One of the things I've come to admire most about women is that they value authenticity in their relationships.

With romantic relationships with men this means they want a man to unapologetically be himself. They want his actions to reflect who he is, what his values are, and how he feels. For example, if a man gives a gift or another kind gesture it should be out of his generosity and love, because it will make him feel good to see her happy. If he does this only to gain her approval she may sense this and the gesture will mean nothing or even be received negatively.

The same applies to "bad boys". The bad buy doesn't give a fuck what others think. He also may not care at all about women and only want sex, but he is upfront about it. A woman knows where she is at with him and if she is in the mood for a casual fling he's the guy a lot of women go to. The Nice Guy is fundamentally dishonest and hides his intentions, glossing it over with benign friendliness. Women sense that they cannot trust him to ever be honest with them. He's no good for short or long-term relationships because there is no basis of trust.

For much of my life I didn't like that women valued authenticity because I was a Nice Guy. I was willing and eager to change myself to gain the approval of women. I didn't think I always made it obvious but it was obvious to them and I would lose all attractiveness in their eyes.

But now I like it. I like that women keep me honest about what I want and who I am. It can be a harsh standard. Being a strong, integrated, authentic man is hard. But I like being challenged to be the best version of myself and to called out (if often indirectly) when I'm not being authentic. It's a strong motivation for me to be a better man.

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Ok, that was a long intro. The actual questions:

Do men value authenticity as much as women?

Do women feel the same pressure to be authentic in relationships?

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My answer, to the first question:

For me, I do not feel nearly as attuned to authenticity as women. If my girlfriend gives me a gift or a nice gesture of caring, I don't think a lot about the intentions behind the gesture. If I can tell that there was some thought put into it I feel more loved, because of the feeling of connection to another person by feeling known and valued. But I don't think too much about the motivation behind giving me the gift.

If she gave me a gift out of love and generosity that's the best. But if I felt she did it out of insecurity, wanting my approval, or fear of losing me I would want to comfort and reassure her, but I would not feel a loss of attraction for her or feel the relationship has suffered. At a certain point I would feel like the relationship is unstable if she constantly showed extreme neediness or insecurity, but until that point I would just figure it's my job to make her feel secure and she will probably need some regular reassurance.

I don't think too much about a woman's motivations for a relationship, casual or otherwise. Only if she seems mentally unstable do I think about this. I don't care if she is indirect with her intentions. In my experience women are almost always indirect about sex and I don't perceive this as dishonest or inauthentic. It almost always falls to me to move things forward sexually and I only know her intentions definitively when I go for it and she says yes or no. This is fine for me.

Obviously I cannot answer as to whether women feel the same pressure to be authentic as I do.

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So what do you think?