Q4women: do you enjoy/desire sexual attention from men who aren't your husband/boyfriend?

Large-Signal-157 · 2024-06-02T13:46:47+00:00

No, because I don’t wanna deal with some guy hitting on me when I’m married. I tend to look very unapproachable in public.

The ring is another “fuck off” symbol. It’s not even worth flirting because I want an intact marriage and flirting gets you in trouble. I don’t believe in my own self control that much- just being honest. I’d rather not even set up the opportunity or situation for any garbage behavior to occur.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-06-02T07:03:07+00:00

I don't aim to get attention from other people but I do appreciate respectful compliments.

Freethinker312 · 2024-06-02T08:13:39+00:00

However, do you want people who aren't your partner to also find you sexy?

No, I don't want that.

For example, if some random guy, or a guy you have a platonic relationship with such as a friend or coworker notices you sexually and finds you attractive, do you appreciate that? Does it make you feel better about yourself?

No, it makes me feel worse and afraid. I don't want sexual attention from anyone else than my husband.

Furthermore, sometimes when women in relationships go out like to bars or nightclubs or concerts, they like to wear sexy and revealing clothing. Obviously this will get you sexual attention and attraction from other men who aren't your partner. Is this your goal? If not then what is the point of dressing like this for men who aren't your partner?

I never wear revealing clothing in public and don't go to nightclubs.

EulenWatcher · 2024-06-02T06:30:40+00:00

Not really with just one exception. I enjoy wearing dresses/skirts off a bit when I go out with my husband. This way we both “show off”. I get people noticing my outfit without the discomfort of getting any unwanted attention. He gets a pretty wife that no one else can touch.

I don’t wear anything too revealing and I don’t wear dresses or skirts if I go out on my own.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2024-06-02T14:00:08+00:00

I was at the park playing fetch with my dog yesterday and there was a group of older teens having a get-together at the pavilion nearby. One of the girls came over to get a soccer ball that had been left in the grass near me. As she walked back to the pavilion, she yelled across her shoulder to me "you're really pretty!" I thought that was nice of her and thanked her. I'm a black woman in her late 30's, and she was an older white teenager. There was almost certainly no intention of hitting on me with this, so I took it as genuine and heartfelt.

Men's sexual attention, by their own admission, is cheap and meaningless. They constantly sell the fact that they have low-to-non-existent standards as a moral virtue, as opposed to women and our pickiness and shallowness and unreasonableness. Well, then they're going to have to accept the other side of that is that their sexual attention is worthless and annoying. It's spam. It doesn't come out of genuine interest for who I am, it comes from desperation and lack of standards.

So, no, I don't enjoy it, and I certainly don't desire it. The fact that men would put their dicks in me means nothing at all. It's the commitment that determines my value according to the guys on this sub, not willingness to masturbate with my body.

Obvious_Smoke3633 · 2024-06-02T13:08:49+00:00

Absolutely not. Not in the slightest. If anything, it actually repulses me.

Commercial_Tea_8185 · 2024-06-02T19:36:30+00:00

No, I genuinely hate it. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than a stranger telling me their sexual thoughts. Its not flattering, or kind. It makes me feel like im being preyed upon and grossed out.

And i dont date men, but ive had men come up with me while i was on dates with other women which is always so cringe inducing

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-06-02T10:01:29+00:00

No. When I'm in a serious relationship, all of my sexual and romantic energy are focused on him alone. I don't get any thrills from other men noticing me.

WRT "sexy" clothing, I'll dress up for a night out with my man, but I'm doing it for him, not to get anybody else's attention. I generally dress for the occasion and my comfort. I've also come to the conclusion over the years that I get attention no matter what I'm wearing, so I might as well wear what I want and not give a rat's ass as to how other people perceive me.

MistyMaisel · 2024-06-02T13:10:43+00:00

I ain't trying to get attention from others, but depending on the scenario, I'll rarely be chuffed by it.

Unhappy_Offer_1822 · 2024-06-02T15:39:17+00:00

no dont care

enfantrebelle · 2024-06-02T16:38:14+00:00

I'm gonna be honest and say that I don't mind but I don't particularly seek it out. Ever since I changed my style and started dressing more colorful and feminine, I've received a bunch of compliments from complete strangers and friends ranging from old ladies to men my age. So far no one has made any weird overtly sexual comments which is what I want to avoid especially. It's always awkward when some dude comments on your boobs or ass.

