How do you guys keep going?

CupcakeGlad4948 · 2024-11-14T15:28:09+00:00

Don't take the flaking personally. As a business owner I had to learn that not everyone is your ideal customer. Same with dating. When I have a customer who just isn't satisfied no matter what I do, I don't make an attempt to make them come to me again. That's not my ideal customer they can find someone else who can exceed their expectations.

If someone flakes you, think about it you don't really know them or owe them anything. Why would you want anything to do with them that's not your ideal match.

Your ideal date is someone who shows up on time, texts or calls you back. Is flirty and fun. Doesn't smell like Doritios, Enjoys your company and all that good stuff. You're wasting your time focusing on people who are not your ideal date.

That's how you move on to the next. Another person will come and that person will respect you much more. Why? Because you respect yourself you don't let people who aren't your ideal match get to you. You know what you want, and that confidence is the horse you get to ride on.

SWIM270 · 2024-11-14T15:40:30+00:00

DO NOT attach your self worth to the results.

Western-Month-3877 · 2024-11-14T15:31:18+00:00

This is why I personally believe cold approach is superior to online dating apps. The latter got lots of people who tend to flake or ghost their matches (I have some theories regarding that but it doesn’t really matter).

underTheRadarGuy · 2024-11-14T15:33:05+00:00

I'd think most people who find success are persistent and push through blockers, or just take a short break if they're burnt out but then return. You've identified a pattern. It seems you're not building enough rapport or comfort when you first meet someone or before the date. So you have to be persistent enough to find solutions for this. E.g. Talking on the phone instead of texting is a quick rapport builder that can help prevent flaking. Or meeting women in situations where you're able to organically build rapport like friendly social activities etc

appolonysian · 2024-11-14T16:02:14+00:00

Something to keep in mind about apps is that (and this has been confirmed by a few women I’ve discussed this with) the majority of women on there aren’t actively looking to meet up. The two biggest reasons I’ve been told they’re on there are:

They’re looking for quick and easy validation; the knowledge that someone wants them.
They like having back-up options in-waiting, just in case things don’t work out with whatever guy they’re chasing at the moment.

Don’t take flaking or flitty behavior personally.

norwegiandoggo · 2024-11-14T15:54:30+00:00

We keep going by focusing on learning rather than outcomes. You can get joy from failures if you learn from them. The joy is in the improvement and the "aha"-moments of increased understanding.

RecommendationDue377 · 2024-11-14T15:24:24+00:00

You haven't really given us much info to work with, but I feel you.

You can use the tips from here as guidance for things to avoid doing, but remember to just be yourself. Dating in this age is quite brutal and both men and women have expectations that don't really meet reality. I wouldn't take it too personally, just move on.

ThrowAwayInevitable1 · 2024-11-14T23:52:38+00:00

Man reading the comments in here actually makes me feel better. Had a second date last night that didn't go amazingly or badly, it was fine; but despite a good first date, she has since left my follow up message on seen and ghosted me...

Good to see other people are getting hit with this shit at the moment, makes me feel less like crap after last night. It's actually so fucking ridiculous that the standards are so out of whack and that we're all struggling to get any purchase from women.

Informal_Sherbert251 · 2024-11-14T15:20:14+00:00

I’d give up on dating apps. The people who go to look for dates on there don’t look for genuine relationships or dating experiences. The longer you try to practice the successful dating techniques irl that actually work, the more you’ll see the pattern of success. The big thing is to drop what doesn’t work and try something new that does. If you are looking for a genuine relationship then you gotta find something you love doing and stick to that until someone finds you and hope for the best. Sadly there isn’t a better option to do. When it comes to dating, try traveling if you can afford it. Sometimes you just need to get out of your area and start over from scratch. Do your best to avoid bad habits that actually harm your chances like porn and drugs and alcohol. They say everything in moderation is okay but some things damage worse then others so pick your true poison.

