Would like a man's perspective

AimlessIndividual · 2024-02-02T19:19:05+00:00

Leave him. Also if you have proof keep him away from you kids since nothing good comes from growing up around racism.

napsandlunch · 2023-11-30T17:04:49+00:00

I wish you mentioned the saying awful racist things about you to his coworkers in this because this is probably the worst sub to ask about this in. It's a place for comradery for men who are divorced so there may be a bias inherently against you here as the person who wants to not forgive their now ex. This isn't meant to disparage the men here, your struggle is difficult and one of the most stressful events, but just saying this is a sub for men struggling with divorce and why their divorces happened. And they will empathize with the potential pain your husband will go through given that he doesn't want you to divorce him.

I wish you the best with your kids and hope you keep up with educating them on kindness and respect and trust.

believeitalways · 2023-10-17T05:26:13+00:00

Why did you marry him?

Super_Extension_6915 · 2023-10-16T16:08:42+00:00

Any men would end up a racist if they found out their wife gave birth to a biracial girl without any proper explanation, like paternity test. Trust me, everyone would end up a racist in that situation. Even the most anti-racist men would end up becoming a racist once they think their wife possibly cheated on them.

IcyEntertainment8673 · 2023-10-15T22:17:37+00:00

I think you’re using this as the tagline but this isn’t the real reason for divorce. This seems fixable, whereby divorce is a permanent solution to otherwise permanent disasters. What’s the real reason you’re divorcing him? Your kids can grow up with him and formulate their own opinions about people. Just like alcoholic dads don’t necessarily produce alcoholic kids, gay couples don’t make gay kids, etc. Think about your own upbringing, there’s good & bad and you pick/choose what you accept or don’t. If you’re unhappy, just say that. But the grass isn’t greener and you’re uprooting your kids for something therapy can remedy.

Comprehensive-Kick28 · 2023-10-15T16:40:52+00:00

Soooo, he’s not their father? That ain’t his house too?

I_got_BAnaNaS · 2023-10-15T15:27:02+00:00

I read your other post on AITAH that anywhichwaybutpuce posted repeatedly. It is useful information, and proves how easy it is to forum shop for advice on Reddit. And I applaud you for posting on this forum that will NOT be supportive of breaking up a family and blowing up your kids’ futures unnecessarily.

First of all, your PARENTS LIED to you your entire life about your race. THAT WAS RACIST. You say nothing about wanting to cut off your relationship with them. You seem to be blaming your husband for all of this.

Your husband was lashing out against African Americans because he thought you had an affair with a black guy. He was wrong about you having an affair, but you should understand that that was a much more likely explanation than “you didn’t know your own race when you had babies together and one of your twins happened to come out with really different racial features.”

If your husband were VERY racist, he would have divorced you when he found out you weren’t all white. But he didn’t do that. Maybe your husband is a little racist, but he is willing to work on it with you in couple’s counseling. But you aren’t willing to work with him. You’re the asshole here.

You are blaming your husband entirely for this situation but fail to acknowledge that YOU brought the racial confusion into the relationship via your parents’ lie.

No offense, but it sounds like you want to divorce him and are using the racism as an excuse to muster up support. It sounds like both you and your husband need to work on yourselves but he is willing to and you are not.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2023-10-15T12:37:51+00:00

I disagree with the divorce comments. It was OP’s mother’s deceit that fostered this sad situation. If your mother had been truthful from the beginning, all of this could have been avoided.

F_b_s_40944 · 2023-10-15T12:15:37+00:00

I read the history.

You gotta work through this. Your husband reacted inappropriately, and was wrong. But you can fix this. Get into counseling. Don’t do this to your kids. This should be salvageable.

Fresh-Brilliant4550 · 2023-10-15T10:05:42+00:00

I bet she’s ready for cash and prizes and suddenly now she discovered he’s a racist.

Forward-Transition-5 · 2023-10-15T03:42:59+00:00

So you post long form explanations in two other subreddits that are more likely to validate your opinions (copy and paste btw). You then bring this short form version here with no context where you could have posted the original. What exactly is your purpose? Are you trying to make this subreddit look bad for some reason? Are you angry with your husband and feel like taking that out on other men, who most likely have been slighted by women in their past, so you post something to intentionally provoke those kinds of opinions? You claim here that you didn’t know anything about his alleged racism until now but you admitted in your other post to ignoring racial comments previously. You should take this garbage somewhere else if all you’re looking for is some kind of confirmation bias on your personal feelings.

Brilliant-Tomorrow55 · 2023-10-15T00:53:46+00:00

You cheated, you hurt him and you're surprised he's saying hurtful things and because of that you want to divorce him. You're the asshole here.

If I fucked a black man's wife, I'd fully expect him to be mad and fume about white men for a while til he was over what happened to him.

