Getting Laid Will Not Solve Your Problems

NextSpinach · 2019-11-03T21:37:54+00:00

I find guys don't want to hear it, but getting with women while your life isn't in order will just make it worse to an extent. Especially if you want to actually date them. To have a full-filling romantic life you have to have a full-filling life. If you're lacking friends, or have a shit dead end job the second a woman comes into your life its just going to emphasise what you're lacking as it will be something else you have to worry about.

sasquatchington · 2019-11-04T00:00:21+00:00

Agreed, I've got decent game (above average looks as well), a job that gives me a purpose, and all sorts of other reasons not to be depressed, aside from hobbies to keep me busy and constructive. It wasnt until I started to work on myself that I realized no amount of attention or female company will fill in the void of 100% being my own person. So I've taken a step back to get back in to my hobbies and work on myself. I gave up on pick up to better myself, to get more involved on what really drives me, outside of work and making money. The past few times I've been out I've noticed a difference in the amount of interest I can spark in women. But right now, it's more important to work on myself and really make me someone who I would want to spend time with.

I hooked up with 5 different women from June to august but I didnt get any follow ups from more than 1 of them. More than likely because I was projecting my lack of interest in myself, on to them in the form of neediness. It is beyond crucial to have your shit locked down with hobbies and interests, so that women are just a side effect of being interesting. Doesnt matter if you're nerdy or athletic, having something that's important to YOU that you keep close and want to focus on all the time, is beyond important for maintaining any sort of "relationship" beyond a one night stand. And just banging random broads all the time wont bring you happiness, in fact, it's that in itself that made me realize I need to do more for ME.

Luffydude · 2019-11-04T00:24:12+00:00

Getting money or getting fit does not solve all your problems.

But it helps

IronMan291 · 2019-11-04T00:02:32+00:00

Damn dude you are me. This resonated with my soul. And you’re absolutely right.

RedDragon_Rising · 2019-11-04T00:24:20+00:00

Can confirm. Slept with 36 diff women one year and Still did not feel different. Too much of any 1 good thing is a bad thing. The only solution is purpose. The reward of purpose is gratification of self, gratification of self increases confidence, confidence allows you to tell yourself “I can do anything”, and then you’ll set your sights higher and higher. Women, sex, possessions, are all rewards of purpose. Merely accessories, not fulfillment.

firelitother · 2019-11-04T01:18:47+00:00

What about for those people who never got laid?

Khower · 2019-11-04T00:48:26+00:00

I agree. My experience as a late bloomer was a dude who was a bit socially inept when it came to women. I thought that sleeping with women was the answer to prove my worth or so.... and honestly after developing late physically and getting some charisma I started chasing women in terms of numbers as if I was behind my peers and the one thing I noticed after my body count was about 20 people that it really didn't mean a whole lot anymore. I thought I was so cool because I had slept with a lot of really attractive women and what ended up being the result was I realized it fixed nothing. My real focus needed to be on myself, and my ability to create relationships and connections with others was what was going to determine my happiness not banging some hot, insecure girl from a club. I'm not saying this to brag, I've slept with a couple models, I've slept with fitness competitors, D1 athletes and other really attractive girls..... but I can promise you that even if you do it just doesn't do for you what you think it will. Work on yourself, build great friendships and strong relationships and youll be much happier than bringing home a girl with no depth of character

GeeseCTM · 2019-11-04T15:50:20+00:00

Going to the gym will not solve your problems.

Making money will not solve your problems.

Eating healthy will not solve your problems.

Living life to the fullest will not solve your problems.

These kinds of posts are dumb and usually are appealing to people who are not having sex in their life and want to feel good about it.

I'll tell you what sex will do, it will give you a lot of cool memories to hold on to even at a point in your life where maybe you can't have sex anymore and you have to look back at all the awesome experiences.

And how does that happen? That happens because of living in the moment when you have these sexual experiences that create is awesome memories. The kind of experiences that you have where you share yourself with someone else and they share themselves with you. The way that this post seems to describe sex as if it's just masturbation, which makes me doubt that the person who actually wrote the post has actually had any wonderful sexual experiences.

Because I remember each one as a passionate, awesome, wonderful, adventurous, experience, and they are sometimes moving and sometimes even borderline spiritual and the memories they create are things that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

Whether it's a girl that I was with last night, three weeks ago, or five years ago, they all will remain in my memory and in my heart for the rest of my days on this Earth, and sometimes it's a really cool thing to go back and revisit those experiences, but even cooler is when you live them in the moment. It could be 6 or 7 or 8 or 24 or 72 hours of your life that you are sharing with someone on an intimate level, getting naked, drinking some wine, having amazing conversations, letting loose and just f****** playing!!

