If women aren't sexually motivated like men are, what motivates sex drive in women who enjoy sex with multiple different people? If not those people being endowed with certain bodily blessings?

JNRoberts42 · 2023-06-02T17:17:18+00:00

A lot of women, when they have sex, it's because they love the person they're having it with.

It’s because they are excited by the person they are having it with.

If love were sufficient reason for women to have sex, there would be fewer dead bedrooms.

Ainsleygz · 2023-06-02T17:23:28+00:00

Sex is fun

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2023-06-02T16:48:13+00:00

Sex with another person feels better than masturbation. Now, obviously, if the person isn't focused on giving you a good time at all, it sucks, but generally, sex with another person feels better.

Sometimes you're not in a relationship and want to have sex. ONS aren't my thing, I've had a couple but I found out I needed to at least like the person or enjoy spending time with them for sex to be fun for me. I've had FWB situations and those have been fine, none of the guys were some incredible specimens of masculinity but they were people that I would hang out with all the time and we both wanted to show each other a good time, so the sex was good. Some people only want to have sex within a committed relationship, some are like me where they'll have sex with people outside of one but you have to at least have some connection with the person, and some people will just bang a dude they think looks hot. We all like sex, but we treat it differently depending on what we're comfortable with.

hexcodehero · 2023-06-02T16:57:52+00:00

I would love to have a poll on this sub purely based on understanding how many of you are autistic. It would shed so much light on this sub.

Hrquestiob · 2023-06-02T16:51:43+00:00

Here’s a discussion of a fun study I found suggesting men and women are both equally “visually” aroused: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/men-not-more-visual-or-easily-aroused-than-women-research-shows

Do with this what you will

Makuta_Servaela · 2023-06-02T17:40:21+00:00

I have sex with people because I want to get off and have sex with them and find them sexually appealing, often aesthetically, but usually also personality-wise. (If it was JUST about getting off, my dildo and vibrator would suffice and be better at it). If I want to commit to a person, I commit to them. I don't personally think commitment is required for sex, but I do think sex appeal is important for commitment.

However, I don't have as much sex as I would like to because I am shy, and because I have risks: STDs are often much worse for the female body than for the male, it's easier to catch an STD as the receiver, I am at a safety disadvantage with male partners (not saying females can't be a danger to males, but there is definitely a statistical difference), and most importantly: I can be impregnated. Also, I'm better at getting myself off than even the most sexy man I've been with could get me off, so if it was just about getting laid, I needn't waste the time with others.

All of these things lead me to resist many opportunities to have sex.

nemma88 · 2023-06-02T18:15:14+00:00

Imv a lot of women have sex when they feel horny, usually when drunk. Shes not necessarily in the mood because of the man she sleeps with. The man is the right tool at the right time in many cases.

Edit ; Or maybe it's just as simple as sex drive is a spectrum and many women sit on the more male end, certainly plenty of men sit on the female end. If 20% of women are promiscuous as such that's a pretty normal overlap.

bluestjuice · 2023-06-02T18:34:33+00:00

Women are sexually motivated, differently than men are.

Broadly speaking, their desire is to have as much and the sort of sex that is pleasurable to them, with as few drawbacks as possible. Individual preference as to quantity and type and individual risk profiles account for most of the rest, in the context of that particular moment in sociocultural time.

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toasterchild · 2023-06-02T18:20:26+00:00

Most of my drive to have sex comes from my hormones and how I feel about myself that day. It can be increased in the presence of certain people but not generally by simply looking at them, it takes some form of interaction with each other. I can't remember ever just looking at a guy and getting turned on even though I have known a few women who claim that happens to them sometimes.

Relative_Bee8356 · 2023-06-02T19:04:16+00:00

It's fun to have sex with a person who is attractive, good in bed/compatible with you, and reasonably pleasant to hang out with. No shit? This isn't rocket science -- some of you buy into "men and women are different" so hard that you end up totally baffled by completely reasonable behaviors.

I always had a bunch of casual sex when I was single because it was fun and pleasurable. It's how I met all my boyfriends, but that wasn't what I was looking for when I did it. The guys who ended up as boyfriends were the ones where we had higher sexual and conversational chemistry than I did with the others, we were compatible in terms of lifestyle stuff, and met at a time when we were both open to a more serious relationship -- but they weren't "a different type of person" than the guys I hooked up with.

The guys I hooked up with and didn't want more from were some combination of: different life goals (if you want kids, into the fuckzone with you), mediocre conversational chemistry, didn't share certain kinks of mine that I would miss in a monogamous relationship, location stuff (I do not do LDR) or lifestyle incompatibility. They weren't bad people by any means, many of them were very lovely and we had a great time but it was clear a more serious relationship would not work out between us.

Mrs_Drgree · 2023-06-02T19:07:30+00:00

Men who are charismatic, fun, and have a good vibe. Yes, being physically attractive is important also, but I think most men will meet that threshold.

ChadChasingB · 2023-06-02T19:13:04+00:00

I know many guys that get casual sex constantly. They're all somewhat attractive, but they're also extremely socially competent. They know how to make people feel at ease, draw them in, and they're never awkward. They can read social cues and they're fun. They make women feel like they're safe with them and will have a good time. That's how they get laid. They're not ugly and they have proper social skills.

