Does anyone think the "nice guy syndrome" thing is total bs

seduction-ModTeam · 2025-11-11T17:39:28+00:00

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becomesharp · 2025-11-10T06:45:38+00:00

Your understanding of the theory of "nice guys" is relatively correct. Whats happening here is that you're likely exhibiting some off-putting or socially awkward behaviors and mixing that up with the "nice" thing.

It's not that you're being too nice or that you're being too fuckboy. Its that youre making other social mistakes that you haven't yet identified.

Teripendiicecreamyum · 2025-11-10T06:54:02+00:00

I work in women dominated field and can tell what man has the upper hand even with average looks.

The one teases her will always be superior to someone always complimenting her and being sweet.

FateInHaze_Re-Pac · 2025-11-10T07:22:29+00:00

Seems like you had a real attachment to outcome in all your interactions, being a good guy I think has to do with being non attached to external validation, having strong boundaries, honoring your values, and being vulnerable/radically transparent in spite of your fears. Just be who you are, stop worrying about how others see you.

lockandlood · 2025-11-10T07:20:25+00:00

In my limited experience you want to start of nice until they are comfortable and then break the nice guy persona as soon as you can. When breaking rapport just don't be malicious, but something like teasing her, making negative assumptions about her. As long as the underlying emotion is fun and teasing (not malice) its usually taken well.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-11-10T06:45:03+00:00

It's kind of a nuanced thing. If you alter and obscure your natural personality by trying to mirror her interests and attempting to be what you think is her ideal man, then she'll likely pick up on it. But it's fine to be a gentleman. The key is to not draw attention to the fact or fish for her approval.

You are polite because it's who you are while you otherwise still maintain your core personality. You can open doors for her, seat her at the table, walk on the traffic facing side of the sidewalk and so forth without skipping a beat from what you guys are doing. Do all of these things without pausing to see how she reacts/responds and you'll be fine.

Acrobatic-Show3732 · 2025-11-10T07:39:32+00:00

Women want to feel things. They sometimes want to feel challenged, they sometimes want to feel supported, they sometimes want to feel adventure and trespass of the forbidden. They sometimes want to feel emotionally connected, they sometimes want to get pounded hard and be treated like a slut, and sometimes They want a shoulder to cry on or feel respected and admired. Sometimes they want to feel safe and better than others by being with the coolest toughest guy in the room.

They most of the time want to have fun. (There IS a song about this)

Being a good person, Or being a bad person IS completely unrelated to how they view you in this things.

Being a "good' person, or a "nice" one however, has one core weakness against being a bad one. Its predicable as f. And that, my friend. IS boring.

Can you be a good person, but a stimulating one? Can you have the empathy to know when a girl actually needs a challenge? How much teasing IS actually healthy and how much IS psychological abuse? Can you turn her into your toy when she IS in the mood to be your toy?Do you have the compentence to make a woman orgasm most of the time, and do you transmit that with the confidence of how you Carry yourself around them?

Then you Will have no problem.

Most "nice(or good )guys" are actually one trick ponys. And one trick ponys are boring. They Focus on providing emotional stability, when the secret sauce IS all the above.

Altruistic-Patient-8 · 2025-11-10T07:33:59+00:00

Maybe its not that youre a nice guy, youre just a socially awkward guy. "Bad boys" tend to have their personality be the forefront of their appeal; they dont care about what others think of them. Its more attractive then a man that shows no distinct personality. Ive experienced it myself; being more open has made me be more appealing to people in general.

Igarlicbread · 2025-11-10T07:44:39+00:00

“Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” (Meditations, 10.16)

Advanced_Gene8046 · 2025-11-10T07:29:22+00:00

It really sucks I don't know how we are in the same position I think of it every fckn day Bro I hope you find closure and a way forward Peace!!

I-LoyLoy · 2025-11-10T11:19:12+00:00

You're missing the point of the "nice guy".

If you're just a general nice person, that does it, doesn't even think it's a good will gesture or thinks just to brighten up someone's day. Then you're a good person.

But the nice guy, only does it thinking it's what the other person wants or think that's what a gentleman man is so they use these tactics to persuade others, mostly to get women.

You had it right when you made you're post but you're giving so much "nice guy" energy because you tried different tactics to impress women.

You're thinking of it as a mindset to get into to. It's more of a trait that someone has that they grew into.

tattooedpanhead · 2025-11-10T11:05:58+00:00

My conclusion is that you let yourself have expectations. As apposed to not giving a damn. And she saw it, she saw that you were expecting something.