Not if you're a piece of s*** drunk pick up artist, no then obviously it's just like trying to stick your dick in something and get off, which is equivalent to basically masturbation.

However, every sexual experience that I've ever had with a woman is a f****** awesome experience, many of them worth writing about, many of them I wish that I could film the entire experience, as well as a movie production so I can play back all the angles, all the intricacies of a conversations, all the subtle glances all the passion, all the touching all the feeling, all the things leading up to it.

How can someone be so f****** reckless as to say none of that can improve your life?

Maybe it's not going to get you a job, or a career, or make you a ton of money, but for sure, 100% having sex will absolutely improve your life by giving you amazing experiences and amazing memories that no one will ever be able to take away from you. Motivation, confidence, drive, happiness, a sense of well-being, a sense of being like, a sense of being wanted, knowing what it's like to feel passion, knowing what it's like to have someone feel passion about you, love and respect of women... The list goes on and on.

Sexual experiences are gold. Sorry.. They are. And if they aren't than you're doing it all wrong.

learning curve. Lots of guys are alone, we get that. Lots of guys are here to change that. We get that too.

And there's a learning curve to that, if someone is antisocial or has social anxiety, or not very socially successful, they're going to have to go to the learning curve to get there, and in my opinion as someone who spent a lot of time focused mostly on trying to get women in my life, and just becoming a more socially savvy and attractive person overall, my focus was definitely on women, and yet I made a ton of friends. because of the things that you applied to becoming attracted to women are also going to be applicable to meeting other people and attracting other people in your life.

You guys have this black and white mentality where it's one or the other. If you're trying to learn how to be social with women, then you're going to not have friends because you're alienating the guys and yada yada yada. That's simply not true. Some of the BEST friends I've met revolved around me going out with the sole intention of meeting women, and had nothing to do with me wanting to go out and build a Social circle and have comradery in my life and all this nonsense.

It's called commonalities. You have commonalities with people and you're going to attract those people into your life. If you are success minded and you are attracted to becoming attractive oh, then you are going to draw people into your life naturally who have the same mindset. The trick is, going out with that exact intention.

So maybe it's just me, but I doubt it because most of the people I met out and about who were really good friends with me also where some very well-liked and social people as well.

Finally, I have a term for what that guy I told you about fighting two or three other hobbies outside of work and becoming super active in them.

It's called goal substitution and avoidance. It's an ego trip to make you feel like you're accomplishing your goal, while completely avoiding your goal.

If your goal is to go out and meet women, and become attractive to women, then that is your primary focus and there are plenty of awesome tools out there that you can use to have success with that. However, guys get stuck and so what they like to do is substitute other things, let's call them secondary goals, that make them feel like they are still working on the primary goal, when in reality they aren't working on the primary goal at all.

Going to the gym, getting a good job, joining XYZ activity or club. while all these things may be good for your life and one way, if your goal is to get better with women for sure that's what you need to focus on and these other things will definitely not get you there. I know plenty of guys who are in shape oh, and look good, and eat right, and do everything right, and have awesome social activities and an awesome job, and yet they still had to come to me for coaching on how to get women into their life.

Sorry, the truth is this game is tough and it takes work and it takes practice and it takes studying and it takes really busting your ass and facing a lot of failure in order to get a lot of success. So you can go at it head-on and burn the f****** boats, or you can play touch butt with the dorks in the park and pretend to yourself that you're working on your goal, giving yourself that ego fix, but completely avoiding improving on your primary focus.

RaffNFreddy · 2019-11-04T01:22:05+00:00

As I start to see more progress with women, I am glad that I don’t have any of these other problems. What I do have is a deep financial hole to dig myself out of, which I will. Best of luck to everyone.

frecklie · 2019-11-04T18:11:26+00:00

Let me help you with this: Jordan Peterson isn't gonna solve your problems either.

LoveNotH86 · 2019-11-04T00:01:09+00:00

Everyone has to have their own experience even if your advice is accurate. Hearing it without living it will always leave a person wanting more. This is just like super rich people telling those without money that being a multi millionaire won’t make your life better..

