(28M) Dozens of matches on apps. Couldn’t get a single girl to meet up.

broilromaine11 · 2022-09-20T10:56:26+00:00

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2022-09-20T08:24:58+00:00

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WanyCaleb · 2022-09-20T09:29:33+00:00

Damn, was getting so down bad that is was considering apps but thanks for reminding me I'm better off. Otherwise, OLD is like a game where you can do everything right but still lose. Don't beat yourself up haha unless you have to.

StubbornBr1t · 2022-09-20T09:34:54+00:00

Dude it’s rough, I’ve met quite a few women through OLD but none worked out which is fine. But I get what you mean, I’ll ask some for their number and get it then they stop responding?

lehcarfugu · 2022-09-20T15:27:15+00:00

post your conversations, im sure they are terrible

5_7pickup · 2022-09-20T08:00:30+00:00

Another prime example of why OLD is trash. Go meet women IRL my guy.

bennettca3 · 2022-09-20T12:07:09+00:00

You don't want a phone conversation.
Setup the date after sending 5-10 messages.

OLD is mostly for guys that are at least 8.5 and above the age of 30. Your body might be a 9, but you ain't an 8.5 - that you have to understand by now.

Granny_Killa · 2022-09-20T11:43:11+00:00

Online dating has dramatically changed even in the last 2 years.

I am using the same photos as I was 2 years ago (and for the record I don't think I'm catfishing like older/fatter girls do with their pre-covid Greek island photos, I look the same or even slightly more muscular in real life now) and I get about 1/4 of the matches and 1/5 of the responses.

They have simply learned that they can hold out for the top 5% most witty, best looking, rich guys before they bother meeting up. Unfortunately you and me are probably more like on the edge of the top 25% range so we are like 'almost' there a lot of the time but not quite, juuuuust enough to get a tantalising few matches of girls that we actually know we should be able to get, but can't... and a lot of worn out 31 year olds we'd probably break the dry spell with.... and then find we somehow can't get them either. Gotta wonder who's giving them a go if we're not good enough, eh??

I think it's actually harmful to your own self perception and mental health to sit there allowing some rather substandard girls to 'reject' you.

So as hard as it is and as much as I resist it myself - we have to just meet them in real life as it bypasses a lot of the bullshit.

Shox187 · 2022-09-20T11:24:47+00:00

lol welcome to online dating, this is the experience for most men.

LingoJam69 · 2022-09-20T13:42:15+00:00

most woman are scared to meet up anymore, understandably so, but that causes a problem for people like us who don’t have bad intentions.

Pretend_Ad1582 · 2022-09-20T11:59:43+00:00

Are there any threads or posts on how to stand out in conversation? Most of the questions ive read to ask sound like canned psych from a textbook. Even I'll admit I get tired of coming up with new things to say in the eternal "getting to know you" texting phase. What can you discuss with a woman to actually make her feel understood or safe and more likely to say "yes" to a date?

I've heard much of the same responses from women. Even asking someone on the 1st day we matched to go to a street art fair in our town was too much for one. *yet if we had met origianlly at that fair instead of OLD it would have been a totally different scenario.

luroot · 2022-09-20T14:01:18+00:00

Good bait, but no hook...

Attraction is only half the battle. But then you need game to actually reel them in. And this is a prime example of that...

It's not just OLD, either. Girls also behave the same way IRL. So, you will encounter the same fizzling interest IRL without game too.

caesarfecit · 2022-09-20T14:28:57+00:00

My read on Online Dating is that it serves best as an adjunct to actually getting out there and chatting people up. Why?

Because women use dating apps like window shopping. It allows them to filter through a bunch of guys, match with only ones that interest them, and then milk them for attention. Do all women do this? No. Loads of women don't even bother with online dating, and some use them as they're meant to be used - the semi-mythical unicorns who troll Tinder for quick dick.

You never know what you're gonna get, but setting your expectations high is a recipe for pain. So my advice is mirror back the same energy of just goofing around, not expecting it to go anywhere, and then escalate when there's a good vibe.

The other thing you can try is seeing how far you can push the envelope. A girl's investment level in random online guys is rock-bottom low...unless you can turn her on with some raw, unabashed (but still calibrated) sexuality. And what's the worst that happens if you miss the mark? She unmmatches? Tragic.

