For context: I am 27, he is 46.
Historically, he has dated anywhere from early 20s to late 40s, with most falling around 30 so I never thought of him as particularly ageist.
Presently, we are vacationing on an island that seems to be teeming with older wealthy women. I have spotted a number of women in their 50s and 60s who are about as stunning as I imagine they could be. Basically their bodies are thin and toned and tanned and indistinguishable from those of a much younger women except for the veininess and crepey skin. Their hair is lush and on-trend. Their faces are beautiful, whatever plastic surgeries they must have had are undetectable. Their energies are bubbly and sweet and graceful.
Basically the only thing distinguishing them from a young knockout is that their skin is clearly that of a woman in her 50s/60s, even though it’s been smoothed and tucked etc.
My husband agreed that these women were lovely when I pointed them out, but that he couldn’t find them sexually attractive. Objectively they look better than me in every way except that I am young. I pressed, and eventually uncovered that he had never been sexually attracted to a woman over the age of 47, even though he himself is 46. He speculated that it might be fertility-related.
This frightens me, as it indicates that even if I manage to age as incredibly as these women have, there is just nothing I can do to retain his attraction.
All I can do is hope that love will be enough.
[–]111loR 29 points30 points31 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ladida13211 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
Why are you “pressing and pressing” you husband to admit other women (regardless of age) are sexually attractive to him? It’s literally a damned if you do damned if you don’t situation. A shit test.
Leave it.
You’re married. Soooo what’s the point in being so worried about this now as a 20s person. He’s either going to grow to accept and love you and your beauty as you age or he won’t. You married him. You can’t change that decision now. There is absolutely no point in stirring this pot. Enjoy your life now. Live in the moment. We cannot predict the future.
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Which number wife are you?
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Men go for younger girls because they are easy to manipulate / trick and naive enough / inexperienced enough to fall for it. A woman the same age as him would not fall for any bs/tactics.
Anyone and everyone , male and female agree that ALL YOUNGER PEOPLE generally look better than ALL OLDER PEOPLE. Younger ppl are more attractive. It isn’t just men that prefer younger women and it isn’t natural. The only reason men think women “prefer” older men is because the older men , unfortunately, are generally the ones mature enough/successful $$ enough to give the woman what she wants. Unfortunately most men in their 20’s aren’t well off like older men are so women resort to older men. It’s not that we NATURALLY like older while men naturally like younger it’s the $$ that makes the difference. Anyone can prefer older or younger. No one sex naturally prefers a type.
If you asked any 29 year old woman that’s dating a 50 year old man if she’d prefer him but younger , she’d agree.
Old rich guy or Young rich guy Young! But that’s rare! So we resort to old “dad” like figures we are for some reason attracted to.
It’s not the OP that’s responsible for feeling that way, she’s young and naive… What the hell is an old person doing dating a kid?
Every time I ask a young woman that has an old bf if SHE would date a guy her age (21) when she was 57 and they always say it’s weird and no. Because dating someone 30 years younger should feel weird.
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My mother always warned me not to date older men for this reason. If they are seeking you out and they’re 10-15+ years older than you then they probably aren’t into you for the right reasons and when you get too old they’re going to cheat on you with a baby 18 year old who still has baby fat.
Not to mention I’m the type of person that shares common interests with my generation. Someone who’s 20 years older than me isn’t going to appreciate the numa numa trend, the emo phases or my generations obsession with pokémon or want to play animal crossing on the switch during our free time. I personally require that.
Obviously this isn’t a hard and fast rule but it’s a big risk in my opinion.
Have you talked to him any your fears? Tell him how that made you feel.
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Let's see what type of women he can attract at 65 lmao. He's 19 years older, get over yourself
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Damn this sucks...
I was always insecure when I first started dating my now husband bc he was very open to me about how his kink has always been MILFS. I obviously wasn't one, so yeah. But now that I have a child I swear my husband acts more attracted to me so I guess it all worked out in the end.
I couldn't imagine him saying it's a "fertility issue".. that's almost creepy to me in a sense. He's pushing 50. Usually at 50 you're no longer worried about if your SO is fertile. But anyway, when you are 50 or even 60 he will be 70 or 80. So at that point I highly doubt he'd be pulling any women younger than you.
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💔💔I'm sorry, hun.
This redpill thing absolutely has some truth to it, but this is a real problem. This probes women's deepest wound that at our core we fear we are unlovable for who we are, and are only valuable for these most superficial traits that will absolutely dissolve over time. Replies that imply you are overreacting, should let it go, and there's nothing that can be done are extremely invalidating.
This lifestyle mentality does not allow for there to be depth, nuance and complexity. Yes, men are primed for attraction to the women this mentality claims, but they are also PERFECTLY capable to fostering deeper connection and intimacy that surpasses this. But they must intentionally foster it.
And obviously visa versa for the female claims. Wish you the best.
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[–]glass_brownies1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Well by the time you’re 50 he’ll be 80 and possibly dead
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