Big take away though, there is a pattern of success that works irl, but you gotta find out how you can apply it successfully. And sometimes you’ll have to lose an eye or a hand in order to succeed.

youngyut · 2024-11-14T15:53:27+00:00

Well how many girls are you approaching? Also I always say this, but ditch apps! Apps= no good unless you are some big shot or spend money on some profile coach which isn’t worth it. In dating apps, she has hundreds of other guys. But when you approach her irl, you have her attention and it’s more memorable.

stenberget · 2024-11-14T16:27:58+00:00

Delete the dating apps, they’re draining you without results. A big issue for guys is they only practice social skills when talking to women. You need to talk to everyone, strike up random conversations. Build up that charisma. It’s not what you say it’s how you say it. Put yourself in environments that naturally lets you talk to women or at least gives you the opportunity.

x_gamer_x7 · 2024-11-14T20:22:39+00:00

It really sucks, but we have to keep going my results are so shitty, I haven’t got with any girl after I broke up last summer , I 've been to only one date since then and nothing happened it’s like a fucking dry spell now but we keep moving

CandidInevitable757 · 2024-11-14T23:24:35+00:00

I’ve been hitting the flaking a lot too. One thing to help is making the dates happen ASAP so they don’t have time for excuses to come up. Otherwise it means your attraction level wasn’t high enough. Have to flirt more/better.

KoleSekor · 2024-11-14T15:50:37+00:00

"eating you from the inside" is not the energy you want to bring to the table, that's for sure.

Women love masculine men who have plenty of dating and romantic success... These type of men are usually in VERY good moods (because of all the dating success). Therefore women love men in good moods.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-11-14T16:00:32+00:00

I kept going by learning what shit tests actually are. They are interest tests.

I'm 1000% convinced that a lot of guys that struggle, including my past self, will often show more interest in the girl than she is showing towards said guy. That reverses the polarity and leaves no room for the girl to chase.

Girls test mens interest level at all time both consciously and/or subconsciously to gauge how preselected they are.

I firmly believe men are the literal prize because we have to do the work to become a real man, a woman simply needs to show up and look good and not be too bitchy. With that said, it's illogical to let your interest level exceed the girls.

You have probably noticed if you are as kind or sweet to the girl as she is to you or moreso....you get the eye roll from hell and get blocked despite things starting off well.

You can't show zero interest because nothing will happen. You simply need to keep the desire level a point below the woman's, and your words, tone, and behaviors will autocorrect to appear more preselected and make the girl feel safe.

Few_Lifeguard_5202 · 2024-11-14T15:44:11+00:00

I know what you are talking about. Try to be indifferent to the outcome. Work on loving and respecting yourself. Give yourself everything you need and see the women as the cherry on top. The cake is fine with and without the cherry, so the cherry cherishes to be on top of the cake...

Commercial-Win-9306 · 2024-11-14T18:12:02+00:00

Approach is only the first step.

There's gotta be connection / chemistry.

How is your eye contact, how often can you get her to open up her body language? Are you seeding a date well ?

Before number closing, seed a date then it's a good close. Otherwise it's just a survey never to be replied to again.

Always build a little investment from them, seed a date and then number close. The set needs to have a logical justification to why she's going to meet you.

Here are some ideas

Book fests
Desserts
Street food or a walk in a park
Some low key lightweight activity

Good luck !

Poltergeist059 · 2024-11-14T18:21:56+00:00

Hey man, I just wanted to say in in the same boat you are. My wife and I are geographically separated, decided to try open marriage. She's had a bf from day 0 and I've had 0 dates. Probably a bad idea in hindsight but you can't close pandora's box. I've done a ton of chatting on the apps and even got a few numbers, set up a date, and like you said they cancel like clockwork. Like another comment mentioned, I'm probably a backup for a guy they're really interested in, and/or just free validation. Taking a break really isn't an option so I guess I'll just try new things and see what works for me. Best of luck to you as well!

