If only FDS existed a decade ago…

imposingllama · 2022-03-31T22:45:41+00:00

Yes! But then I have some mercy on myself and remember.. I was a product of our culture at the time. I didn't know better!

Many of us had role models that were pick-me's. The magazines we read, the television shows, everything was slanted in a pick-me way. I'm so glad to finally see signs the culture is shifting. And I feel lucky it's happening in my lifetime! If I was born even 100 years ago.. nope still stone ages for women, couple hundred ago they are burning women at stakes ffs.

Better late than never but still so far to go. I'm just relieved to see so much reason to hope and feel grateful we have the wisdom we have now.

cml678701 · 2022-03-31T19:52:46+00:00

Same here! I wish I had known how guys thought, and when to cut them off. I spent soooo much time thinking things like, “well, he is barely texting me, trying to just have sex with me, negging me, etc. Plus he ignored me for six months, but seemed to have fun on our last date. He will see me as girlfriend material if I look especially great on our next date, though, and if I lose 5 pounds, he will want to show me off to his friends! And I can also be the perfect cool girl, never texting him, so he will know I don’t care that much. We will tell our grandchildren this funny story of how we fell in love on our 7th date!”

I wish I could tell that poor young woman that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, and that guys like this aren’t actually looking for a meaningful relationship. Also, if a HVM doesn’t like you, he will not keep pursuing you. I always felt like the problem, but it was not me at all.

queenofswordsxxx · 2022-03-31T22:30:57+00:00

Not only do I cringe at all the energy I spent worrying about what guys thought of me, 'should I have done more?' 'should I have presented myself in XYZ way? been less sensitive etc?'...

I cringe at all the Pickmeisha friends I let myself be surrounded by and how I let their horrible advice dictate the way I live. Especially how I let them talk me into lowering my standards for men who clearly didn't deserve it.

All the times they told me to 'jUsT cOmMuNiCaTe', to text & chase the guy (because it was the 'feminist' thing to do) that was clearly lukewarm and just using me for sex/ a situationship, to give him a second chance, to make allowances and tolerate his bullshit etc.

The type of crap that led me to be exploited for his pleasure, and then for LVM to point the finger at me for being proactive, communicative, for 'demanding too much' and desiring respect/ the bare minimum.

JulyParade · 2022-03-31T18:54:32+00:00

My 20's would have been far less confusing. I spent a lot of time finding myself, wondering if I was the problem. Turns out I'm totally normal! The men I dated were NOT worth settling for and I wish people hadn't made me feel like I had to date to be accepted.

No-Village-3946 · 2022-03-31T19:05:01+00:00

There are many days when I feel like I'm just drowning in regret and can't breathe. How stupid I looked in front of men and others because of "love", how much I degraded my self worth, and, worst of all, how much time I wasted. How much of my sweetness I lost because I became hardened and jaded by the heartbreak. I gave up so much that I cannot get back and I cannot accept it. I wish I could take it all back. I would give anything up to just walk the other way every time. Pre-men, I used to be so different, happier, calmer, optimistic, more content with life, there was a lightness to me. I know everyone will say that at least I know better now and you live and learn and now I have FDS and all that but I'm always in pain. It just wasn't worth the trouble. I feel like I'll never heal.

frostedgemstone · 2022-04-01T02:49:32+00:00

Despite what men want you to believe, women don’t get rewarded with loyalty/love/devotion for “good behavior.” As long as you don’t act like a total piece of shit, it’s all about how the man sees women in general and how much he values you personally

kumquat_fds · 2022-03-31T19:21:57+00:00

Whenever I find old images I have saved, like anti-feminist memes - now I look at them and think, how tf did I ever find these funny…?

ironglaciers · 2022-04-01T00:06:37+00:00

Yep. In my 30s and feel like I wasted my damn time.

veniphyl · 2022-03-31T20:01:04+00:00

Same and even after I heard about FDS for the first time. It still took several months for it to sink in. I was so in denial.

extraodi · 2022-03-31T22:26:47+00:00

Yes. I try not to dwell on it too much though as much as I wish I could turn back the clock we are here now. Still got time to improve ourselves.

