Is there a dark side or negative side to being a "High Value Woman"?

Lift_and_Lurk · 2024-02-06T16:34:57+00:00

I’m still not seeing the connection with high value and wanting to be with a man who is possessive/controlling/insecure.

If you are high value then why would you want to be with someone like that? Your value should lead you to a man that isn’t any of those things.

mobjack · 2024-02-06T16:59:39+00:00

Most dating advice taken to the extreme is bad.

If a woman is insecure, then telling her ways to be more confident can make her more attractive.

If a confident woman is still playing hard to get after being in a relationship for 6 months, then it will likely backfire.

treadmarks · 2024-02-06T17:31:54+00:00

Yes there are negatives to being a "high value" (very attractive) woman. One would be lots of unwanted attention. This can range from annoyances, to deception, to just not being able to have normal relationships with men because they all keep falling for you.

This could even jeopardize your long term relationship because of all the temptation and jealousy. If you're not mentally strong then you'll leave a path of drama and chaos.

But personally I don't like this "high value man/woman" terminology because it feels dehumanizing. Dating is about personal relationships, not business transactions. Thinking in this way is not conducive to successful long term relationships because you have a "trade up" mentality.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2024-02-06T16:46:41+00:00

We have these dating coaches and groups teaching women to be a "high value woman."

Disregard completely what schizophrenic internet gifters say.

The woman who knows she is the prize. The woman who refuses to chase him.

That's not "high value woman", that's textbook narcissism

HTML_Novice · 2024-02-06T16:29:18+00:00

I think insecurity can def happen when being with a really beautiful woman. I used to see a girl who was very pretty, blonde blue eyes from a Nordic country.

Every single time she’d come visit me she’d have a new story of a guy hitting on her. Asking her to dinner on the subway, a model dude inviting her to drinks while she was waiting for me for like 2 hours. Coming home to my neighbor hitting on her and me having to go “yeah dude she’s with me”.

I wasn’t insecure because I kinda hated her lol. But if I actually liked her I can absolutely see how that would invoke insecurity.

I mean I usually go for girl next door cute anyways, that’s what I see myself being with long term, much less hassle and I’m more attracted anyway

Wattehfok · 2024-02-06T23:28:19+00:00

This is just the logical conclusion of the “whoever cares least wins” game.

Why have actual self respect or boundaries that you enforce; when you can just put a bunch of arbitrary guardrails around your feelings.

cromulent_weasel · 2024-02-06T23:35:15+00:00

A dark side for who? I could see downsides for the man, depending on who he is in the sense that the woman could seem much less invested than he is in the relationship, and basically feel entitlement. For the women, I guess the darkside is all of the effort that goes into the exercise/beauty routines, plus the cost of cosmetics, plus the inevitable fact that you will get older anyway.

Probably there's a lot of anxiety/insecurity there for both parties.

Mobrowncheeks · 2024-02-06T17:53:17+00:00

No. A high value women gets the type of man who she wants. Because she has the luxury of choice. She simply just won’t date insecure jealous and possessive men. There are plenty of us who do not fear that the women we are seeing will leave us. We aren’t scared lol

Barely-moral · 2024-02-06T16:40:36+00:00

If a woman is high value she has the option to pick a man that has all the traits she wants.

If there is a disadvantage, that disadvantage is being fully responsible for the results you get and to have no excuse for them.

KorinTowerFreeloader · 2024-02-06T16:48:26+00:00

The woman who knows she is the prize. The woman who refuses to chase him. The woman who is unbothered when he threatens to leave and isn't scared to lose him.

Sounds a little narcissistic = not high value. Men usually consider women high value when they are the prize, but they don't realize that, and they don't act all arrogant. Modest is the best way I can describe it. Not women who think they are "the prize" and refuse to make any effort. Guys also like it when women are into them and are scared to lose the guy. Unless you are talking about women refusing to sleep with guys outside of LTRs, then yes, they should be unbothered.

Women spend time and years building themselves physically and internally to become that woman.

Again, I don't agree with this description. Women, by default, meet all the criteria, as in, if you are not obese/with rare deformities and are a generally normal girl, with no promiscuous past, congrats, you meet all the criteria for most men. If you have to spend years building yourself up mentally/physically, chances are that: A) you are no longer a virgin/slept around B) not at your physical peak (18-24) C) had issues to begin with (mental, physical), so not exactly high value.

boom-wham-slam · 2024-02-06T17:18:14+00:00

I don't think this makes any sense and I don't think the women you're calling HVW are in fact HVW. They may be higher value than they were or what is average but all human history has shown that thin, young, virgins are the highest value women, only second to thin, young, virgins whose daddy gives their husband money, lands or a cushy position.

Women spend time and years building themselves physically and internally to become that woman.

So they aren't young... and did they build themselves into virgins? I mean I suppose they can work out and be in shape. I'm not sold they are HV because they have a man's attitude and dgaf and act like they are a prize when I don't see evidence they are a prize.

