How do you handle your partner finding other women more attractive than you?

CigarettesandAsh · 2022-01-23T15:17:32+00:00

I remember your last post and I think it might be helpful for you to have a social media cleanse. Listening to Red Pill Youtubers and focusing on the lives of celebrities isn't really conductive to anyone's mental health. It creates this artificial bubble which doesn't reflect reality and just drives down your self-esteem. Rather than worrying about things like this, it would be good for you to worry about your self-esteem. When we believe that we are valuable, we are more likely to attract people who value us as well.

soror__mystica · 2022-01-23T16:05:39+00:00

If you do enough mental gymnastics or if you've had enough experience, you'll eventually come to the conclusion that insecurity is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It influences the way you feel, think, and behave, and therefore your relationships, and the cycle goes on and on. Personally, I've realized that it's better to have a pro-active mindset rather than a resigned or defeated attitude towards the idea that there will be more "attractive" women than you. Heck, there WILL always be someone more attractive than both of you - also more talented, more intelligent, more humorous, etc. Nothing beats self-possession imo. Physical attractiveness is just one variable when accounting for overall attractiveness. Attractiveness isn't just a set of defined traits and characteristics mashed together; attractiveness is more than just the sum of its "parts" - it also works on the subliminal level (hence why some relatively physically unattractive people are nonetheless said to have an "attractive aura"). It helps to look up to self-possessed and self-assured women with a "can do" attitude as opposed to a self-defeating one. Try to imagine as well your partner worrying incessantly about whether he is good enough... at some point, you'd want him to just accept himself and build himself up with a "can do" attitude as nothing beats the appeal of self-assurance and self-possession (simply notice how people are drawn to confident people - which just comes to show why that in itself is worth cultivating).

SecretFeminine · 2022-01-23T14:18:50+00:00

I do not believe my husband is more attracted to someone else. Certainly there are better looking women but no one knows him like I know him and no one knows what he likes like I do. Attraction is not all eyeballs, although it is important to maintain yourself.

Odd_Investigator3137 · 2022-01-23T14:21:08+00:00

Comparison is the enemy of happiness.

arrouk · 2022-01-23T16:55:55+00:00

I'm a man who has been married and faithful for 23 years.

I know women more physically attractive than my wife, I'm 99% sure she's aware of their looks.

There is a lot more to a relationship after the first few months than looks.

How do you think your partner feels k owing your more attracted to brad pit or somewhere actor?

KombuchaEnema · 2022-01-23T15:16:17+00:00

If my husband finds other women more attractive, he certainly hasn’t allowed me to figure it out.

I’ve never seen him stare at another woman. I’ve never seen him get googly eyes over a hot celebrity on the TV. I’ve never heard him say another woman is hot. He doesn’t really watch porn and he says he doesn’t like to masturbate because it’s a “waste” since he “prefers fucking.”

I’m not sure how true that is. Maybe he’s lying to make me feel better. Maybe he’s really good at checking other women out without getting caught. But either way, he makes me feel like the sexiest woman alive.

I would say imagine a man making you feel beautiful and hot and gorgeous. Then imagine that, internally, he is still more attracted to other women. Would it still bother you knowing that even if he made the conscious effort to make you feel amazing?

To me it’s behavior that matters. If he finds other women hotter but still chooses to prioritize your feelings, then he’s truly in love with you.

AriesAsF · 2022-01-23T14:13:13+00:00

You grow up and realize you have a lot more to offer than your looks and make sure you find a man who understands that

_johnfketamine · 2022-01-23T15:30:50+00:00

You’ll make yourself crazy by comparing yourself to others all the time.

BumbleBitny · 2022-01-23T15:57:52+00:00

Work on your own self esteem. An actress's job is literally to be attractive. The amount of time, energy and money that goes into celebrities to maintain their looks is insane. The fact that just knowing that men find her attractive makes you feel bad is not how someone with good self worth reacts. Just because someone else's star shines brighter doesn't mean yours doesn't shine. Good self esteem is learning how to appreciate and rely on your own light even if you're not the brightest star in the sky.

