So I’m probably screwed

thefudmaster · 2022-01-19T15:02:33+00:00

Hire a lawyer and file immediately. That will establish jurisdiction in your residential area and she can be forced to return the child.

Basic_Advance7627 · 2022-01-19T15:19:48+00:00

Wow. Mine to the T. Only thing is she only moved across town right in an apartment next to AP. She has the kids and they are more comfortable with their mom and really like AP. He’s a cool dude who gets child support and I’m a bore who has to work to provide chid support. I’ve moved on but my goodness it’s hard. She still won’t work and soon will run through all the assets I gave her. I guess she’ll try to live on 800 a month. She’s a monster, but she’s smart and has really screwed my head up.

Classic_Dill · 2022-01-19T14:52:40+00:00

She actually has no legal right to take your child out of the state and away from you. That Has to be agreed-upon by both parties I believe.

anonmdivy · 2022-01-19T14:49:10+00:00

Talk to a lawyer.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-01-19T14:53:19+00:00

Your lawyer can file to prevent her from moving out of state. You need to see a lawyer Now.

dadavedavid · 2022-01-19T14:54:50+00:00

Lawyer up buddy. Best of luck. It’s going to suck no matter what. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

DeeplyDisturbed1 · 2022-01-19T17:23:55+00:00

First of all, I am very very sorry to hear this. No one deserves what happened to you, and I honestly wish there were something I could do to ease that suffering. You are not alone and there are EASILY tens of millions of men who have experienced very similar things.

I have spent the last 15-20 years on the internet reading COUNTLESS stories like yours. This is in part because I too experienced problems in my marriage that led to divorce (no cheating though, as far as I am aware).

And the results of my comments are about 50/50 - half of the people who read what I have to say reject it, and others accept. More importantly, many subs are full of users, mods, admins, and even bots that will downvote pro-male comments. So keep that in mind as you read the comments. You will very likely see some "deleted" posts if they get too close to the truth. This is just how it is these days.

With that all said, to answer your question directly, there is only ONE set of related things you need to do at the moment: Breathe deeply, calm yourself inside, prepare for the ugliness that is to come.

Based on what you have said, here are some thoughts:

You are going to get a divorce. Start speaking with an attorney immediately. Also know that your experience as a man with divorce lawyers is going to suck. it will add to the damage, but it is necessary in order to grow.
Show up to court every time, on time. Do not trust your lawyer if he says "don't worry" about something. You should worry about all of it. Every detail matters.
In fact, it is best if you can navigate this process without an attorney. I was able to swallow my pride and negotiate with my ex and it worked out better for both of us to do the whole online divorce for $1,400 at the time.
You will not lose your kids if you fight for them. So don't stress this - show up and fight.
Your ex WILL get your money. She will live off you for the foreseeable future and it is going to be beyond your control. Family court may even garnish your wages right off the bat for no reason whatsoever. They will call this "child support" but it will be MUCH more than your children need to survive. Accept this and do not let it make you too angry or bitter.
Find a group of men who have been through this sort of thing. You don't have to BE MGTOW or RedPill or any of that, but SOME of the content you will see in those places is worth its weight in gold. /r/marriagestrike, /r/mariageisntworthit, TRP (dot) RED and /r/whereareallthegoodmen are all worth looking into. Women HATE that these subs exist, so let that sink in too.
Document everything. Every threat, every curse word, every slap or thrown object. Just keep a diary if you cannot record it. Dates, times, etc. Also any substance abuse or mistreatment of the kids.
ALMOST all women cheat sooner or later, in one form or another. The only problem is when this sets men off in a bad way. men and women view many things differently and this is one of the big ones. Some men divorce, some deny, some leave, and some try to "fix" things. Either way, you are FAR from alone in this. Once you get to reading, you will find that tens of millions of men have experienced this exact scenario. You were lied to as a kid and it is time to grow up and accept reality. It sucks but it is necessary.

I will stop there. This is a lot to take in.

My final warning to you is this: Do NOT trust anyone who tells you that you should avoid certain content - this person is not your friend, and you should never trust that person again. They will hurt you in the long run.

