How do i make it obvious that im looking for a serious relationship as a female?

HawkeyeGK · 2025-05-29T16:00:15+00:00

From a guy's perspective, you don't get to skip dating and jump straight to serious relationship. Dating includes figuring out if the two of you are compatible or not in multiple aspects, including physical attraction and sexual compatibility developed at a pace at which you are both comfortable.

If you're really interested in finding a relationship that might have the potential to grow into a serious one, then say something like that. "I'm only interested in dating someone that has an interest growing into a serious relationship."

If you're really just trying to avoid sexual activity early in the relationship or at all, then say that. "I only enjoy intimacy with someone with whom I have an established emotional connection."

Basically, figure out what it is that you actually want and say that. Don't use "serious relationship" as code for something else, and don't expect that you can simply jump to serious relationship without establishing physical compatibility with most men.

KarmicPlaneswalker · 2025-05-29T16:46:05+00:00

Here's an idea, TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT. Point blank, fucking period. That way there is no miscommunication and everyone is aware of the situation and what they can expect moving forward.

Being honest and upfront means they don't get the wrong idea or think you're leading them on. Better for everyone in the end.

Playful_Dot_537 · 2025-05-29T15:58:24+00:00

You might feel like it's awkward, but if you don't come out and say it then you are just confusing him.

It's okay to be clear about your intentions. Most people will respect that. And the people who don't? Well you don't want them in your life anyway.

It's also useful to ask them what they are looking for very early on. This gives you a chance to state your preferences as well. "Hey that's cool you are looking for casual. I'm actually not in the market for a casual relationship. I'm looking for someone who is willing to commit." That will make the majority of those guys run in the other direction. Which is an important part of the filter process.

Rhino3750ss · 2025-05-29T17:24:32+00:00

The reason most of us are only actively looking for casual situations is because we are seeing no capacity for loyalty out there.

Just show the green flags. See one guy at a time and stay off your phone during dates and limit your social media use to business and family purposes.

Most of us are willing to be open to building a relationship with someone who shows traits of a loyal person before a commitment happens.

tampawn · 2025-05-29T18:22:13+00:00

I'll never forget a date I had about this.

She's adorable and has a bubbly personality and we'd met at a party and she was enthosiastic about our date. Once we sat down it wasn't long before she laid out what she was looking for in a man. She wanted marriage and probably 4 kids before she turned 30, and she wanted to date great men who were also down for that. Catholic girl.

We were both in our early 20s. And my career wasn't going gangbusters so I knew right then that it was our last date. We parted as friends and I never saw her again.

Its ok to become known as the good girl who wants a good man. Word will get around. But you can't be a wallflower and just think he's going to appear and sweep you off your feet. Develop many interests and be interesting. Enjoy sports that men like. Have a great personality and be a nurturing friend to all who know you. Stay fit and present really well.

Be a really good kisser and maybe even only go to 'third base' when you're dating, and stick to that. And have a plan for guys that won't take no for an answer.

FeeHumble868 · 2025-05-29T15:48:12+00:00

Hi! I don’t have any advice, but I’m really interested in your view. I am 20, female. I just don’t understand what means serious relationship, if you are not ready for marriage. Can I ask you how old are you for context? And what a serious relationship means for you? And what exactly makes it different from casual long-term sex? I also know, that some people want serious relationship, but don’t stick long time, so there is no sense for me. What do you think about it?

Doppelgen · 2025-05-29T17:20:17+00:00

You can just be honest and delay all sexual activity, but quite honestly, I’d not date into you.

I’ve been through more than one serious relationship in which I found myself incompatible and unsatisfied, and once things are serious, stepping out is hard as fuck.

You may be an amazing, lovely person, but I’d never invest in you due to that.

I’m sure others would, though.

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-05-29T19:16:04+00:00

It's kinda irrelevant if you let it know because the problem is those guys will probably just lie to get what they want. Announcing what you want hoping that they will respect that boundary makes logical sense in theory, but it's a naive belief. It's not really something you have control over. All you can do is try to look for more authetic connection.