Look on the bright side OP, at least your photos are good enough to get you plenty of matches. There are loads of guys who are banging their head against the metaphorical wall and getting nuthin.

Sandvicheater · 2022-09-20T15:49:52+00:00

Tinder is the poster child of fucked up gender ratios. From what I understand the ratio now is 1 women for every 9 guys. And that population of women is infested with instahoes, catfishers, scammers and hookers.

Tinder is like climbing mount everest for a cup of coffee compared to real life dating.

tittyfacejenkins · 2022-09-20T19:59:23+00:00

Bc women are crazy and keep receipts... They need the matches and the pointless conversations to stack up so they feel good and can talk to their friends about just having 'so many guys that want them'. When in the end, they'll pass by all the nice guys like you and end up going on a date with the most broken/scummy dude so they can try to 'fix' them...

And then in two months they can change their tinder bio to "heyyyyyy, back again!" Or " I can't even count how many times I've deleted this app 🙄"

Jasonhardon · 2022-09-20T10:44:51+00:00

Online apps are for shy people that don’t really socialize (get too many dates) IRL imho

marshall_strud · 2022-09-20T14:17:52+00:00

Bro. Go out

WastePurchase · 2022-09-20T15:43:32+00:00

Tinder is trash, it's not even worth using. But for Hinge, you should be able to get a date for around 1/10 matches. My conversations aren't even that interesting (only once in a while do I have witty banter). I just try to connect over something we have in common or ask general questions (don't send long ass replies), and then try to set up a date after 5ish back-and-forths. You might wanna post one of your convos so we can see if you're doing something wrong.

Think_History_5682 · 2022-09-20T17:37:06+00:00

Yeah man, as i always say, women in America have tons of Anxiety about men and dating. It cannot be understated how cowardly they are.

To them you are a scary pervert until proven otherwise so thsy get frightened if you want to meet up right away... Trust me!

Also, just to add talking to women online is literally torture! Talking to them... 100 percent of the time is like talking to a sentient plank of wood.

Its hilarious that these women are saying "i want to get to know you better"

But they ask you absolutely NO questions not one.. It is quite remarkable and just an insufferable hypocrisy

So, what do you do? How do you change this?

You need to ask them tons questions without triggering thier ridiculous anxieties for about a week is good. Then their anxieties are somehow satiated and you can ask them out.

Works for me consistently...

The bad news is women are as awkward and inept at conversations in person as they are online... Its torturre as well.

5823059 · 2022-09-20T18:11:57+00:00

Some considerations that may make real life preferable to online dating sites:

Women in relationships go to Tinder for attention, validation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7xpAwdl674

85% of men on Tinder never get liked even once

https://www.quora.com/How-common-is-it-for-a-guy-to-get-no-matches-on-Tinder

Many women will use Tinder just to boost their ego and practice flirting

https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/hdhmyu/im_a_25_year_old_virgin_i_need_help/fvlll8j/

Semi-true generalization: Guys aren't on dating apps for validation, while women are

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4zMSUEQrTQ

Average women are overly ambitious, aiming for top 10% of guys, who are themselves there just to use the avg girls for hookups

https://www.quora.com/Why-is-it-so-hard-for-a-guy-to-get-a-match-with-a-good-looking-girl-on-Tinder

80% (ish) of Tinder profiles are to lure you to OF

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/qhgyng/me_actively_selfsabotaging/

DeJuanBallard · 2022-09-20T19:24:26+00:00

They are on there looking for attention , not boyfriends, and alot of then are dumb and are trying to find a bf on a hookup app like tinder.

Professional_Ad_78 · 2022-09-20T20:39:04+00:00

The best thing I did for my dating life was delete the dating apps.

90% of women show all of their attention to just 10% of men on dating apps. (See YouTube clip of Scott Galloway on Bill Maher)

Even when I did get an occasional date from online, I’d realize that I spent too much time wondering if she’d like me, only to realize, I had 0 interest in her.

Online dating just doesn’t work for most guys, so it’s best to discipline yourself to only meet women in person.

Jdaddyk07 · 2022-09-20T11:36:06+00:00

Yah dude, I quit OLD - I’m not going to go through that anymore. Don’t have time.

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-09-20T12:10:46+00:00

Dating apps are for losers, and attention whores. Meet people in real life.

