Second Marriage?

azwildcat74 · 2022-09-26T15:44:58+00:00

If you think divorce sucked when you had essentially nothing to lose but the relationship then just WAIT until you're seeing your kids a fraction of the time and get to write fat checks to do so.

Does she earn an equal or greater salary to you? Look at second marriage statistics, they're even worse than the first. Not telling you not to do it but go in with your eyes WIDE open knowing what you stand to lose. If you're a higher wage earner than she is then you stand to lose even more.

NewDay0110 · 2022-09-26T19:40:23+00:00

Marriage is a scam. It has nothing to do with love. It's a legal contract with the government, with very little benefit to you. When a divorce happens, you not only deal with the consequences of this contract but also the resentment and destructive court battles over petty property claims. I don't know what it is about people who lose all sense of reason in a divorce, but it happens frequently. Your gut probably knows this because you've been through it before which is why you're not excited. Trust that feeling. It's not worth it. If you are with someone you like, cherish that and enjoy it. There's no reason to get the government involved in your bedroom.

76ersPhan11 · 2022-09-26T15:57:35+00:00

My 2nd marriage was an absolute shit show. We got married because she was pregnant and then kicked me out of the house a few months after our son was born. Be careful.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-09-26T17:55:42+00:00

> marriage is required to purchase a home together (these are both of our requirements)

By all measures, contemporary marriage is essentially what’s known as an unconscionable contract. Women are taking advantage of men in every way possible, and the government is enforcing this unscrupulous behavior. To sum the current circumstance: women have choices, men have responsibilities. Marriage only benefits women. Men accept all of the risk. Marriage amounts to a no-win struggle of mutually assured disappointment. In this era there are no appreciable advantages for men to marry even the most ideal of women. You can’t name one thing you get from marriage that you can’t get outside of marriage.

softinvest · 2022-09-26T16:19:19+00:00

I am at the end of disastrous first (and only ever) marriage. Not everyone is the same but I would not ever marry again. I would never ever financially expose myself to anyone else, ever again. My wife will come close to financially bankrupting me but worse than that, she has promised to turn the kids good memories of me into ash. If someone ever wanted to live together again, it would happen only after legal documents were signed unless they make far more than I and have for quite some time.

NITAREEDDESIGNS · 2022-09-26T15:23:31+00:00

she may not be “the right girl”

Quite likely that you just WANT to be settled and family...

ragingredditir · 2022-09-26T16:38:03+00:00

Second marriages fail because of baggage from the first marriage. Raising kids that aren’t yours, financial stress due to paying for multiple families/houses, jealousy issues that arise from co-parenting relationships, trust issues and emotional baggage, etc.

It sounds like neither of you have any baggage. I think you prob learned valuable lessons and are more set up for success this time.

The lack of excitement is just due to age. A wedding ceremony is nothing but a party and young people like to party. It’s supposed to be a “magical” day.

With age comes wisdom. You know that the actual party matters very little compared to the commitment it represents. Yes, the wedding should be fun, but kept within reason. No need to spend a crap ton of money and try to make it feel “magical” when it’s literally just dancing and drinking for a night.

lotsofhubris · 2022-09-26T18:01:35+00:00

Get married if you want but don’t include the government.

CropCircle77 · 2022-09-26T17:20:15+00:00

No excitement? No butterflies?
That may be a good thing.

Butterflies suck, my mom once said to me. It's way better if it just feels normal to be together she said.

And I agree.

Why is engagement or marriage required for the two of you being together? Social norms and expectations?

It can be practical to enter this legal agreement. In case of sickness and death. I've seen it.
But you shouldn't feel pressured. It should feel like a good decision, like the right thing to do.

And before you jump at me guys, my parents were married 45 years. Ups and downs, ya know. But yeah, the real deal we don't see often nowadays.

georeddit2018 · 2022-09-26T17:44:19+00:00

Its your life and if marriage is what you want go for it and be careful.

Have you taught and ask her if she is willing to be married to you without a marriage license? Have you asked her about prenuptial agreement? Have you guys lived together to know each other well before marriage? Have you guys talked about how finances and money will be spent when you marry? Are you guys sexually compatible?

Surely you love her, but you want to be protected in case shit goes nuclear in future.

tyyyy110 · 2022-09-26T22:02:21+00:00

Ha.. you're feeling like this now imagine how you would feel if you actually go through with it

Three words for you!

don't do it

Micro_Peanuts · 2022-09-26T23:05:06+00:00

For the love of god bro, please do not do it. Listen to the men in here, we will literally save your life. I have been put through hell on earth for the last decade because I got married and had a kid. False accusations, hundreds of thousands spent/lost on divorce, custody battles, trying to save the marriage and save my relationship with my daughter, CPS, risk of jail time, restraining orders based on lies, a decade of family court, ignored parenting plans, parental alienation, more heartbreak and pain than I could ever even imagine. I am a shell of the man I was and can't even see my daughter even though I'm probably one of the best dads ever. I've almost ended it multiple times. I married the perfect girl, and she still turned out to be a monster. Research MGTOW and The Red Pill, give them some serious thought first (they get a lot of hate because they are right and are saving men from the systems designed to exploit us). You've been warned, if you still do it, then I hope you're INCREDIBLY lucky. BTW, likelihood of divorce in second marriages is 70%. Also, right now she is being the best version of herself for you to get you locked down with marriage. Once married, things will only go down hill, it's just a question of how horrifically.

