Why do guy friends stop talking to you after you reject them?

zapadz · 2022-08-13T21:23:06+00:00

He wants to get over you

Optymistyk · 2022-08-13T20:51:09+00:00

Would you want to be friends with a guy you had feelings for if he rejected you? Hang out with him and his girlfriend; watch them kissing/hugging/etc? listen to his plans of spending the weekend with her? Be invited to their wedding? Watch them have kids? Or would that cause you pain and envy?

Here is your answer

ChutiyaChutney420 · 2022-08-13T20:30:46+00:00

I've done that too, was a teen then so didn't really have the balls to be upfront with my intentions with the girl, and it's very hurting to continue talking to the person after the rejection, so within a week or so I unfollowed blocked and cut off even after she tried to reach out. Now I'm a bit more forward about showing my intentions early on so it's cool for both parties afterwards regardless of what her answer is.

Tasty_Anal_Cum · 2022-08-13T20:05:07+00:00

There may be multiple reasons but lets think about a couple:

Nice one (for you): He has feelings for you and it literally hurts him to talk to/be reminded of you because he knows he can't have you.

Bad one: He was just playing the long game and wanted to fuck you, he did not get what he wanted and sees no point in talking to you any more.

Neutral: He just lost interest in the friendship as some people stray further apart in life sometimes.

Personally I think the first reason is more likely because if he just wanted to fuck you he would have kept instagram for, well you know, possibly self-relief purposes. Or kept the convo going on the off chance you may be DTF.

2022-08-13T22:29:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

beautifultomatillo2 · 2022-08-13T21:15:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

jsb0299 · 2022-08-14T00:08:56+00:00

Why would you stay being friends with someone after they rejected you?

Easy-Dimension-1844 · 2022-08-13T23:20:56+00:00

He was hurt, what do you expect

Yoshitheman · 2022-08-13T23:40:16+00:00

Men don’t benefit having friends who are girls tbh, more of a liability than asset.

IntroMystique · 2022-08-13T23:49:36+00:00

It’s to get over you.

It’s difficult to constantly see a person you have feelings for knowing they’re not reciprocated.

It’s not your fault, but it’s in an effort to help get over the person.

I’ve done it to women in the past but my reaction was like this when I felt as though they’d strung me along a little. So I went completely cold on them.

If it’s someone I actually respect, then I probably won’t take that route and will likely ‘mute’ their posts just to help myself get over that initial hurdle.

2022-08-13T21:24:07+00:00

Well the way I see it. many guys get into a friendship with a girl that they don't really want to be friends with, in hopes that some day she will be into them. So the entire premise of the friendship falls apart. I think it is perfectly fine to have a different desired outcome and when it doesn't work out its also fine to break it apart.

thatredditrando · 2022-08-13T21:49:41+00:00

I’m seeing the same lame stereotypical advice here so I’ll amend it.

Men and women can have successful, platonic friendships.

But

You can’t have a successful, platonic friendship with someone who wants more than that.

It isn’t about the genders/sexes, it’s about attraction and romantic feelings.

If your friend is waiting for the opportunity to fuck you or be with you and you know it’ll never happen, the relationship is doomed.

I know both from experience. Women I enjoyed the company of but wasn’t physically attracted to or we just weren’t compatible in a romantic sense - platonic friendship was easy.

Women where friendship wasn’t strictly platonic and there was feelings and fooling around involved - always got messy. It’s unavoidable. You’re either lying to yourself about being able to accept strictly platonic friendship or they aren’t being totally honest with you and you get your feelings hurt.

Your friend was right to cut you off, OP. Staying in that is confining yourself to a most personal, intimate, and perpetual hell. He simply had enough self respect to choose not to do that to himself. Good for him. I’m still learning that lesson.

macisgreat · 2022-08-14T00:12:11+00:00

How is it not obvious? A guy giving you all his time? Do you really think he just wanted to be friends?

massiveyawn · 2022-08-13T21:40:43+00:00

Umm have you initiated conversation with him once in a while ? Or just noticing he hasn’t touched base and feeling ghosted without reaching out yourself? Perhaps making an equal effort to maintaining a friendship could spark a different result.

I’ve got plenty of plutonic friends, many of whom I may have crushed on, but ultimately wasn’t reciprocated.

Yea it sucks but there’s substance in cultivating shared interests and good times that’s grown over 2 years and it can quite happily turn into a long and healthy friendship.