WorthTadpole8305 · 2022-09-20T08:33:10+00:00

I feel you

13esq · 2022-09-20T12:32:03+00:00

It was more or less the same for me when I first tried OLD.

It is disheartening, but don't let it bother you. Getting the matches is just the first step, which you have done successfully, so congratulations!

The next step is working out what they want to hear, that took me quite some time to work out, but keep trying and you'll soon crack it. This needs to be tailored depending on the individual and what they're looking for, keep trying different approaches and you'll soon find out what keeps them interested, the only way to learn and improve is to keep practicing.

It may also be worth playing with your profile every now and again. A lot of matches will only look closely when the match is made and they may then be seeing something that turns them off. Try different pics and fine tuning the bio and see if that improves or worsens the current situation.

maybebionic · 2022-09-20T13:21:42+00:00

You must be an absolute chad, live in huge city, or not have great standards. I say that w tongue in cheek.

I'd be considered in the 90th percentile of men. I've only used OLD in the past 1.5 years and Hinge is the only one I can get matches on. Even then it can be rough. What sucks is that I live in a smaller city (250,000) and almost never see any good looking girls out and about, so cold approaches, which I am comfortable with, rarely happen.

Educational_Soup8845 · 2022-09-20T14:01:11+00:00

You're in that weird limbo zone of attractive enough to get matches but not so attractive that girls will actually want to meet up

No-Contribution-4670 · 2022-09-20T19:35:12+00:00

Welcome to 2022 my dude, now if you want to stop being lonely, grow some balls and stop that online dating BS and pick up bitches the old school way ;)

vin9889 · 2022-09-20T13:55:32+00:00

I saw some numbers a few months back.. if you like thinking in averages for dating as a hetro man..

Scale 1-10 attractive level (be honest with yourself)

1-5: 1 in 1000, 6-7: 1 in 100, 8-9: 1 in 25, 10: 1 in 10,

This is regards to matches meeting up.

Tom38 · 2022-09-20T14:51:00+00:00

Leave them on read once they say they don't want a date after days of talking.

Asturia97 · 2022-09-20T15:34:56+00:00

Bro, get out of there, according to research there's 60% more men than women on those apps, what does this mean?, This means that women have a largue catalogue of men to choose, my advice is: try to meet women on Real life, not vía dating apps. You will have fewer competitors

lessbunnypot · 2022-09-20T15:37:08+00:00

Try reduce your bodyfat to something like 3-5% and increase the muscle mass.

The-Dude0411 · 2022-09-20T17:07:38+00:00

I'm here to learn what your profile looks like to get so many matches. I never get any attention with mine even though I always pull once I'm in the DM's. Wanna chat and see if we can help eachothers game?

gornad96 · 2022-09-20T18:11:33+00:00

I really think it has to do with your text game. If you're getting that many matches, there's noway you couldn't meet up with one unless your text game is horrible. Are you being playful/flirty and interesting in your convos? How do you ask for a date? Are you being too formal/needy?

Also, did you actually talk to all 40 matches or only 5 or 6 and then you went to reddit because you felt frustrated? It's a numbers game. Keep trying and learn what works/what doesn't and what your style is. When you get tired, take a break. Then try again later.

dirtyblondetea · 2022-09-20T18:35:54+00:00

Maybe try being upfront when you start the conversation and ask her what she’s looking for from this app. I do that in every conversation before proceeding to schedule a date or switching off the app. Cuz I don’t want to waste anyones time or waste my energy talking to someone who isn’t a match in our dating goals. Once some banter or good conversation gets going or even if you only get to hi how are you, throw the “what are you looking for” question at them to show you’re actually looking to find a match beyond swiping.

Canadian-Seductioner · 2022-09-20T18:38:12+00:00

What's your opener and follow up message for these matches?

Itskaybrat · 2022-09-20T18:49:48+00:00

I really wanna know the answer too. Because as a females who gets WAYYY too many matches from guys, I barely get enough back from females myself when using Tinder/Her.. what’s the deal?

Charge36 · 2022-09-20T19:42:41+00:00

How are you opening? If you're getting poor response rate might be your openers or not compelling enough for response

billoverbeck00 · 2022-09-20T20:00:33+00:00

Am I the only one that has the opposite problem? Everything is easier with OLD and in person game just seems impossible?

