This is a really subtle thing they do. They will deliberately withhold compliments or refuse to share your joy or even put a negative spin on something positive you shared as a way to condition you not to enjoy them.

You may not notice it at first. But it can happen early on. And soon, you realize it’s a pattern of theirs.

Say for example you share with a potential dating partner that you’ve just submitted your dissertation. You’re super excited to be done.

A normal high value response would be: “Congratulations! That’s such an amazing accomplishment. You must be stoked.”

An LVM (unless he is very manipulative and putting on a facade) will say something subtle to try to deflate you or get you to associate that proud moment with negativity.

For example…and I am just making this up so feel free to add your examples below.

“Oh that’s great. So how long did it take? I bet the whole process was dark and dreadful amirite?” Or even “Do you think people really read things like that?”

Notice the absence of congratulations and the add of a negative spin to get you to focus on the negative and even fear mongering in the second type of response. Regardless of their motives, this is not the type of energy you want in your life. At worst, they’re envious of you, hate to see you happy and will sabotage you. At best, they’re awkward AF and won’t enhance your joyful experiences but rather detract from them.