SirChiropractixAlot · 2019-11-04T00:16:31+00:00

But it will solve hers ;)

(I keed, I keed)

mottsman87 · 2019-11-04T01:02:01+00:00

I view getting laid like a drug, and I was born a junkie. Luckily at my age 32M the urge is getting a lot more tolerable. I'm not making stupid decisions, putting up with rude, lazy women anymore. Getting laid will only solve one problem, and that's not getting laid. Getting involved with the wrong person can make your life a living hell.

bigdaadyy · 2019-11-04T04:24:56+00:00

You guys are getting sex?

gtrman571 · 2019-11-04T00:50:05+00:00

I’ve been without 2 & 3 for so long I start to wonder if I’ll ever have them again...

TiberZurg · 2019-11-04T11:56:45+00:00

It solved my problems lol

Social_cynicism · 2019-11-28T13:20:54+00:00

Not getting laid won't solve my problems either. So I would rather to get laid.

Broke_back_cat · 2019-11-04T02:03:14+00:00

Getting laid creates a world of problems.

Freevoulous · 2019-11-04T10:36:01+00:00

This is a good post, but consider this:

Most of the things you do to get laid consistently WILL make you happy by themselves.

- lifting/working out: is an opportunity to find male friends, i prove your health, and pump yourself up with happy hormones. In a round about way it also helps solve the alcohol problem because work-out/diet regime will motivate you to not drink booze.

- learning PUA tricks: the same tricks, only slightly changed will help you get a job, sell stuff, find friends, run business, get promotion or raise, become social etc

- going out with women: even if it fails to get you laid, it expands your social circle, and gives you training in conversational skills. Atop of that, you can simply befriend any woman you fail to get laid with.

Just by doing the things above, even if you failed to get any pussey (which in itself would be surprising) you would still become a healthier, happier and more social man.

itzReborn · 2019-11-04T00:33:41+00:00

I don’t have 3 of 5 things you listed...damn But this is a great post cause your giving out facts. The main reasons I get depressed is cause i don’t have much friends and I’m a virgin who wants to get laid ASAP basically. I feel like getting laid will help me short term at least cause I’ll be excited about it for a while (I think)? But like you said when I eventually start to date and she notices I don’t have much going for me...then yeah

2019-11-04T02:39:43+00:00

You hit the nail on the head.

There is a paradox underlying our human condition, one about happiness and general well being. That which makes you think that anything external to yourself can make your perpetually fulfilled. When I was younger I thought that getting girls would do so, now that I have had at least three girls at the same time for years I can tell you that's an illusion. You need to have that empirical knowledge tho. Sleeping with girls won't make you happier, although I am a happy, emotionally stable man - just like I was before that. I guess the same is true for money, I'll report back when I get rich.

Happiness is overrated - really. You shouldn't aim for happiness, you should aim for meaning. Meaning is not about egoic accomplishments you can show off to your friends. Meaning is about knowing yourself deeply.

jeebus224 · 2019-11-04T00:20:33+00:00

Might solve my drinking problem

2019-11-04T00:33:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2019-11-04T00:11:06+00:00

James Bond was never much of a social butterfly. Some of us don't need as large a social circle as others, in order to be happy, to cultivate relationships, etc. But it's important to have friends, whether they're near or far. I will vouch for that.

ioncehadsexinapool · 2019-11-04T00:59:33+00:00

It will solve the problem of not getting laid. Why is this even a post

Mirabuc · 2019-11-04T00:44:46+00:00

Thanks for this great post. How did you overcome the fear of doing your first IRL pickups? I’m mostly doing day game and have done a few pickups, and still scares the shit out of me.

2019-11-04T03:07:22+00:00

It’s just a good feeling that last 3-4 mins. 7 if I’m drunk.

2019-11-04T09:23:48+00:00

I just want a root right now, been a long dry spell for me.

I'm not ugly, I workout, eat healthy, look and smell fine etc.

But something about me they dislike, maybe i appear desperate.

NativeBuns · 2019-11-04T18:13:00+00:00

Every since i lost my virginity, things have gone downhill. But that had been happening since the first few humans on earth. Must be something in my dna.

yrogerg123 · 2019-11-04T18:18:28+00:00

What if my probldm is that I like having sex, and Iwant to have more of it?

riksha1504777 · 2019-11-04T18:36:11+00:00

But, it will surely give you an amazing time. And, help you realize stuff. As it was with your case. Once you got laid and when it's out of the picture, you could analyse what's something that you're missing.

