculine father figure in your life your gonna have a very hard time with women if you don’t seek advice elsewhere.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-03-13T05:09:55+00:00

My parents divorced when I was 5, and I didn't learn until much later how abusive my dad was to my mom. I learned from her that you can be single and still have a wonderful life with everything you want. And from him, I learned what type of men to avoid.

Psychological_Wear_7 · 2021-03-13T02:46:11+00:00

Adults around me growing up. Luckily, I was a very attentive kid.

AreOut · 2021-03-13T11:42:46+00:00

TRP to be sincere. Without applying some of its principles I probably wouldn't be alive today. Thanks to it I became quite successful in life, against all odds. You just have to choose wisely what TRP principles you are going to follow according to your personal goals, for example I'm not really into spinning plates so getting as much sex as possible with various women didn't interest me that much and I would probably just lose time being with so many women I'm not even interested in.

Getting out of anger phase and realising you've been lied to for decades was the biggest obstacle.

Demasii · 2021-03-13T02:45:42+00:00

My biggest influence was my older sister. She was an avid reader. She was very educated on many subjects. She taught me when I was very young that majority of common beliefs and run of the mill advices are incorrect.

It made me doubt most if not all advices about dating by my peers. Especially the unsolicited advice.

I'm extremely greatful and able to avoid many pitfalls of dating. The pitfalls I did come across didn't come as much as a surprise because I expected the possibility of it. Getting hurt is part of dating.

death_by_1000_cats · 2021-03-13T05:17:43+00:00

My parents (a mix of my mom actually talking to me about stuff but also just watching their dynamic over the years), other women in my family, my best friend and her older sister who had a subscription to Seventeen magazine which taught young sheltered me a lot about sex, other friends, and unironically this sub and some of the friends I've made here. Plus just my general knowledge of history and culture.

brainismia · 2021-03-13T07:58:59+00:00

Definitly life experience, and living/dating in multiple countries!

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-03-13T10:13:55+00:00

Very thought provoking question..

In the beginning it was my parents. I was fully socalled bluepill and was not having success but was just a dumb kid. I found the actual TRP around 15 and tried it out and thought it was dumb and didn't help me. I then had a few gfs in HS and then went to college. In college i ended up losing weight and then doing normal social things and had a lot of fun. Honestly, i feel like the thing that was the most influential to my viewpoint of dating and relationships is my friends. Their experiences helped shape me. For example my best friend who's the biggest simp mcsimpson in the entire world got cheated on and so now i have paranoia about that lol. But on the positive side my best friend from college and i would go out and wing man for each other at the bars and that helped teach me how to act with girls. Basically reading dating theory wasn't something i was in to until like the age of 23 lol and I just got in to it because i was interested. Still am interested. Fun to debate people.

Atlas__B__Shruggin · 2021-03-13T12:00:53+00:00

experience

DP8414 · 2021-03-13T14:32:59+00:00

I’d say it was a combo of three influences:

Parents

My Dad gave me “The Talk” at 12 years old, which I know not all parents give their kids. His main thing was telling me to save it for marriage, which greatly influenced how I felt about “Body Counts” and promiscuity. Sexual Puritanism is a helluva drug. That said, my parents were happily married, and my Dad claims he was a virgin when he married Mom, so that gave me a real life example to look up to, not just words to follow

Movies, especially Disney ones

Yeah, I grew up with a heavy dose of pop culture, and this shaped the whole “Prince Charming and Princess GodQueen” that I still cling to today. I cling to it because, if nothing else, it provides a model of the goodness of men and women as opposed to the selfish and narcissistic society we live in, which I fully insist must be transcended and abolished.

The Disney model of relationships may not be our current reality, but its the model we should strive for and live up to. Just because something is in our nature doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to fight it. Unlike, say, trying to turn dull individuals into smart ones through education and schools, I see no reason why we shouldn’t fight our selfishness and narcissism and embrace the higher romantic ideal that we see in movies.

The internet/PUA/Redpillers

I eventually turned away from these communities because they were supporting awful things like bringing back Coverture and starting to demonize men for not living up to their “Masculine” ideal, which confirmed and vindicated what feminists and anti-redpill women warned about: First they advocate the oppression of women, then they move on to men. Nonetheless though, despite their toxic behavior, they are right about many of their specific claims, such as the 80-20 rule. I learned this stuff in my early 20s, and it still influences me to this day.

