Unpopular Opinion: Most Niceguys are are Legitimately Alright Men and Not Manipulative Players

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-04-13T22:20:54+00:00

Removed for OP abandonment

roguish_rogue · 2022-04-13T20:00:33+00:00

Alot of guys believe that being liked and being attractive is directly related, they think the first step is becoming her friend and that attraction is further down that path, this is to a significant degree cultural programming and not really their fault, atleast not for the young guys.

I think the majority of incels probably started out like that and reacted badly when they realized everything they believed about romance was a lie.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-04-13T20:55:10+00:00

If I've learned anything in my life it's that being ugly can turn the nicest guys bitter. And the same for women.

Being good looking matters a lot more than if you're an asshole or not.

dietwindows · 2022-04-13T19:39:45+00:00

If you're a "good person" and you behave that way, when you interact with people who don't share your qualities, they'll see you as being disingenuous.

I'm quite positive when Donald Trump looks at a "good person", he sees someone running a scam.

DonutSwitch · 2022-04-13T21:08:27+00:00

Nah niceguys are just naive. As someone who put too much trust into people and learned the hard way. Some people don't deserve your kindness or niceness.

Niceguys needs to find who likes them and not worry about the ones who don't. That's where they will flourish.

2022-04-13T20:22:08+00:00

The problem is that women don't evaluate on Intention, they do this on outcome.

Hoopy223 · 2022-04-13T20:23:29+00:00

I have never known a guy to do any of the things they talk about on that toxic r/niceguys. Not saying those guys don’t exist but it has to be 1/10000 or something.

hhhhhhikkmvjjhj · 2022-04-13T19:54:02+00:00

I think most of these guys are 60-80% good guys with a layer of nice guy applied to it. They are nice because they have learned that if they are assertive they get punished. Assertive men are often vilified, especially by mothers and women leaders. The cure is to teach them that assertiveness is a good thing as well as asserting boundaries. However instead of this they get thrown into the dehumanizing “evil and garbage” human bag. The only reason this is fine by everyone is because it’s free hunting season on men. This applies both to the top of the hierarchy and to the bottom rungs. Trashing them will fix nothing, just making it worse. But as humans we love bullying sadly.

John_Oakman · 2022-04-13T20:52:23+00:00

Anything short of genuine altruism and the highest of moral virtues is not good enough, and any complaining will invalidate the whole thing.

And of course genuine altruism and the highest of moral virtues does not entitle one to anything, and those who are genuine altruistic and have the highest of moral virtues do not have such sense of entitlement.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-04-13T22:28:00+00:00

I talk to men of all types of crazy charges behind bars. Many them are "alright". We even share a joke sometimes. None of them seem "threatening" in that moment or these interactions. A lot of them are fathers, business owners, popular in the community, with elaborate stories and tales regarding the series of events that lead to them being in their predicament. No one is "all nice" "all good" or "all bad". There is far more going on.

I do not see your point with this post to be honest. Very black/white and bizarre surface level way to view psychologically complex humans with much nuance and inconsistency with a large amount of unwarranted confidence in random people.

decoy88 · 2022-04-13T20:35:44+00:00

Most straight men aren’t gonna know what it’s like to fuck and date their male friends.

Their perspective is limited.

A man typically isn’t gonna reveal all the fuck shit pathetic NiceGuyTM behaviours he does to his friends. Only the women he does that with will see it.

This is the inherent problem with “[my friend]’s a pretty cool guy! I don’t know why women would treat him like that?”

Sometimes it’s valid, sometimes it’s because there’s behaviours a male friend just isn’t privy to.

sabiinvesting · 2022-04-13T20:02:37+00:00

The ones you are describing should then be labeled naive guys. I consider my parents to be fairly progressive, but my dad had always told me “being fat will get you nowhere” and my mom has always told me “pretty girls have it easier”. What matters more in the world is generally not niceness, but success. Only when one is successful, everything else starts to matter. The unfortunate fact is that immature women often see asshole-like behaviours to signal success. It is not the asshole-like behaviours they like, it is the guy’s fake status they are after. Young guys should be taught to pursue success. I understand their frustration with how society has lied to them. However, if they want to keep their “niceness” as an advantage over similar status men when trying to get quality women, they’d better stop acting out.

IHaveSalesQuestions · 2022-04-13T19:47:25+00:00

There’s a difference between a nice guy and a good guy. Most people don’t know how to tell the difference. You don’t want a nice guy, you want a good guy.

Friedidli · 2022-04-13T19:48:57+00:00

So just admit it.