Glad you were honest in your position OP and upfront about your Feelings, too often people like the attention and end up leading people on

Basileus2 · 2022-08-13T22:21:31+00:00

If you have feelings for someone but know it can never be it’s painful as hell to watch that person be happy with someone else. To expect someone to put off their pain for you to have a friend is selfish.

They’ve realised they can’t get what they need out of the relationship so just let them go. Sadly that is life. Things don’t always align.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2022-08-13T23:48:05+00:00

He should have been more upfront, but it’s ultimately for the best. He doesn’t want to be your friend, he wants to be more. It’s better to distance or end the friendship, than pretend to be your friend when it’s not what he truly wants.

Cheap_Move5553 · 2022-08-14T00:11:23+00:00

You know why...

StrongBlackvine · 2022-08-14T00:13:09+00:00

He never wanted to be your platonic friend. So he shot his shot and walked away.

dryo · 2022-08-14T00:16:14+00:00

Complicated matter here, see, some guys think, "investing" is a good way to find an straight answer without giving anything away or risking anything to a woman, they simply do not understand a single thing about attraction and can misinterpret anything, there's a concept for them, which I think it's not relevant to the subject here, I would advise to let him cool off, prolly won't seem him much again.

Subject-Craft5870 · 2022-08-13T23:26:11+00:00

Because you’re not friends you’re potential dates… and if you reject them, then they are no longer interested. Normal human behavior. You want a friend? talk to chicks. Sounds like the only mistake he made was waiting for 2 years to ask you out, but if I asked you out and you said no, I wouldn’t be interested in being friends anymore either

burncushlikewood · 2022-08-13T23:28:16+00:00

Maybe you rejected him because you weren't attracted to him, maybe it's because you don't want to lose what he brings to you as a friend, he's there when you argue with your boyfriend, maybe you study together and he helps/tutors you with school. Anyway he may be angry because you don't want to have sex with him, that maybe the only reason he wants to interact with you is sexual. I actually welcome friends in my life whether they're male or female, but I'm certainly not a friendzoned Candidate to a lot of women

iluvreddit · 2022-08-13T23:30:16+00:00

Is it that hard to figure out? He never wanted to be your friend from day one. He wanted your body (and perhaps also love/romance) not your friendship. Case closed.

gillmanblacklagooner · 2022-08-13T23:34:03+00:00

Not friends.

nikitodoggy · 2022-08-13T23:45:23+00:00

because we are human, and we are hurt. Not as a selfish kind of hurt as "ego", but we are in pain

Ambitious-Ice2357 · 2022-08-14T00:45:26+00:00

Because guys are not interested in friendships with women they have feelings for.

V-Future · 2022-08-14T00:04:39+00:00

As a man, if I feel attracted to you and you reject me, I don't have any reason to be around you.

I go for what I want to get and if I fail, I am not satisfied with a pathetic consolation prize such a friendship with a woman. That's for losers that lives in the friendzone and I can't relate.

Not sorry, nothing personal, just it is what it is. Not every girl feels attracted to me and that's perfectly fine. But I'm not going to be her friend, that's ridiculous.

AndyThePig · 2022-08-14T00:03:07+00:00

Just because you said no doesn't mean his feelings turn off. They aren't a water faucet.

Give him some time. I'll be honest, it may never come back, but once things get to that level there's no turning back anyway.

rhymingmonk · 2022-08-13T21:48:31+00:00

Dude you made this post from both perspectives.

Blaphrodite · 2022-08-13T23:25:29+00:00

Guy I’ve known 5 yrs made a move. I’ve always been clear as seeing him as a friend.

I jokingly turned him down. His feelings were hurt. He hasn’t spoken to me in a couple of months.

On one hand, I’m hurt because I liked being friends with him and feel he has had this ulterior motive all along.

On the other hand, I’m just pissed.

xprints100 · 2022-08-14T00:28:09+00:00

He was probably only friends with hopes to get with you

Perfect_War5446 · 2022-08-14T00:37:58+00:00

Because what’s it he’s attracted to you and you don’t feel the same way about him what’s the point in him sticking around?

WashImaginary2898 · 2022-08-14T04:22:34+00:00

He'd rather get over you than stay an orbiter ( a guy friend who will pay for things, provide emotional support, all in the hopes that it will get him in your good graces so you could sleep with him).

Expensive-Winter-362 · 2022-08-13T21:53:50+00:00

Women are "friends" with men so they can reap the benefits of masculinity without the physical entanglement. Men are a utility, they provide support, attention, and masculine energy without the woman having to get physical.

Men are friends with women in the hopes to have sex.