SecondEldenLord · 2024-02-06T17:33:06+00:00

Depends on what someone understands what a high value woman is. Some people think it's a woman with great career, or with high body count or so on. But in reality, just look back in the 60s,70s and 80s and you will see there what HVW used to be.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-02-06T16:45:09+00:00

The dark side is that she has an ego. At least the woman you're describing does.

Which would automatically disqualify her from being a HVW in my opinion.

DarayRaven · 2024-02-06T17:18:56+00:00

Or guess what 😳?

There's no such thing as a HVW

I know it's crazy

AutoModerator · 2024-02-06T16:28:15+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

NockerJoe · 2024-02-06T18:50:44+00:00

If I have to earn a social interaction I've long since learned its not worth it. The people I keep around me are the ones who act like they want to be there and like they enjoy my company for the sake of me being company, and vice versa.

All of the shit you said in the second paragraph only works if your relationship experience is only horrible toxic relationships and isn't relevant in actually healthy ones. If your partner is constantly threatening to leave and you kill your emotional attachment to them then you're basically guaranteed to have miserable relationships.

East_Effort_9813 · 2024-02-06T18:58:28+00:00

I dated a woman who was a legit 10. I would say hotter than the majority of victoria secret models. I really liked that she was upfront about everything. Even admitted to emotionally cheating on a boyfriend who she claimed was depressed and an alcoholic. But yeah eventually I did end up getting jealous and got somewhat possessive because I am a 7 but have other qualities going for me. Somehow she found that hot and cute because she had spent most of her adult life in Europe. She was latina and didn't like that european men didn't get jealous. We both knew it was only a short term thing. She could only stay in the country for a few months, so she probably overlooked some of the behavior because of that. She had to go back to Europe and that was the end of that.

his_purple_majesty · 2024-02-06T20:14:02+00:00

High value according to whom? Isn't a "high value man" a man women deem to be valuable?

If that's the case then shouldn't a high valuable woman be what men determine a high valuable woman to be?

DietTyrone · 2024-02-06T20:18:54+00:00

High Value based on what metrics? If we're talking the dating market, her value would be determined based on what men value in a woman or find attractive. The more of those traits she has, the more valuable she is to the opposite sex.

a woman who is: beautiful, glamorous, has self-worth, is unbothered, is earned and pleasant to be around.

I agree with this list mostly.

The woman who knows she is the prize. The woman who refuses to chase him. The woman who is unbothered when he threatens to leave and isn't scared to lose him.

This sounds like a list of traits women themselves see as valuable, not necessarily things men find valuable in women. For instance, why would a man find value in a woman not pursuing him if she likes him? If anything, that makes his life easier because he can skip the games and having to check for signals that she's interested. And a woman who "knows she's the prize" just sounds egotistical. Generally, men prefer women who are humble.

I think that being with a HVM can cause men to become more possessive, controlling, and insecure.

Give an example of this possessive or controlling behavior.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-02-06T20:39:38+00:00

I think the bigger danger to a true HVW is that she might "hypergamy" herself into spinsterhood, i.e. she's so awesome that no man is "good enough" or the guys who are good enough have so many options that they don't commit to her.

This can be ANY man -- low, mid and high value men all can become insecure with such a woman.

Oh, you'd be surprised. If you can pull a legit HVW, that's probably not the ONLY HVW you have ever pulled or will ever pull. I am CERTAIN that some dudes see the girls I am with and think "How did he get her?" A couple of my girls have been asked by other women what I have going on that she is with me, bc to them, other than being tall, and well-built, I'm not particularly good looking or outwardly special (which is accurate.)

It's a pretty rare guy who can pull a dime, and then never get another one.

KingOnixTheThird · 2024-02-07T22:56:40+00:00

Is there a dark side or negative side to being a "High Value Woman"?

Yes.

One of the biggest disadvantages of being a really hot woman is you can never be invisible, like you can if you're a normal looking guy.

Me being an average looking guy, I can go to a bar, a sports game, and go play pickup soccer with a group of guys and I know that nobody is going to bother me because nobody cares about me. A really hot girl doesn't have that luxury. A really hot woman can't just go play pickup soccer with a bunch of guys or walk into a bar, without at least someone trying to hit on her.

grown_folks_talkin · 2024-02-08T07:16:09+00:00

If I perceive somebody as truly being that high-value, I’m thankful for every day with her but also feel like I’m playing with house money.

Being possessive, controlling and insecure is kinda dumb because she was already out of my league to begin with.

The only side I could see being somewhat dark is that if she wants me to be a little bit possessive and controlling I wouldn’t even be that.

Title	Is there a dark side or negative side to being a "High Value Woman"?
Author	Ugandabekiddingme2
Upvotes	7
Comments	85
Date	February 6, 2024 4:28 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1akdsgl/is_there_a_dark_side_or_negative_side_to_being_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-there-a-dark-side-or-negative-side-to-being-a.1244741 https://theredarchive.com/post/1244741

Comments