ConanTheCybrarian · 2024-06-02T07:27:44+00:00

sexy? no

attractive? sure

relish5k · 2024-06-02T15:22:10+00:00

not at all, it makes me extremely uncomfortable. if a man feels he has received sufficient IOIs from me that he can be so bold as to flirt then i feel guilty for disrespecting my husband.

i do kind of enjoy a respectful catcall from a distance, especially as im a mom of 2 in my mid 30s.

my husband likes it when i dress sexy out with him because he likes to show me off, so i do it for him (i don’t hate it either - people can look i guess but if they were to try to talk to me i would die)

Expensive-Tea455 · 2024-06-02T21:41:32+00:00

NJFlowerchild · 2024-06-02T07:01:17+00:00

I couldn't care less if other men find me hot. I dress how I want regardless of who is around, because I dress for me.

serpensmercurialis · 2024-06-02T07:17:40+00:00

For example, if some random guy, or a guy you have a platonic relationship with such as a friend or coworker notices you sexually and finds you attractive, do you appreciate that?

No, it makes things awkward for me. I’m not single so it’s not like they’re a potential option to pursue or something, but they become a potential problem.

Does it make you feel better about yourself?

Let me put it this way: if I wanted validation, I could go on any app and have it in 5 minutes. What’s the point? Why endlessly chase external validation about your attractiveness? Who cares? At some point, if you know you’re attractive and have self-esteem, it just doesn’t feel like anything when you hear it. I’m sure dudes who are like 6’ 5” feel the same way when people call them tall. Maybe it felt significant the first couple years, but after that? Who cares.

Furthermore, sometimes when women in relationships go out like to bars or nightclubs or concerts, they like to wear sexy and revealing clothing. Obviously this will get you sexual attention and attraction from other men who aren't your partner. Is this your goal? If not then what is the point of dressing like this for men who aren't your partner?

For some? Maybe that’s the goal. I personally don’t go to clubs or anything so idk about that whole scene. But what I will say is that for a lot of girls, dressing up is just fun. I think dudes heavily underestimate this aspect. Don’t believe me? Go plug “dress up game” into Google. Browse the mods for any game with a lot of female players - sims, FFXIV, stardew. Outfits, hairs, makeup all over the place. Sexy and non-sexy alike. You’re not dressing up “for men” or even “for other women” in a single-player game. You’re doing it because it’s fun. A lot of the time, girls will wear something cute or do fun makeup when they’re at home alone just to mess around. It’s the same concept. Yeah, part of it is that we’re socialized to be interested in those things compared to men, but it’s also just fun to experiment or try something different. And sometimes you wear that outside the house too if there’s an occasion that warrants it.

I think the easiest way to tell the difference is just her attitudes towards these things in general. If she ONLY seems to care about how she looks when there is an opportunity for male attention, then maybe be more attentive. But if she’s the type that experiments with her look a lot or is into aesthetics in general, then it’s more likely to just be an extension of that. A lot of girls including myself would actually dress waaaay differently in public if male attention was not something we had to consider, but in the direction of being more attention-grabbing, not less. That’s probably a good litmus question honestly - how would she dress if men didn’t exist?

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-06-02T09:19:35+00:00

I have facial dysmorphia and low self esteem when it comes to my looks.

Just knowing that somebody finds me sexy and attractive makes me feel good and validated.

However, when that person comes up to me, starts hitting on me, excessively staring or catcalling me, I feel awkward and uncomfortable.

So I both like and dislike it.

dressing like this for men who aren't your partner?

I'm not dressing for men per se, I'm doing it for the whole society (I want women to find me beautiful as well)- I'm doing it to establish my position as "attractive" in the society that values looks more than anything else.

AngeCruelle · 2024-06-02T11:25:58+00:00

No. I don't drink or particularly like dancing, so no bars or clubs. I dress modestly due to my religious beliefs, though my figure is always going to be noticeable regardless of what I wear. Short of men walking right up and saying something I've always been kind of oblivious. To the point where I've been surprised to find out certain guys liked me when it wasn't a secret to anyone else.