Poltergeist059 · 2024-11-14T18:22:12+00:00

Hey man, I just wanted to say in in the same boat you are. My wife and I are geographically separated, decided to try open marriage. She's had a bf from day 0 and I've had 0 dates. Probably a bad idea in hindsight but you can't close pandora's box. I've done a ton of chatting on the apps and even got a few numbers, set up a date, and like you said they cancel like clockwork. Like another comment mentioned, I'm probably a backup for a guy they're really interested in, and/or just free validation. Taking a break really isn't an option so I guess I'll just try new things and see what works for me. Best of luck to you as well!

HunterZolomon2 · 2024-11-14T18:32:03+00:00

Online dating is way more flakey than real life approaches. This is because if you're just a face on a screen and they never met you, they don't trust you enough to meet in person, it feels scary for a lot of women. Men are on average twice as strong as women, that's what makes us scary to them.

I have heard (from a youtuber), that doing video calls with matches on Tinder helps a lot to build trust because you can talk face to face and it means they will get a taste for what to expect on the real date, they can also verify that you really do look like your pictures. Sure, it may be more stressful than texting but I think it would help a lot.

Upbeat-Protection-67 · 2024-11-14T18:58:59+00:00

Pull one or not, always have fun. If you’re not having fun then you’re doing something wrong

2_brainz · 2024-11-14T20:02:00+00:00

IDK where you live, but I had the same thing happening to me recently and I blame the weather out. It's shitty and boring out and people aren't feeling as adventurous. When it was warmer out I was swimming in dates (that didn't flake).

KajTheKreator · 2024-11-14T20:42:53+00:00

This is a sign you’re outcome dependent. Men don’t understand that there is a factor of growth involved in seduction. You’re supposed to take approach with a growth mindset implemented where there is only gain with every approach. Always look to learn something new. If you keep approaching and approaching and approaching without this mindset, you will feel as you do because all you have is just no’s and not lessons.

Use every interaction to learn and discover more about yourself. See each time you approach a women as also an approach to a different version of yourself relative to the different women your interacting with.

A man who loves walking will always do the distance and then some. Seduction is no different. Fall in love with the process and the rest is history.

Upwards and onwards.

burncushlikewood · 2024-11-14T21:00:29+00:00

We learn from our mistakes and adjust our game. We write logs fresh after approaches and figure what we did wrong, it's ok man women are tough, how many times have I seen infield footage where women will instantly reject guys! Keep in mind a lot of the times these women are just not interested, maybe she has a boyfriend, maybe she's having a bad day, maybe she's socially inept, maybe she's a lesbian lol. So keep your head up and keep at it, you'll eventually get better and meet someone, you just have to keep a positive attitude. A lot of these women are disinterested because they don't know you, you just cold approached her, and she thinks you're after one thing, a switch will flip in her mind if she finds out you're rich or something

Rare_Bus_5599 · 2024-11-14T21:01:11+00:00

Maybe you are trying to close the deal to soon?

BravoPUA · 2024-11-15T01:16:19+00:00

For many, this is the time to reach out and get some private coaching...

But quick answer, you are creeping them out/pushing them away

or

Not actually building a connection aka your interaction is the same as a gay guy who could get the same results...

It isnt a man/woman thing

Sandvicheater · 2024-11-15T02:15:27+00:00

Sometimes when you got major blue balls and haven't gotten laid in a long time you just lower your standards just a bit and take home that plain jane.

PeterLamb87 · 2024-11-15T07:40:34+00:00

"I can’t help but think it’s something I’m doing or saying" That its probably the case, but remember that flaking happens to everyone, even to silve tongue gigachads; its a fact of life, you win ones and lose anothers. What I know for sure is the more you focus on failure the more you draw failure to yourself, remember misery loves company. If dating is draging you down, take a break from it.

I would also add a couple of tips to avoid flaking;

-This could be controversial but I prefered Bumble over othe dating apps. You used to get a free boost the first days of use and matches are of superior quality (less flaking, hotter women, less casual sex).