Don't lie to men and say that to be attractive you need to be good men. Teach them that being good is something they need to do regardless of cost.

Tell them that being an attractive partner has little to do with morality and more to do with sales.

Women out here going like "being nice is the bare minimum" and still managing to fuck up and ending up with abusive men. Abusive men managing to do better than most nice guys..... All of it should make this obvious..

Just make it overt to men and don't sell them the fantasy of "be good and someday someone will recognise your goodness"

They will go to gyms, work hard to save and earn more and try to learn fashion instead of believing that women are capable of sensing inner virtue.

Simple-Dimension3806 · 2022-04-13T21:31:17+00:00

In reality women are the real r/niceguys. A lot of third rate scum and snake-like personality hidden underneath the veneer of niceness.

Apprehensive_Boat_70 · 2022-04-13T21:03:48+00:00

The real problem with "nice" guys is that they give the status of special to women who dont earn it, you just dont treat some rando you barely know as special because "love" at first sight, also you cant buy attraction, thats why you only treat a woman as special when she has shown she is special, not to get a relationship with her.

On another note is curious how nice guys are disliked for the same reason sluts are, yet the former can be used, insulted and diminished withouth no consequence, but refusing to date the latter makes u "insecure".

Skycat9 · 2022-04-13T21:11:17+00:00

Largely true, I think. I used to be a ‘nice guy’ but without the misogyny nor vicious response to rejection. So basically I was boring as fuck and thought being ultra pleasant was enough to get dates

Xoluxxer · 2022-04-13T21:26:47+00:00

Nice guys don’t create tingles. At least pre-30s anyway lol.

masterofbrokendreams · 2022-04-13T22:02:54+00:00

The fact “nice guy” even became a shameful thing is proof in itself that women just loathe men who don’t give them the “tingles.” We raised these guys thinking that being a “kind respectful gentleman” is all it takes to be good enough for a woman. Then when they dont get results, we gaslight them until they become bitter and they use that bitterness to justify why they’re single in the first place. Its all a manipulative charade.

StarchRunner · 2022-04-13T19:41:38+00:00

Yeah that sounds really boring. In another universe, these type of dudes could get well acquainted with a wood chipper and kiss it.

Poor women the world over are being bored to death by nice guys. Think of the bored and not the boring!

kaiden08 · 2022-04-13T21:05:58+00:00

They have to impute malice on these men because if they don’t it makes the women look really really shitty.

Women love all that energy karmic balance shit so if these guys are 1. Actually nice and 2. Don’t get women it means 1. Their entire worldview is shit. And 2. They would have to admit to themselves that the traits they say they want in a man aren’t what they are actually attracted to.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2022-04-13T20:27:33+00:00

The average nice guy is a wet blanket. You can be a good person and not be a wet blanket of a personality and you'll probably be successful, but the average nice guy type is an uptight, reluctant, bland person who isn't able to inspire attraction in a partner. Them being nice or not functionally isn't an issue. The issue is that they either are not authentic, or their authentic self is a wet blanket.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-04-13T20:25:31+00:00

The nice guy that is complained about is:

why won't you date me?! I'm a nice guy!

Niceness does not get you dates. Being a good person? Gives you annadvantage with non-trashy women. But niceness in and of itself? Nah. Charisma, attractiveness, compatibility....

I'm a nice guy! gets rejected you're a bitch slut who won't give me a chance and you're fat anyway zzz lol

Self explanatory. You are not nice at all.

why wont you date me because I'm your friend and you spill all your relationship issues with me

Because I thought you were a friend??? Isn't the point of friendship to help destress/vent/emotional help? And I don't mean being an emotional tampon (unless guys mean any emotional issue whatsoever). Girls do this for each other. We do it for our guys friends too. The amount of break ups, getting girlfriends, helping a guy friend pick out a ring that I've helped guy friends too without complaining because that's what friends are supposed to do. Hell one of my girl friends offered to be a discounted divorce lawyer for guy friend.

girls just date assholes, never me the nice guy!!!

Maybe you aren't as nice as you think you are? Maybe those assholes aren't assholes? I mean my husband and I banter and bicker all the time. So do a lot of people I know. So many of the "assholes" that nice guys complain about are normal decent people who just don't act like doormats I guess.

sarkington · 2022-04-13T20:37:57+00:00

If you’re not whining some variant of “why do women go for assholes and not nice guys like me”, you’re not a Nice Guy^TM

ffandyy · 2022-04-13T20:44:33+00:00

Yeah this is not the hill to die on

SignalThanks6766 · 2022-04-13T20:28:23+00:00

Before I’d even heard the term “nice guy”, I called my boyfriend a nice guy in front of a few of my male friends and they all burst out laughing in my face. They thought I meant he was a massive creep when I just genuinely meant he was nice. I don’t use the term nice guy any more to mean guy who is actually nice as the phrase has changed its meaning and is more ironic. Now I’ll say things like my boyfriend is a good person. Language changes. I change how I speak to match reality. When people talk about “nice guys” they specifically mean the guys who send abusive messages to girls on social media when they’re knocked back. Not polite individuals going about their business. At least in my experience.

