Is your partner meeting your standards for the house chores, cooking and cleaning

Corbast7 · 2025-12-10T18:47:26+00:00

I live with my partner and we don’t have kids. Yes, our chore split is very fair, and for the most part he volunteers on his own to do things without me needing to point them out. He’s always been an attentive man in general, which is a quality I looked for in dating. Personally I like the “60/40” rule, where basically both people are competing to be the one who gives 60, not 40.

That doesn’t mean communication still isn’t needed to stay on the same page to avoid either of us expecting the other to read our minds, though. Miscommunication and conflict is part of life and learning, but it’s the conflict resolution that really makes the relationship.

Your partner should show that they care to at least match the effort and you have to put in the work to communicate respectfully yourself and not expect mind reading as you go about life. Imo striking that balance is the recipe for success.

BrightPapaya1349 · 2025-12-10T18:38:18+00:00

Yes, he is actually better than I am with household chores. He does everything unprompted, randomly decides he wants to vacuum the living-room and almost always does the laundry (the task I hate the most)... I can't complain at all.

We cook together and one of us does the dishes.

I have lower standards than him, but not by much. If something bothers him he'll do it himself. If something bothers me I'll do it.

cb8585b · 2025-12-10T18:51:55+00:00

Yes, I honestly rarely have to ask him to do anything unless it’s really specific.

Also we balance things around our schedules to meet each others needs. I often have to be called out for emergencies for work in the night and I’m also studying; so I’m damn near insomniac and because I’m usually up quite late I always get his lunches and breakfast ready/prepped before I go to bed. He works extra long hours but can wfh more often than I can so he usually does most of the laundry.

He also makes dinner more frequently than I do and sometimes we order in. We do a reset day on Saturdays or Sundays usually and deep clean together and run errands.

We’ve never had an issue with this type of stuff. So when things get stressful we pick up if the other is slacking and can understand.

attendquoi · 2025-12-10T18:48:01+00:00

Yup, we had a talk when we first started living together about who would do what. He's stuck to his obligations very nicely.

ThatBitchA · 2025-12-10T19:33:52+00:00

We're childfree. No kids, ever. Thank goodness.

And yup, he meets and exceeds expectations.

My husband does most of the cooking, the grocery shopping, and cleaning bathrooms + trash duty.

He's amazing. Every day this sub makes me grateful that men like him exist.

If he didn't meet or exceed my expectations, we wouldn't have lasted past 3 months.

Lysa_Bell · 2025-12-10T18:35:52+00:00

He is meeting the majority of my standards. And the ones he doesnt meet, I will just take over. He balances it out by driving us everywhere. And he is very appreciative of the things I do. We both compliment each other to the point I'm happy with the balance of everything.

ChadChasingBReturns · 2025-12-10T21:05:11+00:00

My husband is the “primary parent” and he straightens up the house. We have help for deep cleaning. I do the cooking and we do the laundry together. He washes and I fold. He does the trash and heavy stuff. He does an amazing job.

Makuta_Servaela · 2025-12-10T18:43:40+00:00

The men I've dated and been around generally did to housework, but did way less housework than they thought they were. For example, the laundry needs folding and putting away, supper needs to be made, and the dogs need to be walked. Each takes 30 minutes to do, and the person doing them has 1 hour to do them.

I and the women I know would walk the dogs, and then do laundry and supper at the same time. (Ex. sort clothes, chop veggies and meat for supper, put food to cook, fold laundry in the same room while watching the food, tend to food, take food off of stove to cool, put laundry away, set out supper).

The men I know would just pick two tasks and do those two tasks, neglecting the third.

The result is that enough things get done that he finds it nagging to be asked to do any more, but not enough things get down to actually complete the chore list.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-12-10T18:36:45+00:00

I'm not partnered at the moment, but i had both. I had men who did their share, and i had men who didn't. I just chose not to live with latter, some of them were good people to date, just not to live with.

Perfect-Reading-761 · 2025-12-10T18:42:57+00:00

Yes he does. Hes wonderful

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2025-12-10T19:03:08+00:00

Yes absolutely. We have our own things we do an when I am away on long business trips, he keeps the place really clean for when I return.

Disastrous_Agent9307 · 2025-12-10T19:38:17+00:00

For the most part. Yeah. There's weeks where he could do more or I feel a bit lopsided, but I generally remind myself he's human and can get burnt out and tired same as me. And I'm sure there's weeks I let him down.

He does the trash, a lot of the dishes, helps with the cats, does a lot of the laundry, all the snow removal, all the grunt work of chickens, mops, vacs.

I think my only little niggling hang up is he never puts any of my laundry away while I always put his away when I get the laundry. And I'm trying to figure out a good time to ask why this is. Does he just not get my stuff or think he's going to mess it up or something?

But all in all I'm very satisfied by the division. I get to do the cooking which I love and the shopping which sometimes is fun and sometimes I wanna throw down in the grocery store with a dumb dumb.

Poor_Olive_Snook · 2025-12-10T20:08:20+00:00

Yes, our split is equitable and I don't have to remind him to do what he needs to do. I wouldn't have married him otherwise

Barneysparky · 2025-12-10T20:10:46+00:00

Yes. When he works from home or gets home earlier he's done things that are on my list to do, and I appreciate it. Generally speaking he picks up after himself, let's me know how long his hobbies are going to dominant the dining room table (when it can be my turn) and is courteous to live with.

