What is problematic about the term "pickmeisha"?

tiposk · 2022-03-16T02:40:00+00:00

The term ain't problematic the way you describe it. It's problematic when any behavior a woman presents towards a man earns her the title of pickmeisha even when the person calling her such doesn't understand the context of her behavior, but makes assumptions about it.

Fox example, fdsers automatically call pickme any woman who is unmarried in a long term relationship because they expect women to want to get married.

dynospectrum7 · 2022-03-16T04:03:55+00:00

Negative association with black women possessing “urban” names.

cruciod · 2022-03-16T02:31:42+00:00

This is one of those words where the original meaning has been lost and is now often just used for "woman who does things for a guy I'd never do" even if it's not necessarily a bad/harmful thing, which is why it's used so commonly for women who wouldn't fall under your definition, and consequently I think that's why some guys think they'd like a "pickmeisha" because they want women to do things for them (which is not terrible so long as it's reasonable lol).

But generally I agree with your definition. That's how I kind of use it: when girls are very desperate for a guy to the point where they show they have little self respect or try to ridiculously bring down women who they believe they're competing with. But this is my definition, and will vary a lot from the next person, so it's become of those words that kind of become useless to me because of how vague it can be.

TheEternalGhost · 2022-03-16T02:14:10+00:00

The term just boils people's bloods on PPD.

It does? I've never seen anyone freak out about it. Do you have any examples?

xpinkrainbowsx · 2022-03-16T02:27:29+00:00

What’s problematic about it? It’s just the female equivalent of “simps”.

Super-Peoplez-S0Lt · 2022-03-16T05:20:18+00:00

Pickmeisha, like dump, is quickly becoming a childish internet insult that has lost a lot of meaning. Whenever I hear it now, it’s most used when women are arguing with each other regarding their dating lives.

Disgruntled356 · 2022-03-16T11:26:59+00:00

I see it as the FDS equivalent of "Cuck", or "Numale". A word that is typically a catch all term for a normal person they disagree with.

Slyfer_Seven · 2022-03-16T02:09:26+00:00

I think it's that the term is used less to identify problematic behaviors and more to just shame women FDS does not agree with. Some of the behaviors that are necessary for a successful relationship are deemed as pickme at this point, which while hilariously ironic given the context, can be pretty damaging to anyone actually trying to find a good relationship...

That coupled with the just general dislike towards FDS and you get the reactions you see

bostonstrong1981 · 2022-03-16T03:19:26+00:00

What’s wrong with the term:

A) it’s demeaning to women in that it derides our autonomy. The FDS types don’t seem to understand why women like doing nice things for those they like. I paid for the 2nd date with my husband because I liked him and envisioned a future with him. Honestly I would have been turned off had he insisted on paying for everything or if he declined my attempts to pay. And he’s a high earning physician and I’m a teacher. Both parties SHOULD be trying to impress the other. They should be focused on building a partnership not on ruthless vetting based on who covers a $40 bill.

2) It’s demeaning to men too. It essentially assumes all male attention is low value by condescending the woman for seeing said attention. It’s judgmental by default instead of compassionate. Most people (men and women) are good.

3) It subverts innate human drive. Being picked is usually a good thing. You get picked for a job. You get picked to attend a college. I mean LeBron James must be a real pickme since he worked hard to be picked #1 by the Cavs way back when. Obama is a real pick me-I mean he had to campaign for a whole year to be picked as president. How low value of them. 🙄

Obviously if someone is a door mat that’s not good. But if a Uber wealthy billionaire wants to buy her husband a Lamborghini after they have a baby together that doesn’t make her a pick me. I can’t stand the judgment of other peoples relationships.

Teflon08191 · 2022-03-16T02:12:05+00:00

Frankly, more often than not I suspect women who use the phrase "pickmeisha" are just trying to justify their desire to invest minimally in a man and benefit maximally from him.