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2022-01-23T16:19:19+00:00

There will always be someone hotter. I think Emily Rata is like the hottest person ever to exist but I am sure there are hotter women out there.

He doesn't have to think I am the most attractive women to ever walk planet earth (if he did, he'd probably be blind / delusional, coz I'm not) he just needs to be 1) attracted to me and 2) unwilling to act on his attraction to others.

Similarly, I know there are men more attractive than mine. Am I interested? Does it matter? Obviously not. I am happy in my monogamous relationship, and I take my vows seriously.

Edited to add that maybe you should watch this terrible show called Too Hot to Handle. It has some pretty beautiful people but most of them are super conceited / otherwise messed up that despite their 10/10 looks, you probably wouldn't wanna date them. Looks aren't everything. That show made me appreciate my plainness a little bit. I can just have a normal, happy, functional life.

Icy_Butterscotch5570 · 2022-01-23T17:37:30+00:00

Hey, Ive been married twice to really conventionally attractive women that ended up having shit personalities and actions. Constantly looking for validation and attention from other people. A total nightmare to be mrried to.

Almost all guys I know really just want a fun, easy going person to be with and don't care to much about their look. Plus everyone has their preferences at the end of the day so comparing yourself to one person or type is a waste of time.

sparkledragon45 · 2022-01-23T14:23:48+00:00

If it's a man worth his salt, your appearance won't matter as much as you think. As long as you have more to offer than your looks and have an attractive personality. I'm In my opinion a very average looking person (i have dry blotchy skin), but my husband tells me periodically that wife goggles are very real to him and that I'm the most beautiful person to him.

Haunted_Bog_Water · 2022-01-23T16:10:36+00:00

Don't look at it as "more attractive"

Flowers a pretty, but so are Christmas lights.

Beautiful in a different way doesn't mean less beautiful.

m_owom · 2022-01-23T15:44:39+00:00

When you find the right partner, you won't have to worry about that.

Before I met my husband, I dated a guy who followed dozens of "models" on social media, and sometimes would go as far as verbally comparing me to them. My self esteem was in the gutter at that point in my life.

Later I've met my husband, and years into our marriage I have never worried about him finding another women more attractive than me. Attraction isn't just about looks, and you have so much more to offer a man who loves you than just a pretty face and a nice body.

I also think that with the current access to what really is soft porn online (with the added factor of it not being socially frowned upon, hence not causing the viewer to feel any shame in regards to it), you need to find a guy who is mindful of the content he is consuming and how it affects his view on women.

BlueCandyGumdrop · 2022-01-23T16:06:32+00:00

I don’t think anyone in a loving committed relationship looks at someone and thinks “man that person is so much hotter then my partner” It’s a recognition that hey that persons attractive, cool. And if your partner is doing this, then they are probably not the one for you.

Icy_Principle2577 · 2022-01-23T17:36:37+00:00

I am definitely no authority figure on this as I occasionally still struggle with the same thing myself, but when I worry that a guy I am talking to is talking to other women too, I just tell myself they aren't me. Of course there are going to be women who are hotter and more intelligent than me—it would be insanely narcissistic and delusional to believe there weren't—but he's interested in me anyway. That's got to mean something.

And really, chances are he does not even notice or care that your waist is not 24 inches or that your skin is not perfectly clear. In my opinion, women are much pickier about other women's looks than men are. So whatever "flaw" you are losing sleep over is not on his radar.

Plus if a guy is actually SO concerned with you rolling out of bed and not looking like Sydney Sweeney who spent hours getting her hair and makeup done by professionals that he finds you genuinely repulsive, (A) he is gay AF and (B) you just dodged a major bullet.

