Given that there is a list of things that men are expected to do in relationships that women aren’t, what is a list of things women are expected to do that men aren’t?

WoodStainedGlass · 2023-03-25T16:44:43+00:00

A better question might be what do you want out of a partner? While there are conventional ideas about gender roles, not everyone can conform to them. I’m an artist and would likely not be able support a wife and kids financially. But I did have good parenting role models and when I was dating I made it clear that I’d be able to contribute significantly cooking and taking care of kids. On top of that I’ve always tried to date women smarter than me with better careers.

Being up front about what I brought to the table, even though it was societally unconventional didn’t hurt my ability to date and after a fun but unsuccessful first marriage I am married with two kids.

Soloandthewookiee · 2023-03-25T16:39:15+00:00

Men are expected to lay their life on the line if someone breaks in to the house. Men are expected to pay the majority of the bills. Men are expected to walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so he can get hit by the car instead of the woman if the car jumps the curb. Men are expected to give women their jacket when she’s cold. Men are expected to give his woman some of the food he ordered even after she said she wasn’t hungry. Men are expected to know how to fight and be strong. Men are expected not to cry (yes I’m well aware that many people will argue that if a woman loses attraction for you when you cry, she’s not the one for you, but I would argue that a large majority of women lose sexual attraction toward you when you cry)

I'm a man and I've never been with someone who expected to me to do any of these with the exception of sharing some of my food, but my girlfriends and now my wife share their food with me.

It seems like there’s this long this of things men are expected to do in relationships that are not expected of women, but there doesn’t seem to be any sort of list like that for women, unless I’m missing something here.

Because you're comparing what was "expected" of 19th century Victorian men with the what is "expected" of relationships today, while ignoring the actual nature of relationships today.

azurix · 2023-03-25T17:37:09+00:00

You’re making it seem like being in a relationship I’d doing service in the army. These are all expectations you’ve fabricated in your mind. No one gonna ask you to do any of that in reality.

The fact you think you’d have to post all the bills in this economy it just based on the same few decades where two incomes are needed to build a family it insane and dumbfounded of you.

All the machismo stuff if things you tell yourself to be a real man when I’m reality most men aren’t fit. Not that they have to.

You can cry. Crying is always depending on the situation crying about normal things that affect you. That’s fine. Crying irrationally makes anyone look insane. Like crying over your made up world view that men do so much. You literally just live your life but with a partner that you care for. You’re not enlisting.

And you try to make yourself seem reasonable by stating that you know that these are expectations that don’t need to be met but the fact that you have to ask online like this shows you really don’t. You want to be proven that it is a reality.

Maybe your just not mentally fit for a relationship at the moment

JasenBorne · 2023-03-25T18:08:03+00:00

Provide children? A lot of people, including myself, don’t want kids.

you may not want kids but for those that do - which is still the vast majority - women are expected to be the primary caregiver and sacrifice her career to do so. she literally also sacrifices her body to be pregnant and give birth. have you seen birthing videos? looks like a fucking nightmare, sometimes vaginas rips right down to the anus. sacrificing vagina and anus surely is just as good as sacrificing one's coat.

BigVulvaEnergy · 2023-03-25T17:27:11+00:00

Yes, I expect a man to do all the things I'm capable of.

That includes protecting my home, contributing financially to the household, being kind to others, sharing, cooking, cleaning, and crying.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2023-03-25T16:46:45+00:00

Ummm, I can't quote your OP but I would say half those things aren't even true. I'm from the UK and holding a door open is something everyone is expected to do if they reach the door first and that's usually me given that I am impatient and a fast walker lol.

I've never heard the walking on the side of the pavement thing. I've only known adults do that with children.

Some of the things you said tie into each other like "being strong" and "protecting".

The crying thing, I don't know about that one. Maybe some people believe that but I actually like men that cry. I am a very soppy, romantic and sentimental person. If a guy started crying during sex I would get even more turned on lol but maybe I am an outlier.