You want her to put out and she wants to as well. But she doesn't want to be seen as easy. And your expectations to her, is seen as her being easy. So she pulls back. She's not playing hard to get. She's protecting her reputation.

One of the reasons bad boys get girls so easily is that they don't have any expectations. They don't give a damn if the girl likes them or not. He knows that there are thousands of girls turning 18 every day. He doesn't get oneitis over any one girl, because he doesn't waste his time. If she's not interested he moves on. He doesn't chase he presents himself as he is. And let's them respond to him and then he moves.

Funky_hobbo · 2025-11-10T15:28:09+00:00

If you are not desirable then it doesn't matter what you do.

Start there first.

New_Banana3858 · 2025-11-10T22:16:11+00:00

I asked a girl at a nightclub if she was into health. She said, YES, I’m all about being healthy, while juggling a tequila shot in her mouth and a cigarette in her hand… striking a perfect namaste pose. And right then I kind off realized. Everything is half truth and half false at the same time and human beings are expert-level delusional, fully capable of thinking they’re Zen masters while slowly killing themselves.

dnd3edm1 · 2025-11-10T07:28:51+00:00

it's literally just a meme for women to describe what generalized things men do to make them feel icky (because like all humans they have weird feelings and neurotic impulses when presented with certain behaviors), while also lumping in normal and even benevolent behaviors. its main issue is that it isn't sufficiently descriptive and doesn't help men recognize, on its own, what in particular puts women off about those behaviors. it also creates a meme where women assume everything men do that is benevolent for or toward women has some ulterior motive. that men are really liars and monsters out for sex and can't just do nice things just because. that only men who are aggressive and rude are actually "honest" and thus "deserve" women's attention. When in fact it's just women being attracted to "not nice" behaviors themselves (this was a huge aha moment for me) and has nothing to do with men and what we do or don't do at all.

No-Compote-2127 · 2025-11-10T11:30:03+00:00

Difference between a nice guy and a good man is how attractive he is

cons_ssj · 2025-11-10T07:36:22+00:00

Being a "nice guy" doesn't mean you are not a good man. Nice guys are people pleasers to the extent of not having personal boundaries which is off-putting. When it comes to dating they will prioritize their date over everything which demonstrates low self value. Furthermore their behavior sometimes has ulterior motives: e.g the girl will like them.

For me the difference is in the boundaries each one places. You can treat anyone right and still display self-respect and that you have priorities in your life. Girls can pick up quite quickly if you are a nice guy doormat or a nice guy with boundaries. They also have a very good sense whether your behavior is tied to specific outcomes which for them is repulsive.

Viking-Warrior-2025 · 2025-11-10T08:21:17+00:00

I never thought about it ever. I've always helped vulnerable people. I open doors for everyone. Women have helped me. In fact if I'm in trouble women help me every time.

The whole objective of trying to figure out what type works in essence is being a nice guy which is someone who only does something to achieve a result. This renders your efforts to being null and void.

Like another guy said here it's all about making her feel and adapting to her changing emotions.

I have been described as being a quirky guy. I have embraced the fact I have a different way of getting women and it works extremely well.

Imscubbabish · 2025-11-10T08:56:07+00:00

Think its not about being nice at times. Think its about going after what you want. Most nice guys respect woman's boundaries way to much so they don't make a move. The assholes who do well they do and its not like men are the only ones who want sex you know

MO_drps_knwldg · 2025-11-10T11:49:03+00:00

Look into the concept of Covert Contracts.

shinn497 · 2025-11-10T14:32:57+00:00

Personally I just don't think being attractive is related to being nice. If you are an attractive man, you can have conversations that make her feel something. You can be nice or you can't. It does not matter.

The issue is men think it does, often because others tell them to. So they need to get that out of their head.

V4refugee · 2025-11-10T14:45:04+00:00

The fact that you treat this all like some sort of social experiment comes off as very transactional and is the epitome of “nice guy” syndrome. You’re only being “nice” to see if it works to make girls get with you. Why would girls think you’re a “fuck boy” for genuinely being nice to them but also to the not so attractive girl, the elderly, guys, kids, the disabled, the poor, or any other demographic that has nothing to offer you?

LawyerPhotographer · 2025-11-10T14:55:47+00:00

Women want to hunt a lion on a safari not at the zoo. A guy who gives off a needy vibe or who does not maintain challenge will stumble for these reasons that get lumped into the "nice guy" category.

