Discussion: are men “emotional gold diggers?”

The concept that men use women as emotional outlets, often to the detriment of the relationship, certainly isn’t new, but this is the first time I’ve seen anyone use the term “emotional gold digger” as used in this harpers bazaar article.

What is traditionally meant when we call a woman a gold digger? A woman who pursues relationships with men for the financial benefit, feels entitled to his money without reciprocating, and dumps him when the money runs out or she no longer has access to it. So then then isn’t a man who pursues relationship for the emotional benefit, who feels entitled to her emotional support without reciprocating, and dumps him/withdraws when she stops providing it or he no longer has access to it “emotional gold digging?”

Some excerpts from the article that I’m sure other women here can relate to:

Kylie-Anne Kelly can’t remember the exact moment she became her boyfriend’s one and only, his what would I do without you, but she does remember neglecting her own needs to the point of hospitalization. “I talked him through his aspirations, validated his opinions, and supported his career. I had to be his emotional guru because he was too afraid to admit he had any emotions at all,” recalls the 24-year-old English teacher, who was studying for her PhD at the time. Kelly’s boyfriend refused to talk to other men or a therapist about his feelings, so he’d often get into “funks,” picking pointless fights when something was bothering him. Eventually, Kelly became his default therapist, soothing his anxieties as he fretted over work or family problems. After three years together, when exhaustion and anxiety landed her in the hospital and her boyfriend claimed he was “too busy” to visit, they broke up.

Can you relate?

It’s for this reason that artist Lindsay Johnson jokingly calls herself everyone’s “Beck and Call Girl.” Not only does she take care of her husband and children, she just moved in with her mom to take care of her as well, because she knows her brothers won’t. Both recently divorced, her brothers are already turning to her (but never to each other) to provide the support their wives used to.

Can you relate?

But the older women get, the less willing they seem to be a man’s everything—not only because we become more confident, wise, and, well, tired with age, but because our responsibilities pile up with each passing year.

Now a certain amount of emotional support in a relationship is healthy and expected. The issue becomes when the demands exceed reasonable, when women are made responsible for men’s self esteem and self worth, and when men don’t reciprocate.

Here’s what I’m getting at. Men here are constantly asking why women initiate 75% of divorces. Instead of chalking it up to “cash and prizes,” or longing for Chad, consider that in an era where women earn their own money and some are now out-earning men, pay their own bills, fix their own shit (or hire a handyman), raise their kids on their own and have 8 inches of plastic bliss in the nightstand drawer capable of giving her more orgasms than any man ever could, and the one thing she really needs (emotional support) he’s unprepared if not incapable of giving, what exactly do men think they bring to our lives?

Before you tell me “women want men to be emotional but then dump us when we are.” No. Women want you to be there for us emotionally as much as we’re there for you emotionally. When you don’t do that, some of us will not stick around and be your emotional doormat.

Also since we have a real problem with people here who are incapable of understanding when something is common enough to be a trend but doesn’t apply to every human being, yes there are exceptions. But it’s still a big enough issue that the majority of women can relate to these stories.

Discuss.