StripperWhore · 2022-01-24T03:01:22+00:00

Attraction is MUCH more than looks, I say this even as someone who has been a stripper. If you are worried your partner is finding other people attractive, you are unaware of your own power. You are unaware how much emotionally, psychologically, physically you can affect someone. I would really start to try to embrace your power and see what a positive affect you have on those around you. <3

mikeegg1 · 2022-01-24T04:28:01+00:00

Male: Who? Never heard of her. Feminine, vulnerable, attitude and enthusiasm can make up for looks any day with me.

asilemara · 2022-01-23T17:46:00+00:00

There is always someone prettier. But I look at my bf and he is the sexiest men alive to me, because I know him in ways no one does and he knows me. If Jacob elordi showed up to my door madly in love with me, nothing would change because I would still be head over heels for my bf, I already built a relationship with him, planed a future with him, I can guess what my bf is feeling just by looking at him because I know him that well, you can’t just trade that kind of intimacy for something so superficial as looks. And because I feel this way and I consider myself a good partner with a lot to offer, I think he feels the same way. Of course there are woman that are sexier and prettier than me but replacing what we have is not that easy.

vicsj · 2022-01-23T22:45:54+00:00

It sounds like what you need to focus on more than anything else is finding a way to love yourself. It's only natural for us to find people other than our partners attractive, but that doesn't mean anything. At least it shouldn't. Someone else being attractive doesn't cancel out your own beauty.

If I was with a guy who chose more attractive women over me, then I'd let him. And then I'd leave. Why would I ever want to be with a man like that? If he is that shallow that he only finds values in looks, I really don't want to put my eggs in his basket.

A man you should be with will choose you despite someone else being attractive too. He will see beyond your looks and recognise what makes you beautiful from within. Men who can't do that are low value af.

If you're confident in yourself and appreciate your own values, you'll be able to notice when a man doesn't. That why it's so important to work on self-love.

2ndElle · 2022-01-23T22:47:15+00:00

A relationship is not just "oh we find eachother attractive", what makes you special to your partner is that you're his, that you have an emotional connection, that he can trust his secrets to you, that he can tell you things others might frown upon, that you built memories together..

who cares about "most attractive" - there will always be that one woman who one-ups the previous world-wide nr 1. Beauty is temporarily, and even if you don't loose your looks as you age, a man may get used to them (appreciating it less). Emotional connection can be forever and can get stronger over time.

So with my husband I focus on what connects us, and that makes him happy. He feels joy when I am happy. If I would fret over my looks like you do, that would make him feel miserable and maybe even feel guilty (as indirect cause of me feeling bad).

So my advice: look your own best, take care of your hygiene and don't give that mirror any further attention.

Rock_Granite · 2022-01-24T01:54:50+00:00

My wife is very pretty. What makes her the most pretty is that she is attracted to me. This mutual attraction is worth more than banging the hottest runway model could ever be. You'll find your man in due time. And you will be the most perfect woman he has ever seen to him.

bekkys · 2022-01-24T04:44:48+00:00

...because they arent. Attraction goes SO MUCH deeper than looks when you truly love someone and are in a stable relationship with them. This is where you will know the difference between love and lust. Other women may have a better body but no one knows him as well as I do.

There's so many feelings and emotions involved that go beyond "i am man you have nice body hubba hubba" and suggesting otherwise is honestly insulting to the human species :') plus she's literally an actress, he could never get her anyway.

Dont settle for a man who makes you feel less-than and wait to have sex until you feel like the center of his universe.

SecretFun420 · 2022-01-27T01:33:10+00:00

Alright let me explain from a guy's pov.

It's like me saying that I'm worried my gf is attracted to guys like Chris Hemsworth or Chris Pratt or Chris Pine or Chris Evans or really just any one of the hollywood Chris's.

Like, are those guys physically more attractive than me? of course they are. But am I concerned she'll leave me for those guys if she could? hell no.

Those are hollywood pretty boys with juiced up trenbolone biceps and their talent is that they're superficially attractive. Meanwhile she has yours truly here, who is a completely unique and highly specific individual she fell in love with because I'm more than just juiced up biceps and blue eyes and basic acting.

There's superficial attraction and then there's actual deep interest in the kind of person one is. Question is, are you more than your looks?

