CMV. The social stigma of getting a paternity test should not exist.

wtknight · 2024-02-04T21:10:17+00:00

Post locked due to OP deleting account

Comfortable-Wish-192 · 2024-02-04T10:24:17+00:00

How about your girl accuses you of cheating simply because men do and she wants to have you take a lie detector test just in case.

This is the equivalent. How would you feel?

januaryphilosopher · 2024-02-04T09:24:50+00:00

You are free to get a test if you want. You aren't free to do it without judgement. Your actions have consequences. If you're "just checking" someone you apparently love and trust hasn't majorly betrayed you in a way they haven't indicated whatsoever they're capable of doing, don't be surprised if people get upset. If I want to go through my fiancé's phone randomly one day to check he hasn't been messaging someone to try to cheat, I'd expect him to be upset and I'd expect others to judge me negatively if I told them I did that. If you start close relationships with people you feel are lying to and manipulating you, people may well question your judgement. The thing about airport security is they don't know you and haven't chosen to form a close relationship based on trust with you. And yes, if my best friend handed me the baby I'd trust him without thinking about it because there's a reason why he's my best friend. If 2% of people get tricked and manipulated in this way I trust my own judgement to figure out if I'm anywhere near likely to be in that 2% or not.

Something-bothersome · 2024-02-04T10:57:46+00:00

Just a little curious OP:

Do you think your father or mother would be insulted if you called a meeting and informed that you wanted medical criteria DNA sampling done to confirm your paternity based on no evidence? Would you do it? Would you gather your siblings together and make a similar request? Do you think Mom would connect the dots are realise you are accusing her of infidelity without cause? Or do you feel your father would see it as a direct insult to his wife?

What about Grandma and Grandad and all your Aunts and Uncles? What about your cousins?

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2024-02-04T04:44:44+00:00

To clarify, are you advocating for prenatal or after birth testing? Because as has been pointed out many times before, you do not need the mother’s cooperation for the latter. You can just do it.

Edit to add: with all the prenatal testing that’s already routinely done, it would actually be medically easy to incorporate routine prenatal paternity testing into that schedule. The courts would have to figure out how to handle it legally though.

badgersonice · 2024-02-04T14:47:03+00:00

Let's see if you can empathize with your hypothetical son. Lets say that your hypothetical son asks you for advice. His wife just gave birth and he wants to get a paternity test on their child. He says he knows she hasn't cheated on him, but just wants the peace of mind so he can be the best father he can be. What do you tell him?

I would tell him he should have told her he would want a paternity test before she got pregnant instead of dumping his insecurities and mistrust on her right when she’s at the most vulnerable she’s ever been in her life.

Either that or that he should do it in secret and never tell anyone.

I will not support him telling his wife, to her face, that after all she went through to grow their family together and after all she trusted him to be a devoted father and husband when she was sacrificing her body and future to bear his child, that he doesn’t trust her at all in return and thinks maybe she’s not just a cheater, but a consistently dishonest evil sleazeball.

It is so weird that you want honest loyal women to just be happy and smile and even comfort their husband when, after she’s just been ripped apart giving birth to her husband’s child, she finds out that he never once felt the same level of trust in her. Instead of talking to her about his insecurities honestly before she risked her life to have his child, he wanted to play both sides so he wouldn’t have to place any trust in her at all: he wanted all the benefits of having a paternity test done without having to risk her refusing to bear his child if she knew just how deeply he didn’t trust her. How can you want perfect trust and love and forgiveness to be built on selfishness and deception on his part?

And with your version, he doesn’t even want her to be allowed to recognize his distrust in her!

So to any other man who wants to have a paternity test, but refuses to talk to his wife before they get pregnant, I’d advise to make sure you marry a really really really stupid woman who would blindly trust a man who thinks she’s a skank.

KikiYuyu · 2024-02-04T05:27:57+00:00

Precautionary measures are not an accusation. Barcode scanners when you walk out of a shop are not an accusation of stealing. Airline security is not an accusation that you are a terrorist.

Absolutely braindead take I continuously see.

Is security my family? Am I in an intimate relationship? Do they know me personally and trust me?

It's such an absolute bullshit comparison. I'm a stranger to stores and airports. Of course they don't fucking trust me, but a boyfriend/husband SHOULD.

