I hate this shit.

Bitcoin_Chaca · 2025-09-23T21:34:10+00:00

I’m telling you if you look up what is a broken man, you’ll find me there. Divorced in 2005, she remarried eight months later, somewhere in 2006. I remarried in 2011 and was divorced in 2014. And in 2017, I voluntarily resigned from a mid six figure career. I thought I’d try early retirement, I’m 61 now. To this day, I can’t remember the reasons why I threw away my career. Divorce is a heavy, heavy blanket, for me.

Straight_Ad7284 · 2025-09-18T13:55:24+00:00

I find it especially hard for my children. I went through hell when I found out her cheating, and it took me a long time to accept that my marriage was over. But now I know I wouldn't take her back if she asked. But knowing my children went through these dark years also, and won't have a mom and dad who are together, still hits hard. There is no way I will ever forgive her for that. Plain selfishness.

Spared-No-Expense · 2025-08-31T20:49:31+00:00

personally i understand that there are benefits to getting a clean slate (hobbies, dating, friends, travel, things you couldn’t buy before), but as excited as i am by those prospects, they have yet to materialize for me.

I’m thankful for 50-50 custody and getting the house. But 2 mortgages (the second to pay her half of the equity), alimony, 50% single parenting, and running a household solo puts me in a position where my monthly burn is 30% higher than before — with 30% less time to work. This is especially a tall order in a profession where the hours I put in generally determine the money I earn.

If I can figure it out and turn that corner than yes, the world is my oyster.

probebeta · 2025-08-31T02:07:53+00:00

I wouldnt call that romanticizing divorce. I'd say they've awakened 😅. Good luck to you, I know it sucks but it gets better.

eratosthenes777 · 2025-08-30T22:21:29+00:00

16 years with a 13yr old son going through it now. Really sucks!

euphramjsimpson · 2025-08-30T17:42:47+00:00

The worst

gratefulstudent76 · 2025-08-30T14:40:36+00:00

I find that it depends moment to moment but the good moments are more than the bad now. Early on it was almost all bad. Therapy, group support, doing things you couldn’t do before all help. And time. Allow yourself to feel how much it sucks. This too shall pass

Interesting-Rain-325 · 2025-08-30T13:45:35+00:00

I feel like it’s all perspective. I’m sitting here on my couch on a Saturday morning, quietly. I slept in until 8:45am. I just got back from getting a coffee at Dunkin and I’m about to get ready for the day, do some yard work and then sit down for some college football. The latter is something I couldn’t do for years (activities to go to, house chores, other people watching the TV). Nothing is required of me until my son’s football game tomorrow.

Just-aMidwestGuy · 2025-08-30T13:28:18+00:00

It does get better with time. It just feels like going through hell to get there.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-08-30T13:01:17+00:00

Women seem to do just fine with divorce, and almost always have a harem of orbiters worshipping her like she's a pop star. If men had hundreds of DMs from beautiful women who wanted to date them, the mental health aspect of the divorce wouldn't be that bad I think.

Men have to play the hand they are dealt, which usually means we have to suffer in silence and figure our own way out of the darkness. If a man becomes indifferent to his ex and all women in general, he has discovered the meaning of life:

Men don't need women to be happy but women cannot be happy without constant validation from men.

94Questra · 2025-08-30T11:32:04+00:00

My wife has yet to file and still lives with me. I hear her work calls and phone conversations. I've lost track of how many times I have heard a female friend or colleague talk about how brave she is. How strong women are. All of those platitudes. None of them know me. Knew our marriage. Hell. I don't think they even know that she is the one filing for divorce or the cost that it is taking on me. And she doesn't care which means, neither do they. I hate it. The last three months have been awful.

Th3_D3V1L_really · 2025-08-30T11:17:24+00:00

Im working through my second while battling some health issues; if there’s anything I can tell you, it’s that you NEED to show up for yourself everyday. The bad emotions are what make you human and give you character, just don’t let the bad emotions create a reaction. CRY IT OUT, just get it over with, don’t bottle that shit up at all. None of this feels good, and there is no book on how to tackle all of it; but you can’t tell the future no matter how much you say you “know it’s gonna be like this forever”. Be the best you that you can everyday going forward, show up for yourself, you got this man.

Ok-Cucumber-6976 · 2025-08-30T07:32:20+00:00

It's just an experience. No one can take it away from you. It will make you stronger and more resilient.

wallydog71 · 2025-08-30T06:40:21+00:00

I feel the same way about it. Divorce sucks. My wife left me with the kids, so I had to be mom and dad while I was spiraling out of control.i wasn't a perfect husband, but I tried hard to give them everything. But I'm the bad guy. Men get the worst part of it, and women get the most support .it goes both ways, but most of the time, it's almost always our fault regardless.we own what has happened in the relationship. So we have to carry all of the weight. Almost all the women after the divorce are free and strong and courageous.and most men are suffering in silence

Longjumping-Cup-4018 · 2025-08-30T05:18:42+00:00

It was different between men and women. Normally women will get all the glory after divorce but they will end up badly being treated as a bus. But man normally is reverse but it comes with struggling and effort

OkEducation9522 · 2025-08-30T05:01:38+00:00

I feel like the overwhelming sadness part has gotten a lot better for me and my emotions have stabilized which has been huge. The disconnect from the world you mentioned has only gotten worse though. It is so lonely but until I can learn to trust people again, I don’t really know what I can do about it.

It sounds like you’re in the thick of it. I think you’re doing the right thing reaching out. I hope you have people in your life who really listen and will help you through this.

smoot99 · 2025-08-30T04:43:37+00:00

closer to my kids 4/7, back to my old self 3/7, now semi-poor but no debt and happier and more free, no change in relationship because it was just me trying to move dead weight anyway so I don't have to put up with it now I can just ask and move on, I can't control anything about what she's up to unless I suspect the kids are at risk so that is what it is

2025-08-30T04:19:58+00:00

Agreed.

dritmike · 2025-08-30T03:50:29+00:00

Yeah it sucks. But Jtfc going back into the SAME bs with nothing changing and you’re still the target of her ire. Yeah no I just hold onto a few key memories to make me remember it’s just me wanting to go back to something familiar.

Complex_Path_4821 · 2025-08-30T03:42:24+00:00

I was exactly like you, it’s taken me well over a year and i’m still not completely there but i’m finally seeing the light. Now when I’m true to myself and really think about if I would ever take her back if she returned, I honestly don’t think I would. I have grown exponentially, i’ve faced everything head on, I didn’t turn to distractions and i’m in love with who I’m becoming. Now that I know what truly matters to me, there is nobody that will ever get in the way of that again. Sure I have low days still but I know the idea of the woman I loved is no more, I see who she really is without my emotions getting in the way and I’m honestly so excited to share this new me with the right person one day.

Agreeable_Current518 · 2025-08-30T03:32:03+00:00

Exactly how I feel. It’s hard to even try to envision a life after. It’s like starting over, but more F’d up.

DecentShallot6351 · 2025-08-30T03:30:23+00:00

That’s exactly what I’m saying. When I was married all I heard was good things about divorce and it gave me a bad head space about marriage. The world idolizes sleeping around without commitment. I wouldn’t wish this shit on my worsts enemy.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2025-08-30T03:25:19+00:00

Who romanticizes divorce? Never heard about that.

Title	I hate this shit.
Author	Then-Environment-272
Upvotes	78
Comments	54
Date	August 30, 2025 3:18 AM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1n3r8km/i_hate_this_shit/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/i-hate-this-shit.1560867 https://theredarchive.com/post/1560867

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