Happy90210 · 2022-01-23T17:28:59+00:00

How do you know he finds someone else more attractive? Surely your husband isn't rude enough to say so. Wow.

audreywalker33 · 2022-01-23T18:04:31+00:00

I find other men attractive, and I’m sure my man finds other women attractive too. But. I don’t love anyone else & I know my man doesn’t either. Physical attraction basically goes out the window after a while, like yes….we’re still sexually attracted to each other…but what we have together is something we can’t/don’t have with the random hot person we see in passing. That random hot guy I walk past doesn’t know me. The hot chick that might have caught my mans eye? She’s not the mother of his children, she doesn’t know how to cook his favorite meal or what truly makes him laugh. Once you’re in a secure relationship & you know you’re with your person, things like them finding other people attractive just don’t matter. You realize that you couldn’t ever laugh in the middle of sex with that hot person, because they aren’t your person. And you realize that the same goes for your partner.

Andrea_Arlolski · 2022-01-23T22:42:09+00:00

Most of what makes a woman hot is not her face genes.

titlejunk · 2022-01-24T02:39:24+00:00

There used to be a popular morning radio duo in my town. They had a number of catch phrases and sayings. One of those really stuck with me. “No matter how hot she is, someone out there is sick of her sh*t.”

Physical appearance isn’t everything. If you do end up married, as you age, your looks will fade.

You have to cultivate more than looks. Do the best you can with what you’ve got. After that, it’s all about who you are and how you behave, what skills you have, and what you bring to the table that makes each day better for your partner.

Winter-Ice-melts · 2022-01-24T13:35:54+00:00

Its not realistic for any normal woman to compare themselves to celebrities or porn stars or social media influencers single or not your being very hard on yourself and sounds like spending too much time looking at fake beautiful instagram lifestyles, for anyone in a relationship of who gets into one, your partner choses to be with you because he likes you, otherwise he would choose someone else, if they are wanting to have sex with you regularly, taking you out on dates, making plans, your own mind is the one thats setting you up for failure here, probably a good idea to maybe do a social media cleanse get offline for a while, because for one have you even spoken yo your prospective partners about how you feel about this? Because something is eating you up inside lack of open communication is something that can ruin any relationship new or not, particularly new ones, don’t sell yourself short, most normal men know that they aren’t going to be able to ‘bed’ sophia loren or some movie actress, talk to your partner/dates about how you feel about it, even if you make a joke about it as a segway in dating takes the pressure off, or if this is a real problem, maybe go seek some therapy and work on your own self esteem issues as to why you feel so insecure and build yourself up from the inside, because there will always be someone more pretty, more smart, more everything, as my music teacher once said to me there will always be someone out there who is better than you, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t strive to be the best, and either you can let it tear you down or use it to motivate you to work on yourself, or fake it till you make it, another saying from a music teacher, i used to do that, but the longer ive been in my relationship 10 years nearly now, my partner has built up my self esteem just by loving me for me and i have learnt to just be my authentic self, no one wants a clone of every other air headed celebrity, find something that is special about yourself and focus on building that up, are you kind? Are you loyal? Are you funny? Because all relationship eventually boil down to being best friends and sexual chemistry yes is a part of it, but its one part of a package deal, men can pay for sex with attractive women or have sec with attractive women they hate, they want something that they can’t just pay for, a man’s adoration, time, love respect and affection is worth far more, try not to be so hard on yourself

uniq0rn_qlitter · 2022-01-28T05:36:25+00:00

Men look. Women are attractive. Like, 90% of them honestly. Looking or thinking someone is attractive is harmless. If he’s with you, committed to you, and focused on you and you only (except for a quick glance) you’re definitely his favorite girl and there’s nothing to worry about.

LateralThinker13 · 2022-01-23T19:17:02+00:00

how do you feel worthy and have sex with your partners knowing they are more attracted to someone else?

You're still blue pill, but you're so close! So close to seeing The Wall before you hit it! Come on, you can do it!

One of the things making me feel insecure about finding a man is the idea that he will not be as attracted to me as other women.

So what do you do when you're not the prettiest? Do what everybody else does - you compensate. There will ALWAYS be prettier girls out there. Every year there's a new crop of them. So offer something they don't; a soft place to land, a home-cooked meal, a demure voice free of nagging, worry, and babble, etc. Offer what most other women do not.

