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[+][deleted] 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
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[+][deleted] 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]broilromaine11 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow, that's a great advice, have a silver :)
[–]EveryNizastar 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cold approaches ( not warm ) and online give the same results
[–]Asturia97 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Based
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]WanyCaleb 13 points14 points15 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Damn, was getting so down bad that is was considering apps but thanks for reminding me I'm better off. Otherwise, OLD is like a game where you can do everything right but still lose. Don't beat yourself up haha unless you have to.
[–]StubbornBr1t 27 points28 points29 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude it’s rough, I’ve met quite a few women through OLD but none worked out which is fine. But I get what you mean, I’ll ask some for their number and get it then they stop responding?
[–]lehcarfugu 8 points9 points10 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
post your conversations, im sure they are terrible
[–]5_7pickup 59 points60 points61 points 3 years ago (17 children) | Copy Link
Another prime example of why OLD is trash. Go meet women IRL my guy.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (15 children) | Copy Link
[–]superphotonerd 26 points27 points28 points 3 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
it literally boils down to, if you see someone you like - go approach her.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (10 children) | Copy Link
[–]superphotonerd 40 points41 points42 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
You don't see it often because MOST men are seemingly crippled by the fear of rejection and approach anxiety. I found the best path that led me to more women, approaches and better interactions was purely by focusing on being the best version of myself. For example:
Gym - I made friends at the gym by being a regular, male and female. Went out on nights with them, having girls with you gives you social validation and other girls in the venue will notice this. Having a better physique had me feeling and acting more confident. Clothes fit better, swag improved.
Social Life - This is supported by financial stability and earning well enough to support being outside. So focus on getting your money. Whether that's levelling up in career, or changing into something you enjoy but pays enough.
Emotional stability - Got anxieties / traumas? work on them. See a therapist if you must. Being a cool calm and collected individual takes alot of work for some. Look at yourself in the mirror and find the things you are insecure about. Work on them.
When you look good, feel good, have money - you feel confident. Genuine confidence and not 'fake it till you make it' is the most genuine and best way to be a better you. Become the best version of yourself and the women stuff just all falls into place. Confident men are attractive and rarely seen as being 'a creep'. You look like a creep when you approach a chick like some shrivelled raisin. Needy men are unattractive and women can see it.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]superphotonerd 6 points7 points8 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
well you can see what the flaw is here - social life. So you need to cultivate that. And even by the way you're speaking - about unemployed deadbeats having girlfriends. That's defeatist language. Who cares about them? Anyone can get pussy.
Get social, get outside. Meet people, do shit. That's really all you need to do. But you need to pay attention to your perception of things. Forget about other dudes that get it - just focus on building a group of friends you can go out with and be social with. From there the shit is fucking easy
[–]Strike483 points 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
You're doing great man, but you're missing the main package. You need to generate a social life and above all SOCIAL SKILLS. It's ok to like anime and video games. But find a local group in your area as well for something that you enjoy and is social.
[–]are_those_real 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The conflicting messages come from them addressing similar problems but not looking at the person as a whole.
Advice of working out, getting a good job, etc... are meant to get you into a mindset where you feel lie you have value and increase the odds of women being attracted to you because you are appealing to the vast majority of women. Except it doesn't necessarily address the problem at hand which is lack of connection.
So men are constantly focusing on things in "their control" hoping that it leads to what they want and sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't because they spent so much time fixing their lives that they aren't living their life. They are going for what works to gain interest of the majority rather than the interest of someone they want. All that time "fixing themselves" to be desirable that they haven't learn how to create it.
That's why people who aren't conventionally attractive or financially well off can still get girls. They've found someone they could connect with and focused on nurturing that. They don't need to be attractive to 99% of girls, just the ones that like him back. That's why social life is important. It is constant connection, conversation, and feedback that allows one to grow within their relationships with people.
Physical Attractiveness gets you through the door, your personality is what let's you stay. Physical attractiveness is subjective, there are some universal laws there, but they don't mean shit to the individual. One girl loves beards and another one hates them. Well, what do you want? If you want to grow a beard and want your SO to like your beard then you grow your beard and attract those who vibe with your actions.