Paying on dates. Again, this is completely dying off, at least in the UK again. I have always split and most people I know do this.

I guess what women provide is potential to carry future offspring which is a timely and costly process. Also, nursing babies. I guess for that reason the concept of chivalry was born even though a lot of it is now a bit outdated.

Another thing women seem to provide more than men is beauty and sex appeal. Women are very sexualized and socialized to wear make up, heels, sexy lingerie, dresses, jewellery, style 18inches of hair. Another daily, repetitive task which means men get the eye candy and I guess that's another reason why women are treat a bit like a "trophy". Not saying I agree with this.

daisydaisydaisy12 · 2023-03-25T17:14:55+00:00

Who is making you get married? Or even asking you to speak to a woman? We dont want anyone who would not love to protect us in our home from a danger. Go live with another man. Its what you want down deep anyway.

EugeneCezanne · 2023-03-25T18:09:09+00:00

Men are expected to lay their life on the line if someone breaks in to the house. Men are expected to pay the majority of the bills. Men are expected to walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so he can get hit by the car instead of the woman if the car jumps the curb. Men are expected to open doors for the woman. Men are expected to give women their jacket when she’s cold. Men are expected to give his woman some of the food he ordered even after she said she wasn’t hungry. Men are expected to know how to fight and be strong. Men are expected not to cry

These expectations are largely traditional, while many people these days are not.

I live with my gf. I would probably defend us from an invader, if fleeing out the backdoor with her wasn't an option. But otherwise, none of this applies. We split bills evenly; I doubt either of us thinks about the side of the road thing; we open doors for each other organically; we give each other coats when one of us is cold or else just stick with what we're wearing; we share food; neither of us has any intention of fighting (we're adults...); and I don't particularly feel like crying often, but when I do, it's fine—her sexual attraction doesn't suddenly dry up.

I haven't dated a woman who expected all of this stuff since maybe high school, and that was literally a teenaged girl. You say exceptions don't make the rule—maybe you're just not aware that the rule isn't as firm as it used to be.

propyl21 · 2023-03-25T16:54:25+00:00

Men are expected to lay their life on the line if someone breaks in to the house.

Under what circumstance? Women are just as brave. There's a video on the front page where 3 men break into a house and the woman joins her husband in fighting back.

Men are expected to pay the majority of the bills.

There's something called equality where men and women work. The post from yesterday about women doctors is a prime example where women pay and earn more than guys.

Men are expected to walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so he can get hit by the car instead of the woman if the car jumps the curb.

The fuck. Did you time travel from the 1800's?

Men are expected to open doors for the woman.

For their wife? Or just other women? I open the door and keep it open if someone is walking behind me in close proximity. It has no effect on my ego if that's what you meant

Men are expected to give women their jacket when she’s cold.

Movie trope. Shows the age and experience of the person who believes in this stuff.

Men are expected to give his woman some of the food he ordered even after she said she wasn’t hungry.

That's just habits. Can't see any issue with this. Doesn't hurt anyone.

Men are expected to know how to fight and be strong. Men are expected not to cry (yes I’m well aware that many people will argue that if a woman loses attraction for you when you cry, she’s not the one for you, but I would argue that a large majority of women lose sexual attraction toward you when you cry)

Oh good God. Toxic masculinity alert whoever told you that men shouldn't cry hoodwinked you. It takes real courage to show emotions. Are you telling me if a man's sister/mother passes away, he shouldn't cry next to her coffin while his wife / gf is there? Just one example out of many.

So what exactly are women expected to do in relationships that men aren’t? Cook and clean? Men are expected to help with that too, especially these days given that both people are often working full time.

Aren't you guys all about traditional breadwinner mentality living styles? Where the woman is a SAHW who is supposed to look after the kids while the man is the alpha breadwinner?

Provide emotional support? Men are definitely expected to provide that also.

I thought you said men can't cry in front of women?