-Shoot to kill, try to get a date ASAP, the more you "game" her through text the chances of failure skyrocket.

-Learn to identify the reasons for the flaking, sometimes the reasons are valid and you can get a later date without losing respect, frame, etc. This might sound obvious, but with so much Alpha male bullshit out there, people miss on "obvious" stuff

amnesiawtf · 2024-11-15T10:54:03+00:00

Find a day that works for you.
Ask 5 girls out on that day.
Go with the one you like most.

That's probably what usually happens when they say, " something came up"

DisplayAcrobatic · 2024-11-15T12:09:22+00:00

You gotta love the game, man.

But in dating there’s peaks and valleys. Gotta reanalyze, try new strategies and push forward.

Learning_____ · 2024-11-15T14:21:44+00:00

It might be the type of woman you approach (attracted to), try going for a different spec and see what happens

pitterpatter-96 · 2024-11-15T14:27:28+00:00

Rejection keeps two people that aren’t compatible separate! We are also not compatible with most of the population anyway. This is WHY developing an attractive lifestyle is important.. because this will help you narrow down your DEMOGRAPHIC.

By doing this you will be around females with similar interests and values and greatly helps you narrow it down.

Examples: go volunteer if you value helping others and giving back. Join a sports league if you value being in shape and having fun. Take a dancing class, cooking class, but make sure it’s TRUE to YOU.

berzerker5000 · 2024-11-15T02:02:27+00:00

You need to understand women better, because you obv haven’t built enough attraction. If attraction is high enough she will do whatever it takes to meet up with you. Being ok looking is not enough.

Always remember, Girls just want to have fun. Ask yourself, What about you is more fun than her hanging at home watching Netflix or hanging with her friends? If you don’t have a good answer, then be more fun.

White knight syndrome. Girls fantasize of being swept off their feet by a strong, masculine man that can keep them safe and make them part of a world that is intriguing and a bit mysterious. What about your life is intriguing enough for her to want to be a part of it?

If you don’t have good answers to those two questions, work on yourself until you have better answers. Plus you gotta display it through flirting. If you can’t demonstrate with your charisma and vibe, you are dead in water.

Ur_X · 2024-11-14T18:11:24+00:00

Gotta see it like your business. Let’s say you are a new salesman growing your business, you sell charm, in fact you need to sell it to make ends meet. So you HAVE to sell even if one costumer told you to fuck off, you just brush it off and move on to the next one. Eventually someone will buy your charm

IncognitoBudz · 2024-11-14T23:19:37+00:00

Not everybody is built of the same cloth as you.

Honour and respect is something which has been ripped apart by society.

I'm not really shocked that most guys are now virgins and unable to speak to women.

I'd say fuck off the dating apps , thousands of options at a finger swipe no good for you.

Approach organically, make friends smile be happy fake it if you need to. Introduce yourself to people :) Not everybody is for you.

I still struggle coming to grips with the fact that not everybody is for me.

If you look for people with a similar mindset and hobbies to yourself you are way more likely to both be on the same page.

joshterritat · 2024-11-15T06:48:31+00:00

This will help u. Don’t confirm the date. Once you set it, just occasionally keep engaging w them. On the day of the date, just send chill, non-confirming-of-the-date messages

“This is my cat” + pic

“What are u doing”

If they are still responding on the day of the date and up to the moment you would leave… assume it’s on and go

yazzooClay · 2024-11-14T17:03:25+00:00

I've almost never gotten flaked on, I always make sure to pick a very happening spot and / or very nice restaurant. I think maybe you are not specifying the location or hyping it before hand.

Title	How do you guys keep going?
Author	bansheebot1233
Upvotes	83
Comments	83
Date	November 14, 2024 3:09 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gr6vnm/how_do_you_guys_keep_going/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-guys-keep-going.1535775 https://theredarchive.com/post/1535775

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