The issue: a few months ago my wife got into a huge confrontation with my mom and siblings over an honest accident. I don’t think the confrontation was justified and her behavior was hysterical. It was all based on an accident and miscommunication. I can get past the incident and treat it as an outlier, but she refuses to admit ANY wrongdoing. Meanwhile everyone else is willing to come forward apologize for the miscommunications. I find myself arguing with her all the time…even when she’s not home. Lastly, we just bought a house but no kids. Tl;Dr

Edit: The conflict started when we were supposed to host family (brother & his family) visiting from out of town for about 5 days. Everyone was excited and things started out smoothly. They have hosted us before and they rolled out the red carpet for us. My wife shared a few house rules when they arrived, one of them being to please not leave out snacks because our 2 dogs WILL get to them. The SIL made sure to place their snacks on my office desk. HOWEVER, my 5 year old niece had 2 chocolate chip cookies in her backpack that were missed. The little girl left the door open and our senior 16 year old dog ate them. We found out because as soon as the dog came downstairs he threw it all up. The dog seemed fine, he’s eaten all kinds of stuff before.

My wife was at Disneyland w her friends, but I texted her what happened not thinking she would get upset...but her response was intense, she called me chewing my ear out saying she doesn’t understand how they messed this up after she clearly stated the rules. At first I was a broken record assuring her it was an accident and the dog seems fine, then we argued, then I told my family to head out to the beach for the day without me because I’m going to watch the dog, my wife left Disneyland as well to watch the dog with me. I think her coming home was more out of guilt of me staying while everyone else was enjoying the weekend.

When she got home around 2pm I’ve never seen her so enraged. We took the dog to the vet and the vet said he was fine but he could still pump his stomach more for $700. I said fine let’s do it in hopes it would give her peace of mind and calm everything down. Instead, she became more enraged, she began texting my brother demanding an apology etc. which he responded “I’m sorry to hear about this” when my relatives got home, including mom and grandma, my wife was slamming doors and not acknowledging anyone. I was trying to keep things from escalating more, I quietly explained to my whole family that she’s really upset. Brother offered to help pick up the bill (sent me $350), and said no problem we’ll head out in the morning to be out of your way. Long story short, the wife got confrontational with everyone in the living room, my brother apologized again, the SIL got defensive, my mom interjected/raised her voice(I calmly shut down my mom and made her apologize to my wife which she did 3 times that night), it was a mess. Once mom and grandma left the house she began to cry on living room floor leaning against the couch. I just sat next to her caressed her hair, then about an hour later she packed up her stuff and left for two nights.

This intense lashing out has happened a few times before but it was isolated between us two. Now that my whole extended family became collateral damage I am drawing the line, I feel humiliated. Other details: me (31) wife (30), dated 4 years before marriage. Before buying our house we rented with her parents and spent a lot of quality time with her side, including vacations. But hardly any time with mine.. just dinner once in a while. Our arguments consist of her threatening divorce to then calming down and trying minimize the whole thing by saying “it wasn’t even an overreaction, I wasn’t cursing or throwing things” She absolutely hates my mom over indirect things she has taken offense to but never brought up until marriage.