Do men and women have realistic standards for each other?

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-03-24T11:25:31+00:00

be the "primary" person in charge of household duties

Immediate disqualifier. Expecting an adult to take care of himself isn’t an unrealistic expectation. If a man can’t handle domestic duties and personal hygiene he has no business dating and can stay home with his mommy, if she can stand him.

test_code_in_prod · 2024-03-24T08:09:33+00:00

If you’re both working full time hours then that’s unrealistic to expect her to take on more household responsibilities. If you have a high paying job where she can lessen her hours then that could possibly be reasonable to take on a bigger share of household tasks.

MyLastBestChance · 2024-03-24T04:00:19+00:00

Why would you expect the woman to be the primary person in charge of household duties (and I’m guessing that includes children)? Are you looking for a trad wife and planning on and capable of being the sole full time earner?

EulenWatcher · 2024-03-24T06:01:41+00:00

I’d guess that the gender-mirrored standards aren’t that common either. Being healthy and going to the gym 3 times a week already cuts off most men and women. And I’m not sure why you want her to be primarily responsible for chores unless you’re fine with being primary responsible for finance and her working part-time.

AriesProductions · 2024-03-24T06:17:53+00:00

Not that I’d enter such a relationship, but any man who expects his partner to “take the lead” on basic household duties had better be “taking the lead” on providing for said household.

If I can make my own $ (& let’s face it, these days, two incomes is a normal requirement for a halfway comfortable life), I’ll be damned if I’m playing mommybangmaid for someone while paying half the bills.

You eat? Then you get to cook too. You wear clothes? Know how to do laundry. Be an adult human? Know your own damned mother’s birthday and doctor’s phone number, etc. and before you ask, I know how to change my own oil, I contract out the yard work, I make bread by hand and love to cook. But I am not signing up to a relationship where I do 75% because “sharing responsibility” isn’t the same as pulling your own weight when you want a woman to “take the lead”.

Men asking for “trad women” who are also “modern” enough to work FT & pay half really don’t see their own entitlement, do they?

HumpsyDumpsy · 2024-03-24T07:14:22+00:00

For me personally, one of those standards is a turn off- she has to be the primary housekeeper. But in general, I think other women will agree to, and fit your standards.

it seems a low amount of women actually fit them

On that bright side 🌞 that's what you want. You dont wanna date just anybody. The purpose of having standards is to filter thru potential contenders to help you select your most ideal mate.

N-Zoth · 2024-03-24T04:32:11+00:00

They aren't "unrealistic", but they are extremely pretentious. Let's consider:

You say that your standard includes going to the gym 3-4x a week and eating healthy. What this standard can be simplified to is: "be healthy", which sounds much less restrictive. There are programs that require only 2 days a week in the gym. There are programs that require 6 days. You can also eat a high fat / carbs diet and still be healthy if you follow bulk / cut cycles. The point is: there are many paths to being healthy, but you are prescribing one in particular. This isn't "unrealistic", but it is controlling and an instant red flag.

Same goes for "household duties". This is something that can be optimized away entirely. Why should someone do "household duties" when modern technology can automate them almost entirely?

Basically you aren't describing a person. You're describing a list of duties for a person.

SlowEffective8146 · 2024-03-24T11:46:26+00:00

like 10% of women exercise (maybe less) so yea "you're chasing after a Stacy"

The issue is that Americans in general are complacent from being overworked, and eat bad diets. They don't have time or energy to exercise usually. That's why the rare fit person has such high demand.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-03-24T13:56:53+00:00

Spending that much time at the gym is quite restrictive, even if you don't live in a country where so many people are fat most thin people still don't spend that much time in the gym. I'd suggest finding people through the fitness community (I assume you share that level of fitness yourself) and meeting your other requirements shouldn't be hard.

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2024-03-24T16:25:25+00:00

I'm waiting for OP to tell us if he owns a house with a yard where he plans to do the masculine tasks while his girl takes over the inside chores lmao. Sir DO YOU OWN A HOME WITH A YARD? please let us know 😭

Nellylocheadbean · 2024-03-24T17:41:39+00:00

Women standards are pretty realistic

Be taller than her (the taller you are the better)

Be cute

Make money (the more money you make the better)

Spend money on her

Be emotionally available

Satisfy her sexually

Be charming & confident

Dress nice and keep your hair looking nice

Be masculine

Men standards are realistic too

I just think because the average person is less than ideal then that makes the competition for wanting something reasonable like a fit person (man or woman) astronomical. Being a fit person puts you above average alone.