It impacts my hobbies as well. I'm a massive otome gamer when single. If you don't know what that is, games where you play as a woman that have a plot revolving around romance with fictional guys. I can't play them when I'm in a relationship because it feels so wrong. I have no doubt that if I told my partner about this he would tell me it's fine and to keep playing, but it's not just about his feelings. I genuinely don't want to indulge in that sort of thing when I'm in a committed relationship, regardless of his approval.

_noneoftheabove · 2024-06-02T16:14:34+00:00

It depends on what you mean by “sexual attention.” I’m in an LTR but still attracted to other men, obviously. If I’m passing by an attractive guy and I can tell he notices me too, I enjoy that. I like to know I look good, so some passing glances out in public are nice. But anything that veers into leering or staring or actual sexual comments is not ok. I’ve had male colleagues in a professional setting look me up and down right in front of my face. That’s creepy as fuck and not enjoyable. And any situation where I can tell a platonic male acquaintance/friend/colleague is attracted to me becomes at least mildly uncomfortable for me.

Trikger · 2024-06-02T07:36:55+00:00

I guess my comment will contrast the others a bit, but I do care about if people outside of my relationship find me attractive. I definitely wouldn't appreciate my male friends looking at me in a sexual way, though.

While I personally don't notice when guys stare, I know men are a lot more observant in that regard and can notice it a lot quicker. According to the guys I've dated, I get stared at quite a bit. This is the kind of attention I personally feel sort of flattered by, especially when I'm with my boyfriend. We've talked about it before, and he also said it made him feel kind of proud. I know he also likes it when other people appreciate his appearance.

As for going out, getting sexual attention isn't really the point. As women, we don't have to dress up for that. The thing with clubbing is that it allows a certain kind of wear that typically isn't really appropriate. I think it's normal for people to want to feel attractive, but the typical jeans+shirt combo isn't really expressive enough to make people feel like they look their best. I think women wear more attractive outfits when going out because it's one of the few times where it is socially acceptable to go the extra mile.

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chalkandapples · 2024-06-02T08:32:14+00:00

When I was actively dating yes. When in a relationship, married, or when I was single and not dating, no.

AngelCrumb · 2024-06-02T22:15:38+00:00

Yes. I like to know if I'm looking good, my boyfriend doesn't mind it either because it's confidence boosting for him also. The same vice versa. Obviously, there's a line, though. You can appreciate attractive features without veering off into sexual harassment or crude comments.

Medical_Sense5953 · 2024-06-03T05:58:53+00:00

No - I want them to leave me the hell alone. It’s fine if they hold that sexual attraction towards me, but don’t ever act on it in a way that I have to engage with. Treat me as a human, not as a sexual object.

Lilrip1998 · 2024-06-04T17:51:27+00:00

I enjoy that attention from women more so than men. My partner and I have been hit on by women in certain nightlife spaces more than once and that's always welcome.

I'm down for a genuine compliment/conversation from men but in general I kinda shut down unless my boyfriend is around. If the dude still acts normal once they know I have a boyfriend we're in the clear and can be friends. If I feel like I'm getting hit on I shut it down respectfully.

To be fair the places I encounter this are primarily queer/cabaret/artsy nightlife venues that I work at/with so not only does everyone kind of have an easy conversation starter that crowd is going to be drastically different then say a dude trying to chat you up while we're grocery shopping.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-06-02T09:52:17+00:00

I assume I'd like it if I got it, if it was expressed respectfully at least. Compliments and ego boosts are nice. Women are socialised to look as sexy as possible at all times just to blend in.

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-06-02T13:01:16+00:00

No.

Furthermore, sometimes when women in relationships go out like to bars or nightclubs or concerts, they like to wear sexy and revealing clothing.

I dress for the season and the climate. I only wear revealing clothing and heavier makeup when I'm going out with girlfriends or to women's spaces. I'm not remotely interested in attention from men I have no desire to interact with.

superlurkage · 2024-06-02T13:19:44+00:00

Only if it benefits me

Title	Q4women: do you enjoy/desire sexual attention from men who aren't your husband/boyfriend?
Author	Winter_Bar_1160
Upvotes	3
Comments	98
Date	June 2, 2024 2:33 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1d63ake/q4women_do_you_enjoydesire_sexual_attention_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-do-you-enjoydesire-sexual-attention-from.1520310 https://theredarchive.com/post/1520310

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