I first turned to the RedPill and PUA because my intention was to use their strategies to get married. A life hack. I quickly learned it doesn’t work that way. That stuff only works on a small subset of women that I have no interest in, and even then, it only works to get you sex. I wanted marriage and a family because of the social pressure from my parents, the right wing political community I was involved in, and internal pressure from myself.

Turns out, it takes hard work and investment to become marriageable, which left me bitter, because all my Dad and his generation had to do to find a good wife was show up in the right social setting - in his case, a Church singles group - and not screw up. Marriage was easy for previous generations. I was never willing to do more than he had to do to get married. I shouldn’t have to put in hard work and investment for something as basic and universal as marriage.

Overall, I’d say Factors 1 and 3 were negative influences, in the sense that they disillusioned me and made me feel like shit, while Factor 2 was positive because it filled my heart with hope, and the possibility of “What Can Be.”

Pilling_it · 2021-03-13T18:57:55+00:00

My life experiences and the internet.

My parents didn't teach me jackshit, and while they obviously love each other, I have no idea how they were while young,but neither strike me as the player type. I can feel it's a discussion best not to have, but without that knowledge it's hard to know how I should feel about them not saying anything.

About every woman told me BP bullshit, even to this day, but at the same time react positively to learning I continuously improve on the physical side (skincare +getting jacked). If I have to thank Disney for anything, it's teaching me you don't get any if you're not handsome lmao.

By the time I got to the internet for that, I was very aware of the cognitive dissonance but at the same time had trouble kicking out the BP behaviors that were internalized. And we can say what we want, I'm still going through the rp sidebar, but that's a fucking goldmine.

I like to take it slow and apply by small increments to see what works and not, sorting both, and create a critical approach of it,then adapt it to what I want. I don't want to interact with echo chambers, so I like this sub the most, despite all the issues there is, I really like the back and forth. But ultimately, my environment is going to determine my outlook on things, as what works and what doesn't.

SerpentCypher · 2021-03-13T03:21:02+00:00

I don't know if you can call it an influence, but I learned most of what has shaped my views from simple observation, being attentive to the things going on around me. High school/college was a large part of this.

Of course, I was told all the same schlocky crap everybody else gets told. "Girls don't care about looks, they like guys who have a kind heart." "Girls don't like assholes, they like nice guys" etc.

To filter out the BS like that I just paid attention to which guys were popular with girls and had girlfriends, and who did not. I quickly came to realise that almost every guy I knew to be a bully, had a girlfriend or multiple girls interested in him. While a lot of the quiet, nerdy types I knew to be genuinely nice people were generally invisible to girls.

It was easy after that to be skeptical of mainstream platitudes about dating advice and how to get girls to like you.

LittyKitsune · 2021-03-13T03:54:34+00:00

Mix of my parents, grandparents, and growing up in a household with a sister a decade older.

Maternal grandma waited until marriage, neither of my parents did, sister straight-up had a reputation in high school but stayed popular with guys because she was model-tier gorgeous and a master of girl game. My more conservative views were influenced by my grandmother, the more liberal/pragmatic stuff came from my parents. And my sister was a...cautionary example. Like that time a star high school basketball player called my mom literally sobbing because my sister cheated on him (apparently she was his first experience with being cheated on). Watching her is exactly how I know that even guys who seem Chad/alpha can be the most sentimental and "BP" of them all.

OXOzymandias · 2021-03-13T07:36:24+00:00

Interweb ngl lmao

geyejoe7 · 2021-03-13T08:23:29+00:00

Noone really. I'm more focused on viewing everything from my viewpoint. I take advice if I deem the person knowledgeable and successful in that field. But I didn't get much of that from such people.

Bildungsfetisch · 2021-03-13T11:11:50+00:00

I'm asexual and non-binary. The biggest influences on me were the queer community, the ace community and feminism/liberalism. I'm starting to suspect that the "fuck gender roles and the dating market" strategy that works great for me is not necessarily suited for others. You guys go on fighting about what all men and all women want. I'll get the popcorn.

Barneysparky · 2021-03-13T02:42:18+00:00

Your family always is.

You can say they didn't teach you anything, I say to that they taught you your mindset, to see the glass half empty instead of half full etc, etc etc...

Outside of kids who grow up in care (and even them) I've yet to meet a person who wasn't a chip off the old block (both positive or negative) or has transcended the family in the opposite way, also positive or negative and still influenced by family.