Matt_Door · 2022-04-13T19:54:50+00:00

Nice guys are fear motivated and by operating from that motivation they cause hurt to others, they are not genuine in their motives and intentions, they operate from a place of irrationally protecting themselves, and thats why nice guys are not desirable

gopher_glitz · 2022-04-13T19:59:51+00:00

It's hard to be a manipulative player if you're unattractive.

Drougen · 2022-04-13T20:01:59+00:00

If you're a nice guy, you don't need to say I'M A NICE GUY!!!!!!!

Shits fucking stupid. If you tell someone you're a nice guy and expect anything but a negative response you're a moron.

jah-roole · 2022-04-13T19:42:24+00:00

Yes except they don’t have the necessary skills to come across as a worthy short or long term mate.

daisydaisydaisy12 · 2022-04-13T19:59:43+00:00

You are saying its ok to turn on a women when she says no to sex?

Mrs_Drgree · 2022-04-13T19:33:58+00:00

This thread has been approved as a CMV. Please familiarize yourself with the specific rules of that thread type.

theshadowbudd · 2022-04-13T21:25:40+00:00

Nice guys are polite about being an assholes. They’re simply not genuine and try to manipulate women. Assholes are a take it or leave it but they’re simply genuine about who they bare, still asshole but it’s not under false pretenses. Good guys are simply kind, genuine men who court/date etc. bad guys are typically womanizers and while I do believe there’s a lot of overlap, nice guys are simply polite or nice and operate under false pretense.

Who would you rather fw: the girl who’s explicitly telling you she’s unapologetically a gold digger or the one who’s hiding it? One gives you a choice the other tries to manipulate the choice out of you.

Nice guys can be good guys or bad guys, he’ll some are just genuinely “nice” in any case it’s false pretense

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dureshdalit · 2022-04-13T19:52:04+00:00

You made your TRP bed. Time to lie in it.

We know more and more about what you think and do thanks to your non stop babbling on reddit.

If your on here making generalizations about women you are prolly low IQ and not busy enough.

I'm wealthy. I do as I please.

Made bed. Lie in it.

GalaxyBrainU · 2022-04-13T22:35:36+00:00

As a person who struggles to fight the urge of being a naturally nonconfrontational person, I can say that there are many "nice guys" who are natural people pleasers and they're not being manipulative, they would just really like to avoid any and all disagreements.

There's a whole personality type centered around this: INFP, "The Mediator", the hopeless idealist who altruistically sees the good in everyone and does whatever necessary to create peace and balance. The issue with this is, they not only act this way in their regular everyday life, they attribute it to their dating life as well, and it is not sexy or attractive to be irrevocably agreeable all the time.

So after many failed attempts at romance because you're constantly seen as the nice guy for quite literally being yourself and doing what comes natural, there comes a bitterness. Some direct it outwardly and blame the world, others direct it inward and hate themselves. The only thing you can do, which is what I personally try to do, is train yourself to be comfortable in normally uncomfortable situations; in my case, not always being a harmless, simpy, agreeable people pleaser.

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-04-13T19:41:53+00:00

I don’t think it’s a matter of guys ‘tricking’ women into sex. Frankly I’ll seen enough “HIMYM” to know some guys will try anything and some girls will fall for anything. It’s a matter of when the guy is rejected he instantly reacts with anger and aggression towards the women.

This is why they get the tag line, they act all nice and noble until their met with rejection, even in the kindest of ways it’s sometimes a full on personal attack because they wouldn’t accept a simple “no”

It’s purely ironic because being nice is exactly what their not.

TheMorningJoe · 2022-04-13T21:37:11+00:00

At the end of the day a dude who legitimately wants a ltr won’t do the stereotypic nice guy stuff even if they look like one.

Title	Unpopular Opinion: Most Niceguys are are Legitimately Alright Men and Not Manipulative Players
Author	blamesway1738
Upvotes	54
Comments	126
Date	April 13, 2022 6:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/u2xjqt/unpopular_opinion_most_niceguys_are_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/unpopular-opinion-most-niceguys-are-are.1112799 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112799

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