That__EST · 2024-02-04T10:16:25+00:00

I sometimes wonder if men preferred how life was before paternity testing even became a thing that existed. Back when life was just: sex goes in, baby eventually comes out. It seems like a lot of men in here want a paternity test so that they can possibly "get out of jail free" rather than have paternity tests so that they could get to know, love, and financially provide for all of their children that they might not even know about who exist. As a mother, if there was a 2% chance that my child had been switched at the hospital, I wouldn't want to know. They've been raised by me, we have the time together and the memories made, they're my kid. I'd fight tooth and nail not to have them tested in case it meant they would be taken away from me.

Safinated · 2024-02-04T05:05:14+00:00

If you’re assuming infidelity, there will be judgement

Unless fidelity is not assumed

SamanthaNicola · 2024-02-04T13:19:51+00:00

I suppose for me, it would be the reasoning behind getting the paternity test, how and when my partner requested one that would deem my reaction. For example, if I was asked during labour, it would not matter how nice or reasoned the person was, I would not take it well. Also, how the relationship was before the child, it was a genuinely trustful and balanced relationship, or if there were also problems with jealousy before it. Also, I've known men who cheat, and because they are, they get paranoid about their partner cheating. So that thought might crop up for me, are you asking because you're projecting.

Triglycerine · 2024-02-04T10:43:02+00:00

There's a stigma? Are you in France?

a-person-who-lurks · 2024-02-04T13:38:35+00:00

Yeah, the stigma is not gonna go anywhere soon. They literally made paternity tests illegal in aome countries, for the mere fact that it dares to threaten women ability to bb

Of course women are gonna be against it at the expense of men

desert_fly · 2024-02-04T13:57:59+00:00

Just do the test in secret to put your mind at ease.

Openly requesting a paternity test DOES imply that you assume your partner might have cheated. It's a natural reaction to feel hurt if there was no basis for this accusation.

I think a gender-reversed analogy would be if the wife regularly demanded to see her husband's paycheck to make sure he doesn't shuffle aside money.

The baby swap example doesn't work in my eyes. I'd want the maternity test to make sure that I'd not lose my baby. I'm not worried about raising another child in addition. I'd only ever be afraid of losing a child, not gaining one.

Soloandthewookiee · 2024-02-04T04:52:43+00:00

Precautionary measures are not an accusation. Barcode scanners when you walk out of a shop are not an accusation of stealing. Airline security is not an accusation that you are a terrorist.

It is absolutely an accusation and note how you picked two examples that rely on the fact that the people being exposed to them are perfect strangers. If a store spent years getting to know each customer personally before they were allowed in the store, it would absolutely feel like an accusation that they still demanded to check my receipt every time I leave.

Many people trust their partners 100% just to get cheated on. Trust doesn't mean jack shit.

If you need a paternity test, you don't trust them. If you don't trust them, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.

If you are looking for a way to make sure that your trust is never violated, then trust might not be for you.

Up to 2-4% of fathers are raising kids that are not theirs. Most of these guys trusted their partner and so "you should trust your partner don't get a paternity test" doesn't mean shit. For little cost they could have prevented it.

They are completely within their rights to get paternity tests.

Let's say that you are hypothetically a women (the type of woman that has a vagina).

Better known as a cis-woman, which you are fully aware of.

I think that you getting the paternity test was reasonable and that she was wrong for cutting you out of her life.

Except in your scenario, your friend is not the one who switched the baby. Once again, you are comparing the actions taken against strangers who cannot be trusted to actions taken against a loved one who is supposed to be trusted.

They say they already got it inspected by the best inspector in the state, so you don't have to.

This is calling into question the ability of the house inspector (whom you do not trust), not the friend.

Escape Funds: I think paternity tests and escape funds are comparable. If you want a SAH wife then it's reasonable to allow her an escape fund as she won't have money from not having a career

Yes, this is better known as divorce settlements and alimony.

You keep pointing out scenarios where there are already solutions in place, which is exactly what paternity testing falls under.

MistyMaisel · 2024-02-04T06:01:45+00:00

My boyfriend isn't a stranger and our relationship is not a cut throat business. Stupid comparison.

2. Trust can fail, it doesn't mean you break faith every time trust can fail. If you don't trust your partner because they could betray you, don't have babies with them because the opportunity springs eternal. Shit, my man is statically way more likely to murder me than I am to commit paternity fraud on him and I let him keep guns in the house. You trust um not to or you don't. Nonr of this verify and pretend there's trust shit.