The reason you are in this position is because you have not yet been exposed to certain ugly truths (see #8 above). It is now up to you to decide if you should either A) Keep doing this sort of thing over and over, suffering, dying inside, etc.; or B) Do some casual reading of the "forbidden" knowledge and learn and grow in a positive way.

Your call. Good luck.

ABBucsfan · 2022-01-19T14:52:46+00:00

Yeah contact a lawyer, but she can't just take the kid and move across the country unless you actually let her. Prepare for a ton of drama and legal costs, but you have to hold firm to not let it happen. She's holding the mid hostage is what she's doing. I haven't had that exact scenario, but I know what gate keeping and holding them hostage looks like. Can't just mediate with these type. took some time and money to realize that. They just aren't reasonable

mehmench · 2022-01-19T16:15:54+00:00

You are not her slave, do not agree to her terms. Talk to an attorney and file for divorce. How long have you been married, where are you located? Laws vary depending on location.

Knave7575 · 2022-01-19T16:22:04+00:00

Say you will take her back if she gets a job.

Stall the divorce until then. Meanwhile cut back on your work hours and start putting aside some cash.

Get more involved with the kids.

Then, when you are ready, you divorce. Not in advance.

PrettyCoolBear · 2022-01-19T17:35:11+00:00

she says if I divorce her she will take our kid and move across the
country to be with her family. Oh, and she still refuses to get a job. I
want out but losing my kid would break me.

My ex said some similar stuff until her first meeting with her own attorney. I actually left a situation very similar to yours (SAHM who slept until the afternoon every day and never did any chores.) The fact that she's been out of work can be a financial burden for you, but you'll still probably find yourself happier in the long run, and so long as your wife and her lawyer don't try to fabricate anything to harm your character, you're in no danger of losing access to your child.

Darkfire66 · 2022-01-20T00:37:08+00:00

Hey man I know this is a really tough time for you and that you're getting shit on by life pretty hard. I created a channel in WhatsApp for guys to be able to bullshit and talk about their shit with other men and not be judged. It's pretty uncensored the only rule is not to be an asshole to other members or cause drama.

I've been through filing two parenting plans over the last 11 years unfortunately and I'm a pretty decent resource and willing to chat anytime. I had a lot of things taken from me and ended up feeling pretty helpless and at the point where I didn't seem like I was going to have a future.

I'm doing super well and I'm reasonably happy not even a year later and I'm on the way up still. I'm still here to try and reach out to people and let them know that they aren't alone and that you can make it through this. This is an opportunity for growth and self-discovery transformation whatever you want to look at it like and there's going to be pain but you'll come out the other side better if you choose to.

Hit me up anytime man.

Long_time_lurkerz · 2022-01-20T02:18:35+00:00

My wife thought she could just take off and move with my kid too; and she did. Know what I did? I filed for an emergency custody order and the judge ordered my kid back and she was ultimately forced to move all her shit back too because she didn't want to be without her kid either but fuck the dad right? Father's have rights too, don't let a woman fill you with empty threats. Poke that chest out, hold your head high and let that cheating bitch know it's 2022 and you will fight for your kid. More and more fathers are winning 50/50 custody these days. Document and record everything! You never truly know a woman until you meet her in court. If she's throwing threats like this your way early, she will get vindictive quick. Protect yourself my friend, shit gets ugly in divorce.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2022-01-19T15:45:08+00:00

Read checklist: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=13374 What is your state? Age and gender of children? Consider telling her that you may consider reconciliation, but she need to find a job first.

Throwaway4120213 · 2022-01-19T16:10:19+00:00

More details needed. How old is she? How long have you been married? How long has she been out of a job? What qualifications does she have? How old is your kid? What State are you in?

You are probably screwed but the degree can vary depending on the above. My situation was awful - married young, 15yr+ marriage, wife was SAH for 10+yrs, had young kids, sole provider and high earner. What saved me was ex was highly qualified and I turned down many higher paying jobs and promotions (at ex’s request ironically) so my salary was prob 50% of what it could have been. Divorce was pricey but I got out better than expected and have rebuilt a lot of what I loss. Only regret is not filing earlier and letting fear keep me in this longer.

