How do you get over your ex that you still love?

Accomplished_Gene176 · 2023-10-31T12:45:17+00:00

In her mind it wasnt good enough and Brad pitt is waiting on tinder to match with her any minute.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2023-10-31T12:26:10+00:00

Because in her mind it was 98% bad. She’s rewritten history in her mind and it can never go back.

Time will heal us all. It’s a horrible experience and sometimes feels hopeless I know - never lose hope and never stop trying to improve yourself. When you are in a good place again in life, out and available love will find you when you don’t expect it.

It won’t find you at home alone on your sofa having a beer. Nobody’s ever met a woman there.

sohumm · 2023-10-31T15:24:50+00:00

Hey, don't do this to yourself.

Such thoughts are like bottomless sinkhole. She is gone. Don't waste your time thinking about the past. There is so much ahead. Don't slow down your future thinking about the past.
If you feel 98% of the relationship is good, then you must have tried your best. But, the other person might not see it that way.
You cannot change her. Come to reality that she is gone. And, I am sure, it is for good. Work on your future.

berzerker5000 · 2023-10-31T14:01:36+00:00

Why would you love someone that broke your heart and divorced you? Ask yourself this 10 times every morning it will help.

l3tsR0LL · 2023-10-31T12:41:16+00:00

Someone told me I was in love with the memory of her.

I held on to those good times and was in denial of all of the signs that things were over. I thought about previous conversations and actions and saw a few clues that she was changing.

Once I realized she had already been gone for years and there was no way to change her back to who she once was, it was so much easier to let her go.

overarmur · 2023-10-31T17:52:10+00:00

The person I loved never truly existed.

iSurvivedltd · 2023-10-31T16:42:17+00:00

I got under someone else....

Justindastardly · 2023-10-31T14:36:32+00:00

By realizing the person that I loved is not the person she is now. I know that sounds like a cop out answer, but she knew she wanted out long before telling you. She may have been faking it for a year or more, but she hasn’t been the woman you fell in love with for a while.

Stay strong brother, it will be hard, but you can heal. It will get easier, you just need to be ready to put in the work for yourself. It’s okay to be sad and it’s okay to cry but at some point you’ll be able to look at the world and smile again.

RNGJesusRoller · 2023-10-31T18:51:17+00:00

Time, and meeting someone else. But mostly time.

Red Foreman has a great quote about this while talking to Eric, about his ex girlfriend:

“ There were times when I thought I would never get over her, but time pass. And I moved on. And then the day came when I didn’t think about it as much. And then more days came along, and I thought about her even less. And then one day, I realize I didn’t think about her at all. And then that made me sad”

Time heals all wounds, especially wounds of the heart.

_vinland_ · 2023-10-31T19:48:38+00:00

The love you feel for her she can only feel for her kids. She never loved you. She loved how you made her feel. You need to be alone so you can learn to love yourself, or you can jump into a new relationship where you'll learn that it wasn't the person you loved, it was the act of loving you loved

Classic_Dill · 2023-10-31T15:11:31+00:00

Sooooo, you're still in the bubble, you think talking and a vacation was going to fix the obvious issues in your marriage? it wouldn't. And what your forgetting is her perception of events, you state 98% of the marriage was good...what does she say to that? this is the issue guys, we constantly look at our relationships through our eyes, not the women's eyes and then were shocked when its over so abruptly. All I'm saying is its all about your partners perception, rather they are wrong or right doesn't matter, you need to know their perception so you can then act upon it, no affection? pulling away? not calling/texting as much? bragging about other men? youll learn to see re flags and deal with them immediately, you're in the bubble and youll be there until your finished with the acceptance stage of healing, dont chase her, call her or beg. Be dismissive now, its over and shes gone, save some face, build your self respect.

savage_cabbages · 2023-10-31T19:22:45+00:00

Its the idea of marriage, the relationship, living with a woman in the same house that you attach love to.

You do your time healing until that first day. The first day is awesome, you wake up, you go about life and then just as you go to sleep you realise you haven't thought about her or anything associated with her for one whole day....One day becomes two, then three, then weeks, months and years. She'll pop up in thoughts occasionally, but once you get that first day, it's a turning point.

techrmd3 · 2023-10-31T23:05:48+00:00

You get over a woman by getting over a few other willing women in the bedroom.

only sure cure

BudFox_LA · 2023-10-31T14:51:04+00:00

Start seeing other women, that’s how + time

MR-Ozmidnight · 2023-10-31T15:17:54+00:00

Look it wasn't you even if you asked her she couldn't really tell you, IE your never here, you don't make enught money, you don't meet my needs ETC, She gets speaking to her friends and they get in her head and say she can do better, he doesn't deserve you ETC, you get my drift, and more than likely she was having a EA if not a PA, that's how this happens we here have been through all this and you would get the same answer from most of us, You have just got to move on, as she has well a truly moved on, there been well and truly gone before they even bring up the seperation conversation with you, I know it hurts but just put it down to a life lesson don't ever remarry as why do you need a piece of paper to say you love someone, or get a pre-nup, be for you marry again, learn from this ok and never make the same mistake, Get your famaly and best friends around you so you can talk with them when needed, join a gym and start getting in shape, take up an old hobby or start a new one, things like that, just to keep your mind off thinking about what ifs could of beens, ETC, But time is really the only way to get over this, and before you ask it's different for everyone, I have been divorced for over 25 years and I still get triggered from time to time, but on the most part it gets better slowly. I wish you all the best luck in the world and remember you can always come here and ask everyone and I'm sure you will get some great help