First husband? He did not adult in any aspect. Seasonal job, and a vegetable in-between.

MoodyMagicOwl · 2025-12-10T21:16:27+00:00

I'm a woman in my 40 without kids so probably not the demographic you're asking-

Not currently in a relationship, but I've dumped 2 different men in my younger years. Mostly because they weren't taking care of things around our living space. One of them was also neglecting his health, and refused to do a simple task such as making a dentist appt. Something I did not know until after we moved in together.

I felt like I was more of a mother/caretaker to them than a partner. It's a massive turn-off when as a woman, you have to take over as a mommy.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-12-10T21:45:20+00:00

Yes and it’s not something we ever really talked about. Some times I do more sometimes he does.

He doesn’t needs list he is an adult and knows how to keep a house.

I need to stay with this man for life as I’m not sure anyone else could compare

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2025-12-10T20:27:23+00:00

Mostly. He's still learning how to cook, so not everything he makes is great (or even just good sometimes), but he's improving, and I appreciate the effort he puts in. We had a few arguments about it. I'm pretty sure I was very rude during them, but if you're 30 and can't figure out how to follow a recipe, you're either on the dumber side of humanity or you're just being lazy.

Cleaning and the rest of the chores? No complaints.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2025-12-10T21:31:58+00:00

No, and I don’t expect that to change.

Why am I still with him? Lots of reasons. I love him, he has many great qualities, he’s a great dad, and most importantly I knew what I was signing up for. I had many years prior to marriage to get to know his tendencies and his severe (albeit medicated) ADHD and I still chose to marry him with that knowledge.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2025-12-10T23:56:05+00:00

Much to my delight (and I guess my husband's annoyance) he exceeds my cleanliness/chore/ cooking standards.

If anything, I'm the bum in the relationship.

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Confident_Counter471 · 2025-12-10T22:24:28+00:00

Yes, my partner is fantastic around the house and helps out. I’m the primary bread winner and do most of the cooking but he does most of the cleaning. I do take care of our animals more but he does most of the yard work. It’s a good split

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-12-10T22:39:44+00:00

My standards for cleanliness? I’d say no. But he doesn’t expect me to mother him so if he washes laundry but doesn’t put it away how I would it’s not that big of a deal. 🤷‍♀️ The only times it has been a source of frustration or caused an argument were the times I was overworked (putting in 60+ hours) in my previous job and he wasn’t stepping up like I thought he should. I had to learn to let it go and also how to communicate to him why it was bothering me. We both grew up differently in terms of how much our homes were cleaned so we have both made compromises. I’m thankful that he has been able to show me how to be more laid back about those things because my dad was incredibly critical towards my SAHM and household chores.

We have definitely balanced each other out well.

Now for the part about women saying their partner became lazy after marriage/kids. I think it’s very much one of those situations of: his side, her side, and the truth being somewhere in the middle.

From what I’ve experienced and witnessed in others (married and a parent to a teen) most women my age were raised to be a caregiver especially those of us who grew up with a SAHM. My mom always handled household chores, so when my now-husband and I started dating I immediately took on that same role thinking that’s just what a “good woman” did. And I think I also enjoyed feeling “needed” by him for those things. He never asked me to be the primary cook or house cleaner so in a way it is like I had my own “nice girl, covert contract”. I think deep down I believed that if I cooked for him, cleaned up after him, scheduled his appointments, etc that he’d would have to appreciate those things and also have to love me for doing them. 🤦‍♀️ It was not clicking in my brain that most people aren’t going to stop someone from doing all the chores they hate.

Like there are sooooo many factors that cause this situation that it truly is more than a partner not being as clean as the other. It’s more about the lack of respect for the other party.

Flightlessbirbz · 2025-12-10T23:21:47+00:00

I am not meeting my standards for house chores and cleaning, though the cooking is pretty damn good.lol We are two ADHD people who have to gently nag each other to get shit done. So the answer is “no,” but I know I’m in no position to talk, and neither is he. The dynamic is “let’s fight the mess monster together.”

Tylikcat · 2025-12-10T23:26:48+00:00

They weren't, and I'm not.

(Though it's pretty common for the problem to get much worse when they have children.)

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2025-12-11T00:05:05+00:00

Absolutely! He takes care of everything house related and keeps it more together than I ever could. I am 100% the slacker in my relationship when it comes to domestic chores

Reganishererobake · 2025-12-10T18:43:34+00:00

Right off the bat, me and my husband had conversations about our expectations for one another. I am expected to cook and clean for us but that doesn’t keep him from helping me do dishes if we cook together (which we frequently do).

Now, he is the breadwinner by far and he takes care of everything else. Because we’ve had this conversation, it’s not a surprise and by default he “meets my expectations”.

Is he as neat as I am? No, absolutely not but he’s very reasonable and conscientious. Are there things that grossed me out to no end and I had to tell him such? Yes, many-a-time. If I need help with something, he will give me any resources I need to help me. I’m very very blessed to have such a wonderful man. :)

Title	Is your partner meeting your standards for the house chores, cooking and cleaning
Author	bison5595
Upvotes	13
Comments	121
Date	December 10, 2025 6:30 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1pjaeb8/is_your_partner_meeting_your_standards_for_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-your-partner-meeting-your-standards-for-the.1568522 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568522

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