These "friendships" are based upon female manipulation. Your friend woke up and moved on.

Sure-Wish3240 · 2022-08-14T00:07:26+00:00

He loved you so much that he endured 2 years before coming out.

Ghosting you was the brave thing to do. I really hope he can really forget you and move on.

I do not blame you for not loving him back. I am a guy and i know guys are clueless about this stuff. They fail to notice when a girl shows interest and keep going after girls that clearly do not want them.

MattPruga · 2022-08-13T20:44:06+00:00

because boys can''t have female friends

S_t_f_u_ahole · 2022-08-13T20:59:34+00:00

Well honestly my current situation is kinda like the guy. The difference is we were in a relationship and we broke up (she wasn’t feeling it anymore) but still wanted to be friends. But the thing is even though I am happy when spending time with her I feel like I’m in denial and this is taking a toll on me. I don’t know what I will do but I feel like yeah I need a break from her to actually move on.

dobbs1997 · 2022-08-13T21:46:37+00:00

Cause he was never really your friend, he just wanted to f*ck you but was always too scared to show his intentions lol

SophiaXDK · 2022-08-14T00:52:34+00:00

Wow that guy is a simp

Basic85 · 2022-08-13T20:37:43+00:00

This really proves that men and women can't really be "friends", and you just proved my point. He's waiting for the right time to pounce.

xKoljax · 2022-08-13T21:03:32+00:00

They were never your friends

ThemasterofZ · 2022-08-13T21:02:49+00:00

You were not on the same page. When you rejected him he got hurt, and decided to cope with it by ghosting you.

This is not your fault, but there is lack of communication on both sides which lead to what happened.

Engkaungsan · 2022-08-13T21:47:45+00:00

I am pretty sure you are giving him mixed signals throughout your friendship. And when he decided to pour his heart out and you rejected him.

Mcfusion31 · 2022-08-13T21:54:05+00:00

Because he thought friendship would be the easier route to get you to be his gf

vinci-v · 2022-08-13T20:46:36+00:00

Just being curious. How are you feeling about this? What do you personally think about the whole situation?

darkprincess98 · 2022-08-13T23:16:55+00:00

Probably because he was never actually your friend.

imivani · 2022-08-13T20:51:18+00:00

LMAOOOOOOOO because male-female platonic friendships are not real. I thought this genuinely was common knowledge at this point.

earthwarrior · 2022-08-13T22:07:53+00:00

He wanted to fuck you the entire time. Or at least a couple weeks after meeting you.

recyclablebanthas · 2022-08-14T01:09:30+00:00

1

I had a guy friend of 2 years who talked to me everyday and hungout with me a lot .He asked me out and I turned him down. He said he was okay with continuing to be friends.

A.) Hold up, let's look at how boys are growing up.

We give each other shit all the time.
Guy friends will frequently tease each other for shit, even shit that happened or was disclosed in private.

So, boys often grow up into men who learn that their guard has to be up at all times, even among friends. There's a reason we have the stereotype that men don't sit around talking about their feelings.

And that's how we end up with men who often aren't familiar at all with how to make and maintain deeper friendships.

This is a really serious issue, serious enough that after Paddy Pemblet gave a speech about how men have trouble opening up about their feelings, we've seen a spike in men seeking help for mental/emotional health issues.

The only time many men truly experience a deeper friendship is in the context of their relationships with women.

B.) Men also often grow up seeing manhood and self-worth being defined among guys as the ability to get girls.

C.) The sad thing is that a lot of dudes end up pretty incapable of effectively navigating social interactions in pursuit of things like sex or relationships.

So we see guys spending months or years befriending a girl, all in the hopes of one day dating her.

And we see guys who treat women as sex objects. Because that's all they have the bandwidth for.

2

He unfollowed me on instagram, only texted me occasionally, then blocked and ghosted me.

Of course. Imagine spending 2 years of your life pining after someone, thinking you're making progress, that the whole thing might end up at mutual love.... Only to have it shot down.

He wasn't owed anything, but surely his reaction makes sense. We've all spent time building up our hopes and getting invested in something, only to have those hopes dashed.

Give him time. Maybe he'll come around. Maybe not.

SalamanderNo3872 · 2022-08-13T21:59:10+00:00

The truth is men and women can't be friends.. he Always wanted to be with you and when he finally got the courage to ask you out you turned him down. He has now moved on.

Mechanik_J · 2022-08-13T21:07:29+00:00

Well he wasn't honest enough to you, or to himself, to say that he wanted a relationship with you from the beginning.

