Dating women as bisexual/lesbian woman is far easier than dating as a heterosexual guy.

RedditLoves2BanMe · 2022-10-11T23:42:02+00:00

You should go actually browse a few bi/lesbian online spaces and see how lonely a lot of these women are. Most of the US isn’t NYC or San Franscisco. Even leaving out the obvious ie homophobia the dating pools are fucking tiny outside of metropolitan areas.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-10-11T22:17:02+00:00

I would think your options are severely limited as a lesbian compared to a heterosexual guy though. A hetero guy has a larger pool to select from. Getting a positive response is another story, but the options are there.

JMoon33 · 2022-10-11T22:34:10+00:00

Depends where you live. Good luck dating as a lesbian in places where homosexuality is frowned uppon, or worse.

Vegetable-Rub3418 · 2022-10-12T00:03:58+00:00

I think women in general have an easier time getting into relationships compared to men.

A large part of female attractiveness derives from the physical. Nearly all young women are going to be attractive even if they don't do or say anything, or have any money or game.

Men on the other hand need to earn their attractiveness.

registeelyourpizza · 2022-10-11T22:18:49+00:00

I think women are difficult no matter what, and I'm saying this as a woman who's dated both men and women. I think you're right in that women trust other women more than men. Men are statistically more likely to cheat. But also in today's world dating is hard for everyone. For every woman who brags about getting pussy you find another that has had it hard and has run into problems, same as men. I think overall though it's not "far" easier to be a woman attracted to women, but perhaps there is a slight advantage.

Bikerbats · 2022-10-11T23:38:14+00:00

C'mon man, this isn't even reasonable. Lesbian and bisexual women are still such a small minority that alone makes it exceedingly difficult outside of few major cities with large LGBT communities.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-10-12T02:51:25+00:00

Every single bisexual girl i've ever heard talk about this says that not only is dating women more difficult, it made them more sympathetic to guys.

Case in point: the 3rd most upvoted thread of all time on this subreddit.

Cross55 · 2022-10-12T02:58:12+00:00

That's cause women tend to view each other as actual human beings with individual quirks and flaws that can be worked on or accepted, while women tend to view men as automatons who are objectified for high status, and whose job it is to provide and be perfect for them and have no maintenance or faults whatsoever.

This behavior even appears in bi women. With other women most are all lovey dovey, women are perfect angels, etc... but once they get with men, that whole attitude towards their partner drops and the men are expected be tough stoic providers who exist solely to take care of their wants and needs, and if they can't then they're out on the street because their now ex-GF will just get with a woman instead. They even start up difficult behavior that's common in straight relationships like mindreading and hinting, something that most don't do with women, they're clear, concise, and open with other women most of the time (Yeah, basically, most of the conflict spurring behavior is saved for men to deal with, how sweet!). This belief is so common amongst the bi community that they even have a saying: "Being bi means loving women and being cursed to put up with men."

Basically, women in general just don't like men as partners/mates, they don't. Women are who they choose and want to be with, men are who they have to put up with. (And we can see this in stats, ~25% of Gen Z identifies as LGBT, with girls/women being the 20%, and boys/men being the 5%)

pandenubes · 2022-10-12T03:34:34+00:00

Color me surprised OP. Now if you'll excuse me I'll go play my favorite videogame on VERY EASY MODE. Goodnight Reddit.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-11T22:37:17+00:00

It's clear that you're not a lesbian or bisexual women. The homophobia and tiny dating pool alone make it more difficult than a straight man will ever experience.

ThorLives · 2022-10-12T20:13:05+00:00

Funny, there's a post on r/tinder right now about a lesbian woman's experience on tinder.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Tinder/comments/y22ft4/my_stats_as_a_lesbian_using_tinder/?sort=confidence

Basically, this woman stopped right on about 7% of women. About 3.5% of those women swiped right on her (not sure if maybe some of those accounts were just inactive).

When she got a match, 60% of those matches turned into conversations. 20% of those conversations resulted in a date. She went on two dates, and both of those dates resulted in relationships. One of them resulted in marriage.

While she was getting a much lower like-to-match rate was MUCH lower than heterosexual women get, the fact that both dates resulted in relationships is crazy high. It's almost like "if you can get a lesbian on a date, then you can get into a relationship with her". That's an insanely high date-to-relationship rate. (Although the sample size is very small.)

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_demidevil_ · 2022-10-12T08:05:11+00:00

Lesbians don’t have it easier. Because men are usually expected to make the first move, often lesbians will spend ages where they’re in a zone where they don’t know if they are friends or if they should make a move. Does she just see me as a friend or more? Will it ruin the friendship if I make a move? On top of that there’s the whole issue of out circles being small so it becomes incestuous. You fancy a woman but she’s your ex’s ex. Your best friend hooks up with your ex. Everyone has fucked everyone else or wanted to and was rejected or treated someone else in the friend group badly. You go out and bump in to your ex, or a ONS from a while ago. Our dating pool is also severely limited. When we are dating and open about it in public we get a lot of sexual harassment from men who watch too much lesbian porn and want a live action show. I found it much easier to get dates back when I was dating men. I will say my experience of lesbian nightlife is that it’s pretty easy to hook up if you want to. In spaces that are restricted to queer women and non binary folk there seems to be quite a lot of public sexual activity. Like for example my friend hooked up with another woman in the toilet of the bar before the DJ had even started the other night. On the dance floor there’s a lot of passion and the security and staff don’t interrupt, I’ve had my beasts fully out and getting busy leaning up against the bar with a woman before and the staff just ducked under us to get past. I’ve never seen anyone be told to cool it down or anything. I don’t remember seeing this type of thing in straight clubs but I actually haven’t been to many so maybe I’m wrong?

revente · 2022-10-12T08:16:07+00:00

Who cares? Why are you comparing yourself to lesbians?

urukshai3 · 2022-10-12T13:44:32+00:00

I'm scrolling through YouTube shorts and this lesbian comedian was making jokes about how she found out that men in general are not making absolutely no efforts with women in dating. Because when she quote on quote "does the bare minimum" women are all over her and they eat it up. And if you look at the comments you'll see the comments mostly agreeing. And the first time I watched it I believed it too.

