Would you give your phone number to a guy before meeting for the first time?

Healingirl · 2021-10-17T13:50:32+00:00

Well I don't give my number either befofe meeting. Hasn't bothered anyone so far. Already a red flag the guy reacted this way..! Good riddance

lolmemberberries · 2021-10-17T15:02:54+00:00

No, I wouldn't give out my number or socials. If he unmatched, the trash took itself out.

dancedancedance7 · 2021-10-17T16:07:39+00:00

For me it's a vetting method. I always say I don't want to switch numbers till after meeting. If a guy gets weird about this I know he has boundary issues.

PicoPicoMio · 2021-10-17T14:20:24+00:00

Anyone who gives you shit for looking out for your safety is low value and predatory. Good riddance.

miwamus · 2021-10-17T16:27:57+00:00

Given the way he reacted, he's a predator.

Partypuppers · 2021-10-17T14:08:59+00:00

I don't give out my number until I've met someone. Sometimes I will insist we chat on the app until I've gotten to know them, even if I have met them, and won't give them my number.

Its a test for me, if they're understanding then that's good. If they get huffy at the smallest boundary then I unmatch.

Say no to a man and see what his response is. Its always good to test this early on, and more than once.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-10-17T18:41:41+00:00

The second someone gets aggressive about my personal information is the second I see red flags. A normal, HVM might be bummed that you don’t trust him, but he’ll understand why and respect your comfort zone.

gingerandlime · 2021-10-17T14:39:21+00:00

It’s DEFINITELY not a must, and anyone who acts any kind of way about you not sharing your number is showing their cards.

I go with my instincts, if someone’s communication is consistent and respectful on the app, I may offer my number “in case of anything last minute” around the date. Sometimes they’ll offer their number to chat off the app, sometimes I’m comfortable doing that, sometimes not. If you don’t feel safe trusting your instincts, err on the side of caution and stay on the app as long as you like.

NotYourCirce · 2021-10-17T16:27:13+00:00

I don’t give my number until I’m comfortable and confident that the guy isn’t a creep if we haven’t met. Sounds like you set a boundary with this man and he failed.

thewetdog_ · 2021-10-17T13:40:43+00:00

Get an app with a burner number for online dating so you can swap and get their real number and use it for a background check.

bleda_princezna · 2021-10-17T14:53:17+00:00

When I was on OLD, I'd get shit for not giving out my number or social media regularly. I've had bad experiences where it would go bad quickly and people would turn nasty if it didn't work out, so I just don't give out my info unless I meet them anymore.

If it's a problem, he failed my vetting and that's that. If he can't respect my privacy this early on, what boundaries is he going to push next?

I also like the comment about background checks and giving out a burner number. But if the person seemed HV and I wanted to keep seeing them, I'd feel weird about giving them my actual number after some time.

randomgirl34861 · 2021-10-17T16:59:28+00:00

I am very, very hesitant to give out my number. When you google my number my entire home address, my work address and a bunch of info comes up. I have called the sites and there’s nothing I can do about it because there’s some law in my state that because I was working with children and licensed to treat I wasn’t allowed to keep my address private. Makes absolutely no sense and makes me very uncomfortable. This is part of why I don’t practice anymore- it infuriates me that a therapist can’t keep their home address private. I can’t think of any circumstance where a client would need to know where their therapist lives 🤪 I have a unique name (my email is my first and last name, no periods numbers or anything needed!) so it’s undoubtedly me that comes up.

I met my boyfriend on the app and gave him my number on our first date. Once I was on the date, I could tell he was who he said he was. Even if I ended up not liking him, I had a strong gut feeling that he would just move on. He wasn’t the kind of guy who had trouble getting dates and he didn’t have any creepy energy. He didn’t have any sort of issue and was happy to chat in the app.

Educational_Pool_635 · 2021-10-17T15:45:53+00:00

You should not do anything you don't want to or even feel a slight aversion to. Their expectations or wants don't mean jackshit.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-10-17T17:35:38+00:00

No. I don't give my number until after first, sometimes even second date. I couldn't care less if they get offended, my safety is my priority.

swaylyn · 2021-10-17T22:35:40+00:00

You don’t have to pacify ANYONE OP.