PMmeareasontolive · 2024-03-24T17:23:37+00:00

standards I have for a woman: go the gym regularly (3-4x a week,)

Too much.

eat a reasonably healthy diet

Underrated.

be the "primary" person in charge of household duties (I'm totally fine sharing the responsibility of cooking and cleaning to some degree but I want women to take the lead,)

Of all the fantasies you could have you pick this one. Not going to happen bub, unless "taking the lead" means you want her to tell you what to do and when to do it.

Proudvow · 2024-03-25T06:40:26+00:00

There is not much overlap between women who regularly work out and women interested in maid duty.

Laila_kiss07 · 2024-03-24T07:00:02+00:00

Expecting a primary provider while you also primarily do most of the house work is not unreasonable.

Custard-Gyal · 2024-03-24T07:12:19+00:00

I also agree that's a realistic standard if you have that lifestyle, but personally (as a woman who is currently going to the gym 3x/week), I understand life happens and maybe you'll be killing it in the gym for 3 months, then the next 3 months you're swamped at work, and then you get back in the gym, and then maybe you wanna try exclusively rock climbing or something else for a few months, and then the cycle continues. That's just life and being human.

I'm a flexible person when it comes to going to the gym. My ex didn't have a gym membership and ate taco bell too much probably, but he did do flag football and beach volleyball a couple times a week and also did some calisthenics in his apartment. I was probably in better shape than he was, but he wasn't fat and still attractive to me.

Since I'm flexible, I expect my partner to be flexible. I've also noticed that guys who have these kinds of rigid requirements tend to be controlling. I don't want to be told what to do in the gym, for example, but I find guys that want gym girlies will micromanage them in the gym. I don't want to be told to go to the gym when my body needs rest. Sometimes girls just don't have the same needs/requirements of your body and guys don't get that. My gym time is my personal time and I do a program that works for me after trying multiple different ones.

apresonly · 2024-03-26T15:37:41+00:00

> As a man here are the standards I have for a woman: go the gym regularly (3-4x a week,) eat a reasonably healthy diet, not overly tatted, be the "primary" person in charge of household duties (I'm totally fine sharing the responsibility of cooking and cleaning to some degree but I want women to take the lead,) be supportive.

are you financially supporting her?

yes its unreasonable to expect someone to be your maid if you are not paying her.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2024-03-24T04:15:09+00:00

In this case I think it’s totally reasonable to want a woman who goes to the gym and eats healthy if that’s also your lifestyle. People who have similar interests tend to pair off. If that’s not your lifestyle then yeah that expectation is unrealistic.

demand requirements from a man that I think are much less basic (high income for example)

What do you see as a high income?

Safinated · 2024-03-24T18:07:17+00:00

Seeing as most people fuck, date and marry, yes

Enzo-Unversed · 2024-03-26T03:06:33+00:00

In the US? Absolutely not.

FebruaryEightyNine · 2024-03-24T09:33:05+00:00

I've actually always believed that men have higher standards than people think and women have lower standards than people think.

Problem is a find a lot of men delude themselves into think they merely want any attention when, in actuality, there pretty finicky about the things they'll tolerate in a relationship. This exasperates the loneliness men experience when they're unable to court the attention of the women they want. Hypergamy really goes both ways.

go the gym regularly (3-4x a week,) eat a reasonably healthy diet, not overly tatted, be the "primary" person in charge of household duties (I'm totally fine sharing the responsibility of cooking and cleaning to some degree but I want women to take the lead,) be supportive.

For instance, these are perfectly fine (maybe hard pressed on the gym frequency one) but even then you'll have a bunch of people complaining that these are unrealistic when they're actually pretty realistic.