ProFriendZoner · 2019-11-04T19:05:41+00:00

No it won't solve all or just about any problem. But it makes you feel good. And that exudes from you. And if you can get a woman into bed that gives you confidence to deal with other people. You learn things. So while it won't solve any problems it gives you the bounce in your step and can lead to things.

btuanq · 2019-11-04T19:14:01+00:00

I don’t remember where I get this quote from but it goes something like this “love is to find someone that you connect on emotional and spiritual level. And sex is just an added pleasure.” Not sure if the quote is exactly like that but yea you get the point of it.

maddisser101 · 2019-11-04T21:24:35+00:00

I have been more depressed having a HB9 as my girlfriend with consistent lays every week than I am now - and currently I am probably the loneliest I have ever been yet I have never been happier.

You need to realize there is more to happiness: happiness is more sustainable, joy is fleeting. I feel that relationships can bring both joy and happiness like a drug brings a short high with a guaranteed low. You are responsible for your own happiness while external factors can be responsible for your joy. But do not let your emphasis on joy outbid your emphasis on happiness. I would rather have a higher baseline for happiness than a consistent, sporadic bout of joy.

1PeaceKeeper2 · 2019-11-05T11:39:36+00:00

Hello u/disciplinedFreedom,

Thank you for your sage and insightful post. I just joined here, and I am now proactively pursuing a more positive direction for my life. I also just recently broke up with my girlfriend. We dated for a little over a year. Over time, I found that I had unintentionally made her the center of my universe, and the focal point of my life. Which, is never a good thing for anyone in a relationship. I had to acknowledge that no one is responsible for my happiness but me, and me alone. I have worked a job that pays very well for the last eight years, and I simply despise and hate the job. It gives me no satisfaction, or a sense that I am making a positive difference in this world. Now, I am actively pursuing other employment opportunities. I am getting out more socially, and I recently joined a church that I find uplifting and encouraging. I am not seeking to get laid at this time at all. I am endeavoring to find the happy individual I used to be years ago, and working on my issues. I believe by volunteering and being of service to others is my path. I find joy in that. Whether it be working with at-risk youths, assisting and visiting the elderly, or volunteering at a food bank, it is all good. Either way, I believe that we all have to fervently and zealously pursue our individual happiness, and find the optimum balance in our lives. I bid you peace and blessings always.

mqriles · 2019-11-06T00:35:23+00:00

mmmmnn eeeehhhh I get your point but it sounds like or it could become an excuse or a trap to not do anything and/or procastinate on meeting and approaching.

chessman6500 · 2019-11-07T01:01:25+00:00

I definitely don’t intend on doing it to solve my issues, I want to do it because In a lot of cases it’s fun and enjoyable and you get to create memories that can last forever even after you’ve broken up as long as it was amicable. I also want someone to join me through the ride called Life and go on the adventure together. Has nothing to do with solving problems.

Only one of the issues you mentioned applies to me right now: not having an intimate relationship. I will soon however have the second problem of not having a job/school because I’m almost done with my Bachelors and despite getting interviews still have not found a job. I have also had crap luck on dating apps as well as with women in person, and this is why I came to this subreddit, to get better at talking to them.

Michel-Hollande · 2019-11-23T07:35:40+00:00

Getting laid won't fix your life, but it will fix your confidence

Mooglenator · 2019-11-04T05:11:34+00:00

Isn't Jordan Peterson that guy that angered a lot of liberals for some reason?

Bobandjim12602 · 2019-11-04T14:19:39+00:00

Thank you for stating this. It's bizarre how many people on this sub think that sex will be this life changing experience. Is it fun? Yes. Does it feel good? Yes. However, beyond a single night of erotic fun, there isn't really much to it. You still wake up the next day the same person you were the day before. To put it lightly, sex is HIGHLY overrated. If you're using sex and women to try and fix some problem you have, don't. JP has really good advice on the subject.

I believe one's happiness comes from fulfilling a life ambition of theirs. Mine just so happens to be career based. If you get pussy along the way, cool. At this point, I've noticed that I can kill two birds with one stone. The more I work out, peruse my career and train myself to be better in social circles, the more women are attracted to me.

If your goal in life is to find a woman and start a family, then so be it. But if you desire something more, this post will be really helpful for those who need that perspective.

schoolboy__ · 2019-11-04T00:43:10+00:00

You better not delete this! I needed to read this

Mo_Lester69 · 2019-11-04T02:26:43+00:00

I think this is what I've been needing. In the pursuit of self-betterment and ambition, I have decayed my friendships.

