If you’re inexperienced, read this! Something I failed to realize early on that would’ve saved lots of headaches.

The_Reddit_Jester · 2018-05-03T19:48:08+00:00

Yup. This is what I keep preaching too. As long as you don't creep the girl out or get too clingy too fast, you're fine. I also tend to advise people these days not to take any of this too seriously or hide their personalities. Be willing to joke around and bust some balls and give your opinions (ready to back them up) and you'll be fine.

rad_dynamic · 2018-05-04T00:21:05+00:00

Furthermore, if a girl is giving you mixed signals(except shit tests), THIS IS A SIGNAL. A girl wouldn't be purposefully trying to confuse you if she is interested. The fact she is being warm and then cold with you is because she's not that into you. It could be for a variety of reasons like, she's enjoying stringing you, with many others, along for validation. Or there's someone better than you in her life already, but she wants to keep you there in case things go to shit and she has you as a backup.

The best thing you can do in this scenario is to give her an ultimatum, but don't say this. Ask her to come to your place(if you've dated/fucked before) or to go out for some drinks(if you haven't met her alone yet). Any excuse or without definite reschedule remove all effort you're putting in.

singlecellfromearth · 2018-05-03T19:54:55+00:00

If a girl wants you, she’s going to make it easy and give obvious signs.

My Negar!

Socialinception · 2018-05-04T02:35:46+00:00

This is good advice, but you have to be careful how you interpret it. Girls will give you signs they're into you, but they are easy for us guys to miss. Women tend to like to keep plausible deniability, so they rarely do things like make the first move or make an explicit sexual comment.

That happens occasionally, but if you only were to hook up with girls who did that, you'd be missing the vast majority of your opportunities.

What girls will do, is make themselves available. If they like you, they'll text back and they'll agree to hang out. If a girl's hard to get on a date, she's probably not into you and you should move on.

But there's also a wide variety of women. Some girls like to play hard-to-get, even with guys they like, and it would be easy for you interpret her coyness as a lack of interest.

You also have to keep in mind that the signals you'll see from women are filtered by your self-esteem and beliefs about yourself. If you see yourself as attractive, you might see a girl looking at you for a moment, then looking away as a sign that a girl is interested but shy. If you see yourself as unattractive, you might see a girl looking at you for a moment, then looking away as a sign that she thinks you're ugly and you shouldn't approach her.

So, yes, most women will give fairly obvious signs that they're interested, but they may not be obvious to you if you're nervous or you think she's out of your league.

Looking back, my high school crush made it so obvious she was into me. She literally even kissed me once. But I was so sure that I was unattractive that I still didn't think I had a chance with her.

kahmos · 2018-05-04T02:42:03+00:00

I study body language, read several books, and I'm s stand up comic. I get about one girl a year who is obviously interested in me, but I have standards too right? Well I'm also a 32 year old virgin. Imagine how useful your advice is to me. Also I make 50k a year, have a new car, I'm not ugly or overweight.

I am however clinically depressed.

I've never heard a new piece of advice.

If anybody says if you stop looking, you'll find someone, IGNORE THEM.

SyrusDrake · 2018-05-04T05:21:43+00:00

This is NOT rocket science

Agreed, rocker science is a lot easier.

You do have a point, this sub is sometimes obsessed with details. But also, it sounds like you're just very attractive to girls. Many of us don't just get obvious invitations like this.

ResidentCut · 2018-05-03T22:25:13+00:00

If a girl wants you, she’s going to make it easy and give obvious signs.

To be honest, I think everyone already knows that.

The problem is find these girls that want you! Getting the hot girls who AREN'T giving you huge IOI's etc.

THAT'S where the game supposedly comes into play.

You seem to be talking about banging 'yes girls' which is cool and all, but I don't think many people struggle with that

Marvinkmooneyoz · 2018-05-03T23:21:51+00:00

The thing is, there are degrees of interest, and on top of that, different girls have different willingness to overtly advertise their interest then each other. So its yet another thing that is both simple and complicated.

proforrange · 2018-05-04T04:39:43+00:00

...but what if you're never given signs?

