Need advice boys

blck_mambaa · 2022-01-24T21:49:31+00:00

If I were you just stick to being strictly co workers ie say hi to her but don’t make convo w her. She was just using you for attention

John_E_Cage · 2022-01-24T21:41:28+00:00

I doubt she’s trying to make you jealous. I suggest you pull back on the flirting, now, before it hurts you more. Keep it to work related interactions.

Lyurex · 2022-01-24T21:41:20+00:00

Just move on.

You deserve someone who truly cares for you and not one that plays with your emotions.

Relaxedllama · 2022-01-24T21:42:29+00:00

She's just using you for emotional support

MikeAlphaGolf · 2022-01-24T23:10:38+00:00

Rip off the scab and move on complete no contact. Time will heal the emotional pain. Being with other women will heal it faster.

Realistically, someone you’re not in a physical relationship with doesn’t deserve such an emotional investment from you. Don’t give it up so easily. You’re probably a lonely young guy like a lot of people are at that age but work to cultivate hobbies and other relationships that can occupy your thoughts.

Czekraft · 2022-01-24T23:16:52+00:00

She sounds like an energy vampire. You telling us she’s doing the same thing with other guys is a sign she doesn’t really love you or anyone. Also, do you know why her past relationship didn’t work? People tend to hide a lot of important details when they are trying to love bomb others.

winteradventurer · 2022-01-25T01:04:35+00:00

Chances are you did nothing wrong. There are people who just enjoy the initial burst of passion in meeting a new person - the unfettered possibilities and the tantalizing unknown. Then they get tired and move on. So chances are the new guy is going to get the same end-result as you.

Edit: someone here said "energy vampire" - that's exactly right

TrendyLepomis · 2022-01-24T23:37:36+00:00

Move. On. How tf does she love you if youve never been more than coworkers. She sounds too immature. How old are you two?

gr3nade · 2022-01-25T01:35:12+00:00

The only advice I can give is love yourself. She ain't worth it. This is oneitis. Move on. Just keep things business between the two of you at work and just focus on loving yourself. Forgive yourself for feeling hurt. You're good bro. Your body is fine. Your heart and mind hurt but that's just your emotions. They hurt but they're actually bullshit most of the time in this modern world. Acknowledge them but don't dwell on them.

She's not an enemy but she's not important to you either. She's just some chick at work.

Picture yourself in a loving relationship with some other girl. Maybe many other girls. Do this often. Maybe it's a girl you passed on the street once, maybe it's some girl you made up. Either way, get the idea of you and this coworker girl out of your head and replace it with a picture of you and someone else. Picture yourself being a wonderful partner and your future partner reciprocating this, no bullshit, no games, no flirting with others, no toying with your heart. This isn't a quick or easy process. But it will help and you will get over her.

Djbiiggs · 2022-01-24T23:30:14+00:00

Find someone else bro. It ain’t that serious, theirs plenty of fish in the sea.

dr34dnaught · 2022-01-24T23:30:52+00:00

It can be hard pulling back from a flirty/intimate friendship and going back to platonic. It's the risk of putting yourself out there. If both people aren't on the same page then things can turn ugly. It's why FWB situations are often complicated with emotions getting mixed up.

I've been in this situation a couple times now and the best thing is to create a mental block to remind yourself "We Weren't exclusive, we were having fun and if she wants to keep having fun then she'll let me know." If not then you have to keep your head up and move on king 👑

caalpha9891 · 2022-01-25T00:47:58+00:00

You know the answer. Move on

PurgeDeBrutes · 2022-01-25T02:01:45+00:00

Well she’s not ready for a relationship but wants to keep herself open to casual relationships which is totally normal. Despite knowing she isn’t ready to commit, you allowed her to take your feelings out for a ride which put you in her court. Not to say that she’s controlling, but more along the lines of that you played yourself into her court and now you’re realizing you’re too deep into where you don’t wanna be. You need to back out from her and stick to being platonic co-workers. She’s certain to try to get your attention again and that’s where you need to communicate and make your intentions clear otherwise you’re only letting your feelings get hurt. Put the ball in her court then move on. Don’t wait for her to do anything with it and instead try to build friendships/relationships with other girls and you will get over this in time. Stop trying to play doctor with her baggage

