Today is the day of my divorce and I'm just so sad.

simple777cs · 2024-05-13T19:07:01+00:00

It absolutely gets better…. You’ll soon wake up and not even think about her

Ok_Neighborhood8641 · 2024-05-13T18:18:13+00:00

Hugs. I'm a wife here, and your statements resound with what I hear my husband ask of me. Neither one of us can make decisions without the other questioning the motive behind it. We try and read, but we both have ADHD and it's hard to complete. I'm on the spectrum and don't show love the way he needs to see it, hear it, feel it. I'm in therapy, I'm not sure it's helping. I can't become "less autistic" I just give and accept love differently than those who aren't like me. And it always appears as if I am not trying. Always. But inside my head, I think I'm putting forth lots of effort. It really sucks. Maybe it's the Mars/Venus crap but I hope you are still able to share your love with someone new, and if you really want children that you can achieve that. Was there any chance she wasn't Gung ho on the idea of being a mom?

penduR7 · 2024-05-13T16:26:34+00:00

You’re young man. I don’t think it’s too bad. It’s not like if you’re 50. I think she will regret the divorce in the long run once she starts dating again and sees how hard it will be to find a decent guy that will treated her as well as you did. She will call or text you back eventually, it usually happens. But don’t budge. It’s her loss. She’s the one that threw it away by being a lazy apathetic partner.

Better_Echo2275 · 2024-05-11T20:02:51+00:00

Stay strong brother. It’s terrible. It hurts and guts you. I was in a similar boat. 12 together married for 1. We had just moved across the country to start this new chapter and she blindsided me. That was about 3 years ago. The intense pain and hopelessness is temporary. It does get easier. I had to mourn it like a death basically. I went through all the stages. Some days are still tough but it will get better my guy.

Teeko253 · 2024-05-11T15:12:11+00:00

This story is actually mine, he responded and made a video. Maybe it can help you out a little https://www.youtube.com/live/twJ9Fo3hDpE?si=ZHTT7-MjbeSePH7b

Teeko253 · 2024-05-11T15:10:04+00:00

After 12 years I found out 4 weeks ago my wife was having an affair with a 26 year old and we are in our mid 30s. Now that I thoroughly exposed and caught her she’s acting like she was just so done and bla bla bla…..something weird happens to women once they get in their 30s, and when they have been with you so long and haven’t really experienced what’s out there they get curious.

LuvDonkeeButts · 2024-05-10T20:23:01+00:00

I’m kinda confused by this. How long did you guys work on it together? Did you do therapy?

She didn’t want to have sex to have a child?

As a man who was completely destroyed by my divorce. I can’t imagine what circumstances would have to take place for me to pull the trigger on that. I guess if she gained 100 lbs and refused to work? Or was addicted to drugs alcohol?

I was with my partner for 13 years and married for 7.5. I don’t know what advice to give as I’m still healing after this bomb was dropped on me 18 months ago.

berzerker5000 · 2024-05-10T13:22:46+00:00

Need to read no more Mr nice guy. It is likely that you showering her in love was a big a reason the attraction from her died. I was like that too. Didn’t understand sit until reading this book.

kindofnotdepressed47 · 2024-05-10T08:24:57+00:00

Sometimes two people are together but have a different journey in life. 15 years is a long time. possibly you both grew to be different people and can no longer relate to each other's life journey . People can be different in marriage however the value and what they are looking for in life should have some similar goals. Seems like you grew up to be a mature , responsible partner however she didnt .you are not worthless . you are brave to give it all.

btm25678 · 2024-05-10T04:22:56+00:00

Based on your post, it seems like she was willing to try things but then didn’t follow through. You tried and you should be proud of that. You are just incompatible and there is no issue with that. It has nothing to do with your worth; it was just not the right person at this moment in your life.

Don’t ever think “you weren’t worth fighting for.” You are and it was just the wrong person in the fight.