I look 10+ years older than my age (used to look 2x my age in college) and I always get old chicks hitting on me, but I get bad vibes from girls my age (creep stare). If you look old af (but late 20s) should you just not approach or go for everyone since you'll spend too long thinking about it?

ls737100 · 2018-05-03T20:20:29+00:00

Dude, you are in college swimming in hot ass. Trust me, once you leave college, you have a job, many of the women go downhill fast, many get married and just meeting people in general becomes harder.

Advancedsoda · 2018-05-03T23:56:24+00:00

I've screwed up so many friendships that almost turned into relationships by over thinking >.<

Feelsbadman. How do I stop this? The over thinking I mean. Is it just trial and error?

JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2018-05-04T02:24:12+00:00

If you're getting obvious signs then of course it's going to be straight forward.

However for those of us who rarely get these signals, or not at all, that's where we do have to figure it out.

jheezecheezewheeze · 2018-05-03T22:31:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Question2Think · 2018-05-03T23:32:09+00:00

You guys ever have a post pop up that you needed to see? This is what I needed to see today.

heavyfriends · 2018-05-04T05:03:22+00:00

I've only had one proper long term relationship, and that was before I started trying to improve myself. When we were a few months into our relationship she told me how funny all these things I was doing when we first met, eg being nervous, saying silly things, making little (what a PUA would call) "mistakes" here and there. Stuff that if you were too deep into pick up you'd be thinking you were doing it all wrong. Our relationship ending up lasting a couple of years. You don't have to play it perfectly to get a girl. Just be human.

NikoSuaveArt · 2018-05-04T18:10:07+00:00

"If you enjoy your life and demonstrate you can have fun without the approval of others, THAT’S when you’re really winning."

^ This... Just being able to get out of your head is so important.

kidcubby937 · 2018-05-04T00:47:38+00:00

l3 ooh ey

thatbowlwillseethe · 2018-05-04T01:48:58+00:00

I think I get this part. I can tell when a girl is at least somewhat interested in me. But what I'm really bad at is taking those signals and moving them to action. I know it's all about escalation and push pull but when I try to do it in real life it just feels awkward. So I'm left with girls who just move on from me cause I have no idea how to make the next move. Any advice?

YwUt_83RJF · 2018-05-04T06:27:19+00:00

Yes it takes some skill to capitalize on existing attraction and not mess up a good thing. But it is an entirely different skill to start from no existing attraction on her part and build it entirely on your own. For most of the guys on forums like this, the attraction isn't there to begin with.

drawnred · 2018-05-04T13:28:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

disguisedroast · 2018-05-04T15:49:53+00:00

You guys both have good points. I agree with both of these comments.

wow_wow01 · 2018-05-04T23:12:37+00:00

Ok, what if I'm ugly and get zero signs?

MilesC608 · 2018-05-04T03:38:23+00:00

can you expand on the "push/pull" and "prerequisite work" you mention? what is that exactly in a real situation?

circlhat · 2018-05-04T12:51:28+00:00

PUA doesn't try to make it hard,

> If you enjoy your life and demonstrate you can have fun without the approval of others, THAT’S when you’re really winning.

All humans desire relationship, you can be a fun loving person, have a great job, dress nice and still fail with women as it's a separate skill set

> If a girl wants you, she’s going to make it easy and give obvious signs.

sometimes, I had women who I didn't think like me actually like me, some women are shy, some or overt, some or covert, it's almost like women are people are they vary , your information is good in some contexts but doesn't cover the wide range of emotions and complexities of humans

Title	If you’re inexperienced, read this! Something I failed to realize early on that would’ve saved lots of headaches.
Author	hunter32tz
Upvotes	406
Comments	98
Date	May 3, 2018 7:11 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8gswzp/if_youre_inexperienced_read_this_something_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/if-youre-inexperienced-read-this-something-i.1445956 https://theredarchive.com/post/1445956

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