Maybe he thought you were playing hard to get, and that he should chase you. Or that in the future there was a possibility of a relationship.

But you turned him down, so he's now free to go find a relationship with someone.

And as for the friend thing, you only keep a few really close friends the older you get. His friend roster must be full. And he's really just looking for one female best friend for a relationship/marriage.

Dragru · 2022-08-13T22:01:56+00:00

He waited 2 years? Hell nah I make my intentions known from the start

daring_innovator · 2022-08-13T22:06:43+00:00

Game over

Jasonhardon · 2022-08-13T22:16:50+00:00

Maybe he got a new girlfriend that was super jealous of your friendship and told him to de-friend you. Other women can be pretty territorial

CompetitionFair7686 · 2022-08-13T22:43:54+00:00

Because, many erroneously think that in order to get a girlfriend or hookup with someone, they have to become best friends with the girl, and then confess one day how they feel for the girl hoping that if she knows how he feels for her she would say agree to date them.

unfortunately for them, that doesn’t usually happen, as it’s literally the worst way to get what they want.

So now that you obviously rejected him, they realise “oh it was all for nothing”, because they weren’t genuine friends, they just hoped it would lead to a relationship or sex.

And now they will move on to do the exact same mistake of becoming best friends first with another girl, confess later down the road, and repeat the vicious cycle of being constantly friendzoned.

Green-Entertainer485 · 2022-08-13T22:27:00+00:00

Because some guys get angry when they are rejected

_LuisFernandez_ · 2022-08-13T20:51:42+00:00

because he was never really your friend. he was a loser who waited around to smash you. he got tired and shot his shot. men and women rarely if ever can only be friends.

i dont date girls who have guy friends

1Peachman · 2022-08-13T20:23:54+00:00

Sadly a lonely horny man can not see women as friends.

officernogentleman · 2022-08-13T21:09:17+00:00

They want you for different reasons than you want them.

angel-cowboy · 2022-08-13T21:14:40+00:00

Yeah this has happened to me multiple times over the the years. It sucks.. but it does say alot about male / female relationships on both ends. When i was younger my older brother told me that guys dont want just friendship and that they always have other intentions. Of course this would differ with many queer folks.

Legitimate-Public982 · 2022-08-13T22:42:57+00:00

That depends on the friendship that you two have.

As a guy, I have been rejected by a friend in the past. I would have loved to stay friends but I realized it was mostly a one sided friendship where I would be asking her, making plans, etc. She would never initiate. So, I stopped all contact.

In your past meetings with your friend, was he the only one initiating or did you also initiate meetings or plans?

RockosNeoModernLife · 2022-08-13T23:01:24+00:00

Shame.

hookedonfonicsmunky · 2022-08-13T23:08:21+00:00

there's always one side that wants to smaaaaaaaaashhhh, unless you're both icky, but even then there's still a chance, it's science, basic human function, to want to do it, women just have way too many options

Winstonoceaniasmith · 2022-08-13T23:20:01+00:00

He was not okay with continuing to be friends.

He was embarrassed and to see you regularly afterwards would do nothing but remind him of his failure and apparent inadequacy. It was a decision taken with his mental health in mind.

absolutewingedknight · 2022-08-13T23:20:08+00:00

Bro, do you hang out in the lobby of a company that didn't hire you?

Winstonoceaniasmith · 2022-08-13T23:20:38+00:00

He was not okay with continuing to be friends.

He was embarrassed and to see you regularly afterwards would do nothing but remind him of his failure and apparent inadequacy. It was a decision taken with his mental health in mind.

TheMrShmoove · 2022-08-13T23:20:57+00:00

Cause they were only using the “friends” bit as an in to get close to you. They all along just wanna be with you.

naughtyninja411 · 2022-08-13T23:24:28+00:00

Same thing the other ways around smh

JTcruise · 2022-08-14T00:38:46+00:00

You know why..no need to seek the validation. Just live your life without them =]

AnOldSchoolVGNerd · 2022-08-14T00:39:52+00:00

He had enough respect for himself to not pine over you and hope you eventually settled for him, when he already knew you didn't want him that way.

He's out there finding someone else. You can help him by continuing to leave him be.

mththmhtm2 · 2022-08-14T01:00:02+00:00

Title	Why do guy friends stop talking to you after you reject them?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	126
Comments	144
Date	August 13, 2022 8:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/wnn9ha/why_do_guy_friends_stop_talking_to_you_after_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-do-guy-friends-stop-talking-to-you-after-you.1252147 https://theredarchive.com/post/1252147

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