Being neurodivergent is a death sentence for men

place_of_desolation · 2023-08-25T03:28:03+00:00

It really is. I'm decent looking, but neurodivergent, and have mostly struggled socially all my life. I'm closing in on 45 and have still never had a long-term relationship, nor have I ever had much luck with women in general.

Business_Window_6232 · 2023-08-25T04:22:28+00:00

Being neurodivergent is only a death sentence if you are also genetically physically unattractive (e.g. short, unattractive face, balding at a young age, etc.). I fit this dual wielder category lmao. If you are very attractive + neurodiverse, you still have SOME hope I guess.

For me flirting with women feels like a potential case of sexual harassment. Socialising isnt natural or fun its forced and creepy with me.

It makes me wonder about hte nature of genetic determinism. Where some people are born both attractive + neurotypical and dont have to think about this stuff but then there are people like me who are unattractive + neurodiverse. Like wtf did i do in my past life

Philip8000 · 2023-08-25T02:15:47+00:00

Not a death sentence, but it does make things more difficult. I'm on the autism spectrum and I can say it's made it very difficult, especially given that help wasn't available. I can adapt and compensate to a certain agree, but at the end of the day, I cannot turn myself into a neurotypical.

I've said many times social skills are key for men when dating. I see unattractive, obese men with partners all the time, despite often not being believed. Autism, however... even if it's anecdotal, I've seen a strong correlation between that and lacking experience later in life.

BlueGlazedDonut · 2023-08-24T23:23:59+00:00

I'm a decent looking guy.

I'm also very neurodivergent.

I also learned to be funny - for some people - throughout my life. Helped me fit in as a largely lone AM in a white world, among other things.

I was pretty successful at getting dates on Tinder, and sleeping w them after. Not crazy successful, but I'd feel confident getting one or two Tinder hookups in a summer at least, plus or minus two lol

I'd say the biggest thing to learn is how to be ND, but "acceptably". For me, it's making bizarre jokes, and being very forthright talking about stuff. Sometimes that absolutely wrecks a date. I've had lots of girls not like it and walk away. Which sucks ofc, but I just wasn't it for them. That's fine.

Sometimes girls really like it. They dig the humor, they dig the strangeness. IRL I've not hooked up much, partly cause I'm awkward, and often bc it was a work situation that Im too socially inept to handle, so I just avoid.

I'd just say to be yourself, lean into it. But also know the right limits. That can be hard. The way id explain it is, it's like a game of air hockey. There are hard boundaries. But you wack the puck however you want, as long as you don't cross those boundaries. Maybe wack it a little less hard than you want, just in case. If it crosses the boundaries though, it's fine one or two times, don't get bent out of shape doing it. I've totally weirded girls out on dates, but just once or twice is normally tolerable, esp if they're having fun. And once you've weirded them out, you know a boundary! Just acknowledge it, maybe apologize if necessary, and move on in the conversation

Also don't hide your ND, IRL or on dating apps. It's fine to regulate it a bit (I'm waaaaay more myself w my SO than in the world), but the idea is people should get a hint that youre a bit divergent. Don't overdo it (online dating for example, still use good pics, just have fun w the bio), but that way people aren't expecting "normal" when they sit down for a drink w you.

Idk, this might sound super vague. Hope something was useful

Unhappy_Hamster69 · 2023-08-25T00:31:05+00:00

Even nd girls dont want nd guys. They all want nt guys in the hope the guy will turn them into a nt person. Its pretty much never began for me as i am both ugly and nd.

TheRedPillRipper · 2023-08-24T22:52:28+00:00

good looking and neurodivergent

My opinion is biased, because I volunteer a ton with disabled kids. Young boys in particular. So take it with a grain of salt.

I just recently attended a 21st birthday party for a young man I mentored previously. He introduced me to his lovely young girlfriend. Had his own place. Steady job.

Being neurodivergent definitely made things harder for him. It however was not, a death sentence.

Godspeed and good luck!

Applejinx · 2023-08-25T00:31:57+00:00

I'm not dead!

I'm feeling better!

I think I'll go for a walk! :D

Safinated · 2023-08-25T01:01:56+00:00

Depends how neurodivergent, and what other disadvantages you have

HungriestGhost · 2023-08-25T00:00:22+00:00

Is ADHD considered neurodivergent? I made it out of the gutters in my 20s to have a wonderful 30s.

You have to take extreme precautions because we're at a disadvantage. Make learning a passion and learn what makes you tick.

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Shazamo333 · 2023-08-25T07:06:27+00:00

Neurodivergent with ADHD. Bro it it's a double edged sword but when it works in your favour it really fucking works.

Really helps with making jokes and flirting, spontaneous date ideas etc. Makes me someone who is more of a risk taker and fun and girls love that shit.

Obviously I look decent too, looks are still #1 but I guarantee you my ADHD has probably let me get more short term flings and lays that I would without it. But the drawback is that it makes me not into long term relationships so that will probably bite me down the line when it's time to settle lmao

TopNYJeweler · 2023-08-25T13:13:40+00:00

Very few people can empathize with autistic or asper men.

George69143 · 2023-08-24T22:41:27+00:00

Yeah, same with a lot of things. These days there’s a laundry list of genetic factors that are dealbreakers for men. Most men have at least one so don’t be upset about it, most men are in your boat autistic or not.