Aimeereddit123 · 2022-03-16T03:28:21+00:00

It makes Pickmeishas mad would be my guess. It’s never bothered me at all….because I’m not one 🤷🏻‍♀️

HazyMemory7 · 2022-03-16T04:46:59+00:00

Idk about the term but fds is hilarious to me. It's basically a collection of women who can't get the guys they want to actually date them. You don't need "strategies" as a girl if decent guys want to actually date you.

blackandlavender · 2022-03-16T04:12:32+00:00

It isn't. It's just that FDSers seem to call anyone who isn't being an entitled bitch a pick me.

MasterTeacher123 · 2022-03-16T11:23:26+00:00

The vast majority of women are pick me’s to hot or desirable men.

Those girls only get clowned being “pick me’s” to regular ass dudes lol

Crushed_95 · 2022-03-16T13:24:47+00:00

Can WW be called Pickmeisha's? I mean we dont cal BW "Karens". Lol

2022-03-16T13:57:48+00:00

Well the things they’re doing - cooking, cleaning, sex - may work a lot of the time. Success stories don’t resonate the same way cautionary tales do. There is a reason people do them. Nobody wants to invest with no return but there is always risk in any investment in another person.

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-03-16T02:23:05+00:00

The term has its place imo, but it’s a fine line before we start excessively shaming and attacking women when we really should be condemning the men’s behavior in these situations first and foremost. Women put up with this shit because that’s what we’ve been conditioned to do.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-03-16T05:52:57+00:00

A pickmeisha is basically a female simp

PlayfulLawyer · 2022-03-16T03:19:49+00:00

What's problematic about the term is that it sucks and does not roll off the tongue they could have just stuck with "Pickme" lol

mrbill1234 · 2022-03-16T08:16:02+00:00

Basically a female simp. Nobody is freaking out except the FDSer.

LittleDragonMaiden · 2022-03-16T04:14:59+00:00

I don’t think there is anything wrong with the term but it does tend to be used as an insult for women who are with a man or a woman that doesn’t hate men. I think that is why people have an issue with the term due to bitter single women throwing that word around at women who are in happy relationships.

ruboyuri · 2022-03-16T04:08:24+00:00

The only thing that is problematic is when it’s used incorrectly, as in “doing anything nice for or in defense of a man”. That is inaccurate

Much like “incel” is now used interchangeably with “sexist” or “misogynist”. That annoys me; incels are misogynist longterm sexless men

Ugandabekiddingme2 · 2022-03-16T02:06:46+00:00

Cooking and cleaning is something a woman does during courtship. For example, maybe on date 2-3 she invites him over for dinner and she does the dishes afterwards. It's the cheap female version of the man paying to take her out to dinner and paying the restaurant to cook and clean for you.

FDS is mostly lonely angry women who will soon be on r/ForeverAlone

Pola_Lita · 2022-03-16T02:36:55+00:00

I don't like labels like that applied to actual people because we have a tendency to not only believe that because a popular label is used the accusation is more likely to be true, but that it pretty much defines the entire person as well.

Better to take the time to describe the specific behavior or detail than make a full caricature out of that person.

Otherwise, used in a comparative way similar to "Chad" or "Stacy", I don't really mind it.

sarkington · 2022-03-16T03:01:04+00:00

Truth hurts, what can ya do about it ?

I don’t know if I ever have been a true pickmeisha, but I definitely put up with stuff I should not have, like most women.

Some people don’t like facing that and what it says about them, or, more importantly, their current partners. You see it over and over in the relationship subs

CocoBabeNYC · 2022-03-16T03:13:12+00:00

Perfect woman

Emergency-Regret6974 · 2022-03-16T03:24:29+00:00

The men on here will complain about anything a woman does.

AreOut · 2022-03-16T08:43:08+00:00

FDS definition of Pickmeisha is just a normal girl who reciprocates feelings/actions towards a man. Especially if it's a man they think they could manipulate but Pickmeisha spoiled their cunning plan.