In marketing there are 2 things you have to do to be successful. Be physically and mentally available. Most men fuck up the physically available part by not being physically available by approaching girls or even by being out. This is why men should practice being social with everyone so that you can be available for when someone does want what you offer they will pick you. Then being mentally available means creating the interest by flirting with them so when they think of dating or flings they think of you. Men and women aren't always mentally or physically available which is why we have a lot of single people. You can't try to force these people into wanting your product if they don't want it so why waste your money trying to target them when you can put it towards people who are open to it.
All of this to say, your problem isn't your attributes, it's where you are displaying them. You don't have a team of salespeople (friends) speaking highly of you and creating interest on your behalf. You aren't selling yourself to anyone except on an app where everyone is competing. You occupy less mental space on tinder than you would meeting a women irl because you are 1/10000000 there vs 1/10 people who approached her that approached her irl that month. who stands out more?
[–]5_7pickup 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Eh self improvement is overrated af for improving your dating life. Self improvement is cope advice used for mental masturbation. You dont need muscle, cool hobbies, or money to attract women. Men keep pursuing these indirect approaches to attracting women instead of going directly to the source.
I have no hobbies except for pickup. Women dont know how much money I make. And i rarely go to the gym. Yet I get more girls than majority of these self improvement advocates. Why? Because I go directly to the source.
Everybody is complicating this process but Its really fucking simple.
If you want to improve your dating prospects you need to first meet more girl and then improve your conversion percentage aka your game.
Go read my post about stop jumping through hoops and go directly to the source.
Gym, money, hobbies are all hoops. I skip all of that and go straight to the source.
[–]ShortStuffV2[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
how do you get more money without feeling like shit about throwing 6+ hours of your life at something you hate everyday
[–]superphotonerd 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
everyone has their own path to it, but personally - you look at what job you'd like to do that pays well. So i have friends that liked working in IT. They took the path that would end up being an IT contractor earning £700+ a day. A niche, highly trained specialised role in my opinion is one way to go about it.
You could work in HVAC, Plumbing, Electrical, Construction, whatever. Get into different circles and groups of people. I seem to meet alot of higher earners at my gym (i go to one that's more of a health gym so there's a pool etc - this attracts clientele of this type). Speak to people, do some research. it's not easy, and sometimes you have to 'go down to go back up' but building a specialised career is the best way imo, in terms of earning potential
[–]5_7pickup 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Cold approaches are happening. You just dont know what to look for. Its just two people talking to each other.
[–]Strike482 points 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
It's simple, but not easy. That's why you don't see it happening constantly. You'll find that's actually an advantage in your favor. If everyone did it girls would once again feel over validated similar to how they do online. Difference is, no one has the balls in real life.
It's socially appropriate if you train yourself to go with the flow and not give a shit what people think. Imagine someone in a stage. Stadium full. If he gets in front of that mic and acts awkwardly like he's in a bar position people will sniff that and it will be "awkward". If he commands the room, even if he fucks up. As long as he doesn't give a shit and it's normal to him, it will be normal to others.
Everyone online always uses that fear of people thinking they're out of line or something. That's a self insecurity.
[–]5_7pickup 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Thats what I do. I meet hundreds of girls a month at clubs. What youre talking about is day game which is viable as well. I do night game though.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]5_7pickup 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Speak up. Thats how. Besides night game is all about physical escalation.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (27 children) | Copy Link
[–]bennettca3 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link
HAhaha that makes me happy bc im very successful in online dating
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (25 children) | Copy Link
[–]bennettca3 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Doctor and good looking.