Do that, and he will only have eyes for you. Don't, and you'll get outcompeted by younger women every day of the week.

Oh, and read the sidebar. JFC.

CivilianMonty · 2022-01-23T16:50:27+00:00

If you are only comparing physical attraction maybe this analogy will help. I drive a nice suv because it’s the best fit for me. I still look at sports cars that are impractical as they drive by.

hailsaitama · 2022-01-23T17:18:20+00:00

You’re comparing yourself to an actress. It wouldn’t be anything more than a passing thought to men. It’s also been discovered that men lose most attraction to other women when they love their own

ThenIJizzedInMyPants · 2022-01-23T18:28:52+00:00

There's a big difference between fantasy and reality, between finding somone remote beautiful but still being attracted to the person you're with.

The way I look at it - there will always be someone more attractive, but your partner still chooses you. THAT'S what matters

pinkandpurplepens · 2022-01-23T19:03:37+00:00

Are you the kind of person who would stop loving your husband because you saw someone objectively more attractive on the television?? 😂😂 more realistically, if you had an objectively more attractive coworker? If that’s where you are at, I understand your concerns.

Most of us (based on what I see in this thread) aren’t that shallow.

Drunk_Cat_Phil · 2022-01-23T23:13:06+00:00

I wouldn't compare yourself to celebrities-almost everything is fake/exaggerated/photoshopped-that's a lost cause if there ever was one. Focus on yourself.

It seems like you probably need to work on your own self confidence-hitting the gym might do the trick. The other thing is personality. The most beautiful woman in world will turn off a huge % of men will an awful personality.

-Raksu- · 2022-01-24T00:51:12+00:00

That actress has fake boobs and lip injections. There's always going to be some woman out there willing to go though more cosmetic procedures than you are, making them "more attractive".
Almost everyone has a pointless celebrity crush or fantasy. Every man out there will say yes if their favourite celebrity woman comes onto them (extremely unlikely it'll happen), and every woman out there will say yes if their favourite celebrity man comes onto them.
In reality, unless your partner suddenly comes into a LOT of money, which can cause him to be surrounded by women more attractive than you, he's not going to push you aside. Have you noticed how married celebrities get divorced when the guy suddenly gains more money, popularity, confidence? Elon Musk comes to mind. And Chris Pratt.

Ask yourself, would you lose interest in your partner if you started getting pursued by much wealthier men?

2137gangsterr · 2022-01-24T12:12:48+00:00

Don't confuse lust with attraction.

Sure, men may want to "snuggle" but that doesn't mean they want relationship, or marriage.

BlunderbusDriver · 2022-01-31T06:18:43+00:00

Do you want what you cant have, if you are honest with yourself?

Someone who wants you and eventually loves you, to them, the attractivess of other people eventually fades into the superficial, because at least in part you have showed him what you bring to the table, and thats hot too.

:-)

LanaTownsend · 2022-01-23T18:29:56+00:00

You sound painfully insecure and quite immature as well. Why be so obsessed with how some men view a random hot actress? There will ALWAYS be someone hotter than us. The vast majority of us do not and will not ever look like Sydney Sweeney but we don't have to be to find a boyfriend or husband. Guard your mind by not engaging with forms of media that will erode at your self-esteem.

If looking at Sydney, Emily Ratajkowski, etc makes you feel crappy, stop doing it and spend your time more wisely. Cultivate a hobby or skill that will enrich or life or body. Women who spend too much free time randomly watching screens are more susceptible to comparing themselves to other people.

kitterkatty · 2022-01-23T19:21:44+00:00

Would you want your hubby to be jealous of your favorite actor or musician? Kind of silly tbh lol

boofthegirl · 2022-01-23T20:38:19+00:00

My fiancé doesn’t look like Henry Cavill or Jason Mamoa but I’d still pick him over them any day of the week. I’m certainly no Margot Robbie or ScarJo but I know he would pick me over them.

Relationships are about far more than looks.