Edit; I got bored and stopped. Way too one sided and pointless endeavour to compare notes.

If you believe women don't bring anything to the table, then why are you folks so desperate to get with one? Is it just to use her for sex?

anotherstarbuckeroos · 2023-03-25T18:32:00+00:00

Dude. You're way too wrapped up in "expectations". Everything you mentioned is stuff you have to do with or without a partner. If you keep looking at relationships through the lens of expectations you're going to become a very bitter person.

The true purpose of finding a partner is to allow you freedom from doing it all, with the company of someone you love and trust next to you.

If you're with a girl who expects you to open the door, give her your jacket, that's a red flag. Does it light up my little heart when a guy does this? Yeah of course. Because I don't expect it, that makes it special. You're out here talking like someone who's never loved another person enough to want to make their life better. And that's what it all boils down to, finding the person you want to do these things for.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2023-03-25T19:24:50+00:00

Men are expected to lay their life on the line if someone breaks in to the house.

I expect my husband to run the fuck away with me

There's nothing we have that i couldn't rebuy with insurance or is worth getting hurt over.

Men are expected to pay the majority of the bills.

Everyone i know is 50/50 except for like the 2 or 3 couples where one of them earns way more. And even then its usually a 60/40 split

Obviously exceptions if there are kids and one of you has to stay home. Obviously the sacrifice evens out as one pays more and the other one does the childcare. And hurts their financial future

Men are expected to walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so he can get hit by the car instead of the woman if the car jumps the curb.

Never heard this one before!

Men are expected to give his woman some of the food he ordered even after she said she wasn’t hungry.

Lmao. I've never actually seen this play out in real life

Men are expected to know how to fight and be strong.

Ive never dated anyone who knows how to fight. Though I do expect you to open jars for me

Honestly if you agree that most people don't do this, then by definition your arguement that

So what exactly are women expected to do in relationships that men aren’t? Cook and clean? Men are expected to help with that too, especially these days given that both people are often working full time. Provide emotional support? Men are definitely expected to provide that also. Provide encouragement? Again, also expected of men. Bring lightheartedness to the relationship? Men are expected to provide that too. Provide children? A lot of people, including myself, don’t want kids.

Doesn't count. Because all research shows that women still do the bulk of unpaid work while working equal hours of paid work so no.

Barely-moral · 2023-03-25T20:07:30+00:00

I have yet to read a good comment that mentions obligations/expectations put on women in relationships.

Provide children? A lot of people, including myself, don’t want kids.

I disagree with you. Considering most people in the world want children, that is an expectation/obligation put on women. In the same way that men have the expectation of laying down life when shit hits the fan.

No one will force you to meet that expectation but your chances to have a relationship will quickly diminish if you don't meet it.

Other than that I would love if women here actually post about the obligations/expectations put on them when inside a relationship. Specifically about the obligations/expectations that women have and men don't.

pinktuliplover · 2023-03-25T21:05:54+00:00

Women are expected to be an asset to men.

Cook, clean, bear children, be nurturing, be the primary caretaker of children, teach children manners and to be generally socially acceptable, be the primary caretaker of elderly family members, get along well with partner’s family as well as being a good hostess/helper, remember all the little details (birthdays, doctor’s appointments, sending thank you cards, etc.), be supportive, be submissive, be agreeable, stick by your man, not be slutty but not be a prude, look good and stay looking good (stay fit, don’t age badly, have good hair, skin, nails, acceptable and attractive sense of style, etc), not be unpleasant (even during your time of the month), have basic etiquette, be overly polite (apologize and say excuse me more than actually necessary), let men lead even when you know your idea is better, politely laugh when jokes aren’t funny, don’t emasculate a man, be independent and decently smart but never enough to outshine or no longer need the man, stroke men’s egos, and know your place.