[–]YouKnowIOnlyGotBig1 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You recently said you're a med student, youngblood. Don't lie for internet points and don't put physician on your profile lmao
[–]bennettca3 -2 points-1 points0 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Hahaha I graduated. Even more pussy now. Lol
[–]YouKnowIOnlyGotBig1 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
... You graduated med school within the past 25 days? I've never heard of a medical school ending in September, what country are you in? This reeks of BS I have to be honest with you
[+][deleted] 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]YouKnowIOnlyGotBig1 -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
An extra 1 year and 2 months? So just over 5 years total? Ok this is officially BS. I'm much more familiar with MD than DO admittedly, but an MD/PhD takes 7-8 years. The shortest I've ever heard of was 6 years. I get why you want to spew your nonsense under the title of physician online because you feel it gives you some legitimacy, but it's just not a good look for anyone.
from an actual physician
[–]YouKnowIOnlyGotBig11 point 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
God this is sad. I'm checking out here, best of luck with the lies, friend. Hope you get to the bottom of whatever gives you the compulsion to lie to strangers on the internet though, for real
[–]bennettca3 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link
I get matches when i dont put physician as well
[–]bennettca3 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link
I get dates very easy. Just say something how I use to do casual and how unfulfilling it is. Women like that honesty hahaha. Talk about role playing. Joke on them. Subtle downers with funny overtones. Talk about a story where a old coworkers called me to calm a old lady down with dementia. Number. Look at them the whole time during date. Show want. Continue subtle downers while wishing I could put my lips against your skin. Say your not the type of girl to kiss on first date. Say I wish I wasn’t a stranger. Ask permission to kiss them. Cuddle. Make out. Get sex 2nd date or first date depending on women. Quite easy.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (11 children) | Copy Link
[–]bennettca3 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Thats it. Saying a lot without saying it. Just never talk about sex till your about to rub on her. Step by step. Start with innocence work her into wanting more. Also over use 😂 hahahaha Lol, compliment her personality not her looks. Women are use to compliments about their looks, but when you talk about her sexy personality she projects it back onto you. Unless your making out then complimenting her looks makes her feel wanted. I generally only compliment looks in like the 3rd message to her and maybe once in a date or during making out.
Most importantly You need to open up with a line about how you use to do casual though to set the tone and your bored of it. She looks at you as a man that stays on the borderline and doesn’t get offended when you cross a little.
I even do it with girls who want casual bc you look like you know what your doing and your seeing them as something special that you are willing to go the extra mile with. Of my last 15 matches. I got each girls number but one who never responded. And had sex with each one. Good luck.
[+][deleted] 3 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]bennettca3 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I only match with 8 and above. Lol i swipe right on 1/10 people
[–]bennettca31 point 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
Photofeeler rates me as 9.4. :-)
[–]maxpossimpible1 point 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
That's pretty good. Let's see what I get. 9.7 :)
But I put a girl on photofeeler that's around a 7-8 I'd say - she got 9.9 there so yeah there's that. Photofeeler is shit.
If you don't mind, can we continue this conversation in private?
I think I could learn a thing or two from you.
[–]bennettca3 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Hahahaha lol there is that….. but before that i still knew how to pick up women hahaha 😂. Most women want relationships with me. Not something casual
I generally ask them if they like men in uniform or if they like it if im more aggressive with my patients hahaha
Ofc they do... You have a phd and you're a physician... That's also quite good looking...
Your advice is useless. You could basically do whatever and still get them.
Lol before it worked as well. Yes women are much easier now. But I have picked up women without them knowing as well. When I really like someone I generally lie about what I do so they aren’t trying to be in a relationship bc of my money. I even have a small apt rented hahaha 😂.
Interesting. I never compliment her at all. But sure I could drop some about personality, however complimenting looks meh... I don't date people that are 5s or 6s, and those that are above know they look good.
[–]bennettca3 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Haha very much so thats why i give them love and say good bye
[–]Granny_Killa 23 points24 points25 points 3 years ago* (5 children) | Copy Link
Online dating has dramatically changed even in the last 2 years.
I am using the same photos as I was 2 years ago (and for the record I don't think I'm catfishing like older/fatter girls do with their pre-covid Greek island photos, I look the same or even slightly more muscular in real life now) and I get about 1/4 of the matches and 1/5 of the responses.