I think I've been needing some quality male time for a while. I kind of stopped hanging out with them so much because I would find faults in them that I didnt want to surround myself with as I was on a journey to getting my life where I wanted it. I got in the best shape of my life, moved, dated around a lot and now have a girlfriend for a few months and have travelled the world.

Balancing travel for work, physical & mental health on top of making time for family and girlfriend has been starting to feel like a lot.

I suppose that's because trying to maintain physical and mental health seems like a struggle now.

And these I believe to be a symptom of a high-performing, high-travel job.

Troklokhan · 2019-11-04T02:55:00+00:00

Good post. I just recently solved my drinking problem. I have to fix my job situation, I have a job but barely have time to meet girls.

Deez05 · 2019-11-04T02:59:26+00:00

I already have a good job and great hobbies and cool stuff that I do with the bois. I just completely suck with women. So I guess the reverse of you

mattigid · 2019-11-04T10:09:08+00:00

Just finished reading his book 12 rules for life, and over the course of the last year or so i’m at least 100 hours deep on his youtube/podcast lectures. Jordan Peterson is a must - life changing shit, love that man so much

bruce97inheaven · 2019-11-04T14:20:58+00:00

you don’t know me

stoneybalognealoney- · 2019-11-04T15:39:23+00:00

No but it will solve my penis’ problem of finding a warm welcoming home.

CuriousQuestionBoi · 2019-11-04T04:07:27+00:00

This is 100% true.

seduction_alchemist · 2019-11-04T07:32:08+00:00

I haven't had sex since my last gf 18 months ago and still counting. She just up and left my life without no closure and blocked me from all contacts. We caught back up again through social media and only talked for a week. She ended up doing the same thing she did 18 months ago, just left without no closure and blocked me from all contacts. That's when I knew itll be a long while until I get laid again.

Jeen34 · 2019-11-04T12:06:53+00:00

This is really good advice. I am currently at one of the highest points in my life, and if I look back at any other point in my life before this, I can always see at least one of these 5 things missing. I'm still awful at pick up and seduction, but since I'm in a pretty committed relationship right now I don't see that as a big problem (I still want to get better for the future though). It is true though that my current relationship is pretty much the consequence of having fixed the other aspects of my life.

BJ-guitar · 2019-11-04T12:33:54+00:00

I have a good job, good friends, am in pretty decent health, and don't have an alchohol problem. I'm happy as long as I'm not dating. When people pressure me to date because I'm the only single guy in my friends group, that's when I get a little down.

worthij · 2019-11-04T12:51:54+00:00

Folks, quality women go through a process. They've adapted the conditions imposed by on-line dating and others. For more of an insight have a look at this https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07RZ826VH or you could choose to ignore it and be forever scratching your heads - we are where we are

kyle0060 · 2019-11-04T12:56:41+00:00

Thanks OP, for the reminder to keep pushing in multiple facets at the same time.

Like a few comments here, in my last relationship I had ended up relying on my gf for happiness / purpose in life. Whilst it was painful when she dumped me, I think it's for the better in the long run, now I'll spend time to work on myself

Duram_laddel · 2019-11-04T15:14:27+00:00

Quality post.

shinn497 · 2019-11-04T16:44:24+00:00

It won't. But I still want to do it.

aYoFoRyAyO99 · 2019-11-04T17:21:57+00:00

Thanks for sharing op, really good advice.

beastboi27 · 2019-11-04T18:55:41+00:00

The key to a fulfilling life for a man isn't all about getting laid. It's having a social circle, a brotherhood. I never really belonged to one. My social life pretty much sucks. I stopped dealing with a few of the only guy friends i had, so now I'm on my own.

I haven't been to the gym in two weeks and i feel more depressed. Trying to get back to my routine. I haven't been on a single date this entire year. I gave up on online dating. I have little interest in meeting women in real life. Suffered a hard blow early this year with one girl and ever since then, i feel it's not worth to try talking to girls anymore.

dambachern · 2019-11-04T05:08:38+00:00

None of those 5 things are missing from my life, yet I am still chronically and severely depressed , and somehow I am still getting laid

Title	Getting Laid Will Not Solve Your Problems
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	938
Comments	117
Date	November 3, 2019 8:10 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dr5y7y/getting_laid_will_not_solve_your_problems/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/getting-laid-will-not-solve-your-problems.1482865 https://theredarchive.com/post/1482865

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