Safinated · 2023-03-25T16:47:29+00:00

Sex, service, sacrifice, submission, support, whether you really want to or not

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2023-03-25T18:49:55+00:00

I don’t expect my man to do any of that shit. Maybe you should look for a woman who doesn’t have those expectations if you don’t like them

two-horses · 2023-03-25T19:04:48+00:00

Many women put aside their own ambitions in favor of starting a family or supporting his ambitions.
Women are expected to carry the mental load, remember things for their husband and kids

TurtleDickSlap · 2023-03-25T16:46:36+00:00

As a man, there are things I can expect her to do that I won't (provided that I'm holding up my end of the agreement)

I don't do the cooking or cleaning. Outside of my laundry (because I'm very particular about that), those things are her responsibility. Modern advances in household technology have rendered those tasks trivial so any woman who complains about doing them is just lazy.
I will either get sex on demand, or I'll have sex with other women. If you want monogamy with a man like me, you need to know that going in. Make it worthwhile to give up fucking all the women who want to fuck me.
No Instagram/Snapchat. Those things say "I'm still looking around. If I can't follow thots online (and I don't) then you can't be one.

I know I'm gonna be replied to with "uR So CoNtRolLinG and InSeCurE", and you know what? I am controlling. I'm controlling when I'm expected to be responsible.

KamuiObito · 2023-03-25T17:23:28+00:00

We don’t even expect women to be smart Ot not boring ..we genuinely accept women at their worst and still give them our best ..but they here are more men that’s toxic I will say …

Deshaun-Kobe · 2023-03-25T17:03:15+00:00

Service, cooking and cleaning

Consistent sex

Not embarrassing your men since you represent him

Making his life easier

Giving him kids if it's Long-term

Now this is just my list of what l expect but you l'll find common patterns with other men

2023-03-25T20:42:06+00:00

In the west, women don’t do shit

KamuiObito · 2023-03-25T17:19:47+00:00

Nothing women have 0 expectations ..like at all they like your little brother who can’t help move furniture just grab the chairs and stay back

SoldierExcelsior · 2023-03-25T19:03:25+00:00

Suck Dck.

Embarrassed-Tune9038 · 2023-03-25T17:06:25+00:00

It is amazing how many women are clueless as to what their fellow woman wants from men, and assume.

I have met many women who expected stuff like that from men.

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tricepsmultiplicator · 2023-03-25T17:06:16+00:00

There isn't a list. Its who has less spine will do anything that stronger spine demands. If both spines are of steel than relationship is either easy or impossible.

2023-03-25T20:37:55+00:00

I never know how to respond to these posts. Usually I say I don’t expect these things, and someone counters with I’m an exception to the rule, or I’m lying. My boyfriend does some of the things OP lists, which I admittedly find quite sweet. But they aren’t expectations on my part. In fact we had to have a little chat about me paying for dates sometimes, because he was pretty insistent and I like to contribute financially. On my part I listen empathetically and provide advice when asked when he’s experiencing stress at work. I helped him set up a web site for his new business and l will occasionally help at work if he’s down a guy. Massages, back scratches, planning fun activities for us to do. I cook and bake foods I know he likes just because, drop off coffee at work randomly. I put a lot of thought into gifts and celebrations. I really really care about this dude so I try and do things I know will make his day better or easier. He shows the same care back to me. Just two folks doing nice stuff for each other.

hearyoume14 · 2023-03-25T20:50:26+00:00

I live in the American South so culturally you’ll see more traditional aspects.

I find people don’t want to be venerable. I’ve been told men want a capable and competent woman who will allow men to take over some things. Who wants to be in a relationship where they aren’t needed? Everyone should have basic homemaking skills. I’m class of ‘08 and I did home etc type classes including record keeping and filling out forms by hand. My hyperfixations include organizing and cleaning so as long as someone else will vacuum I’m good.

Growing up we either all cleaned the shared areas together or our parents did what they preferred to do.

Dad like to iron and cook. Mom did laundry.