They have simply learned that they can hold out for the top 5% most witty, best looking, rich guys before they bother meeting up. Unfortunately you and me are probably more like on the edge of the top 25% range so we are like 'almost' there a lot of the time but not quite, juuuuust enough to get a tantalising few matches of girls that we actually know we should be able to get, but can't... and a lot of worn out 31 year olds we'd probably break the dry spell with.... and then find we somehow can't get them either. Gotta wonder who's giving them a go if we're not good enough, eh??
I think it's actually harmful to your own self perception and mental health to sit there allowing some rather substandard girls to 'reject' you.
So as hard as it is and as much as I resist it myself - we have to just meet them in real life as it bypasses a lot of the bullshit.
[–]val_br 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Or, they just go for the money. Sugar dating has exploded in the last 6 months, to the point I see major players like seeking.com being advertised in the open on billboards. Chicks that look mildly nice (say 6-7) will get 2-3k per date, even more if they bang the guys afterwards. If you can compete at that price point you're golden, if not... there's nothing left to do.
[–]Granny_Killa 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hmm.. I'm not sure I believe that. At least where I live anyway. The number of guys willing to pay that much, compared to the number of girls willing to accept that, can't really add up. If it did, that would mean there's a lot of rich guys with thousands in cash to blow on basic dates! If I was paying, I would at least be paying a 9/10 to make it worth my while..
[–]seriouslypacking -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
On that last point about “sub-standard girls”. As rude as it probably is to say this, I do find it pretty insulting that girls I wouldn’t even look at irl have the audacity to swipe left on me. I know it sounds crude but I can’t helping feeling like that. It’s very demoralising.
Absolutely. I think the same.
The sad thing is they actually are doing better than us though. I just don't get how. Cos if I was top 5% or whatever they are getting, I would be even less willing to resort to them. Past their prime, slightly overweight, and very little personality other than 'wine and cheese' and 'laughing', even now I would only go there out of desperation.
[–]The_Wisest 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well said.
[–]Shox187 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
lol welcome to online dating, this is the experience for most men.
[–]LingoJam694 points 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
most woman are scared to meet up anymore, understandably so, but that causes a problem for people like us who don’t have bad intentions.
[–]Pretend_Ad1582 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Are there any threads or posts on how to stand out in conversation? Most of the questions ive read to ask sound like canned psych from a textbook. Even I'll admit I get tired of coming up with new things to say in the eternal "getting to know you" texting phase. What can you discuss with a woman to actually make her feel understood or safe and more likely to say "yes" to a date?
I've heard much of the same responses from women. Even asking someone on the 1st day we matched to go to a street art fair in our town was too much for one. *yet if we had met origianlly at that fair instead of OLD it would have been a totally different scenario.
[–]reddit_user_83 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I always make sure to ask them out on the third back and forth of texts. This eliminates a lot of the time wasting on the apps and cuts past the people who aren’t going to me meeting whatever you might try and say.
[–]chips_and_hummus 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You need to be clever and witty. If you make her laugh 1-2 times then ask for a number, then make her laugh another 1 time then ask for a date. This is my strategy and it works very well. Be clever with her prompts. If you are sending a message, ask yourself if you think 10 other guys have said the same thing. If its an obvious response you won't stand out.
[–]val_br 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Don't need to stand out. Just rinse and repeat, your best joke might fail on some chicks, while your worst might have some rolling on the floor laughing.
[–]luroot 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Good bait, but no hook...
Attraction is only half the battle. But then you need game to actually reel them in. And this is a prime example of that...
It's not just OLD, either. Girls also behave the same way IRL. So, you will encounter the same fizzling interest IRL without game too.
[–]caesarfecit 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My read on Online Dating is that it serves best as an adjunct to actually getting out there and chatting people up. Why?
Because women use dating apps like window shopping. It allows them to filter through a bunch of guys, match with only ones that interest them, and then milk them for attention. Do all women do this? No. Loads of women don't even bother with online dating, and some use them as they're meant to be used - the semi-mythical unicorns who troll Tinder for quick dick.
You never know what you're gonna get, but setting your expectations high is a recipe for pain. So my advice is mirror back the same energy of just goofing around, not expecting it to go anywhere, and then escalate when there's a good vibe.