Princealvaro33 · 2022-01-24T11:58:36+00:00

How will he feel when you find other men attractive? And what would you say to him?

physiomom · 2022-01-24T13:32:01+00:00

Honestly when those thoughts come up, I channel the Dalai Lama and think about the fact that most people in the world, including the most attractive physically, feel insecure sometimes. That usually takes care of the worry for me.

aussiedollface2 · 2022-01-26T01:36:42+00:00

There’s always going to be more beautiful women than you. You just need to accept it xo

Background_Channel16 · 2022-01-23T14:22:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

oofieoofty · 2022-01-23T23:26:30+00:00

Most women find Brad Pitt attractive, but its not like it is harmful

Shagcat · 2022-01-23T23:47:00+00:00

My husband loves Jennifer Aniston. He still rages about Brad Pitt leaving her. But he's also told me that if he ever got the chance that he would be too scared/nervous and wouldn't be able to actually talk to her. I'm hot for Jason Mamoa but that doesn't stop me from Loving my husband. I'm 15 years older than him and put on 30 pounds since we got married. He likes to put on videos of girls dancing in bikinis when we go to do it. It used to piss me off because even at my finest I couldn't begin to compare to them. But he kept insisting he wasn't comparing or fantasizing about them, that it's me he's imagining dancing around like that. And I've come to realize he's telling the truth. So now I put on the stupid lacy outfits with my tubby belly sticking out and dance around for him while the video plays (even though I feel like a fat idiot, lol) and he's happy as a clam.

aigars2 · 2022-01-23T16:45:19+00:00

Like you don't find other men attractive? Realize it's only attractiveness. For relationship to happen both people have to attract each other, plus many other factors are in play.

sabrinamarshmellow · 2022-02-02T01:15:25+00:00

There is a HUGE difference between being attracted to someone and thinking another woman is beautiful. Women are beautiful by nature, we all have beauty in us and men see and admire this. Now I am I'm cute, but I'm no Amber Heard or Margot Robbie. AKA, I am not hot, and that's okay. I'm just an average looking cute Mexican girl but my man is still wildly attracted to me because he chose me and he loves me. He saw the beauty in me and he chose me, and I have chosen him. Because I am not stupid (I use to be) I know my man notices other women but this means nothing. (Not in front of me, or something like that, but I know how men are.) Same with you and your potential partner.

Also, a good man will have the decency to not look at other women while out in public with you. A good man will respect and honor you. He will also call you the most beautiful woman...because you are his woman! You are very worthy of (one day) having sex with your man because he is with you for a reason babe.

tinylittletoad · 2022-02-08T03:29:20+00:00

I think being a woman means being a little bit selfish. You need to learn to receive from a man and just to be content with what he provides for you and the children you have together.

At the end of the day, I don't care if my husband finds some actress or any other woman more attractive as long as his resources go on me. My aim in life is not to make him happy because I want to see him happy, it's to extract his resources and so we can have a harmonious relationship in which to keep each other company and raise children. It's a transaction, even if we happen to pair bond during that transaction.

I think women put far too much importance on being and feeling sexy in their day to day lives. Not only does this create competition and conflict between women, but in my opinion it's degrading and risky. If you go outside looking sexy and physically attractive, you are going to have disgusting old and aggressive, impulsive men leering at your body and even touching you. There is nothing you can do to make these men more civilized or respectful, so you might as well cover up. I much prefer to be covered and in modest clothing. I much prefer to hide any potential attractiveness. I don't understand why women show cleavage or get cement pumped into their lips or they wear thong underwear and see through pants, and then complain that knuckle dragging men want to objectify them.

Your goal is not to be a slab of meat for men, it's what you can get one man to do for you in return for what you do for him. Not all men are able to access an attractive woman. Find a man who is on your level and just learn to be content.

Title	How do you handle your partner finding other women more attractive than you?
Author	Background_Channel16
Upvotes	59
Comments	98
Date	January 23, 2022 2:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/saufrz/how_do_you_handle_your_partner_finding_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-handle-your-partner-finding-other-women.1098015 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098015

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