VividlyDissociating · 2023-03-26T01:09:21+00:00

Men are expected to lay their life on the line if someone breaks in to the house.

actually its whoever is the strongest is the one expected to emdanger themself to protect the household. and typicallyits the man who is the strongest. pretty sure if the woman was the stronger one in the relationship, she'dbe risking herself. if we dont protect our homes, who will??? the police??? yea sure maybe if they had a time machine and could get here within a reasonable time.

Men are expected to pay the majority of the bills

i actually expect us to split the bills evenly. but some couples do choose to split the bills based on income, where the person making more pays more into bills. thats a personal decision a couple should make amongst themselves. it is also something my own bf has suggested so i have more money to save each month.

Men are expected to walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so he can get hit by the car instead of the woman if the car jumps the curb.

pretty sure its so he can push both of them out of the way since he is likely the stronger one, not so he can be hit by the car.

also have never expected this of a man and never even knew this was a thing until walking withy bf the other day and he insisted i walk on the other side. and he didnt insist because its the "manly thing to do". he did it because he was genuinely concerned.

Men are expected to open doors for the woman.

i never expect this and i, in fact, open door for strangers including men all the time. but maybe thats the southern hospitality.

Men are expected to give women their jacket when she’s cold.

im usually the one giving my bf my jacket. i would never expect someone to give me theor jacket if theyre also cold

Men are expected to give his woman some of the food he ordered even after she said she wasn’t hungry.

ngl i do actually. at least one bite. would expect the same of my gf too though.

Men are expected to know how to fight and be strong.

literally never expect this. would much rather there be no fighting. men who focus on strength are usually assholes. and insecure ones at that.

Men are expected not to cry

part of the reason i have left a bf is because he refused to be open and vulnerable with me. i appreciate that my current bf can be vulnerable with me. if he didnt cry i would thonk there was something wrong with him.

my other ex admitted to never have cried about his mother'sdeath despite having a good relationship with her.. turned out there was very much something wrong with him. dodged that bullet

i would assume you are talking about generalized expectations of what you might say is the majority of society, but then you are throwing out exceptions for those who do not fall in line with that

Cook and clean? Men are expected to help with that too, especially these days given that both people are often working full time.

if we were doing a generalization of common expectations in society, then no.. men are not expected to help cook and clean.

Provide emotional support? Men are definitely expected to provide that also.

again, no.

Provide encouragement? Again, also expected of men.

pretty sure thats not expectation that has been held for a long time like that ones you listed for men

Bring lightheartedness to the relationship? Men are expected to provide that too.

pretty sure youre just making shit up now

Provide children? A lot of people, including myself, don’t want kids.

and?? so this clearly is not a generalized list of society's gender role expectations that have been held for a while. you're including more modern expectations, wants, and needs? why did you not do that for the men's???

I’m just a bit confused here

i am too

It seems like there’s this long this of things men are expected to do in relationships that are not expected of women, but there doesn’t seem to be any sort of list like that for women, unless I’m missing something here.

i feel like you simply do not want to think even a little bit about it, because there's definitely an obvious list.

we are expected to be well kept, such as no aging and to be shaven. we are expected to always be smiling. cannot dare look depressed or serious. we are expected to wear makeup so much so that we are pressured by our bosses to do so. we are expected to bear children and cook and clean and do everything for pur husbands such as their laundry and keep track of all their shit like we are their they are our child. we are expected to be submissive and go along with whatever they say. cannot even say no to sex.andanyore i cannot think of atm.

i personally would never be with someone who held these expectations, but these are expectations heard while growing up and some i even experienced in my adulthood.

Title	Given that there is a list of things that men are expected to do in relationships that women aren’t, what is a list of things women are expected to do that men aren’t?
Author	Witty-Masterpiece642
Upvotes	1
Comments	162
Date	March 25, 2023 4:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/121r52w/given_that_there_is_a_list_of_things_that_men_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/given-that-there-is-a-list-of-things-that-men-are.1187914 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187914

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