GoldDigger2LVM · 2022-03-31T19:27:02+00:00

FDS needs to start at teenage years honestly. I would have saved a lot of time and maybe bought an investment property if I didn’t settle for my high school boyfriend. I was bullied for my appearance so I thought he was the best I could do. I literally dragged him out of generational poverty and he snapped back to being almost homeless because he didn’t want a big boy job.

LilyMunsterIsQueen · 2022-04-01T16:03:58+00:00

I hope Gen Z girls appreciate how good they've got it with FDS existing. When I was a teen and even in my early 20s, literally nobody cared how girls and women were treated, especially online, and since nobody stood up for us or encouraged us to advocate for one another (manosphere = pickmetopia), we collectively had little to no self worth.

I was already in a great relationship when I discovered FDS and still am, but I thank them for a better understanding of why I deserve to not settle in any area of life.

Biracial_tooth_fairy · 2022-04-01T03:06:00+00:00

Yes, me too. Please know you're not alone. Even now, so many people try and convince me otherwise, but I'm slowly stepping into my self-worth and we all need to do the same.

mandoa_sky · 2022-04-01T07:42:30+00:00

yup. it would have saved me a lot of therapy - i now realise what LVM characteristics my ex had that messed me up. i should have trusted my gut more re acting on it when stuff was setting me up about his "off" actions

also the fact that i now add to his "crazy ex" story, even though it was HIS actions that were driving ME crazy.

savedempath · 2022-04-01T15:59:00+00:00

My mom was a pick me, I grew up seeing someone work so hard for so little. I normalized it. I just recently realized I was doing something similar with all the men I was choosing. Not anymore. I'm done. I'm just want to be a baddie and enjoy my baddie self on my own. Just working on being my best self and unlearning tons of toxic beliefs.

thowawaywookie · 2022-04-01T12:11:41+00:00

Yes, so much. Nearing 60 and can't get that time back.

I figure I have 40 more years to make the best of!

Sewud · 2022-04-02T05:07:00+00:00

The world I grew up in was so anti-FDS. Drunk hookups at parties were about the only way anyone got together, no one asked anyone on proper dates. And women were hated. Even in high school boys would run around as soon as they got a girlfriend saying "chain and bullet" while they exploited the girl for sex. The girls had to grow up and learn about birth control because it's not the guys who would act responsibly. Yet the girls were always just trying to prove themselves for validation. Boys made fun of boys whose girlfriends didn't sleep with them really loudly to shame all the other girls into conforming. Imagine you start dating a guy and in the past you've seen him mock boys whose girlfriends didn't sleep with them. Because basically all the boys were doing it. University parties had chants about rape and all the nerds gleefully laughing like it's the funniest thing.

Throwitaway_72946 · 2022-04-01T12:29:34+00:00

My entire life would be different. My father is a huge scrote with old-fashioned (LV) views on women. Growing up with this and mother who just didn't care, apathetic.

I knew something was wrong and have been trying for years to change things. It's sown in pretty deep though so it'll take time.

Huntscunt · 2022-04-01T16:04:00+00:00

Yes, but I also know I probably wouldn't have gotten here and become the amazing woman Iam without everything that happened to me.

Now, I'm not afraid of change or the future because I have handled some bad stuff, and I know I can get through it and be ok.

I would never wish what I went through on anyone else, but I would never wish it away from my past either.

Ok_Passenger_5717 · 2022-04-01T13:38:27+00:00

Honestly, same.

alpinepunch2021 · 2022-04-01T00:09:35+00:00

How did trying to conform to patriarchal standards end up preventing you from buying a house, if you don't mind me asking? That sounds brutal, but at least you found FDS in the end.

Title	If only FDS existed a decade ago…
Author	MeanWhatISay
Upvotes	956
Comments	46
Date	March 31, 2022 6:50 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/tt6rt2/if_only_fds_existed_a_decade_ago/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/if-only-fds-existed-a-decade-ago.1109242 https://theredarchive.com/post/1109242

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