The other thing you can try is seeing how far you can push the envelope. A girl's investment level in random online guys is rock-bottom low...unless you can turn her on with some raw, unabashed (but still calibrated) sexuality. And what's the worst that happens if you miss the mark? She unmmatches? Tragic.
Look on the bright side OP, at least your photos are good enough to get you plenty of matches. There are loads of guys who are banging their head against the metaphorical wall and getting nuthin.
[–]Sandvicheater 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Tinder is the poster child of fucked up gender ratios. From what I understand the ratio now is 1 women for every 9 guys. And that population of women is infested with instahoes, catfishers, scammers and hookers.
Tinder is like climbing mount everest for a cup of coffee compared to real life dating.
[–]tittyfacejenkins 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Bc women are crazy and keep receipts... They need the matches and the pointless conversations to stack up so they feel good and can talk to their friends about just having 'so many guys that want them'. When in the end, they'll pass by all the nice guys like you and end up going on a date with the most broken/scummy dude so they can try to 'fix' them...
And then in two months they can change their tinder bio to "heyyyyyy, back again!" Or " I can't even count how many times I've deleted this app 🙄"
[–]Appropriate_Rub_6359 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
lol..so nothing has changed in 30 years since i was in my twenties..lol
[–]Jasonhardon 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
Online apps are for shy people that don’t really socialize (get too many dates) IRL imho
[–]Competitive-Link-912 11 points12 points13 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nope. They are just a modern tool used by shy and confident people.
[–]chips_and_hummus 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Not true, I'm social IRL and have great success OLD. Granted, I was not always successful, it took trial and error to understand what works and how to stand out.
[–]Jasonhardon 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You missed the part in the end where as I say it’s my opinion.
Ok I'm simply providing a counterpoint that online apps are not only for shy people that don't socialize. No need to take it so personally. I want others to know they can make OLD work, even if it doesn't for you personally. I respect your opinion.
[–]marshall_strud 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro. Go out
[–]WastePurchase 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Tinder is trash, it's not even worth using. But for Hinge, you should be able to get a date for around 1/10 matches. My conversations aren't even that interesting (only once in a while do I have witty banter). I just try to connect over something we have in common or ask general questions (don't send long ass replies), and then try to set up a date after 5ish back-and-forths. You might wanna post one of your convos so we can see if you're doing something wrong.
[–]Think_History_5682 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Yeah man, as i always say, women in America have tons of Anxiety about men and dating. It cannot be understated how cowardly they are.
To them you are a scary pervert until proven otherwise so thsy get frightened if you want to meet up right away... Trust me!
Also, just to add talking to women online is literally torture! Talking to them... 100 percent of the time is like talking to a sentient plank of wood.
Its hilarious that these women are saying "i want to get to know you better"
But they ask you absolutely NO questions not one.. It is quite remarkable and just an insufferable hypocrisy
So, what do you do? How do you change this?
You need to ask them tons questions without triggering thier ridiculous anxieties for about a week is good. Then their anxieties are somehow satiated and you can ask them out.
Works for me consistently...
The bad news is women are as awkward and inept at conversations in person as they are online... Its torturre as well.
[–]HotMess813 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You sound like a “nice guy”
[–]5823059 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Some considerations that may make real life preferable to online dating sites:
Women in relationships go to Tinder for attention, validation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7xpAwdl674
85% of men on Tinder never get liked even once
https://www.quora.com/How-common-is-it-for-a-guy-to-get-no-matches-on-Tinder
Many women will use Tinder just to boost their ego and practice flirting
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/hdhmyu/im_a_25_year_old_virgin_i_need_help/fvlll8j/
Semi-true generalization: Guys aren't on dating apps for validation, while women are
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4zMSUEQrTQ
Average women are overly ambitious, aiming for top 10% of guys, who are themselves there just to use the avg girls for hookups
https://www.quora.com/Why-is-it-so-hard-for-a-guy-to-get-a-match-with-a-good-looking-girl-on-Tinder
80% (ish) of Tinder profiles are to lure you to OF
https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/qhgyng/me_actively_selfsabotaging/
[–]DeJuanBallard 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
They are on there looking for attention , not boyfriends, and alot of then are dumb and are trying to find a bf on a hookup app like tinder.