Not to sound like a cliche, but honestly, gym-friends-fun is what you need now. It won’t take it off your mind, but you will feel much better.

the_fired_up_sra · 2024-05-10T00:57:58+00:00

Don’t regret your time with her, and don’t consider it wasted. Your marriage was a contract that simply expired, a season in your life that is now past. Take your time to grieve and feel whatever you need to feel, and then seize the reigns of your own happiness.

Imswim80 · 2024-05-10T00:39:54+00:00

I feel you man...

My divorce was finalized about 2 years ago. The courthouse was about 3 blocks from the church we got married.

From one, we arrived separately, celebrated with family and friends, and left together. 15 years later, we arrived separately, she with just her mom and lawyer, and me with my attorney (all separately). No one threw confetti at us, no one cheered.

And i left that courthouse more alone than I've ever felt.

I sit with you. It is a sad day.

Acceptable-Cook6728 · 2024-05-09T21:33:40+00:00

You both may have your faults, but it seems she has deep-seated issues that she hasn't fully reflected on or worked to resolve. The problem isn't solely with you. She needs to take the initiative to uplift and save herself now. If not addressed, things may escalate, potentially leading to harm for either of you. It is crucial your wife to take responsibility for her own issues, which is crucial for personal growth and relationship health. Work on yourself. I hope this message finds you in good health and spirits.

NewDay0110 · 2024-05-09T19:32:13+00:00

Breakups happen all the time. This is nothing unique. Just be glad she didn't completely destroy you in court with a campaign of smears to get your assets and enslaving you with child support and alimony. I'm mentally scarred for life from what I defended myself against in court.

47omek · 2024-05-09T15:50:27+00:00

You need to realize that you cannot control other people's behavior, you can only control your reaction to their behavior. Your post is just dripping with thoughts about "why wouldn't she" this or that when you have to realize she is a human and completely controls her actions and you are not in any way responsible for them. Look into the philosophy of Stoicism - basically quit worrying about things you can't control and focus your effort and attention on the things that you can. Before I decided to file for divorce I'd gotten to a point that I didn't react when the ex continually disregarded and disrespected me - but it was "noted". That behavior is a reflection of how she actually felt about you deep down (and not how she said she felt, you really can't pay attention to most women's words).

PriorityBubbly8854 · 2024-05-09T14:00:43+00:00

One day you'll look back on this and realize all the time you wasted on her. You're young enough you can easily find another wife. Be glad you didn't have kids with her.

gabriel-kornilov · 2024-05-09T13:40:27+00:00

You are not worthless, she is just somehow lazy and entitled. It's done. No children? Take it as a blessing in disguise. Now make yourself happy instead of somebody careless. She is hurting too? Not your probleme anymore, she had her chance and blew it. I understand you cannot erase 15 years just like that so give yourself time and leeway in order to heal.

WindowFuzz · 2024-05-09T12:53:27+00:00

There are often aftershocks to a divorce that strike or resonate at unexpected moments, and even months or years after the initial decision to get the divorce. We may feel that we’re in a good place, and then suddenly something happens, like an anniversary, and there’s more emotion there than we had expected. I think the important thing is to be open to that emotion and not try to push it away or suppress it. To sit with it and, reassure yourself that you’re going to be OK. Then open yourself up to whatever learning or insights you can gather so that you can improve yourself and make this pain part of your path to self growth.

mellmell12 · 2024-05-09T11:51:38+00:00

you should be jumping up and down

Miserable_Ad_1172 · 2024-05-09T10:54:33+00:00

Your a man it isn’t her job to fight for you. Please don’t take that as an insult but women won’t ever behave in that way. Your job is to lead the relationship or try to establish working on it. You have done this really well by the sounds of it. If you can truly say you have done all you can then be at peace brother. I know it hurts like hell but it will pass with time.

fffrdcrrf · 2024-05-09T10:39:19+00:00

I almost wonder if she is going through something like depression, I know with my own depression its hard to focus or be motivated to do anything besides work. Im assuming that your reference for counseling is for couples counseling, but maybe you both should consider individual counseling irregardless of what’s happening between you two. If she still doesn’t want to go, you should consider it for yourself it takes a few sessions before you feel comfortable opening up to a stranger face to face but it does help a bit, good luck man I’m rooting for you.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-05-09T09:07:51+00:00

Is she ADHD?