Would it make him racist? No...just hurt and lashing out.

So in summary, you hurt your husband, you don't seem to care and when he lashes out because you hurt him, you want to leave.

Good, leave. He doesn't need your shit in his life. If you can't handle the consequences of YOUR actions, leave, please and don't fight 50/50 so he can see his kids and reverse whatever bullshit you're gonna put in their head.

DuesShingo · 2023-10-15T00:31:12+00:00

Sounds to me like you're full of shit.

Mangrove43 · 2023-10-15T00:10:21+00:00

Did my ex put you up to this? Come on. Where’s the hidden camera?

Mangrove43 · 2023-10-15T00:08:11+00:00

Pretty sure he was a racist before you married him. How did you not know that?

potatotornado44 · 2023-10-14T23:46:05+00:00

You “just discovered”??

Troll post detected

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-10-14T23:42:45+00:00

So fake lol

SJ530 · 2023-10-14T23:29:24+00:00

Saw your post, whatever that happened and needing to do a second paternity test to determine if daughter is his, is beyond the racist issue.

You guys been together for a very long time*. Life is short, go find happiness, give him and yourself a second chance if he is agreeable. No need to use the racist part as a reason. There is no.trust in the marriage at this pont.

To be happy for few hours, get drunk To be happy for few years, get married* To be happy forever, get yourself a garden.

mrk177 · 2023-10-14T22:59:14+00:00

It’s really hard for me to take this post seriously. I just can’t understand how you didn’t pick up on his racism till after you had kids. If you chose to ignore it till now that’s on you.

If he is some master manipulator and hid he was a racist till just now and he will be a determent to your kids you should do what’s best for the children through the courts.

Your husband is at a disadvantage because he is a man but there’s a good chance he will get equal rights to see his kids and if that’s the case I think two parents is better then one.

I think over time shit happens in a relationship that alters your perspective of that person. Once that happens it’s easy to demonize the person. You should really ask yourself if your demonizing this man or if he will truly be a detriment to the kids if in there life.

Taking children from their father could have bigger effects then your taking into consideration.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2023-10-14T22:42:49+00:00

Girl you got to be trolling?!?!?!

I’m female and divorcing because you think he is racist because he made some comments in anger against you? That’s got to be the most lame Excuse ever. What’s really going on.

He thinks you cheated with a black man!

Let me tell you something children aren’t stupid and are exposed to all kinds of ideas. Divorce takes the control away from you, he can and will do what he wants when he has them.

You think you are playing damage control now 😂.

iSurvivedltd · 2023-10-14T22:21:26+00:00

Give us some examples of his racism so we can further advise you

WartimeDad · 2023-10-14T22:19:34+00:00

I bet he’s afraid of you being alone with kids for a million reasons.

You can divorce him for whatever reason you’d like. I don’t get what perspective you’re looking for here? You’re going to blow up the family regardless.

cactuscharlie · 2023-10-14T22:02:03+00:00

What is "racist"? And how did you only "discover" this now after saying "I do"?

Just curious.

Alatornio · 2023-10-14T21:59:17+00:00

Im not keeping him from seeing his kids..... lady you are blowing everyones world up over something you could talk to him about.

Go have a real conversation with him about the behavior instead of destroying your kids' lives.

tragicaddiction · 2023-10-14T21:59:15+00:00

and you didn't realize any of this before you had a kid? or got married?

what makes you so sure he is a racist? or this is just something you decided all of a sudden?

and do you really honestly think having your child grow up without a father is a good thing? that all he will do is put racists thoughts in his head?

DatabaseSpace · 2023-10-14T21:52:06+00:00

It doesn’t matter if you are uncomfortable leaving him alone with the kids because you think he’s racist. There are no laws that would keep kids away from their dad for that dumb f***ing reason.

coffeefrog92 · 2023-10-14T21:13:18+00:00

For whatever reason you've already decided you're through with the man, this is just your post hoc justification.

You won't find validation for busting up a family here.

Sea-Mission-6316 · 2023-10-14T21:04:19+00:00

Virtue signaling. What an excuse for trying to keep kids away from their father.

justme4556 · 2023-10-14T20:56:34+00:00

This is the wrong reddit to approach this. Most here have been accused of just about everything. So its going to most likely fall on deaf ears

Floridian_Lost · 2023-10-16T00:03:34+00:00

Something sounds really off here, this just came out nowhere!? Feel like there must be other reasons to along with this..

Title	Would like a man's perspective
Author	NoTarget4506
Upvotes	0
Comments	87
Date	October 14, 2023 8:44 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/177ymqy/would_like_a_mans_perspective/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/would-like-a-mans-perspective.1235144 https://theredarchive.com/post/1235144

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