[–]Professional_Ad_78 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The best thing I did for my dating life was delete the dating apps.
90% of women show all of their attention to just 10% of men on dating apps. (See YouTube clip of Scott Galloway on Bill Maher)
Even when I did get an occasional date from online, I’d realize that I spent too much time wondering if she’d like me, only to realize, I had 0 interest in her.
Online dating just doesn’t work for most guys, so it’s best to discipline yourself to only meet women in person.
[–]Jdaddyk07 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yah dude, I quit OLD - I’m not going to go through that anymore. Don’t have time.
[–]CompetitionFair7686 4 points5 points6 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dating apps are for losers, and attention whores. Meet people in real life.
[–]WorthTadpole8305 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel you
[–]13esq 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It was more or less the same for me when I first tried OLD.
It is disheartening, but don't let it bother you. Getting the matches is just the first step, which you have done successfully, so congratulations!
The next step is working out what they want to hear, that took me quite some time to work out, but keep trying and you'll soon crack it. This needs to be tailored depending on the individual and what they're looking for, keep trying different approaches and you'll soon find out what keeps them interested, the only way to learn and improve is to keep practicing.
It may also be worth playing with your profile every now and again. A lot of matches will only look closely when the match is made and they may then be seeing something that turns them off. Try different pics and fine tuning the bio and see if that improves or worsens the current situation.
[–]maybebionic 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You must be an absolute chad, live in huge city, or not have great standards. I say that w tongue in cheek.
I'd be considered in the 90th percentile of men. I've only used OLD in the past 1.5 years and Hinge is the only one I can get matches on. Even then it can be rough. What sucks is that I live in a smaller city (250,000) and almost never see any good looking girls out and about, so cold approaches, which I am comfortable with, rarely happen.
[–]Educational_Soup8845 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you're not getting matches then you're not 90th percentile
[–]Educational_Soup8845 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're in that weird limbo zone of attractive enough to get matches but not so attractive that girls will actually want to meet up
[–]No-Contribution-4670 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Welcome to 2022 my dude, now if you want to stop being lonely, grow some balls and stop that online dating BS and pick up bitches the old school way ;)
[–]Appropriate_Rub_6359 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
hell yeah..via cat calls and grab em by the ##ssy?..lol
[–]No-Contribution-4670 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Cold approach pickup for dummies
[–]Appropriate_Rub_6359 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
where is the "i heart that" emotinater?
[–]No-Contribution-4670 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You just heard it, but you haven't grow some balls to do anything about it. The purest form of mental masturbation.
[–]Appropriate_Rub_6359 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
wut? im not the op with the question..i was just a commenter giving you props
[–]vin9889 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I saw some numbers a few months back.. if you like thinking in averages for dating as a hetro man..
Scale 1-10 attractive level (be honest with yourself)
1-5: 1 in 1000, 6-7: 1 in 100, 8-9: 1 in 25, 10: 1 in 10,
This is regards to matches meeting up.
[–]Tom38 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Leave them on read once they say they don't want a date after days of talking.
[–]Asturia97 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bro, get out of there, according to research there's 60% more men than women on those apps, what does this mean?, This means that women have a largue catalogue of men to choose, my advice is: try to meet women on Real life, not vía dating apps. You will have fewer competitors
[–]lessbunnypot 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Try reduce your bodyfat to something like 3-5% and increase the muscle mass.
[–]The-Dude0411 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I'm here to learn what your profile looks like to get so many matches. I never get any attention with mine even though I always pull once I'm in the DM's. Wanna chat and see if we can help eachothers game?
[–]gornad96 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I really think it has to do with your text game. If you're getting that many matches, there's noway you couldn't meet up with one unless your text game is horrible. Are you being playful/flirty and interesting in your convos? How do you ask for a date? Are you being too formal/needy?
Also, did you actually talk to all 40 matches or only 5 or 6 and then you went to reddit because you felt frustrated? It's a numbers game. Keep trying and learn what works/what doesn't and what your style is. When you get tired, take a break. Then try again later.