If Sara has a medium to low self-esteem she looks in the mirror and says I am silver I want to date a guy at the upper limit of my range a guy who is gold. What kind of guy is super into dating a woman who is silver... a guy who is copper, tin or lead. What kinds of guy is ambivalent about dating a woman who is silver.. a guy who is gold. Sara may interpret some nice behaviors as being the sign that the guy must be copper.

topher_atx · 2025-11-10T15:51:00+00:00

I think what's going on with women hating on "nice guys" is this:

There are two types of guys that approach or express interest in women:

1) Guys who are genuinely interested

2) Guys who are temporarily lowering their standards and pretending to be interested in order to get casual sex

If you take these men, and rank them from most attractive to least attractive a disproportionate number of the attractive men are going to be in the second category.

So women are being conditioned to being treated one way by the hot guys, and another way by the unattractive guys.

For me, I don't play any games or try to pretend to be something different knowing this. Instead, I just make sure not to let women walk all over me, let them use me, or let them keep me around as an option without reciprocating.

So if she plays ball, she gets the nice version of me. If she doesn't play ball, I remove myself as an option. You gotta be kind of tough and willing to walk away. And if she does certain things you have to actually walk away even if you don't want to.

Khower · 2025-11-10T16:07:37+00:00

Nah I definitely experienced it. I was nice without a backbone, kindness without a strong foundation doesnt earn you respect. It makes you look frail.

Im actually nicer and more kind now than I was back then, because I have self respect and boundaries and its clear through my demeanor, it provides me opportunity to be even more kind because theres no need to be liked or seen or respected ect behind the behavior.

AimlesslyAimless · 2025-11-10T16:56:09+00:00

The whole “nice guy syndrome” thing is mostly projection. People take their own limited experiences and turn them into universal truths, when really we’re all working off a tiny sample sizes. Sometimes the problem isn’t that you’re “too nice” or that “women like jerks”. Instead, it’s that your looks, confidence, or charisma aren’t clicking the way you think they are. But people love putting men and women into boxes because it’s easier than facing that attraction is complicated.

I’d say I’m a nice person, but I’ve had success being nice, laid-back, or even a little devious. It’s never been one thing that makes or breaks my success. It’s timing, energy, confidence, chemistry. Generalizations might help describe trends, but they fall apart when you start applying them to everyone.

And honestly, the closest thing to a real truth is that 90% of women want 10% of men; just like 90% of men chase the same 10% of women. That’s not moral or immoral, it’s just reality. You see gorgeous women with average dudes all the time. They’ve got personality, energy, presence. Most of these “nice guy” conversations come down to people projecting their own frustration instead of accepting that connection isn’t about being nice or mean, it’s about being real and magnetic.

Intimasimplicity · 2025-11-11T11:35:10+00:00

You don't seem to understand what a "nice guy" and a "good guy" are.

So my conclusion is girls don't really care about the difference of a good man and a nice guy.

Your conclusion is incorrect. Ask a bunch of girls to explain to you the difference between a "nice guy" a "good guy." Then ask them if they would ever date/have sex with a "nice guy" long-term, rather than the "good guy." Bring popcorn.

(If you can't ask this to a bunch of girls, you're probably not in a position to give an authoritative and conclusive answer on the topic.)

BrainBeginning2658 · 2025-11-11T15:04:58+00:00

Nice guys is simply a guy who is unattractive yet nice. That is how simple it is.

norwegiandoggo · 2025-11-10T07:25:00+00:00

There are 1000s of factors that influences whether a man is attractive.

Being too nice - hoping for a love reward, is unattractive for sure. But women don't decide whether they're attracted or not based on one variable.

So I think you took it a bit too far. Thinking that just changing how nice you are will automatically make a big impact in your results. Like you found out: it doesn't matter that much. It's a lower level variable.

Another thing to consider is "being kind to everyone" versus "being kind to one girl".

Being kind to everyone is often unattractive. Being kind selectively - is generally considered more attractive. But keep in mind that kindness is different from "nice guy" because kindness doesn't expect a reward for being kind. Whereas a "nice guy" does.

The kind versus asshole variable is very individual in the way it impacts attraction. Some women feel drawn to assholes. And some women melt in front of very kind men. So it's more dependent on the woman than some universal rule. And it can also change for the same woman - liking assholes for a while - then preferring a kind man later when she's been burned by the asshole (that's how it typically goes).

Matter_Still · 2025-11-10T07:09:58+00:00

Many people do, including psychologists. Robert Glover extrapolated this “novel” syndrome from the behaviors of dysfunctional men he was counseling, including a cleric hooked on porn.

He defined the term and in his book does not support his theory with even one damn citation.