If men make too much effort they are being pushy and borderline harassing.

If the men do not try too hard it is bad too.

I do not get it. Are they talking about different groups of men?

RottingVillain666 · 2022-10-12T15:02:49+00:00

There aren't many gays around, so usually when you stumble on someone who can get you the beat it's easy to fall over them. It's alot harder to get out of a relationship

pan3639 · 2022-10-12T15:07:31+00:00

Everything is easier for women.

EugeneCezanne · 2022-10-12T16:10:36+00:00

I think this is way too general a conclusion. There are a number of other factors to consider. Keep in mind that this are my anecdotal observations as a 36M is a mostly queer-friendly community.

1) The beauty standard: lesbians don't necessarily value the same rigid beauty standard that straight men do. In the past, this had led to homophobic stereotypes like that all lesbian couples are "butch and femme" or that lesbians, in general, are "ugly." I would just say that what women find attractive about each other physically seems to be broader than what straight men are used to. Obviously, broader tastes considerably improve your chances of finding something you like.

2) Any gap that exists in the relative ease of dating disappears at higher levels of conventional attractiveness. A handsome straight man has it no harder than a pretty gay woman—he probably has it much easier in fact, simply because there are so many more straight women around, and because other men pose less competition.

3) There are no lesbian bars anymore. Unless you live in one of like 3 huge cities, lesbian bars have almost completely disappeared from US culture. I've had lesbian friends literally text me in the middle of a weekend night asking where they should go to meet women. That's not a good sign...

4) Even if they have an easier time getting dates, that doesn't equal an easier time getting dating success. This is a big topic on its own, but it's worth considering that most lesbians were raised straight. They had to consciously decide to live a lesbian lifestyle at some point in their teen or adult years, and they likely didn't have any models of successful lesbian relationships growing up to learn from.

5) Women can find women intimidating. This is just a phenomenon I've noticed among my bi and lesbian female friends, but you also see this all the time on queer-friendly social media. Women hold other women in such high esteem that actually flirting or going out with them is kind of scary in way that they never experienced with men, to whom they have been socialized to become accustomed.

Female_urinary_maze · 2022-10-12T07:43:03+00:00

Well you're onto something, but the differences between straight dating and queer dating are so much bigger than you've seen.

We're not just on different playing fields here. We're not even playing the same game.

Heterosexual dating comes with an implicit social script. Both parties are assigned roles to perform.

Queer dating is completely off script by default.

There is no "chase." There is no oppositional dynamic between a gatekeeping person and a pursuing person.

There are just two (or more) people essentially starting from scratch and deciding what kind of relationship they want to have with eachother.

It's a wonderful and terrifying level of freedom.

Vegetable-Rub3418 · 2022-10-12T02:01:37+00:00

Women put their guards up for men and lower them for women

Zealousloquitur · 2022-10-12T23:49:50+00:00

I don't think your theory "women have it easier" is objective.

In my experience women are more social and have better social skills which makes connecting with another person easier because they're more likely to pay attention to what the other party is interested in and that makes any interaction more engaging.

They're more appealing because they put in more effort to understand the human being they're interacting with.

Men's approach to dating is often like they're playing a video game and expect the right combo to trigger a specific reward. They're focused on what to do to get something rather than making a connection with one specific individual.

Women have very varied tastes and interest and no one combination of actions is going to give the same result for every individual. Some women love flowers, some prefer pots, some prefer cut flowers and some hate flowers entirely.

It's not that getting someone flowers is the one action you always have to do and it will trigger an automatic reward.

You have to make the effort to know someone on a basic human level as an individual with specific tastes and interests and then personalize your interactions accordingly.

It's just human connection. So many people don't understand it that it doesn't even appear as a factor in your theories.

Being hit on by a woman is usually an incredibly pleasant and positive experience regardless of the outcome of the interaction.

Being hit on by a man... Maybe 20% make a positive impression if I'm being generous not counting those who make a positive impression but can't handle a gentle rejection, flip out and insult or threaten you and make you uncomfortable or feel unsafe.

After reading your post I'd suggest reading up on misogyny and addressing it in therapy because the outlook and perspective you present is more likely what's making dating as a heterosexual man more difficult.

purplenelly · 2022-10-13T18:14:29+00:00

Bullshit, I've never received flowers, been flirted with, and received compliments. Men don't do that. They don't know how to be nice.

Choice_Ad_6230 · 2022-10-12T17:18:19+00:00

cloroxfornialove · 2022-10-13T21:14:26+00:00

Another day, another time the women-are-wonderful effect rears its head.

kalos990 · 2022-10-14T23:27:09+00:00

Being social gets you laid, nothing really mindblowing here.

Title	Dating women as bisexual/lesbian woman is far easier than dating as a heterosexual guy.
Author	Vegetable-Rub3418
Upvotes	70
Comments	148
Date	October 11, 2022 10:10 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/y1m08i/dating_women_as_bisexuallesbian_woman_is_far/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dating-women-as-bisexuallesbian-woman-is-far.1134157 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134157

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