Anthony-waltzs · 2021-03-13T03:36:37+00:00

Chadfishing! I was part of that subreddit before it was taken down. IT really opened up my eyes to what women are willing to tolerate from a man JUST because he looks attractive. It's a real eye-opener when the media and all society tell you that women are supposed to be the "moral" and angelic ones. A lot of women here will strawman and say "wow, shocker attractive people are treated better nothing new" but the point that your purposely trying to gloss over is the fact that women complain and argue over "abusers and rapists" yet at the same time will fuck "abusers and rapists" just because their hawt which makes your whole argument look like a joke. Then they wonder why men do not take their complaints seriously. Jeremy Meeks should be rotting in prison right now yet he's a millionaire and got a modeling gig. It really exposed that women will really sleep with any guy no matter if he is a serial killer or rapist as long as he looks hawt.

_Neon_Shadow_ · 2021-03-13T04:00:31+00:00

My friends.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2021-03-13T04:15:54+00:00

Parents, self-evaluation, my own experiences/observation of others, etc.

Ghost_Hound · 2021-03-13T08:47:38+00:00

My father for many reasons. He taught me how to be strong in myself and how to talk to girls. Also, after he divorced my mother in his early 50s, he managed to land a 25 year old wife who, years later, proves she isn't a gold digger by having her own money. It was actually that phenomenon that led me to researching redpill stuff and, while I don't agree with it all, I have to say I saw it play out.

The other influence was an older musician who mentored me not only in guitar stuff but also how to leverage being a musician to get laid even if you aren't a perfect physical specimen.

Flat_Plane_V8 · 2021-03-13T09:14:12+00:00

David Deida: "The Way of the Superior Man"---------------->very spiritual and Tantric in outlook regarding men and women and correct in my opinion

liminal_space2001 · 2021-03-13T13:29:50+00:00

Not one person but more of seeing the contrast between what’s portrayed in the media vs the reality around me and talking about it with my own peers. Watching movies, listening to songs and reading books about love and relationships and seeing how the kids at school treat their crushes and themselves. Watching how adults act around each other. How I am treated once I started dating and falling for someone. . I ended up forming my own thoughts about what love is and should or should not be.Still learning and figuring things out. I like being open to change as I go through life.

Jakes1967 · 2021-03-13T15:45:02+00:00

what was your biggest influence in terms of how you see the dating market and male / female relationship dynamics?

Oddly, a female friend of mine, she was married to my best friend at the time and is a little older. We're extremely close and people easily think we're an item. When we chat, nothing is taboo and we're completely honest with each other...

She introduced my wife and I.

md8716 · 2021-03-13T16:10:20+00:00

My grandmother taught me how to be humble, kind, and frugal.

Shitty experiences and bosses in the military taught me how to harden up, be resilient, be self reliant, and be a leader.

My wife taught me how to soften up and enjoy life -- a "middle way" between being a hard man and a soft man.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-03-14T07:51:30+00:00

My father's friends, my extended family. I grew up in a huge social circle. I had the opportunity to learn how men amd women interact in a myriad of situations.

I grew up redpilled.

reaper555 · 2021-03-14T15:49:16+00:00

Read a lot of books and studies on the topic. I tend to judge people on how they act vs what they says.
Personal Experience
Experience with Friends
MGTOW/TRP

2021-03-15T02:43:32+00:00

Working in nightclubs and bars when younger.

Fly on the wall to what happens, what women respond to and don't respond to.

Hanging around with Chads, whilst not being a Chad.

Being an Orbiter of an extremely attractive woman. Going out drinking with her a couple of times a week, showed me a lot.

Sure I have read some PUA material, but most of what it described, I had already spent my life observing. It just showed me the way and cleared up a few things.

Certain private PUA groups. Good places to ask questions and get answers and to then be able to field test this stuff.

Over all I would say my experiences have been extremely positive and apart from the whole COVID thing, I am happy with the direction my dating life is headed.

CandleLess · 2021-03-15T20:19:30+00:00

Probably my brother and my parents. My dad is very much blue pill, and my brother is probably purple pilled. Also just seeing who got laid in high school and who didn't. It was clear there was a pattern there

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AelfredRex · 2021-03-13T02:59:08+00:00

Lao Tzu, Jim Morrison and the Goddess Freya.

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-03-13T03:18:39+00:00

My older brother.