You did the right thing. You feel safer and more at ease not exchanging numbers until after a date of meeting them. (Not everyone will have that standard, but it IS YOURS TO HAVE. There’s not a damn thing wrong with it)

That was a man who didn’t like to hear no, had no respect for you-your boundary-OR YOUR SAFTY. He had no compassion for you. Glad he unmatched saved you a step!

Anyway, you did nothing wrong, keep doing what feels right for you.

I read this on Reddit somewhere (post was about something bad happening to a student at school and the mother was asking what she should do bc the school was giving her some “legal advice” on how to proceed) the comment said: never take advice from them, bc their first priority is protecting themselves and their interest, the school was NOT on the mother’s side because she could easily hold them liable for the situation, and she should get a lawyer and take THEIR advice.

Don’t listen to men, they have their own interests in mind, not yours.

SoSurrealItsUnreal · 2021-10-17T19:18:32+00:00

Any man who accuses you of trust issues for protecting yourself is not a trustworthy man. That's why we have vetting strategies, so the trash takes itself out.

Platipus6 · 2021-10-17T22:24:00+00:00

Even the OLD safety tips say not to go off the platform too soon. You want to be able to report him before he unmatches (not that they do anything about it).

Also they want to send dick pics. And have way too much access to you. Having your number is an extra step they haven't earned, a way to make themselves feel special.

If you feel the need to pacify a man, you already feel fear!

staywiththecrown · 2021-10-17T22:24:55+00:00

No, don't give out your number. The scrotes and predators want you off the apps so you can't report them (not like reporting does anything, but that's another story).

They'll say stuff like "It's hard for me to see messages on here", " I don't want to miss your messages", or " It'll be faster if we text", but don't fall for it. Keep chatting on the app until YOU feel ready. It's easier to block and delete through the app if things go south.

And if you choose to give out your number, give a secondary one through a burner or an app.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-10-17T15:27:55+00:00

Nope.

waddamelone · 2021-10-17T17:43:21+00:00

For me, it really depends. Some never ask so IF I went on a date wit them we just discussed things on the OLD app. I would give them my number after the date if I liked them. Others got my number before the date. It just depends on the vibes that someone gives me.

Meepnit · 2021-10-17T23:54:08+00:00

I would never give my number to a stranger, the least he can do is spam me with calls and dm's.

The worst? He could actually try and track me down with my number..... and stalk you.

Once a man found my phone number and address only with my work Email.

(I reported him to the police and never heard from him since)

Imagine what he can do with the number itself??!

NEVER GIVE YOUR NUMBER TO A STRANGER!

doll-life · 2021-10-18T12:30:34+00:00

You should have reported and blocked him when he tried gaslighting you with the trust issue stuff. Women need to be more ruthless with men. We are the prize and men should get no say whatsoever in initial courting stage.

GigaKarenEnergy · 2021-10-18T05:20:03+00:00

It’s a red flag if they are expect out to give out sensitive information when you don’t even know them.

Use a google number, never give out your real number

Noemie_Mathilde · 2021-10-18T05:53:10+00:00

You dodged a potential stalker, congratulations 💗

ilovewinniethepooh · 2021-10-18T08:21:32+00:00

Entitlement, pure and simple.

MajesticSkyPachyderm · 2021-10-18T10:30:22+00:00

Its a great vetting method. It's perfectly normal not to give your telephone number to what is essentially still a stranger. He felt entitled to your number because he doesn't have to live with the same concerns and fears as we do.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-10-18T12:24:43+00:00

Nope, always wait to get in person.

And never give men things to pacify them (unless you fear for your safety and are trying to get away obv).

ferociouslycurious · 2021-10-17T23:14:58+00:00

It used to be yes. Now, no. I would figure out one of those internet services which can mask your number and give them a different number to use though

ceramicunicorn · 2021-10-17T23:57:28+00:00

It depends. Unless it’s really clicking, I liked to video or audio call before meeting a stranger. If the app doesn’t have that feature (like OKC), I gave out my burner number. Never the real one. Never had a problem transitioning to the real number. If we made it that far, he understood. This is all past tense, fwiw, since I’m pretty much off apps.

Title	Would you give your phone number to a guy before meeting for the first time?
Author	cyberrainbows
Upvotes	80
Comments	36
Date	October 17, 2021 12:33 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/q9o52x/would_you_give_your_phone_number_to_a_guy_before/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/would-you-give-your-phone-number-to-a-guy-before.1079097 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079097

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