Adventurous-Box-745 · 2023-10-31T15:34:04+00:00

It was 98% good to you not her. You are not in love with her, but the picture of her as she was before. Hard to swallo but the woman you are with is completely different from the one you fell in love with.

organicwilly · 2023-10-31T15:45:49+00:00

Stop loving her, she doesn't deserve it

Impossible-Union-325 · 2023-10-31T16:14:36+00:00

I imagine it’s the idea of her that you loved, the best way in my opinion and experience is to find someone else… It’s a chemical reaction after all. The other thing is that it can sometimes feel that you’ll never have the same thing again, and I know it sounds contrived but, now I’m with my new partner, just the idea of spending my life with my ex is the worst. Sometimes it takes something new to show you just how awful things were. I can’t stress the last part enough. We’ve been together long enough to be over the honey moon period, and I can tell you now, true colours have been shown and my ex is just a vile vile human being.

lifeisallihave · 2023-10-31T20:16:56+00:00

Man I was driving around and a song came on, I became very sad and the tears were running down, but I wasn't thinking about her, I was thinking about my dad and how much I miss him, I wish he was still alive. He always had a way to make me laugh even in difficult times. You'll get over her, don't worry about it too much. Heal brother, heal your soul.

Impossible_Sport291 · 2023-11-01T21:21:58+00:00

It took me until the moment I realized I was never her first choice to finally snap out of it. Now I mourn my lost innocence and my children's stable family, but not her.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2023-10-31T12:14:08+00:00

You're blinded right now, I don't even know you and i guarantee you 98% is nonsense. Make a list of everything you disliked about her

Classic-Ad8157 · 2023-10-31T13:40:33+00:00

She’s gone, and her mind is made up. Focus on getting yourself right and suffer through the suck. Get out and meet women when you’re ready, there’s plenty out there and once you get your confidence back they will literally throw themselves at you. Your ex really isn’t that special, she was just familiar to you.

Their sexual market value plummets after 30, yours increases every day. Take your manhood back

Look at the time honored advice that’s repeated time and time again. Work on you, honor yourself, read the books, fuck the girls And do whatever the hell you want to when you want to do it. I got blindsided five months ago and my situation is improving day by day. Somedays I’m a basket case but those days are less and less every week.

“She was never mine, it was just my turn” keep repeating that to yourself

SecondManAsleep · 2023-10-31T20:40:43+00:00

You get over them when you're dead.

inshallahmode88 · 2023-10-31T22:27:55+00:00

Remembering the negatives and distraction.

Whenever you start to get nostalgic, actively replace the thought with a memory of her that is negative.

For distraction, have stuff going on in your life to keep your mind busy. Hanging out with friends, starting a new hobby, exercise or mentally engaging stuff like reading or learning a language are good ways to distract.

ResponsibleOnion3191 · 2023-11-01T15:35:42+00:00

That’s a hard one. Depends if you really love them or you just want to be in a relationship and keep your family or your relationship moving along. I don’t think that’s a good reason. I don’t think I could get over my ex at this point they were my person. It sucks. Too much hurt. Open to ideas as well

mrclark121 · 2023-10-31T18:36:17+00:00

Bruh if 98% of the relationship was that good I wouldn't sweat it I'm fairly certain at some point she is going to swing back around. That said I wonder what % she thought the relationship was at. That would be interesting.

BlackFire68 · 2023-10-31T23:56:44+00:00

You love the idea of what you thought she was. Clearly you can’t love the person she became. You must now disabuse yourself of the notion that she is what you wanted her to be… instead, she is the person who left.

rpm04004 · 2023-11-01T03:20:51+00:00

Do what every one says, all over this sub. Be your best self. Discipline, action, drive, smile again and best case scenario, you realize it was just time for you to both part ways in life- and your gifts were exchanged with one another.

Most likely scenario: youll have a sudden realization that you were groomed as someone else put it. By society, by Disney, by her….and that you are in a happier healthier place because of yourself and for yourself. That you actually feel nothing/mildly repulsed by her. In hindsight, you will get a clearer picture of the insane bullshit that was likely pulled on you.

Eventually but suddenly, you will feel like yourself— the version everyone used to know. Not the pussy-whipped guy who wanted her back after she broke you. People will say, “Steve! Wow you look great!” Because you smile again. “Did you lose weight?” Theyll say, because you did. And thats because youre a badass finally pouring energy in to yourself. Youll do better at work bc you realize you actually like this job, and coworkers and your time away from it is no longer spent in a soul-sucking cycle of her getting pissed and you trying to fix it on and on.

You will realize shes an emotionally wrecked person who has a long head-start on not caring about you, or many people beyond herself. That she has deep scars that she projected on you, or that you were the cause of in her mind— which is now fact! You’ll stop caring that she thinks shes “better now” or who shes dating or what shes doing. And you will really, genuinely, not care about any of that. You can’t fake that. But, you will be wherever you are, figuring out the next phase with your inner peace. And my friend…. It is truly amazing and it can’t be taken by any one. Happiness comes from within. It isnt easy but its out there every where. Have patience, but have (and keep!) your dignity during this difficult phase. The answer to your question is time x good habits + small positive changes done with consistency. Good luck.

Title	How do you get over your ex that you still love?
Author	VacationDependent709
Upvotes	19
Comments	45
Date	October 31, 2023 11:50 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/17kj6ir/how_do_you_get_over_your_ex_that_you_still_love/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-you-get-over-your-ex-that-you-still-love.1236899 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236899

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