DROP_TABLE_Users_lol · 2022-01-25T02:45:53+00:00

nothing you broke the platinum rule - never date anyone you see on a regular basis- maybe get a different job

sore_aye_ef · 2022-01-25T00:53:11+00:00

It’s called “baggage”, something you don’t want to deal with. Pull out of this situation before you become too emotionally invested. It’ll suck for a bit but you will be fine and it will be a bullet dodged fs.

the_erudite_rider · 2022-01-25T01:32:25+00:00

Sounds like we dated the same woman. Read 3% man 10-15 times, don’t accept friendzone (that’s not what your interested in, let me know when you feel differently), and do not reach out/call/text unless she imitates from here on out. Move on in your quest to be a better man, and start dating other women. You may hear from her after 6 months and you may not - it’s her job to win you back now, nothing left to do but walk away and let her experience the distance from this point forward. Keep your head up, we’ve all been there

oreopimp · 2022-01-25T02:04:02+00:00

"There's a girl I work with who was low-key flirting with me for a while so we started talking and I fell madly in love"

*facepalm*

Dude, it's up to the girl to push for a relationship. Any time the guy does it never works unless you some how 'lucked' into finding another co-dependent person.

The answer is: just stop. The only way anything would work is if you didn't care, that sure you desire her, but if she doesn't reciprocate you'd just hang out with another girl or chill reading a book at a bar etc. You'd also have to not be the nice guy, never be the nice guy, friendly sure but you are a man and she is a sexy woman and at the same time you'd have to desire her but not care really if it didn't work out.

Realize you are obsessed with an image you have of this woman. It is not who this woman actually is. You are also not being an attractive person. And you likely won't be to her, and the only way you will be is if you go on a long journey and if you ever do when you come out of it (which you never really will, it's a life long thing) you won't even care about whether you get to gether with her or not

I'll start your journey for you:

read 3% Man by corey wayne (also watch a number of his YouTube videos)
watch the Playing with Fire YouTube channel

Sure write down lines you think are good...but most important TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE MINDSETS BEHIND THE LINES AND BEHAVIORS

haafamillion · 2022-01-25T02:10:13+00:00

Breathe.

I promise the hurt subsides. Don't ignore it. Listen to it. Breathe through it.

Observe your pain with curiosity. It has a secret from you that you've kept from yourself. This isn't the first time you've felt this hurt. Some girl? Little while? Please. This is deeper.

Breathe through the pain.

i know this sounds like some bullshit, but you asked how to deal with it. You can't make it go away, so use it. Find out who you are and what you want and burn the pain like jet fuel.

In short - and sincerely - use the darkside.

Jacks_black_guitar · 2022-01-25T02:32:45+00:00

Mf really said fell madly in love after a chat 😂

I remember when I was this naive. You’ll learn bro.

mojojojo2069 · 2022-01-25T03:01:00+00:00

Sucks man you sound like a good guy. Time to move on.

Or

Time to go evil. Create a new snap called DaddyChad and add this chick up. Tell her everything she wants to hear and once she agrees to meet, you appear.

She will crumble realizing the grave mistake she made. She loves Mr Nice Guy and loves DaddyChad more.

When she says DaddyChad I love you, you must, I repeat you must say, DaddyChad don't love no bitch, and walk out on her.

She will fall on her knees and cry. You will moonwalk out of the scene. This is the way my friend.

P.s: I see this means a lot to you, I'm sorry for joking. She seems like a very anxious person and the fact that you were there for her shows you have a lot of heart and you are a good dude. It's not your problem to fix anything my guy, live your best life. Now work on that moonwalk and download snapchat.

Chrisanova_NY · 2022-01-25T00:51:57+00:00

She has had a bad relationship in the past that's left her with some serious anxiety issues

She won't hesitate to repeat same mistakes for the right bad boy, again and again.

Like hasn't been with anyone in two years

LIE. Unless she is fairly ugly. This is lies.

is afraid to commit to anything or be touched

MORE LIES. Guaranteed to undress for the Super Chad.