Ugandabekiddingme2 · 2022-03-16T13:42:15+00:00

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shepskybuddy · 2022-03-16T10:33:06+00:00

I don't understand why being in an LTR without marriage is a bad thing. I'm in one neither of us are religious so don't see the point in marriage, I know many couples like this that are very happy. It doesn't mean your a placeholder. I don't get why that makes the girl a pick me? Surely if your in a good relationship and both are happy with the direction it's going that's a good thing? Why does it matter if your married or not?

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-03-16T11:38:31+00:00

A woman who allows her self to be degraded to be with a man.

The problem is this idea that men (in aggregate) will degrade women.

2022-03-16T12:42:09+00:00

If women do anything for a man then it's oppression and pickmeisha or whatever trendy term there currently is. But men are expected to go to gym 7 times a week, develop interesting hobbies and personalities and 'game' and get status and build a career and be well educated and travel the world to get a woman.

TheMedsPeds · 2022-03-16T14:49:01+00:00

Pick Mes to me are women who not only put up with bullshit with men: but brag about it.

“While all y’all high maintenance hos out there sitting on yall ass cuz the man supposed to work..broke as hell…I got two jobs to keep my man happy. Yeah he work too but he do it part time cuz he likes to play his game and smoke loud! I’m a good woman that does what I can to make me man happy unlike y’all. Y’all ain’t even cook! I cook for him on top my two jobs!!”

Perfect example^

Another big one for me is a woman bragging about true love is giving a cheating man multiple chances “everyone makes mistakes, but in the end of the day, he come back to ME not y’all side hos!”

Just women that put up with very bad or at best subpar behavior and then brag about how good that makes them.

I, myself, got called a one when I stated that I didn’t care about Valentine’s Day. Most of my BF’s for whatever reason never honored it. Though a gift or a date would be cute and sure it’d make me feel nice, it’s not a requirement. I’m not getting mad if a guy forgets or claims that he thinks that holiday is cheesy and refuses to participate. I personally just see that as me not placing to much value in a holiday that is basically just consumerism, but whatever, maybe that does make me a pick me. :shrugs:

ragman75 · 2022-03-16T15:59:15+00:00

People call women it when they do literally any action or hold an opinion that a woman that supports men or hold women to account. The way you described it is never how its used and tbh doesnt even make sense in relation to the term. If your going to lie make a better one.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-03-16T16:49:36+00:00

What you are describing is young women who don't know how to make or enforce boundaries. That's bad. Everyone should be able to stand up for themselves and make their own decisions based on a healthy self regard and accurate reading of the situation (meaning; is Chad just going to use me? Answer; yes, if you have to ask you have your answer).

I didn't know how to make boundaries when I moved away from home. It was hard to learn. I had to say "no" to everything (unlike the popular advice to say yes to everything). I went overboard and almost became a military style hardass and lost some friends, but it had to be done. I can't imagine how much harder that would be to learn for a young woman.

That said, I've never encountered anything like OP. I don't quite have the right stuff to make a PickMe want to pick me, if PickMe's even exist after high school, which I doubt. So crisis averted on that front. I've even had some submissive girlfriends but if I told one to go do my dishes or something like that she'd cut my balls off with a rusty steak knife.

In the dating world I inhabit women are more like the extreme opposite of PickMe's; they demand to be impressed and actively entertained at all times.

NotTheBestMoment · 2022-03-16T16:51:14+00:00

It acts as if a woman can’t possibly have the views she’s portraying.

idkmyname1121 · 2022-03-16T17:11:37+00:00

Men can be pick me’s too lol

briiiana1122 · 2022-03-16T19:05:44+00:00

If that’s the definition then I don’t think many would take issue, it’s the use of it to describe women who give at all in relationships or have different standards for relationships than the person using the word

icefire54 · 2022-03-17T04:06:02+00:00

LOL That's not how it's used and you know it. It means any woman that doesn't exploit men to the greatest possible degree. The type of woman you describe barely exists.

Title	What is problematic about the term "pickmeisha"?
Author	Ugandabekiddingme2
Upvotes	26
Comments	186
Date	March 16, 2022 1:58 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tf6j1r/what_is_problematic_about_the_term_pickmeisha/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-is-problematic-about-the-term-pickmeisha.1107361 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107361

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