SalvatoreFontana · 2022-09-20T20:10:45+00:00

I constantly used to see this when I had the apps (24M). What I tell girls in the next few messages after I get their number is an offer to go on a date to get dinner or coffee together, and provide 2 different day & time options, and if the girls says yes, great. Regardless if this is online dating or real life (obviously meeting girls in real life is much better and more fun). If the girl says no, and gives a counter offer, that's good. In this case she will either show up, or will ghost you, but it's a much better chance to a date. If she says "I'm busy" and that's it, you just stop and walk away from this conversation. If she says "I want to get to know you more and talk to you over text first", tell her you are a busy man who has stuff to do, and don't have spare hours to spend over text. I made this mistake when I was younger too often. Also, point out to her that making a connection and getting to know each other in real life is much different than texting, and that you aren't interested in wasting time. In the case she thinks you aren't real, suggest a quick FaceTime call, and if that's the only thing stopping her from meeting you. If she says no to both options, leave the conversation and don't waste your time. Just keep looking further. Many of these apps are seeded with very attractive girls who's profiles look super real. Some will even match you. This is how apps make money on super likes and roses. It's all scam businesses practices.

seerslayer · 2022-09-20T20:18:25+00:00

I think you may not be giving it your best. You're getting matches which is the hard part for a lot of guys. Make the conversations interesting. Get them intrigued. I don't see why 40 women would match up with you and none would be interested in a date. Maybe give us more details on the kind of conversations you are having so we can comment whether or not your approach is wrong.

python834 · 2022-09-20T21:08:11+00:00

How tall are you?

musclemaniac3 · 2022-09-20T21:34:41+00:00

Look im 19 and met up/ hooked up with multiple girls from online dating (I meet about 1 new girl a month from dating apps on avg) and ill give you some tips/ advice.

Be above average in attractiveness: To be successful in online dating as a guy you need to stand out in looks. Be honest with yourself, how handsome are you, how ripped / tall are you. If you aren't at least an 8 as a guy in looks, get off dating apps, you'd do better on Instagram and real life. You have to understand that most girls are on there for validation and if you aren't getting comments like "I never meet up with anyone on here but I really like you and wanna go out with you" just get off the apps. If you don't get at least a hundred matches within the first month on a dating app, delete it. If you have to pay to get a good number of matches, delete it.
Have an Abundant Mindset Understand it's a numbers game/ game of luck. The more matches the better. Look here's a rule of thumb: if you don't set up a date/ see the girl you match with within a one- week period, cut it off. She's just using you for attention at that point/ doesn't have high enough interest. Trust me, most average people have free time to spend, if she doesn't see you within a week cut her off. Don't spend too much time on each girl. Have the mindset that you're not ever gonna see the majority of the girls you match with in real life. A lot of times girls do like you and are interested but they're really busy or they don't like you enough for you to be a top pritority.

Successful_Teach366 · 2022-09-20T21:53:46+00:00

You sound like “I need girl. I handsome. No girl have sex. What do?” 😂

If you want to just bang and not have conversations like it seems like you do, go to a club and be fun. You will meet a girl and bang that night and won’t have to worry about talking to them.

If you want a good relationship where you just have some to have sex with and talk to sometimes. You have to do a self assessment of who you really are and who you want to be.

If you want a serious relationship with a girl of your dreams, there needs to be way more work on yourself and not just your body but of who you are and what really type of life you want for yourself. Then you will bump into this person and she will be your number 1 girl.

_LuisFernandez_ · 2022-09-20T22:01:41+00:00

this is because your text game sucks. watch playingwithfire on youtube to improve it.

conker1264 · 2022-09-20T22:23:37+00:00

That’s online dating, delete that shit

Bacmex · 2022-09-20T22:37:31+00:00

Woujo · 2022-09-20T23:23:45+00:00

Go meet people in person

emekaobi123 · 2022-09-21T13:08:28+00:00

I have been reading a lot of replies from this sub reddit recently, and there is one thing that has stood out so far for me (Will disclose that later). I got on Hinge two and a half weeks ago, do keep in mind that I am somewhat of confident guy and have no problem cold approaching girls in the right SCENARIO. In two and a half weeks i’ve been on dates with 5 girls and spent the night with two of em. If you want OLD to work for you invest time in taking the right pictures, putting up the right prompts, make your bio interaction worthy. If you are not ready to go all out in a social media dating app don’t get on it. Also i’m 6’1” 185 lbs black male if that helps

augustas_astrauskas · 2022-09-21T13:09:57+00:00

In reality easer to date girls than in apps from my expietence. Go outside and talk to girls

recyclablebanthas · 2022-09-21T03:15:16+00:00

1

Dozens of matches on apps.