Mustbeaight · 2021-03-13T04:53:09+00:00

Certainly not my parents

Sad_Top1743 · 2021-03-13T06:35:21+00:00

Friends, life experiences, college, OLD

Mimoxs · 2021-03-13T07:36:16+00:00

Growing up in church and seeing all the dynamics and couples that go on there.

I think it's not too great. It favors men strongly at the expense of girls, it encourages prudishness to the point of psychological issues in girls - you have girls getting severe depressive issues over having sex with their husband, who they stayed ~pure~ for, just because the anti-sex narrative is so strong.

The people all become sex repulsed in one way or another, sex-repulsed prudes or sex-repulsed perverts.

On the bright side, a smallish portion of the men treat their wives a lot better than most men in general. They're still incredibly degrading towards them in their own way, but they're the nicest men I've ever seen regarding how they treat the wives.

I'd say my mom and sisters, but even though they're happy it's one of those situations where I would not be happy in their place, so I can't really use them as examples on how to go about things.

michael1962-01 · 2021-03-13T09:53:10+00:00

Hollywood.... totally manipulative.

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-03-13T16:17:37+00:00

Experience.

SeemedGood · 2021-03-13T18:59:49+00:00

Interactions with women.

skystar86 · 2021-03-14T02:52:32+00:00

PPD, Reddit in general, YouTube

yvaN_ehT_nioJ · 2021-03-14T05:51:55+00:00

Oh god lol

Probably the Internet first and then more once I was an adult seeing how/why my mom couldn't keep a relationship going to safe her life. Loads of "what not to do"/"who not to be with" out of that one. Ngl it's a goddamn miracle I don't self-ID as an incel because in absence of any other influences I spent a hell of a lot of time in those circles lol

LMM-GT02 · 2021-03-14T22:56:16+00:00

My parents didn’t teach me anything and I grew up in California and went to public school.

If you drink a little kumbaya globalism koolaid that’s pushed in school but the society doesn’t have a spot for you and that disconnect will breed resentment and lead you here.

Some people where deliberately told pretty lies growing up and are unhappy when it’s revealed that they are actually ugly truths packaged as pretty lies for the purpose of exploiting you at the expense of whatever goodwill you thought you had.

ThrowawayCOVID999 · 2021-03-15T06:16:54+00:00

Good looking loser and women I know/knew in real life.

I can’t remember having any positive experience with a woman before I turned 29. Just fake friends and adult women throwing tantrums.

XtoDoubt · 2021-03-13T02:54:44+00:00

Trp+testing out the theories for myself.

superlurkage · 2021-03-13T03:28:04+00:00

My eyeballs and brain

SaBahRub · 2021-03-13T03:47:24+00:00

Other people

You know we are social primates, right?

stats135 · 2021-03-13T03:12:16+00:00

My biggest aspirations as a child was to grow up to be someone like my grandfather. He was a retired man ever since I came to being, had a perfect tradcon relationship, and taught me the most important life lessons. I though of him as a role model as a child and I still think that way now. Its just sad that times have changed so much that I don't really see myself achieving what he did.

He had a cushy government job and retired at 60yo. So when the teachers made us write an essay on what I want to grow up to be, I wrote that I wanted to be retired. I basically had a FIRE mindset before it was call FIRE. Decades of hard work has gone by and I don't see it coming true anytime soon. He had a tradcon relationship and married a young attractive virgin housewife. Again, as much as I hope for it, I don't see that happening for me.

LMM-GT02 · 2021-03-16T21:36:27+00:00

Up until I “discovered” TRP and such at the beginning of college (thank god), I had a hesitant blue-pill outlook on dating and social interactions. I hadn’t had the best experience with all of it despite having some lifelong friends. I always knew that something wasn’t right though and it led me to Reddit to frankly find some painful answers. I was a very nice kid and teenager and went out of my way to be one and it got me a little hurt. But throughout college I have observed so many things that are mentioned on here. It’s more true than not generally speaking, based on just everyday taste tests (Gen Z is ruthless).

My parents didn’t teach me anything about all of it, but I remember being really uncomfortable as a kid about social hierarchies and how purely toxic but also intoxicating they could be. The reason for this is that I have BPD and didn’t know it. Seeing things from both sides is one of my strengths but the splitting is chaotic and intense.

Title	Your Biggest Influence
Author	PlayfulLawyer
Upvotes	11
Comments	77
Date	March 13, 2021 2:29 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/m3x5mv/your_biggest_influence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/your-biggest-influence.767784 https://theredarchive.com/post/767784

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