My only point is being paralyzed by fear is pointless. It may seem helpless but it’s not. File, understand what you are looking at financially, and then have a plan to tackle it and move on with your life. Only way out is forward.

Separately - do not take that threat lightly. I found texts of my ex contemplating a move to her home town. I filed soon after and started documenting all my time with the kids. First thing every lawyer and mediator told her was drop the relocation attempt unless she was prepared to spend hundreds of thousands going to Court on a small chance of success. Filing probably saved me a ton of money by making this an non-issue for the lawyers and protected my access to my kids.

Ridethelightning1987 · 2022-01-19T16:20:05+00:00

I’d advise to lawyer up quick. Also check and see bout the laws on recording someone. If you can get her to say it if not try to get it in text somehow.

trashy615 · 2022-01-19T23:08:30+00:00

Calm, cool, calculated, collected.

Those are the 4Cs you need to live by right now. Godspeed.

JohnnyMnemo · 2022-01-20T01:17:01+00:00

The women always assume that "they'll get the kids" and only allow you to see them at their discretion.

If you fight, and they don't invent bullshit like abuse, you are likely to get 50/50.

Depending on the state, you are likely to be fucked by alimony however.

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-01-20T12:03:57+00:00

For the sake of learning from our experiences, what role do you think having the Tradcon mindset contributed to this?

imikeh · 2022-01-19T17:08:08+00:00

yes your screwed but the longer you wait the more she gets. She cant take the kid out of state. She can take almost all of what you have and will get damn near all by her choice of not working on you allowing it. Been in your shoes. Courts dont give a f about cheating. Drunk driving with kids all the courts want is to see the most money changing hands and to get a chance to manage that money at a charge and the a hole lawyers just want a part of the action most are all buddies and conspire with each other to get most out of client while doing the least amount of work. US divorce system is machine to take money from men.

bacon-wrapped-steak · 2022-01-19T21:39:18+00:00

File an emergency injunction right away with an attorney, to prevent her from absconding with the children. Play along with her, and DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE disclose that you are planning to file anything or contact an attorney.

Your best bet is to talk to her as if you are planning to go to couples counseling and "work on things with her", for now, while you're working on getting the legal stuff filed. You want to catch her off guard. That's what my ex did to me, so take it from someone who's been on the opposite side.

RedPillLense · 2022-01-20T01:07:19+00:00

Get a lawyer, immediately!

keriwyn · 2022-01-19T15:17:53+00:00

You need to file right away. In that limbo time between when you say it's over and when you actually file she could very well take your kid to another state and there isn't much you would be able to do about it. Take her threat seriously and file ASAP.

This exact scenario is why my husband and I don't get to see my stepdaughter very often. He hesitated in filing and his ex moved away with their kid. There was nothing he could do about it.

awesomeroy · 2022-01-19T16:35:54+00:00

be calm when making decisions, take your time, get a lawyer. it took a lot for me to get 50/50 custody. the system is not set up for men.

pegleg_legal · 2022-01-20T02:07:10+00:00

Fake it, make nice, lull her back into comfort, get your shit secured, planned and prepared - then file.

Cumhurinho · 2022-01-20T12:41:33+00:00

Follow your instinct, but always think about the consequences as a wise man.

Look, If you can prevent things before They get worse.

You have to think about yourself because you can't stand her and she has already have made a mistake.

I know it's harsh because you want to see your kid, but this is a choice you have to make on your own.

Maybe It's an idea to go to a quiet place without a phone and let your heart speak, make a decision and implement.

I hope this helps a little bit.

Good luck, and feel free to ask more.

oldskoolflavor · 2022-01-19T16:49:48+00:00

You become strong because war is coming or you turn into a little bitch and let her become better at hiding shit from you.

a-little-spice · 2022-01-20T11:07:41+00:00

It doesn’t work like that she just can’t take your child and leave. Go talk to a lawyer the laws have changed over the years and men don’t get screwed near as bad as we used to.

Title	So I’m probably screwed
Author	funk205
Upvotes	51
Comments	88
Date	January 19, 2022 2:44 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/s7rnbh/so_im_probably_screwed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/so-im-probably-screwed.1096720 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096720

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