[–]dirtyblondetea 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe try being upfront when you start the conversation and ask her what she’s looking for from this app. I do that in every conversation before proceeding to schedule a date or switching off the app. Cuz I don’t want to waste anyones time or waste my energy talking to someone who isn’t a match in our dating goals. Once some banter or good conversation gets going or even if you only get to hi how are you, throw the “what are you looking for” question at them to show you’re actually looking to find a match beyond swiping.
[–]Canadian-Seductioner 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What's your opener and follow up message for these matches?
[–]Itskaybrat 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I really wanna know the answer too. Because as a females who gets WAYYY too many matches from guys, I barely get enough back from females myself when using Tinder/Her.. what’s the deal?
[–]Charge36 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How are you opening? If you're getting poor response rate might be your openers or not compelling enough for response
[–]billoverbeck00 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Am I the only one that has the opposite problem? Everything is easier with OLD and in person game just seems impossible?
[–]SalvatoreFontana 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I constantly used to see this when I had the apps (24M). What I tell girls in the next few messages after I get their number is an offer to go on a date to get dinner or coffee together, and provide 2 different day & time options, and if the girls says yes, great. Regardless if this is online dating or real life (obviously meeting girls in real life is much better and more fun). If the girl says no, and gives a counter offer, that's good. In this case she will either show up, or will ghost you, but it's a much better chance to a date. If she says "I'm busy" and that's it, you just stop and walk away from this conversation. If she says "I want to get to know you more and talk to you over text first", tell her you are a busy man who has stuff to do, and don't have spare hours to spend over text. I made this mistake when I was younger too often. Also, point out to her that making a connection and getting to know each other in real life is much different than texting, and that you aren't interested in wasting time. In the case she thinks you aren't real, suggest a quick FaceTime call, and if that's the only thing stopping her from meeting you. If she says no to both options, leave the conversation and don't waste your time. Just keep looking further. Many of these apps are seeded with very attractive girls who's profiles look super real. Some will even match you. This is how apps make money on super likes and roses. It's all scam businesses practices.
[–]seerslayer 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you may not be giving it your best. You're getting matches which is the hard part for a lot of guys. Make the conversations interesting. Get them intrigued. I don't see why 40 women would match up with you and none would be interested in a date. Maybe give us more details on the kind of conversations you are having so we can comment whether or not your approach is wrong.
[–]python834 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
How tall are you?
[–]musclemaniac3 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Look im 19 and met up/ hooked up with multiple girls from online dating (I meet about 1 new girl a month from dating apps on avg) and ill give you some tips/ advice.
[–]Successful_Teach366 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You sound like “I need girl. I handsome. No girl have sex. What do?” 😂
If you want to just bang and not have conversations like it seems like you do, go to a club and be fun. You will meet a girl and bang that night and won’t have to worry about talking to them.
If you want a good relationship where you just have some to have sex with and talk to sometimes. You have to do a self assessment of who you really are and who you want to be.
If you want a serious relationship with a girl of your dreams, there needs to be way more work on yourself and not just your body but of who you are and what really type of life you want for yourself. Then you will bump into this person and she will be your number 1 girl.
[–]_LuisFernandez_ 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
this is because your text game sucks. watch playingwithfire on youtube to improve it.
[–]conker1264 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s online dating, delete that shit
[–]Bacmex 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
X2
[–]Woujo 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go meet people in person
[–]emekaobi123 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have been reading a lot of replies from this sub reddit recently, and there is one thing that has stood out so far for me (Will disclose that later). I got on Hinge two and a half weeks ago, do keep in mind that I am somewhat of confident guy and have no problem cold approaching girls in the right SCENARIO. In two and a half weeks i’ve been on dates with 5 girls and spent the night with two of em. If you want OLD to work for you invest time in taking the right pictures, putting up the right prompts, make your bio interaction worthy. If you are not ready to go all out in a social media dating app don’t get on it. Also i’m 6’1” 185 lbs black male if that helps
[–]augustas_astrauskas 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In reality easer to date girls than in apps from my expietence. Go outside and talk to girls
[–]recyclablebanthas1 point 3 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
1
Dozens of matches on apps.