What I deeply dislike about women today is their lack of standards for both themselves and their partners and their attempts to shame everyone else into the same lack of expectations. I remember a few days arguing with posters on here that not wanting to date a bum who couldn't provide for himself did not make one a golddigger and got downvoted to hell because of it. My fiance bucked the trend in being someone who despite not looking like a runway model, didn't have a list of exes made up of ugly bums and losers.

Redpillera get confused because they sit here being told that looks, money and status are the be all and end all for women. They matter greatly, but there are plenty of men walking around with none of those whilst still having none of those. That's because redpillers have higher standards than they actually realise. They're not chasing the average "304" or female redditor social reject, they want the "Stacies" and the hot, educated, chaste, skinny blonde. For them, the competition is inevitably tougher.

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alwaysright12 · 2024-03-25T09:53:07+00:00

Wanting a bang maid is never reasonable.

complainingJourney · 2024-03-28T20:12:59+00:00

are you sure those are all your standards?

are you forgetting race and age preference? hair preference? does this woman have a job? do you care how well she takes care of her appearance? you probably want her personality to be a certain way… i feel like men say “i have realistic standards!” and don’t understand the nitty gritty of what they’re actually searching for - and make some broad terms.

The_Forgotten001 · 2024-03-24T07:27:19+00:00

depends on the age of the man and women in question.

18-25 most likely unrealistic since this age range has little long term relationship experience, and wanting to party more (unless religious or family minded)

26- 36 Most are willing to compromise for a relationship,

Women still hold out for Mr.Perfect but every year she is lonely she opens up to more types or people.

Guys at this range are either looking for wives or just learned how to talk/flirt with women and are in their player phase.

36+ Random Grab bag, If they have been single up until this point they probably do have unrealistic standards or are delusional about some aspect of dating. Otherwise this age range can get relationships, fairly easy due to lowered standards all around.

Your standards sound reasonable except for the Gym requirements. Most people don't even work out like that, your more likely to find someone who likes to stay fit or is health minded than work out more than 3x a week. Unless you only talk to girls at the gym

No-Weather-3140 · 2024-03-24T19:17:46+00:00

Fun thought exercise.

My standards:

works out
has friends
has hobbies
has a career or a passion of some sort with at least a semblance of a long term vision
I find her attractive
generally a good person; integrity - what do you do when no one is looking?
similar stage in life

That’s it. Doesn’t seem like it’s a lot to ask but maybe I’m crazy. I think these standards are fair as these are what essentially I set for myself (e.g., I go to the gym, have a career, have hobbies, etc.)

raldabos · 2024-03-24T04:44:39+00:00

Men's standards are lower than women, because most men are craving to have their emotional/physicial needs met, plus most men have little to know prospects unlike most women. This has been talked about houndreds of times here.

Legitimate_Type_1324 · 2024-03-24T04:29:57+00:00

My wife matches your standards but she's taken

Independent-Mail-227 · 2024-03-24T11:51:52+00:00

No.

Woman standards is is a 6 feet tall guy that was born with a six pack and can keep it with no effort while making 100k yearly in a job that requires no overtime.

Men standards is a average girl that will love them

Both are equally unrealistic.

Sargeras13 · 2024-03-24T17:57:26+00:00

Your standards are pretty basic, but the fact some people in the comments have a problem with it, is crazy

boom-wham-slam · 2024-03-24T07:54:21+00:00

Your standards are reasonable in that ALL women could achieve them easily. However they are unreasonable in that they won't.

Imo I add body count. All women were virgins essentially at one point. So wanting a virgin or low number bc is a requirement all women were capable of meeting. Yet realistically there are few to none actually available so in that way it's unreasonable.

To me the quality of women is so low its a joke any woman who thinks a man will wife her up or be serious like that. I mean unless they are trying to marry a broke dude who can't keep a job or never intends to do more than flip burgers or maybe is just ugly as hell. 😂 because that's literally the level 95% of women are at.

N-Zoth · 2024-03-24T05:18:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-03-24T06:50:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Do men and women have realistic standards for each other?
Author	Dukeofwoodberry
Upvotes	0
Comments	158
Date	March 23, 2024 9:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1bm3m4v/do_men_and_women_have_realistic_standards_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-men-and-women-have-realistic-standards-for-each.1513103 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513103

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