TaxRepresentative787 · 2025-05-29T15:56:09+00:00

Maybe you should stop seeing relationships as transactions. Just let things flow and treat yourself with the outmost respect and that will be communicated to others. If you are an easy girl and then expect guys to marry you well it doesn’t work that way.

pastor-of-muppets69 · 2025-05-29T15:57:18+00:00

I'd consider rethinking your attitudes towards sex. As a guy, I want a partner who enjoys sex for its own sake, specifically with me. A partner whose explicit goal is to "settle down" with someone is a red flag. I don't want you to want me because you want to settle down, I want you to want to settle down because you want me. If you're immediately treating sex as a bargaining chip you dole out in exchange for "good behavior", it's clear to me that marrying you would probably ruin my life.

Kitchen-Historian371 · 2025-05-29T17:47:16+00:00

Ok now I see the problem. You don’t want any premarital sex. You’re gonna need to spell it out for a guy, exactly where your boundaries are.

But honestly, stay with me here, who would go for that? It’s someone who also has that personal value, so I’m not sure who exactly religion wise or culture wise but there could be some demographics that would appreciate a woman such as yourself.

Best of luck to you 😊

JackSquirts · 2025-05-29T19:21:10+00:00

Be clear about your intentions and accept nothing else, regardless of how much you like the other person.

DopeAFjknotreally · 2025-05-29T16:58:47+00:00

Holding off all the way until marriage is going to severely limit your options

CrotaLikesRomComs · 2025-05-29T16:00:53+00:00

I would suspect some people here would say don’t be flirty. That’s a bad idea. Flirting is such a fun part about intersexual relationships. Just don’t get dirty about it. Don’t talk about dicks, tits and vaginas. Steer the conversation away from those things.

Just let them know you don’t hookup and make it clear that it’s not a shit test. It’s the truth.

My suggestion long term is find ways to please your man sexually without giving up your box. In other words, blowjobs, handjobs, anal, etc.

Darkalchemist999 · 2025-05-29T16:23:28+00:00

No guy is the same. all guys are different. But I will say that most people want a relationship, they are just deciding with who. traditional guys will sometimes try and have sex with you to see if you want to, if you don't they may see it as a good thing since you are not easy. Other guys will only want sex because they do not see you as a gf material, either because of looks or something else, there is no one answer. All you can do is be you and don't have sex, guys who just want sex will fizzle out. Not saying this is you, but a lot of time more attractive guys will only want sex with certain girls because they have better options and that girl is only good for sex.

Milana142 · 2025-05-29T16:24:22+00:00

My recommendation would be to remove sex out of table for at least 3-6 months, the right guy, who is interested in you, will stick along regardless. Always works for me.

WachanIII · 2025-05-29T16:33:41+00:00

Be discerning.

Trust your instincts.

Go on dates.

You'll know when someone's not interested in you but your body.

But some are very good at concealing.

Do you have a female friend you trust? Go on a shared activity and have her analyze him as well down the road. You may be blinded by liking a person too much.

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-05-29T16:40:46+00:00

Be very direct in your communication. Will it filter out most guys? Probably. Even so, be careful. Do not invite anyone to your place or go to theirs. Probably also avoid traveling alone with him in his car as he may pressure you into taking you to his place, so don't fall for that. Only date in well lit public places. The upside is you may really get to know a guy if you both do not get physical for a good while.

AimlesslWander · 2025-05-29T16:41:21+00:00

I wish I could help you lady, in todays day and age its fucking hard. Men and women lie and aren't being honest with themselves.

Maybe bring up having kids with them so that it can weed out the men from the fuckboys?

VelvetSinclair · 2025-05-29T17:09:56+00:00

I feel like every guy that approaches me is trying to have something casual or just hook up with me.

That would be odd. Sounds like a problem with your feelings about men more than anything. Plenty of guys are looking to settle down, and overcoming this untrue perception is their biggest barrier.

How can i make it very clearly obvious to guys who im talking to my intentions

Oh well that's easy. We have this way of conveying thoughts from one person's brain directly into another person's brain. It's almost like telepathy, but it's easier. It's called talking. So yeah, just directly say it.

without having to directly say it.

Welp, there's your problem.

Aggressive_Special25 · 2025-05-29T17:53:15+00:00

I wouldn't ask. If they are serious they would say yes. If they just want sex they will probably say yes too.

