It happened to me

miami2881 · 2026-04-30T22:43:35+00:00

Congratulations on your upcoming freedom!

RespectInevitable479 · 2026-04-30T20:47:37+00:00

Sorry this happened to you. File and focus on your kids, also don’t marry again.

Ark161 · 2026-04-29T23:06:39+00:00

First, I am sorry you are going through this. It is probably the single most shitty feeling to experience.

Now, for the real shitty part. She's gone man. I hate to say it, but she has chosen to abandon your marriage.
You do NOT have to be okay with any of this. You dont have to hate her, but you dont have to agree with it either. There is no "seperation" period. There is no "time to think". She is actively choosing this of her own will. No one is forcing her. I would even question how much of it is "your fault" at this point. The fact she is chill with going to chase another guy shows how much she cares about the family; she doesnt. Document everything, you are probably going to have to be the one to do everything for the divorce. Check with your state laws because it can get pretty fucky on a state by state basis. Like, if possible, get that ball rolling ASAP. Also, be aware of the silver bullet method. I am not saying she will use it, but it is a thing and anything you can do to counter those allegations civilly will be in your best interest.

Then there is the case of your sanity. At no point are you weak for any of this fucking you up. Be honest with yourself and she has revoked the "wife card" that we carry that gives them a higher degree of flexibility when it comes to their bullshit. Sure, you may not have been perfect, but in what world does that justify this kind of blatent disregard for you and your children? Try not to get hung up on her cheating or fucking some other dude. It sucks, but here is the fucked up silver lining; she told you exactly why she wanted out. Like, think about at what point would you ever have been "good enough". Like, I know I fucked up a few times in my relationship, but it took a long ass time for me to realize that I was blaming myself solely for the fact that I was the only aspect of the whole situation I could control. IT FUCKING SUCKED. I had to fix up the house. I had to basically carry the divorce. The only plus to it was she didnt cheat and we didnt have kids. Also, I 100% understand how lucky I got in the whole situiation, but even then, it fucking sucked. Like im two years after the fact and it STILL fucks me up sometimes. So I would advise getting a moleskine notepad and write down your thoughts...all of them. Then reflect on them the next day. DO NOT TRY TO RAWDOG THIS. Therapy is 100% advised if you dont have a support network. Again, and I can not repeat it enough, you more than likely didnt deserve any of this. Just, try not to grow bitter and helpless, because the second you do, you wont be able to execute on anything. You will start self sabatoging without even realizing it. It is a very slow death and you/your kids deserve better than that.

LoveCrispApples · 2026-04-29T16:14:40+00:00

OP, do yourself a favor and save this thread. Take in every harsh word we are telling you. It may not feel good, but not only are we saying you aren't alone in this but also that all of our stories are shockingly similar.

These women cowardly check out of their marriages LONG before we men have any idea. They've latched onto a new toy that gives them validation and "feels" while we are still blissfully unaware. Once resentment and contempt seeps in (and it has) the union is completely over. It's almost an epidemic at this point.

Be proactive. Like, NOW. You have to strike from a legal standpoint while she's still got her head up her own rear end. This not-so-new dude who can do-no-wrong is her #1 now, not you. She's just trying to lock it down.

I reluctantly filed at my ex-wife's request because I knew she'd probably agree to unfavorable terms. Aaaaaaand she did. It's not what you want, and certainly seems terrible but waiting will only prolong the healing process and cost you more money. Do this first, trust us.

Lastly, be the absolute awesome Dad you can be and probably already are. Kids are way smarter than what they're given credit for and will need you healthy now more than ever. Pour your emotion into them and pay no attention to their mother's beguiled clown show.

soupsandwich00 · 2026-04-29T13:16:59+00:00

That guy that she says she's interested in, has been piping your wife down for a while now. She's playing mind games and manipulating you to keep you on the hook just in case the grass isn't greener. As far as she's concerned, the marriage is done. Lawyer up time now and protect yourself and focus on your kids. This may be hard to hear, but its time to start the process of healing and moving on. Get yourself into therapy because you're going to need someone to talk to to work through the emotional rollercoaster. Also, get in the gym and start hitting the iron.

TheDavenessPhD · 2026-04-29T11:33:42+00:00

The pain you're feeling is normal, but the thoughts you're having aren't helpful. You need to be the dad your kids need right now. It's your time to shine. Be present and start building the type of relationship you want to have with your kids long term.
You can't control what she decides. You can only control how you show up for your family.
My wife left three years ago. Here if you need to talk.

EmbarrassedAge7612 · 2026-04-29T10:58:10+00:00

She’s taking a test drive with this other guy. Probably cheating before announcing she wanted to separate. You need to start looking for a lawyer because she’s about 10 steps ahead. She will string you along and say whatever it is you need to hear, but she has no plans to come back. This is all part of the same playbook women follow. Look at other posts here. Women have a definite pattern they follow.

0neMinute · 2026-04-29T10:22:17+00:00

Your already divorced and don’t even know it, she isn’t interested in another guy she was already having an affair and is trying him out before committing. Go get a divorce while she is in affair fog.

SouthParkTimmy · 2026-04-29T10:11:27+00:00

She just wants time to see if things work out with her fuckboy. Fuck that!