Give him credit, though. He understood telling a client that his problem was not the inability to hold a conversation, poor grooming, bad teeth, or a complete absence of social skills: his problem was being too nice, meaning he thought being nice would be rewarded (which it often is).

Here are a few characteristics of men displaying “nice-guy syndrome”:

*Nice guys are givers (so are organ donors, philanthropists, and anyone who volunteers)

*Nice guys are fixers and caretakers (so are counsellors, home health aids, and social workers)

*Nice guys seek approval from others ( so does anyone who has a boss.)

*Nice guys avoid conflict (Who invites it when there is an option?)

And my favorite

*Nice guys seek the right way to do things (As opposed to seeking the wrong way to do things?)

It’s pop-psyche bullshit no different than “Cinderella Complex”, “Peter Pan Complex”, “Pollyanna Syndrome”, the “Oedipus Complex”, “The Electra Complex”,and The Stockholm Syndrome”.

A clever guy can come up with any “syndrome”. How about Reddit Syndrome:

A behavioral and cognitive condition marked by excessive participation in online discussions, over-reliance on upvotes for validation, and a tendency to form opinions based on aggregated internet consensus rather than direct experience. It’s prominent feature being an irresistible urge to contribute an opinion, joke, or correction to every thread — even (especially) when not asked.

There’s an idea for a book.

No-Compote-2127 · 2025-11-10T11:02:08+00:00

A nice guy is just an unattractive guy who had the audacity to expected to be treated equally

No-Compote-2127 · 2025-11-10T11:06:57+00:00

A nice guy is just a term for an ugly guy who tries to socialize.

You should see how women treat conventionally unattractive guys even when they are doing nothing. So that guy being nice and kind towards others can easily been seen as "nice for the sake of manipulation". But truthfully that poor mofo is just trying to fit in, be helpfull and is certainly being kind.

Total_Obligation_371 · 2025-11-11T02:20:37+00:00

It's not about nice guy or bad boy, there's something else you're doing that is turning people off. If you don't look good and don't have good general social skills, it doesn't matter how nice or bad you are, people will be off put by you. You most likely are doing something that you're not aware of.

By the way I'm not saying you specifically are definitely unattractive or you definitely have bad social skills, that's just the common issue that most guys have in these types of situations.

imadog666 · 2025-11-10T08:39:54+00:00

Dude just work on your personality or maybe your looks if possible. Human connection isn't some kind of game. It's about being lucky enough to meet the right person.

TransitionNormal1387 · 2025-11-10T18:12:35+00:00

The good guy shows interest and flirts with girls in man to woman frame. he likes and finds physically attractive. A nice guy hides his feelings because he’s anxious and has low experiences with dating and sex. Therefore He acts platonic and acts like a friend. But then goes, hey, I might have a shot with her, but the problem is he acted like her gay best friend or a guy who has other options he’s pursing then the “friend” he actually likes. So the girl thinks obviously he is just a friend and that’s that. The good guy accepts rejection but doesn’t get emotionally hurt that much if at all. The nice guy, it’s the end of the world to him. In reality I don’t believe it’s nice guy vs bad boy, it’s anxious guy vs confident guy.

fakingglory · 2025-11-10T18:21:45+00:00

You’re drawing the wrong conclusion from this.

Being nice and expecting a reward is fundamentally not nice. Misplacing your rejection because of your expectation for reward for “being nice” and then assuming chicks want you to “be a jerk” is because you’re an idiot. Chicks want to be attracted to you, being nice or mean has nothing to do with being attractive. A hot simp will land 90% of the shots he takes, an ugly simp will fail 90%. Attractive men get to treat women badly, because they have an abundance.

Nothing for you is going to change unless you change how attractive you are: Physically, mentally, socially. Whether you are nice, mean, apathetic, aint going to do shit unless you fix the fundamental problem.

Women dont want to be treated badly, just like how most men don’t want to be pay pigs.

Alarmed_Box1198 · 2025-11-10T18:54:02+00:00

Being a jerk isn't attractive either. You're working with an incomplete understanding of what's going on. Being very assertive, speaking your mind, having no ulterior motives and having very firm boundaries are attractive. Being an ass for the sake of being an ass won't get you anywhere.

Title	Does anyone think the "nice guy syndrome" thing is total bs
Author	FinalWranglers
Upvotes	77
Comments	77
Date	November 10, 2025 6:35 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ot6pfz/does_anyone_think_the_nice_guy_syndrome_thing_is/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/does-anyone-think-the-nice-guy-syndrome-thing-is.1566156 https://theredarchive.com/post/1566156

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