DarkEnergy67 · 2024-05-09T07:43:08+00:00

Do not forget that in all this, from her perspective, you were far from perfect. Having said that, it sounds like she was a passive taker and not a giver. So, don’t kick yourself. You tried but she didn’t want to play the same game as you. So be it, part ways and move on. In this scenario, you were always onto a losing battle with no chance of success.

Your error was unwisely choosing the wrong person at the start. Either you were unable to choose wisely or she hid her true self from you until after you were married. Perhaps a little of both.

Sadly, I see only a minority of women are actually worth marrying today. And I know most women say the same about men. Perhaps the current incarnation of marriage has had its day?

James_Jimothy · 2024-05-09T07:22:24+00:00

You were too nice and too reasonable. When you give a woman too much certainty, some will take advantage of it. They will not be grateful or appreciative, just more entitled. This is one of the biggest mistakes men make. It weakens their respect for you and they withdraw intimacy. It's painful and frustrating, man.

I'm sorry you are hurting, but it's best that you didn't have kids with a woman so lazy they couldn't be bothered to read a book to work on your marriage.

Take some time to grieve that time of your life and when ready read up on female psychology and assertiveness to avoid this happening again.

Mundane-Surround-325 · 2024-05-09T04:22:14+00:00

It is strange, but to me it seems: If a woman gets her man to be as she wants him, she no longer wants him.

Enough_Youth_4564 · 2024-05-09T04:03:25+00:00

Did you read no more mr since guy ?

No_Investigator3353 · 2024-05-09T02:19:34+00:00

Your still young brah..I'm 45M and have been there, not like u ( I divorced my psycho) it gets better

silmarp · 2024-05-09T01:34:45+00:00

Don't worry. Your best days are just ahead. In 10 years time you will remember your divorce day as the day you started to live for yourself and remember her just as a crazy ex because that's what she is.

You want a partner, she is not a partner and she doesn't want to be a partner. You can't expect it from her and you can't expect her to be it for you. You can't expect a mute to give a speech and you can't expect a woman who doesn't want to be a partner to be a partner simply because she is not capable of doing so.

Also you did nothing wrong. You made the right choice. You want something she can't give you s oyou have no choice other than moving on. The best is yet to come.

sunkill · 2024-05-09T01:29:03+00:00

Today is the saddest day trust me. Tomorrow sucks too.

I listened to When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chiron. It was incredible helpful to me and helped make sense of things.

It will suck for other reasons for a few years, but today is as sad as it will get. I wish you more than luck ✌️

iSurvivedltd · 2024-05-09T01:03:43+00:00

Sorry you had to experience this pal.

One thing I have noticed with my circle of friends and the community here is when we shoulder alot of the "chores" (house chores, finances, sex life) as men we end up getting screwed over. I am not sure what it is, maybe they see us as less than, or weak, I really don't know.

Shit is supposed to be 50/50...not us doing more than them. If thats what they subscribe to then we need to peace out as quickly as possible b/c those situations rarely end well.

Keep your head up bro. You will get through this and the good thing is, you are young enough to find someone else to have children with.

Jonger1150 · 2024-05-09T01:01:33+00:00

She got fat didn't she?

kublakhan1816 · 2024-05-09T00:32:33+00:00

I’m 10 years older and I did the same thing. We’ve all been there. I’m sorry this happened to you. You can only live life forward. You did what you could to save it. You weren’t a coward and weren’t a cheater. You did your relationship right. But you were right. You can’t carry the whole load and continue to do that for the next 50 years. You were right to walk away even though it’s like cutting your limb off. I know it hurts. This won’t be forever.

Title	Today is the day of my divorce and I'm just so sad.
Author	Sportfish_deepdive
Upvotes	64
Comments	64
Date	May 9, 2024 12:26 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cnjzl4/today_is_the_day_of_my_divorce_and_im_just_so_sad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/today-is-the-day-of-my-divorce-and-im-just-so-sad.1517959 https://theredarchive.com/post/1517959

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