How do I afford to live?

SelectionNo3078 · 2022-10-06T21:45:44+00:00

Do not agree to anything from ‘her lawyer’

MomentSpecialist2020 · 2022-10-06T21:35:13+00:00

Consult your lawyer first. Then try to figure out the finances. One step at a time. You may need a side job.

mrbill1234 · 2022-10-06T21:45:33+00:00

Firstly you don't roll over. Just because her lawyer said what she is getting doesn't mean it will happen. Get a lawyer and push for 50/50 custody firstly, and negotiate the rest. If she doesn't work, she will need to get a job.

cschoonmaker · 2022-10-06T22:35:08+00:00

They cannot leave you destitute. What her lawyer draws up is of no consequence. In a lot of states there are formulas for child/spousal support that take into account wages of both parties, custody time, etc. And in some states there are caps on how much of your income can be taken for support payments.

Step 1. Talk to YOUR lawyer. If you don't have one...GET ONE.
Step 2. Refer to Step 1 and don't do anything else until Step 1 is complete.

ragingredditir · 2022-10-06T21:50:16+00:00

There’s no good options.

If it were me, I would sell my empty house that has no furniture.

I would downsize to the absolute smallest/cheapest living situation feasible.

Then I would get a part time job. Ideally something fun/flexible. Bartender every other weekend would be a good one.

The weekends you aren’t with your kids could get lonely. Working as a bartender (or similar type job) would keep your mind busy, put you in a good environment to meet someone, and line your pockets with extra spending money.

I would absolutely NOT start a gofundme. No one will donate to it and your ex will use it as ammo to make things more contentious.

Birdie_Jack2021 · 2022-10-07T03:41:49+00:00

I’m a female. I’m on this sub because I align more with the “ man” “ husband” role. I made more money. And I’d taken a pay cut at the time of filing to complete graduate school. Student loans aren’t income by the way. My ex asked for child support and spousal support based on @ what I have the capacity to make in the future”

Blew my mind. A fictitious income. What if I went non profit? Am I not allowed to choose my own occupation? I am steady paid for EVERYTHING for the kids. We’ve been battling now for almost two decades. Kids are almost out of HS.

You just keep fighting. I’ve had to represent myself a few times too. After spending over $100k in attorney fees

Even though it’s NV where this YouTuber resides watch The Proper Parent. He’s a dude that represented himself and won it all. Watching him has helped me.

Next advice? Fly under the radar. She’s stalking you or her friends are.

MonthIndividual8699 · 2022-10-06T22:10:18+00:00

Your going to need to sell and get a small very small apartment. The rest can be negotiated. Get a lawyer too.

captainchippsixx · 2022-10-07T00:05:28+00:00

They are asking. Too bad so sad. State can decide child support. If the kids are 50/50 why child support?

Right out a details budget with house expenses. Have to show you can’t pay that.

Find a lawyer that does pro bona. Or Use the credit card. In the long run It might save you if you have a decent lawyer. Ask your friends for a recommendation

I have a side hustle. Helps out a lot.

hotantipasta · 2022-10-06T21:57:31+00:00

The court isn't going to make you pay more than you make, that just won't happen. First, you need to get your own attorney to advise you. Second, DO NOT take divorce advice from your STBXW or her attorney. Often times the first petition they file will be shooting for the moon.

Go online and see if you can find a child support calculator for your state. Plug your information in and see where it puts you. Also, spousal support isn't guaranteed, so don't lose sleep over that at this point. Get an attorney and follow their advise, and let them help guide you through the process. Nobody comes out of divorce without some financial scar tissue.

WellThisSix · 2022-10-06T22:06:14+00:00

Well, as always, you need a lawyer first. Your lawyer will fight to get a reasonable outcome for you and negotiate an agreement that can work.

All that out the way, AFTER it's all said and done, and the house is yours alone, sell that bitch and get yourself something affordable. Move a bit if you need to. At that point you will basically be free, kids considered. She's taking care of the labor intensive part of the process for you, let her.

This sucks my dude. I know. There is no way around that.

EDIT: Ghost of former love and happiness can linger in memories of familiar places. Your going to want out of the house anyway I bet.

jimsmythee · 2022-10-06T22:07:28+00:00

Check the numbers on alimony and child support.

I would imagine she’s not working? So she’s trying to put her income down as zero for CS calculator and then for alimony as well?

Darkfire66 · 2022-10-07T00:20:32+00:00

Hey brother I went through a similar situation and I realized that I can live on a lot less than I thought and still be comfortable and happy by focusing on the things that really mattered.

It's just money and you can always make more. Despite the fact that I lost my wife's income that was actually slightly higher than mine I ended up having more money each month by the time it was over because I wasn't having to deal with her spending.

I'm in a really good spot now because I did the debt snowball and I managed to start investing I'm taking care of my needs my money.