Do you like your job? Why put yourself through all this, especially when most of it is nonsense...

colclaus · 2022-01-24T21:42:41+00:00

I know that empirically and rationally but I don't know how to stop the pain. Especially when I have to see her and hear these things right after she told me all this amazing stuff.

2udaylatif · 2022-01-25T01:01:04+00:00

She moved on. You should too. Leave her alone and maybe she will wander back your way in the future. But don't pursue her anymore.

Hard facts. Move on.

Delicatestatesmen · 2022-01-25T02:43:26+00:00

women can go from high interest to low interest. The main take away is it didn’t work out, she doesn’t want you.

This will happen plenty and sometimes you can think everything’s great in a relationship and out of know where she says I dont wanna be with u.

This is why I don’t date at work, she can flirt and drive u nuts and if you do the same or look bad at her once shes running to hr to get u canned.

comacove · 2022-01-25T02:49:35+00:00

Do you, man, that's it. Move on. Not meant to be.

willgo-waggins · 2022-01-25T03:20:47+00:00

I just dealt with this with a FWB.

We had feels both ways but I was sketchy about her flakiness. Difference is we’ve fucked multiple times. She is terribly socially anxious and has a cartload of other issues (daddy, family pressures, been sexually assaulted in past, broken engagement) that I am well aware of so I purposely kept myself from jumping in deep.

She called the “I want to get serious” question on me after about a month and a half and I said sure but let’s let it come along naturally and not dive in and push. We have a great connection and feelings and if it’s good it will grow on its own.

Sure enough about two weeks after she gets shitfaced while we’re out and while I and our mutual friend (F) were taking care of her (me making sure she didn’t hurt herself our friend fending off the guys looking for a drink girl hookup) she gets shorty with me and the night ends with dropping her at home from the Uber and my friend telling me she said I was being clingy and creepy. This was of course because drunk her wanted the attention validation. As a thirty something out with almost all young twenties people around.

Next day was falling over herself apologizing and all and I basically friend zoned her firmly Sauk g that for now we will be friends and fuck buddies like we started out and that’s it until she figures her shit out. She was the one pushing and I wasn’t taking the blame for her hangups and attention needs. And that she needed to keep that shot in her time and not when we are together. And no more chances. I have ONE pass. And that’s it.

She’s been cool since and things are fine. But that trust is going to take a king time to build back if it ever does totally and the behavior killed a lot of feeling.

So keep it casual and cool and ignore her for a while. She’ll either also move in and you’re off the hook or she’ll come back and you can control the narrative and not put up with her bullshit anymore.

It’s one thing to be decent and human and entirely another to be walked on and used.

RoseTinted64 · 2022-01-25T02:29:07+00:00

Cold hard truth: It sounds like your very inexperienced. Women often play the victim in order to get men to comply with what they want. “Hasn’t been with anyone in two years”? Dude this is a major red flag, wether its true or not. You completely fell into her frame and now she knows she won the game. “Just wants to live her life”, means she moved on. I know it hurts but these are the moments we learn from. You can’t be a battle tested man without gettin a couple scratches in the armor. Start talking to other women.

AlucardxMaria · 2022-01-25T02:41:41+00:00

Sorry not a dude but id venture to guess shes over dramatizing her life and Sounds like you missed the bullet. She's a bitch for Fing around with your feelings..but sadly girls playing the field usually are a bit heartless.

Aristox · 2022-01-25T02:33:12+00:00

I'd chat to her about it and be really honest. Tell her how hard it is for you and since she told you she loves you etc you'd really started investing in her and now her pulling away is really hurting you etc.

It's understandable for her to want to go at her own pace, tackle her trauma in her own way etc. But if she actually does love you and is a half decent person then she'll recognise that she can't just be super selfish if it's really hurting you.

So if you sit down and really talk through all this with her so she knows her behaviour is really hurting you, and then still just goes ahead and keeps doing what she's doing... well then that gives you a really valuable insight into her moral character and should make it much easier for you to move on, cause someone who would be just super selfish like that doesn't actually love you and isn't worth your time.