Ok_Industry3016 · 2026-04-29T08:20:32+00:00

Lawyer up when they are done believe them.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2026-04-29T07:54:29+00:00

The time she needs is the time to see if the other guy will commit or not - and she'll try her best in bed to persuade him, while keeping you as an option B. You're cooked, brother. Sorry this is happening.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-04-29T05:32:15+00:00

You need to make a list of your own resentments and look at it every time she blames you for everything.
Just write down all the things she did to you and what you did not like about the relationship.
Keep the list close to your heart and for your eyes only.
I doubt you will see any improvements from her side, especially if she is interested in someone else.
P.S. add that to your list; expecting only you to improve and not taking accountability for her actions.

Time_Kaleidoscope564 · 2026-04-29T04:22:14+00:00

Do not let her gas light you. Fuck her so called resentment towards you...she said that like it's your fault. Do not forget that there's a third party. She's been having, at the very least, an emotional affair.

asc1226 · 2026-04-29T04:10:44+00:00

I need time is cheater speak for I want my spouse and my affair partner. As long as both are an option she’ll continue to choose both. Only way to get her off the fence is to stop giving a fuck she’s up there.

File and start moving forward out of her infidelity. Maybe she pulls her head out of her ass, then you can decide if there’s anything left to save. But you can’t nice her back.

BuddhistChrist · 2026-04-29T04:04:59+00:00

I guarantee if you stick with her you will be immensely miserable.

narkj · 2026-04-29T04:01:29+00:00

Dude, If she moved out and told you she’s interested in another guy, that’s your answer.

painfulletdown · 2026-04-29T03:48:38+00:00

get out now. i went through this and it wont ever get fixed. if you make up she'll eventually do it again and just keep disrespecting you more. right now you can get out with medium marraige and no prrpetual alimony. you also might get lucky and severe ties before she gets abusive and tries to take the kids away from you.

Alexandros23 · 2026-04-29T03:43:04+00:00

Shes probably fucking him already. Best thing you can do is draw your boundaries hard and fast. Save yourself. Don’t be a pussy she’ll never respect you. It’s the only way at this point. You trying to change yourself now for her isn’t going to move the needle. It’s not about you anymore, It’s about this other guy.

Significant_Koala_61 · 2026-04-29T03:33:31+00:00

Bro, this woman is making this like it’s your fault and then seeing other guys away from home with 2 kids at home, unbelievable, do what you think is best, but it sounds like with limited available information from your post she is totally toxic and needs to go

_Luminary__ · 2026-04-29T03:27:06+00:00

She's hasn't set on the divorce yet because shes test fucking the other guy first .

If the other guy gets tired of ramming her from behind and leave her there's a chance she will return to you.

If the other guy sticks around.. You'll be served in no time.

UrAristotle · 2026-04-29T03:25:15+00:00

She’s not “interested” in a new guy. She’s fucking the new guy.

Focus on your kids right now. Help them through the transition. She’s not going to be any happier with this guy than she was with you. It’ll take time, but the problem wasn’t you.

This resentment thing is so ridiculous. I’m starting to think it’s a sign of low IQ. It’s definitely the result of being driven by emotions instead of logic.

DopamineDebtCollectr · 2026-04-29T03:23:13+00:00

Brother, I 100% know what mindset you're in. You're fucking delusional. I was there as well. Still am sometimes.

RIGHT NOW: you need to read or listen to the book "Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life". I didn't start to understand my situation until I did that.

She won't commit to divorce because she doesn't have to. She will just keep having her affair while you simp after her and her life isn't thrown into upheaval (consequences of her actions). YOU are examining everything you did wrong, committed to fixing yourself. You're apologizing to her for everything you did wrong. You're pledging that you'll fix so many things. She's absorbing that from you right now to tell herself that YOU are the problem, not HER.

I was there. We have 2 kids. I've taken care of them for the past 8+ months while she was having an affair and building a parallel life to monkey-branch to.

Do yourself a favor: READ THE BOOK and get your head on straight.

I'm sorry she did this to you. That she is doing this to you. You deserve better!

Expensive_Sock_9902 · 2026-04-29T02:39:47+00:00

She monkey-branched. Low character move imo, but apparently pretty typical for women.

She probably checked out and started talking to this guy a while ago, so an emotional affair at the very least which is still cheating. Shes a cheater bro. Could very well be physical too but that might not be something you can confirm, and its not important in the grand scheme or things. Maybe she will tell herself she was good because she didnt sleep with him while you were together, but she still wanted to, and that not nothing.

Might be your time to get ahead of the game, talk to a lawyer and file. Might be aboe to file due to infidelity depending on where you live, maybe thats beneficial for you? Not sure.

Also if she decides to come back its because it didnt work out with the other guy, shes keeping you on the line as a fallback.

TheLeChiffre · 2026-04-29T02:39:06+00:00

My hunch is that she is already hooking up with that other guy. People that need time, in the interest of eventually repairing a relationship, do not immediately admit to having eyes for someone else.

I don’t know what I would do in this scenario, I’m sorry you’re going through this.

When you say you have made mistakes that you are now owning - what does that mean?

Also where has she moved out to? A hotel room? Signed a lease for a new place?

jnuttsishere · 2026-04-29T02:36:29+00:00

Stay away from alcohol and other substances. Focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be for your kids. You can’t control what she thinks of you so try to focus on impressing her as little as you can. I know easier said than done. Exercise is your friend here

Title	It happened to me
Author	Antique_Relief_804
Upvotes	21
Comments	55
Date	April 29, 2026 2:28 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1syluxk/it_happened_to_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/it-happened-to-me.1579152 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579152

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