First off, online dating apps should be supplementary at best.

You should have a social life as the primary way that you meet new people. Having a good social life is not only necessary for basic personal maintenance because it provides a way to meet and maintain friends. It should also be exposing you to plenty of new people on a regular basis.

If your social life is not doing this, then we need to see what adjustments you can make to get your social life there. Especially if you live in a reasonably sized city, you should have plenty of options if you know what to look for.

2

Secondly, it's important to remember that dating apps have a lot of factors involved that meeting people in real life doesn't.

Algorithms which do a lot to affect results.
Starting off interacting with someone through a text, strips a lot out of the interaction and makes it more difficult unless you are already good enough to meet your dating goals when you want.

3

Had Hinge and Tinder. I would consider myself to be handsome. Been training in the gym for 10 years.

So let's start for a second and realize your chances of success on online dating apps depends on what basically amounts to your social media marketing skills or texting savvy.

Which is not quite the same as the social skills you would use in real life, nor is it the same as your physical appearance.

Long story short, cut yourself a little slack because you're beating yourself up here over something that isn't even related to the problem.

5

Just got back into dating recently.

I didn't see anyone asking about this and it's a pretty important aspect.

What happened here? Have you recently gone through a breakup? Because that can affect a lot of what's going on here.

6

Tinder.... Less than 25% of women even respond to messages. The rest are low effort. Respond once a day.

Hinge.....A lot more responses from women; however, the ones who respond are the types who want to talk/text for days on end. For some of them, the moment you even mention a date they don’t respond at all. After talking for two days of flirting, I had one tell me “she wants to get to know me more before we talk about a date” and another say “I don’t give out my number that easily”. Highly frustrating. Can we at least have a phone conversation? I mean, we’re adults at this point.

What exactly are your text conversations looking like?

What is the opening message typically like and who usually sends it?
What follows the opening message on your part and how do you come up with that content?
Are you typically inviting people to hang out within a week of matching?
How is it worded when you invite them out?

7

When I was 24 back in 2019 pre Covid, getting dates was the easiest part. I’m not sure if the quality of potential dates change as we age, or has online dating become this terrible.

If you're in the US in particular, then one sad fact is that the COVID shutdowns seem to have reduced a lot of people's ability to people. (Men and women.)

Whatever the reason, there's been an increase in depression and a lot of other issues that exacerbate people's ability to connect with others around them.

So, dating in general seems awful for a lot of people. Most people I read accounts from or talk to about this soon to be relating a lot of issues in the dating pool. It's quite a minefield for everyone.

8

// And you know that most women who use the apps are in there for validation: they don't have the same need for sex that we men do.

A

The fact is that a lot of people are lonely right now and the shutdowns for COVID did not help matters.

And a lot of people are really failing at navigating social interactions because they're just not used to them.

Women have to sift through inboxes that get spam full of opening messages where guys jump straight to asking for sex as their opener or beat around the bush for weeks or months without pulling the trigger.

Some might get validation but honestly, they'd be able to get that from walking out the door and it would be more potent. They have no need to deal with an app to get it.

B

Men and women both want sex. The difference is the social consequences are different for each.

Men are often reaffirmed in their manhood for being able to score. It's just a fact.

Women deal with slut shaming when they score. It's so prevalent that even if they have no one overtly slut shaming them, they'll often have internal self-talk that's quite negative in response to having sex.

Title	(28M) Dozens of matches on apps. Couldn’t get a single girl to meet up.
Author	KingsVictory19
Upvotes	230
Comments	124
Date	September 20, 2022 7:38 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/xj2c1m/28m_dozens_of_matches_on_apps_couldnt_get_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/28m-dozens-of-matches-on-apps-couldnt-get-a-single.1249695 https://theredarchive.com/post/1249695

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