Alternatively it might prompt her to be less selfish and actually make an effort with you in which case whoop. She might just be testing you, which usually I'd say is a red flag but if she was in a really bad relationship before maybe it makes a bit of sense that she'd wanna see how you react to this behaviour etc before committing to you. Generally though telling you she loves you if you haven't even had sex and been properly dating for a few months is quite the red flag too in my book

ptran4 · 2022-01-25T02:23:32+00:00

Next time dont hesitate. Go for the kiss asap

The_Turbinator · 2022-01-25T04:28:08+00:00

Is this certain someone called Rebecca Givens?

SexxyMoeFoe · 2022-01-25T00:59:13+00:00

What do you mean "I know I'm an idiot and definitely went too nice guy"??

JoMamma23 · 2022-01-25T03:12:03+00:00

I suggest you try to get over her ASAP. This is the type of girl that will say she loves you and wants you, but then turn around and not want to date you or just take things slow. But translation, that just means she doesn’t want to date you, but also doesn’t want you to date other girls because that would remove you as an option in her back pocket. Keep your head up, and know there are more fish in the sea, just hopefully not where you work at ;)

PristineAd9800 · 2022-01-25T03:31:14+00:00

Don’t ever shit where you work, eat or live!

Sup3rHD · 2022-01-25T03:53:14+00:00

Bro She is damaged, walk away.

Deal with women that are into You and dont play this silly games

RobMosaku · 2022-01-25T04:24:43+00:00

Your attitude right now is proving your being a simp, thats why she isnt on you right now bro. Dont simp and dont pull that nice guy crap again EVER. Move on and better yourself, stop with the oneitis and you definitely don't want a girl whos bringing up her past trauma etc. If shes that weary of physical contact she hasnt worked through her issues. Not trying to be a dick but shes damaged goods if she is working through trama still.

GodsWorstGoodIdea · 2022-01-25T04:39:33+00:00

Hey man, just wanted to say big respect to you for putting yourself out there and putting yourself and your heart at risk for another person. You weren't a fool, or "too nice guy", you were authentically yourself and that is hard and terrifying to do.

As for handling the hurt, there is no way out but through. You're just gonna have to work through it and take the time to process it and move on. Try focusing on your friendship with her, if you want to maintain one. If you don't, then don't talk to her outside of when y'all are working together.

Remember, this is ultimately her loss, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Head up king, your person is coming, you will find her/him/it one day.

Unless you feel comfortable, try not to immediately throw yourself into another relationship with a woman, even if it starts off purely physical. Your emotions have to go somewhere, and you risk falling into the same problem you're in right now by trying to fuck your hurt away.

Lastly, remember that just as you are on your own journey, she is too. If you want her to respect your journey, then you have to respect hers.

TearsofAnger · 2022-01-25T04:42:52+00:00

What a nutter. I've met a few coworkers like this, jumping from one guy to the next and blaming them for "abusive relationships". That's code for she got caught cheating.

Theory_Agile · 2022-01-25T04:48:05+00:00

Stop communicating with her at all dont talk to her act like she doesn't exist bro, this broad is for the street 100% . There is literally a sea of other girls out there. Im speaking from experience

polsenOO7 · 2022-01-25T04:53:35+00:00

Women are fickle.

No surprise here.

conkrete80 · 2022-01-25T04:55:14+00:00

Honestly, she's being a cunt here. Absolutely disrespectful. Remember, you attention is your currency. If you arent getting anything back in return you stop doling it out. Move on brother. This chick sounds like bad news.

Finzi · 2022-01-25T04:55:48+00:00

Forget her and move on. She;s not worth one more ounce of your time and attention. Get to the gym and start meeting other girls.

BigShuggy · 2022-01-25T04:59:09+00:00

This isn’t why you shouldn’t shit where you eat, this is why you shouldn’t simp… anywhere. Speaking from someone who’s been in a similar situation. Let’s be really clear here. You knew that she wasn’t into you anymore when the flirting stopped and she said she just wants to live her life and you knew that the other stuff she said was very likely said to soften the blow/make her feel less awkward. We choose to deny this because it lets us cling to hope. Hope is easier but truth is better.