Cobra_x30 · 2023-06-02T19:00:43+00:00

I'm not a woman, but in my considerable experience... women really like to feel desirable and sexy. Sometimes they like the feeling of that more than they like the feeling of the sex itself. Although if that happens it's a huge failure on my part.

tinableuu · 2023-06-02T21:33:21+00:00

lol u guys think we’re just programmed to find a guy w a huge “package” cause thts wht ur alluding too uhh no we’re just attracted to guys that are not scared to talk to us to keep it short

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-06-02T16:43:48+00:00

women are sexually motivated by being made to feel sexy by the sexy attention of high value men (to them)

Medium_Let143 · 2023-06-02T18:57:43+00:00

I have sex with multiple guys. Not at the same time, but I have more than one ongoing physical relationship.

It is not about "being endowed with certain bodily blessings" unless you count working out and taking care of their health. I do like a muscular body but I have had lots of great sex with guys who are very average builds.

For me, you have to be fun and interesting. Self involved guys, for any reason bitterness, vanity, etc. (are a huge turnoff).

SpiritualBlob · 2023-06-02T17:55:09+00:00

They are. They just are incredibly picky because they have options. If men had options, they would display the same behavior.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2023-06-02T18:03:26+00:00

I like to orgasm?

I don’t have casual sex though so maybe this isn’t directed towards me.

If I were to sleep with a man as a ONS considering I’d likely know nothing about him I’d have to perceive him as extremely good looking and high value. Otherwise I don’t see the point but this is coming from a woman who is not motivated by sleeping with people casually so my motivation would differ from said woman same as men, there are plenty of men who don’t want to have casual sex, their sexual motivations differ

External_Grab9254 · 2023-06-02T19:44:38+00:00

The ONS I’ve had were with people who I felt were just there to mutually enjoy our time together regardless of what happened and were thoughtful. This means taking my yes or no at face value, communicating what they want without being pushy, listening when I communicated, and thinking about my needs. I love dancing so being a good dancer and having good chemistry while dancing is a plus. One time a man brought me a cold bottled water while I was on the dance floor. Found him later, we danced a bit and that was that. It’s really about the simple things and the right attitude

carverstein · 2023-06-02T20:19:49+00:00

Attention from multiple men. Having Mr. Tuesday for free dinner, and Mr. Monday for free concerts, and Mr. Friday for a big hot dog.

It’s not rocket science. Stop listening to what women say.

2023-06-02T21:10:44+00:00

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Spyro7x3 · 2023-06-02T21:31:59+00:00

Its the bodily blessings quite obviously

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-06-03T00:09:00+00:00

Whoever told you that women don’t enjoy sex is full of shit. Most women very much enjoy sex. Why do you think there’s a huge market for vibrators and other female-oriented sex toys? Men aren’t the only people who have a healthy or high libido.

armpitpics · 2023-06-03T00:33:59+00:00

I was horny, single and bored.

KikiYuyu · 2023-06-03T00:39:38+00:00

I suppose they don't see all the things I see as dangers or sources of anxiety or shame. It feels good, so the rest must just be background noise to them.

ohdiddly · 2023-06-03T17:21:39+00:00

Most of the people I've had sex with are people that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with. Why? because sex feels good and it's fun. It's really that simple

96tillinfinity_ · 2023-06-03T17:58:36+00:00

Because women like to fuck. They like to fuck a lot and if you make them cum and make them laugh. They want to fuck you even more. Simple

resurrect_john_brown · 2023-06-04T01:50:05+00:00

Most women like sex just as much as men do. The whole bit about men having such higher sex drives than women is a myth, and it needs to die.

Women have several very good reasons to turn down sex. There is always the risk of pregnancy, first of all. When we choose to be sexually intimate with a man we also run the risk of being assaulted, raped, or even murdered, since the men that we already know are much more likely to do those things to us. Additionally, some women don't like to have sex on their periods, which is another good reason to say no.

Then there is the classic Patriarchal Double Standard: while men are valorized for fucking as many women as they possibly can, women often get slut-shamed for being sexually active at all. Once we get slut-shamed we often spend months or years being hit on by desperate, shitbag men - usually the same ones that slut-shame us.

Additionally, the version of who has the higher sex drive has changed multiple times over history according to what was most convenient for the men in that culture. In ancient Greece, women were said to be so sexually rapacious that they had to be kept indoors unless they had a male escort to save them from their uncontrollable lust. For most of human history, up until the end of the 17th century, women were typically thought of much as men are today - extremely high sex drives, can barely control themselves, etc. What changed right before the 17th century to flip that notion on its head and cause men to "become" sexually insatiable, you ask?..............Anatomists discovered that women didn't have to have an orgasm in order to conceive. Yup. As soon as men realized they didn't have to give a fuck about whether women enjoyed sex, they took over the show.

The old saw that men are driven to "spread their seed" also doesn't quite hold up. Women are capable of being multi-orgasmic; we can theoretically have one orgasm after another until we exhaust ourselves. Female rats have this same gift, which caused them to mate with as many males as it takes for them to get off. Researchers think that's how it works for women, too, so that we get as much diverse DNA as possible. Conversely, how many times can a man have sex before they either can't get it up anymore or run out of semen?

I got most of this info from What Do Women Want by Daniel Bergner, Making Sex by Thomas Lacquer, and Women: An Intimate Geography by Natalie Anglers. Oh, and a couple books by biologist Anne Fausto-Sterling. And Misogyny: The World's Oldest Prejudice by Jack Holland.

xcheshirecatxx · 2023-06-05T05:00:11+00:00

Women are visual. We are not driven to the same kind of things We are also driven by touch,.smells, etc

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