I'm happier now than I've ever been 2 years later.

ABBucsfan · 2022-10-06T21:50:28+00:00

Aa others said consult your lawyer. At least in Canada you're not getting out of the child support, it's offset of incomes, but at some point if she not working some amount can be inputted (prob not right away). Spousal support is negotiable at least here and there is a guideline, but I'd you can prove there isn't any pie left to give sometimes it's reduced.. affordability is considered. You may find at the end of it all you have to sell and split everything down the middle (including furniture, she doesn't get it all by default). May have to find a smaller place

communistakeover · 2022-10-06T23:33:56+00:00

I thought there was a federal law or us code that stated you can’t garnish more than 50% of someone’s wages. But I’m not a lawyer.

kdthex01 · 2022-10-07T03:15:37+00:00

It know it sucks but you are going to lose your house. In the current family court system the only party entitled to their previous standard of living is the SAHX. As others have said get a lawyer and embrace minimalism.

Ok-Cat1446 · 2022-10-07T06:31:10+00:00

attorneys suck. your wife's attorney probably pumped her up and said we are gonna go after this guy for everything you and your kids are entitled to. plus us you have to pay retainer and legal fees. I bet the attorney drive a really nice car and lives a great life.

that said now you have to get your own attorney and fight for everything you can get. they can leave you destitute or take money you don't have. how does that serve your kids? You have rights too. Also hopefully your wife is reasonable. speak w her now and to find an equitable solution but dont just roll over on this. fight it.

AirSailer · 2022-10-06T21:46:53+00:00

How about sharing some numbers? Maybe yours/hers monthly gross, mortgage, number of kids, spousal and child support, etc?

Data_Fan · 2022-10-06T23:53:39+00:00

Welcome to the game. Of course the fuckwad lawyer is going to ask for everything, because that's what they do

Remember he's a fuckwad lawyer and he does what he does because its a game. So just relax, and play the game. Obviously she's not going to get more than you earn because that's not sustainable. So start to document what is sustainable, and start to negotiate. It's going to suck, but you will be free...

chughead55 · 2022-10-07T00:04:54+00:00

You won't be in worse shape than her. It's 50_50.

_Why_Not_Today_ · 2022-10-07T00:31:13+00:00

Everything is negotiable and they can’t put you in a solution where you will go bankrupt. Even my horrible judge couldn’t do that.

Get an attorney

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-10-07T05:25:41+00:00

You don't say if she is working, or at least plans on getting a job. Her working is a must.

If nothing else your lawyer needs to start imputing her income and use that as a basis for negotiations.

Good luck brother.

dday_throwaway3 · 2022-10-07T08:57:56+00:00

> where I might be able to find some kind of assistance?

Time to find a higher paying job.

vegascorvette1995 · 2022-10-07T09:06:47+00:00

You need a better lawyer

SamuraiSlick · 2022-10-07T13:00:10+00:00

There’s always Mexico

RideATX · 2022-10-07T13:17:31+00:00

Dude, just because they drafted up a bullshit agreement doesn't mean you have to sign it. That's their starting point, you get to respond with your own low ball offer then you guys negotiate from there. It's all a game where only the lawyers win. It sucks, but you need to lawyer up.

CleburnCO · 2022-10-07T15:25:47+00:00

Why would you agree to that financial split?

If the deal is suicidal, don't sign it.

CommanderOfCheese45 · 2022-10-10T15:42:21+00:00

Don't agree to what she's had drafted. You're not stuck with whatever was written. It's supposed to be a negotiation. Her first offer is totally unreasonable.

Child support is usually done by a calculator in most states. You can punch in what your incomes (including alimony/transfers) and child-related expenses are and it'll spit out a number. Odds are it was done wrong in order to present a bigger number.

I don't know the specifics of your state but most of them spousal support is capped such that you will never have to pay more than you can afford after your own reasonable expenses, and often capped such that your ex can't get any more than it takes to pay her own reasonable expenses, and if neither of you makes enough to pay your expenses then it just splits the difference.

Consult a lawyer. Draw up a counterproposal. Figure out what you think child support should be. Tally up your expenses and whatnot and figure out what you can "afford" to give her and what she "needs" to receive (and because it's a negotiation, and because she made an impossible first offer, lowball her ass hard, including imputing her income way higher than it presently is).

Don't just accept what she's throwing at you. Counteroffer every bit as aggressively as she has. Don't be "grateful" she's offering 50/50 parenting time, because that's the absolute minimum anybody should expect.

Title	How do I afford to live?
Author	randomscarab
Upvotes	33
Comments	35
Date	October 6, 2022 9:17 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/xxglme/how_do_i_afford_to_live/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-afford-to-live.1134824 https://theredarchive.com/post/1134824

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