First off, online dating apps should be supplementary at best.
You should have a social life as the primary way that you meet new people. Having a good social life is not only necessary for basic personal maintenance because it provides a way to meet and maintain friends. It should also be exposing you to plenty of new people on a regular basis.
If your social life is not doing this, then we need to see what adjustments you can make to get your social life there. Especially if you live in a reasonably sized city, you should have plenty of options if you know what to look for.
2
Secondly, it's important to remember that dating apps have a lot of factors involved that meeting people in real life doesn't.
Algorithms which do a lot to affect results.
Starting off interacting with someone through a text, strips a lot out of the interaction and makes it more difficult unless you are already good enough to meet your dating goals when you want.
3
Had Hinge and Tinder. I would consider myself to be handsome. Been training in the gym for 10 years.
So let's start for a second and realize your chances of success on online dating apps depends on what basically amounts to your social media marketing skills or texting savvy.
Which is not quite the same as the social skills you would use in real life, nor is it the same as your physical appearance.
Long story short, cut yourself a little slack because you're beating yourself up here over something that isn't even related to the problem.
5
Just got back into dating recently.
I didn't see anyone asking about this and it's a pretty important aspect.
What happened here? Have you recently gone through a breakup? Because that can affect a lot of what's going on here.
6
Tinder.... Less than 25% of women even respond to messages. The rest are low effort. Respond once a day. Hinge.....A lot more responses from women; however, the ones who respond are the types who want to talk/text for days on end. For some of them, the moment you even mention a date they don’t respond at all. After talking for two days of flirting, I had one tell me “she wants to get to know me more before we talk about a date” and another say “I don’t give out my number that easily”. Highly frustrating. Can we at least have a phone conversation? I mean, we’re adults at this point.
Tinder.... Less than 25% of women even respond to messages. The rest are low effort. Respond once a day.
Hinge.....A lot more responses from women; however, the ones who respond are the types who want to talk/text for days on end. For some of them, the moment you even mention a date they don’t respond at all. After talking for two days of flirting, I had one tell me “she wants to get to know me more before we talk about a date” and another say “I don’t give out my number that easily”. Highly frustrating. Can we at least have a phone conversation? I mean, we’re adults at this point.
What exactly are your text conversations looking like?
What is the opening message typically like and who usually sends it?
What follows the opening message on your part and how do you come up with that content?
Are you typically inviting people to hang out within a week of matching?
How is it worded when you invite them out?
7
When I was 24 back in 2019 pre Covid, getting dates was the easiest part. I’m not sure if the quality of potential dates change as we age, or has online dating become this terrible.
If you're in the US in particular, then one sad fact is that the COVID shutdowns seem to have reduced a lot of people's ability to people. (Men and women.)
Whatever the reason, there's been an increase in depression and a lot of other issues that exacerbate people's ability to connect with others around them.
So, dating in general seems awful for a lot of people. Most people I read accounts from or talk to about this soon to be relating a lot of issues in the dating pool. It's quite a minefield for everyone.
8
// And you know that most women who use the apps are in there for validation: they don't have the same need for sex that we men do.
A
The fact is that a lot of people are lonely right now and the shutdowns for COVID did not help matters.
And a lot of people are really failing at navigating social interactions because they're just not used to them.
Women have to sift through inboxes that get spam full of opening messages where guys jump straight to asking for sex as their opener or beat around the bush for weeks or months without pulling the trigger.
Some might get validation but honestly, they'd be able to get that from walking out the door and it would be more potent. They have no need to deal with an app to get it.
B
Men and women both want sex. The difference is the social consequences are different for each.
Men are often reaffirmed in their manhood for being able to score. It's just a fact.
Women deal with slut shaming when they score. It's so prevalent that even if they have no one overtly slut shaming them, they'll often have internal self-talk that's quite negative in response to having sex.
© TheRedArchive 2026. All rights reserved.created by /u/dream-hunter
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