A Fix for conversations “drying up”

Saw a post by a guy saying his convo’s with tinder matches would constantly dry up and go nowhere. I’ve got friends who experience this heaps too - no trouble getting matches on apps etc but they just never progress to hanging out. This might help some dudes here:

You guys matched on tinder or hinge or bumble or she gave you her number so OBVIOUSLY she finds you at least somewhat attractive / her type physically. Her matching with you or exchanging numbers DOES NOT mean she is interested in going on a date with you - she is just feeling that she COULD be if you don’t fuck it up. The more you try to talk over tinder / DM / whatever the more likely you are to fuck it up so get to the date ASAP.

Every day after you match that you don’t meet, she is getting OTHER matches and the convo with you is drying up. And OF COURSE the conversation dries up - you just don’t have THAT MUCH to talk about with someone who you haven’t met in person PLUS you’ve moved slowly down her list of options and newer options are moving in. If you’re good at talking to girls in a fun way then it’s easier to keep raising attraction over messages but in most cases: just hurry up and get to the date.

SuggestTELL her by exchange 6-8 on tinder that you two are going on a date this week, tell her time and place, let her agree to this, THEN get her insta or other social media. Heaps of guys try to talk on tinder, then get her insta, then chat more on insta to try increase attraction, then suggest a date. WRONG. Think of her interest in you - it probably peaks like 5-7 exchanges after you start talking on tinder THEN STARTS DECREASING. That’s because you are slowly transitioning from an exciting potential dream match into another boring guy who is saying the same old boring shit that every other guy has said.

What works here changes slightly depending on if she’s a ‘good girl’ who needs to talk for a while to get comfortable enough to meet or a little freak looking for a one night stand. You CAN NOT TELL FROM PICTURES OR BIO’S what type of girl you are talking to. You can either filter out in your initial chat or just account for both with the following:

1 You match on tinder (or whatever)

2 you say some LIGHT AND CHEEKY things over 5-7 exchanges on tinder so she decides ok yeh this guy is (very / semi / acceptably) good looking AND he seems cool, he could be fun to hang out with. Light and cheeky means don’t ask boring questions. Most exchanges should be a light hearted statement THEN SOMETIMES a question. Example:

Stiff and boring:

“Hey where you from?”

“Oh cool nice area. What do you do?”

“Oh yeh cool. Do you like your job?”

Light and cheeky:

“Sarah marry me 😍”

“how good is this sun! Currently on the balcony with my cat working on our tans. What you doing?”

“Oh a teacher that’s cool. Better be on my best behaviour 😏”

3 you take charge and tell her you two are “hanging out Friday night - you, me, and a bottle of wine on my couch”. If she’s hit buying temperature because you’re new and exciting and full of potential PLUS you’ve been light and cheeky and you’re taking charge like she wants you to then it’ll be on - she will either agree to Friday OR say she’s busy Friday but offer an alternative night OR say she’s not the kind of girl to just come over to a guys house.

If its either of the first two then great you’re about to get laid good for you.

If its the third one then great you’ve found a girl who isn’t a ho or at least has put her ho-ing on hiatus, so take her out somewhere on a date and then back to yours. If she’s a 6 or a 7 that you were just trying your quick luck with (and not interested in putting in the effort of a date with) then prob just bail at this point.

If you’re a guy who usually tries to talk for ages before trying to suggest a hangout then you might surprise yourself with how many girls agree to this - even girls who LOOK like good girls who won’t be down for it. A lot of people on tinder etc just wanna get naked already.

If she says anything like ‘we’ll see’ or ‘it’s a maybe for now’ or “sorry I’m busy Friday :(“ AND DOESN’T offer an alternative night, this isn’t her blowing you off. It means she does not feel comfortable yet and just needs a bit more time to decide that you’re safe to hang out with. At this point you say

“cool :) what should I get for dinner tonight Sarah I can never pick between between Mexican and Thai!”

Or whatever shit you wanna say. Just notice you DON’T ask what night she IS free. If she wanted to offer an alternative night she would have offered it. You DON’T try to convince her to cancel her plans and hang out with you Friday or suggest a different night or even bring it up again. Move on to the next light and fun exchange.

Immediately after she replies to this next exchange you say you need to go to the gym or start cooking or see a friend or whatever the fuck, “but let’s talk on insta cos tinder sucks to chat on”. She’ll add your insta, add her back and don’t message her for a little bit. This is not “playing games”, it’s learning to NOT be an unattractive overly-keen needy dude.

The reason we got her insta is in the hopes that we’ll at least be separated from the pile of new matches she’s getting on tinder every day and it just feels more personal. You can chat to her on insta later that night or tmw morning but ideally just send casual pics of what you’re doing or reply to her insta story etc. keep it casual and DONT ASK FOR A DATE for another 4-5 days MINIMUM. Just light fun chat with the freedom to talk about more serious stuff if she brings it up - because if she brigs it up then it means it’s important for her to exchange that serious sorta information with you. Again - no boring questions unless she asks them. You asking boring shit is just drying up the conversation and her kitty. Light and cheeky shit for the rest of the week and then drop the date idea close to the following weekend, this date will be in public because that might be important to her / might why she blew off the initial date idea of a wine on your couch.

“Sarah you like Japanese food and cocktails?”

“Omg that’s my fav!”

“Awesome I know the best joint. Friday night?”

Or whatever date you wanna do on whatever night you wanna do.

If she again says she’s busy and doesn’t offer an alternative I will 100% of the time just let that match go and move on. She isn’t gonna be convinced and is either too scared to do anything with you yet or will never actually wanna hang out because some girls are just like that. She may be more comfortable soon, so if you really like her you can keep chatting and try again in a couple weeks, but I just switch off at this point completely and move onto the next match.

You’ll be surprised how often after switching off in a few weeks they’ll just randomly pop up in your DM’s “so when are we having that wine” - usually this is after you post a casual story of what you’re doing one day where you happen to look good, a pic after gym or cooking a mad meal or something like that. And of course you DO go to gym and cook etc because the easiest way to get girls to want to fuck you is by having at least some parts of your life together. Right?

Anyway if she suggests a date herself out of the blue then at that point obviously she’s comfortable and the date is likely to happen IF YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN THAT NIGHT OR AT LATEST TOMORROW. If you plan it for a few days later like at the end of the week with this sort of girl 80% of the time she is gonna flake.

You’re just not going to meet and fuck every girl who you match with. In fact you’ll end up meeting a pretty small percentage of your matches despite what anyone trying to sell you some bullshit pickup product is telling you. BUT doing the above keeps me fucking one or two new girls most weeks when we aren’t in self-isolation, which is enough to keep me happy. Hope there was something useful in there for someone :)