CrazySanta7 · 2022-09-26T23:46:51+00:00

I learned my lesson the first time. No co habitation, no long term commitment and absolutely no marriage. I have better chances playing the lotto. What is one benefit of marriage for a guy?

Jbr74 · 2022-09-26T18:05:54+00:00

50% of all marriages fail.

67% of second marriages fail.

You weren't one of the lucky 50% the first time, what makes you think you are now part of the lucky 33%?

If you both earn fairly equal amounts of money and have a nearly equal net worth. And never plan on having kids. Go for it... It will at least only wreck you emotionally.

HorrorAd1946 · 2022-09-26T23:58:28+00:00

I have a slight different opinion. I believe in marriage, and believe it is a life long commitment. However society has made it a feel good or throw it away thing. That being said, I feel that if you knew in your heart this was the one for life, you would not be here asking the question. Past experiences bring caution, but does not diminish the excitement. Perhaps, take more time to make sure your heart and your head are in the sane place, seek some premarital counseling to get better tools for you both to decide this is what you both want. Just because it would be your second, does not equal being a statistic as mentioned above. I believe life long marriage is a daily decision each person makes. Best of luck to you...

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2022-09-27T02:03:21+00:00

You need to ask yourself if you're comfortable with these risks:

70% and 80% of 2nd and 3rd marriages end up in divorce.
80% of divorces are initiated by women.
90% of the time custody is awarded to mothers.

Oh - and prenups do not work when it comes to child support, custody, and access, which is what 99% of couples fight over.

GoobeNanmaga · 2022-09-27T06:56:24+00:00

You got it easy in your first marriage. Please discuss and consider a prenup with your current partner..

EmCee311 · 2022-09-26T19:31:45+00:00

Damn, I could have written this myself - almost identical situations. Look forward to the responses on this one.

Big-Technician9510 · 2022-09-26T21:18:28+00:00

Pre-marital counseling sounds like it may not be a bad idea to identify any potentially weighty baggage that might be detrimental to a marriage on either side.

clappinghands · 2022-09-27T00:08:05+00:00

Sounds like you both want the same thing. But do you want that with this person?

My ex wanted to get married and have kids. Turns out it didn't have to be just me. And she struggled answering this and I ignored it.

James_Jimothy · 2022-09-28T02:18:10+00:00

What is your GF perspective on your first marriage/divorce? Does she have a good relationship with her family, with her father in particular? Does she have a general respect for men? Is she nurturing and compassionate? What is her age? Is enthusiastic, frequent and passionate sex considered important? Is she willing to do pre-marital counseling? How does she envision married life with children? How does she resolve conflicts in the relationship? Are words and actions consistent?

Just things to think about.

I can understand traditional instincts, but the system does not incentivize preserving them.

Jonger1150 · 2022-09-26T22:31:05+00:00

Everything in life gets boring.

The day will come where sex is just more hassle than going to sleep.

I'm sorry.

2022-09-27T07:48:13+00:00

Would you feel differently if this time around your marriage would be done differently?

Without the family and formalities? Make it your own experience?

When you raise how you feel to your future wife, is she understanding of what you are going through? What is her perspective on this?

gnackered · 2022-09-26T21:13:59+00:00

At a minimum, pre-nup? Put pre-marital assets into an irrevocable trust? Does she earn equal or more? Is she planning to stay home with kids? What is the sex like? The no excitement comments made me put the last one in. What are the consequences if you don't get married, will she leave you? Age gap?

Not saying it can't be done. But you've been around the block once before. What would you do different? Just pick a different girl?

Character_Hippo90 · 2022-09-26T18:48:49+00:00

“NO SPARK,NO FIRE “, she might be great but not for you. Second marriages are common and the percentage for divorce grows with each “I do”. It’s nice to imagine great times, and it’s also smart to imagine hard times as well. Don’t do it.

playerknowmore · 2022-09-26T19:49:17+00:00

Honestly, you sound like a woman with two kids from previous relationships that says she doesn't want children with her successful committed boyfriend. Why are you punishing her because a previous relationship. Two years marry her or let her go. I don't want her to write this same post two years from now.

CoconutDelicious5935 · 2022-10-24T03:54:12+00:00

To do it a second time, I say 1) Don't, 2) if you must, demand a prenup, or 3) Don't.

Title	Second Marriage?
Author	ArchBlue2
Upvotes	18
Comments	46
Date	September 26, 2022 3:18 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xom8ib/second_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/second-marriage.1133808 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133808

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