If she is getting with some other guy after telling you she wouldn’t be seeing anyone she lied to you. She should be treated like someone who lied to you. Have some respect for yourself. She’s not your friend, she’s not your enemy, she’s someone who isn’t worth your time. Continue to act in this way and grow from mistakes and soon you won’t have to worry about anyone losing interest in the first place.

The tone here is to convey seriousness not anger or mockery. Everything in this comment is what I wish someone had told me it’s all out of love.

AngledLuffa · 2022-01-25T05:07:12+00:00

What would you suggest I do cause I'm in a world of hurt.

That sucks, I'm sorry. The answer is simple: NEXT

Hopefully that just means find the next girl and move on, but if it's a shit job you don't care about, feel free to move on to the next job too if this becomes too much to handle.

You may find yourself constantly spiraling back to "what if..." or "maybe I should have..." or "why..." Don't beat yourself up for thinking that, acknowledge to yourself that you needed to think about it for a moment, and then distract yourself with imagining what you're going to text the next girl you just met yesterday or today or that one you'll meet tomorrow. Or think about the magic deck you're going to build out of the next expansion's spoilers, or think about how you're going to hang out with your friends later, or whatever.

I'm doing a shitty job of explaining what a therapist told me years ago, but simply put, don't let your thoughts control you, and don't let the frustration over not being over her yet control you either.

valteri777 · 2022-01-25T05:13:51+00:00

How old are you guys btw why is she still using snap? Ofc everyone can use snap but i find snap tiring now that I’m growing up

nerdimmmmm · 2022-01-25T05:15:52+00:00

Saying I love you that fast is a sign of many things, overall it just isn’t good. (That’s the vibe I’m getting lol)

1000miles_if_i_could · 2022-01-25T05:24:06+00:00

Don’t beat yourself up. Almost everyone has experienced this. It’s truly an amazing feeling to give your everything when you are in love and not play the upper hand game. You just need to be more careful when to cut the losses in the future.

You couldn’t change her feeling about you but you could change the way of looking at things. Everyone feels like an idiot when they’re falling in love especially when feelings aren’t reciprocated. You’re not alone. But don’t blame yourself for playing it “too nice”. Maybe you being too nice is a good thing here. It speeds up the process of her showing who she really is. Now you know she’s just using you for attention. Also, I don’t know what you mean by “too nice”. I personally think that if she told you she loved you, it’s normal for you to show her exclusivity, if this is what you meant by playing it too nice. The red flag here is she’s said it way too early. She misled you obviously, whether she’s aware of it or not.

“If she really thinks of you as a friend, she would tell you that she doesn’t feel the same way about you and that’s why she’s trying to hook up with others, not the BS she’s not ready.” Perhaps this is what you’re thinking to move on.

But the truth is, you’ve also hooked up with others after she rejected you. Basically hooking up with others doesn’t indicate anything at all in today’s dating scene IMO. That’s why if i were you, I would talk to her for the last time, call her out on her behaviors. How she handles that tells more what really happens IMO. And you could make it a proper closure for your emotional investment (also since she’s a colleague).

Sorry OP! I feel for you.

Joel504 · 2022-01-25T05:24:30+00:00

Nah fam cold shoulder that shit, tell her u don’t want to be friends, and that u ain’t waiting around for no one at their convenience.

programwithhf · 2022-01-25T05:40:25+00:00

Idk man, I think she was using you for validation. Also how old are you again?

MeteoraRed · 2022-01-25T05:52:15+00:00

Looks like Onitis, you got emotionally attached too soon, she got what she wanted ->"your attention" and moved on, move on it's not worth it, she's just causally playing around.

ahr90 · 2022-01-25T06:23:39+00:00

Know your worth buddy, if she isn’t into you, move forward, you can still be nice, but there are plenty more fish in the sea. It’s not about how many trout you catch, it’s the Marlin you want to hang on the wall

Title	Need advice boys
Author	colclaus
Upvotes	96
Comments	111
Date	January 24, 2022 9:38 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/sbx9pf/need_advice_boys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-advice-boys.1268347 https://theredarchive.com/post/1268347

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