3. See point 2 and 1 again.

I'm not accusing my friend, I'm accusing the hospital system which is well noted for being a chaotic and critical emergency place that isn't super well run. And I am all for accusing systems and businesses of being fucktarded. Try again.
Same as 4, except in this case, I'm accusing the inspector, not my friend. Go fish.

6. Comparable in the sense it's completely unfucking acceptable in a loving and trusting relationship. No. I won't sign any prenups and I'm not playing this peace of mind bullshit control freak game. You either trust me and trust we aren't getting divorced or cheating or you don't. But if you don't, no baby, no marriage, go find someone with your commitment and trust issues.

I scold the hell out of him for it. Are you fucking kidding? Peace of mind my ass. Be the best father my ample tush. I'd tell him to put his demons aside right now and stop looking for excuses out of the bed he made. And that if he cannot do that, he is no son of mine because I didn't raise a son to be an anxious untrusting non committed bitch who treats his woman like that when she just gave birth to his child. Zero support. He's lucky I don't ring his woman up and tell her I'm sorry for my son being a gigantic gaping asshole of a disappointment. And then I'd tell her no matter what crackpot voices are in his head, my husband and I will always be there for her and the baby.

8. Yes, as it turns out, you can do something wrong and it doesn't somehow become right because someone else did something wrong. Ethics isn't fashion, being disloyal, faithless, and so forth doesn't become appropriate because you were unlucky lucky enough to be right based on zero criteria.

If my man asks for a paternity test, he can have one, with the divorce papers. And God help him for how smug and vengeful I'm going to be when he finds out the kid is his. He will never hear the end of it from me. And I'm not covering for him with our children. I'll take every opportunity to make sure they know why daddy isn't with us, because daddy was never with us, daddy was always thinking about number one.

relish5k · 2024-02-04T14:33:29+00:00

Men complain that we live in a gynocentric society and then demand female approval over every little thing. SMH.

thedarkracer · 2024-02-04T05:01:53+00:00

You know you can do that yourself in secret, right? Do the fucking work.

Tight-Breeder · 2024-02-04T09:59:35+00:00

I have low patience for these shoulda woulda coulda scenarios.

That being said i agree with you 100% and logically speaking you are right.

As long as you understand that women have neither the self awareness nor the intellect to understand something like this. The paternity testing subject is a clear demonstration that women are not on the same level intellectually as men.

Honestly_RedditSucks · 2024-02-04T16:56:08+00:00

It should be the law and mandatory.

Martino8VitCon8 · 2024-02-04T20:15:30+00:00

If you don't trust your partner, just break up then.

TomKikkert · 2024-02-04T09:49:19+00:00

There shouldn’t be any stigma and I will give you my personal story. My HS girlfriend and I were pretty cool and when I was at Uni we had gaps but never really broke up as I needed space for exam studies etc.

I move states and She got engaged to a boof head who beat her up. I quit my job and inbetween jobs came back to see her. She told me she was going to leave him and I told her she was welcome to join me at my new location

Met my (now) wife and we got engaged soon after. Ex GF rings up and lets me know about her child.

Fast forward years and sadly she died, but I was friends with the daughter on Facebook who went on about how she was now parent less and how she sees him as “just a sperm donor”

So I tell her the story and she tells me that a DNA test on him was “inconclusive”….. I have offered to do one with her to settle it and put her at ease. She hasn’t taken me up on it yet

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-02-04T06:17:05+00:00

post birth paternity tests

The solution is simple; first legalise default financial abortions. Then pull child support. There’ll be no social stigma, because there’ll be no need to ascertain paternity.

Godspeed and good luck!

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Comfortable-Wish-192 · 2024-02-04T17:04:38+00:00

Then you find a girl who needs that and do it. And will accept that you will until proven, deny paternity. I’d stew the entire pregnancy.

But again I come back to WHY? You can have the same answer without hurting her. Hurting her is gratuitous and cruel. Why would you do that? If it turns out you’re not the father it’s easy to say I did this because I was unsure and look I was right. And if you are the father you didn’t hurt her with an unfounded allegation.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2024-02-04T21:04:01+00:00

Women should get more upset with the women that cheat and lie about it. If it wasn't for that, it wouldn't be necessary. Ultimately they're covering for the cheaters.

Title	CMV. The social stigma of getting a paternity test should not exist.
Author	AdSpecialist3990
Upvotes	59
Comments	250
Date	February 4, 2024 4:11 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1aif21k/cmv_the_social_stigma_of_getting_a_paternity_test/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-the-social-stigma-of-getting-a-paternity-test.1244552 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244552

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