Rather try ask them questions that indicate their own intentions.... Then make a decision from there?

ThatChromeCR · 2025-05-29T17:56:13+00:00

have pretty feet nd make him obsessed

HxxmZa · 2025-05-29T18:56:53+00:00

dont have sex till marriage, else you'll attract the wrong guys

lostgirl312 · 2025-05-29T19:01:28+00:00

“I’m looking to date someone who I can see myself growing with” This is straight to the point, without sounding demanding. I use it all the time. Now once a man says “he’s looking to go with the flow” that’s a major red flag. The flow usually leads to nowhere. Stay vigilant of what they say they want. It’s usually pretty easy to read between the lines.

PrincessMomomom · 2025-05-29T19:09:36+00:00

I usually at least stay in talking stage for 2 weeks before I agree to meet in person. Not 100% but this weeds out a good portion of those looking for casual & flings. I also know people who will flat out tell their dates they won’t have sex till they’re at least exclusive.

Will this reduce your dating pool? Yes, but it will be more efficient for you looking for the right match. Good luck

topher_atx · 2025-05-29T21:44:50+00:00

Interesting! I have a similar problem. I think women assume I'm a f*ckboi and reject me automatically when I'm actually trying to find a girlfriend.

I don't think there's a fool proof 100% way to test. Some guys will lie and pretend they want a relationship just to get casual sex.

First line of defense is delay sex. Make him take you out to see you, and don't sleep with him after the date. Maybe even see if you can get him to invest a little by paying to take you somewhere that costs a little money, you know $50 to $100 maybe?

Make sure to be somewhat affectionate, just don't go all the way. You'll probably don't want to wait or delay TOO long or he might move on.

Another big thing to watch out for are large differences in attractiveness. Guys will date down to get casual sex. So be very cautious if the guy is in much better physical shape than you are or is a lot better looking.

ImpossibleBritches · 2025-05-29T21:48:44+00:00

Use words.

These are sounds that emanate from your mouth and convey meaning.

They can be transcribed into analogue and digital representation. By posting your comment you were using 'words', perhaps without even realizing.

Yes, I read that you don't want to say it directly. And that's just silly.

Human evolution over the last few hundreds of thousands of years has positioned us to convey and receive meaning using these 'word' things.

If you want to be less direct then you could try interpretive dance or morse code. Perhaps smoke signals.

But I have no idea why you wouldnt use the most effective tool you have for achieving what you want.

thai-rhone · 2025-05-29T22:02:27+00:00

Age is important, I can't take older women seriously. But older men might take you seriously.

Withhold sex until marriage. That's your safety net until he truly commits. If that's not what you believe in then just enjoy life for what it is, not everyone is entitled to a soulmate or someone that would take them 'seriously'

spacedcadet1 · 2025-05-30T03:42:12+00:00

Lost redditor

Either_Sundae6099 · 2025-05-30T08:15:02+00:00

Find an asexual guy. Problem solved.

Gentle_Deviant · 2025-05-29T16:11:13+00:00

I once had a friend ask me for advice about a guy she was dating. She wasn’t sure if he wanted a serious relationship like she did. I said the best way to find out is to have sex with him.

She did, and he wasn’t. So he left. She got upset at my advice. I told her “now you know”. Fast forward a few months and she met her now husband and father to her daughter. She came back and thanked me. I realize my advice is not for everyone, but from a guy’s perspective, I would never get serious about a woman I didn’t know how the sex was with her.

juubipp · 2025-05-29T17:52:43+00:00

dont listen to these piggers if you want to wait till marriage do so it doesnt matter if it limits your options a man unable to wait shouldnt be worthy

FlashyMapper · 2025-05-29T15:47:56+00:00

Dont flirt/talk over physical topics, evade it and they'll get the hint.

Title	How do i make it obvious that im looking for a serious relationship as a female?
Author	Confident-Bat7194
Upvotes	10
Comments	52
Date	May 29, 2025 3:40 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1kye0eq/how_do_i_make_it_obvious_that_im_looking_for_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-make-it-obvious-that-im-looking-for-a.1553420 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553420

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