NoCardiologistz · 2023-08-24T22:51:06+00:00

There's something that will really save you: the tactical soap from Rich Cooper.

harmonica2 · 2023-08-25T00:47:14+00:00

I'm autistic and have an autistic gf, so maybe things aren't hopeless for all neurodivergent guys hopefully, especially if they can kind a neurodivergent gf perhaps more so?

thetruthishere_ · 2023-08-25T00:43:44+00:00

I have a crush on an autistic guy and the married couple next door to me the husband is autistic. He seems like a cool man and they seem happy.

bsmith440 · 2023-08-25T04:55:14+00:00

I'm genuinely curious. What do you expect to get out of this post? I don't think anyone would disagree with this. Is this just to vent?

Enigmatic93 · 2023-08-25T05:01:16+00:00

An ugly neurotypical guy will have more dating opportunities and have more friends compared to a good looking neurodivergent guy.

I'd say that this depends on what you consider good looking and how severe the neurodivergence is.

A guy that looks like Tyler Maher but has mild aspergers/autism and can blend in with normies in shallow interactions can still slay like mad. Some girls won't overlook his neurodivergence and will get icked out but he still has access to plenty of girls that will. If he's a little bit lower functioning then things may not go as smoothly.

If you're just a slightly above average 6 or 7 out of 10 that cleans up well then yeah you're gonna have some issues even if you're higher functioning and can blend in better than most autistic guys can. Less attractive men can outperform you in dating because they can fit in with society better.

BeerShitter · 2023-08-24T22:55:03+00:00

Nah I've ADHD and I'm good, so are a bunch of people I know and they're living life

Ayaka_Simp_ · 2023-08-25T02:56:30+00:00

It sucks. But it's not a death sentence.

Orangematcha · 2023-08-25T00:03:34+00:00

From this perspective you’re saying men without any neurodivergence should have it easier and I’m sure a lot of them would disagree. The battle to the bottom of who has it the hardest is such a weird hill to die on.

Why not use this forum as a way to find out how other neurodivergent people are doing instead of going “as a neurodivergent guy I suffer the most”.

obviousredflag · 2023-08-25T07:05:08+00:00

our fucked unless you know how to mask.

And why don't you know how to mask then?

Maybe if you wouldn't announce neurodivergence within 5minutes of talking to someone, you wouldn't get the results you get. This need to belong to and announce labels of a marginalized/victimized group to receive woke-points and social justice benefits is not helping people when they are outside of woke bubbles.

dyngladfel · 2023-08-25T08:03:22+00:00

I've met hot autistic guys but they gotta be hot and have friends.

2023-08-25T08:25:06+00:00

Yeah and this explain all these online communities full of hateful men.

RonMexico432 · 2023-08-24T23:30:03+00:00

Wtf is nuerodivergent?

ingenjor · 2023-08-25T11:24:00+00:00

Classifying yourself as neurodivergent seems to be hip among young folks nowadays; I would've probably done the same if the culture was as prevalent back then. But you need to realize it's just gonna hold you back.

Let go of the labels and start faking it 'til you make it.

Just-a-Pea · 2023-08-25T04:08:06+00:00

Didn’t read the post, just the title. Dating isn’t everything. You don’t die because of being neurodivergent. Can we stop with the “death sentence”? Very few things are a matter of life or death

oooo020201lfl · 2023-08-25T07:32:57+00:00

I’m diagnosed ADHD. I’m tall and attractive and my experience with women is chaotic, I attract BPD women for some reason

100PercentNattyBrah · 2023-08-25T12:49:34+00:00

Oh what a load of rubbish, having a disability isn't going to prevent anything if you make the effort.

DoinIt989 · 2023-08-25T14:07:35+00:00

Neurodivergent means a lot of things, not just autism. A whole lot of Bipolar and ADHD men absolutely slay.

Kooky-Turnip-1715 · 2023-08-24T23:00:53+00:00

If your neurodivergent (like me) our best chances is to go to south east Asia to find a gf. Our weird behavior might be mistaken as quirky with them

AFuzzyMuffin · 2023-08-25T05:29:21+00:00

I’ll say it again, just find a ND woman and communicate also try to be the best version of yourself, if you are truly a beast others will notice even if they reject you or your invisible at first

Welllarmedhippie · 2023-08-25T16:10:41+00:00

They should do their hobbies and hang out with their male friends. They'll just ruin a woman's life. I warn girls to avoid these guys no matter what.

psps129 · 2023-08-26T01:01:47+00:00

Just want to throw out a woman’s perspective. 23F, I’ve always found myself drawn to men who are nuerodiverse but high achieving. My “fling” this summer had mild Asperger’s, and it presented in ways I found really attractive. The first time we hung out, he absolutely talked my ear off about cybersecurity and ethical hacking. For some reason, that kind of nerdy rambling - I went out with a guy who knew everything about everything about socialist revolutions - just gets me going. Obviously, a decent face and athletic physique help too. But most people have decent faces, and anyone can get an athletic physique with enough work. If you play your cards right, and with the right girls, I don’t think it’s a death sentence. Just my two cents.

yvaN_ehT_nioJ · 2023-08-26T01:17:39+00:00

It's not a death sentence but you better hope to God you're physically attractive and only got a slight tap from the autism stick at birth. First is within your control, second is up to chance as that'll determine your functioning and ability to pick up the needed social skills to mask.

justforlulz12345 · 2023-08-26T04:12:41+00:00

Also being American. Chinese autism people can still thrive since Chinese are naturally chads. How else do you think their population got so high, and that too with a 1 child policy.

Title	Being neurodivergent is a death sentence for men
Author	imuglyassin
Upvotes	50
Comments	120
Date	August 24, 2023 10:16 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/160g3bo/being_neurodivergent_is_a_death_sentence_for_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/being-neurodivergent-is-a-death-sentence-for-men.1229652 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229652

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