What does it really mean when some very good-looking women claim “men never approach me”?

Electra_Cute · 2019-06-23T14:25:30+00:00

It could mean either a) men never approach them b) men do approach them, but they do not see it that way c) the men they do want approaching them are not.

reluctantly_red · 2019-06-23T14:44:41+00:00

Guys respond to IOI's. Thinking these women are not putting out any signals of availability. A guy will approach a 7 who seems interested before he approaches a 9 who seems cold.

carrawayjames · 2019-06-23T14:19:59+00:00

They are either lying or they are actually saying " Most guys I want approaching me aren't approaching me".

Orange_Paisley · 2019-06-23T14:27:27+00:00

Sometimes a guy won t approach a woman who he considers out of his league or will assume she has already got a man. I have had men who never approached me telling years later that they were interested but didn’t think I would be. Most recently at Thanksgiving - guy I went to HS with. Good friends but never asked me out. I must be more approachable now that I am old.

angels-fan · 2019-06-23T15:05:24+00:00

I'm intimidated as fuck by really attractive women.

No way am I approaching them.

diffdedbed · 2019-06-23T15:24:36+00:00

I think there might be something here I just sort of thought of.

The obvious, and it has been mentioned, is that the men approaching are not good looking enough for her. I see non-attractive guys hitting on hot women all the time. More often than I see hot guys doing it tbh.

But I wonder here if very attractive men are in a way like very attractive women, since they don't have to work for it they don't try very hard or at all and sooner or later someone comes to them. I've seen this before but its not like I'm hanging out with a GQ crowd all the time.

A very attractive guy can still be an introverted, neurotic mess, and unable to approach. He gets approached by extroverted women though and he never needs to approach.

So an introverted shy hot chick isn't going up to these guys, these guys are so used to women coming to them they don't bother/try/think shes interested.

Texastentialism · 2019-06-23T14:53:42+00:00

This was me when I was younger. I didn't never get approached, but it certainly wasn't the constant barrage of attention that young cute women supposedly get. I think the reasons were:

I was usually out with two good friends who are prettier than I am. I wasn't ugly, but I was definitely the uglier/homelier friend of the group. They got approached and I got hit on by the guys they turned down, lol
I didn't dress/style myself to signal availability
I didn't give IOI's and probably sometimes inadvertently did the opposite
If I wasn't out with the aforementioned girlfriends, I was usually with a group of guys and it was probably assumed one of them was my boyfriend
General air of unapproachability. I've been told I have this. It's definitely not because I'm "intimidating," more that I'm awkward, don't make eye contact with people, have weird closed-off body language and a bad case of RBF.

This was all when I was younger and going out to bars and such. Now I don't get approached because I don't go anywhere, lol

kandyapplez · 2019-06-23T18:04:36+00:00

she's probably just a homebody. a lot of women barely leave the house. the difference between men and women when it comes to this is that usually the men who don't leave the house are super unattractive while there are lots of pretty attractive women who just sit on netflix every day after work cuz they're boring and consuming media is their hobby

she could also be one of those women who is socially deeply involved in girlworld. i know women who work in fashion and all of their friends are women and socially they spend time at events that are predominantly girls and gays

any woman who says "men never approach me" yet actually goes to bars, clubs, social events where men are with any regularly simply isn't "very good looking", its a lie, a delusion

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-06-23T15:00:46+00:00

It means a man she finds attractive and decent and wanting a relationship doesn’t approach her, because those guys are too respectful to think they have a right, they are intimidated and tell themselves she has a man. Other guys don’t approach because sour grapes. They say she must be a boring awful person. What’s left is players and PUAs who have the bravado to talk to her, so she’s surrounded by men who don’t treat her seriously, because guys that don’t have that skill to ignore their fear and approach prefer the guaranteed giggling smile and support of a 7/10 than the possible cold brush off of a 9/10.

And even if she wouldn’t brush him off, he expects she will. Or he thinks she gets tons of attention and doesn’t want to be just another fan. And who knows maybe she would react coldly because she’s suspicious of people approaching, for fair reasons.

PPD-Angel · 2019-06-23T14:28:38+00:00

This post was tagged as a "Question For Women", so if you are not in the appropriate demographic please comment in reply to the AutoModerator.

OP, if you would like to set this topic to a discussion or a debate, feel free to re-flair it as I see no reason why this question ought to be only directed at strictly women.

admiral_snugglebutt · 2019-06-23T16:53:06+00:00

I've heard, by an ex who did a lot of picking up people at bars before we got together, that the reason he never would have approached me is that I don't look like I would go home with someone in a bar. Which is correct, I wouldn't. It's not that I'm too pretty - I'm not. It's something else. Like a class thing maybe? Or that I'm clearly an introvert?

squiddy_s550gt · 2019-06-23T16:36:09+00:00

Resting bitch face

blackedoutfast · 2019-06-23T20:35:31+00:00

a lot of women wrongly assume that whether or not a particular guy approaches her is directly related to how attractive she is.

most men rarely or never cold approach any women they don't know. they meet potential girlfriends through social circles or work/school or something like that and get to know them a little and if the girl seems somewhat interested, then the guy will start making moves. as dumb as it is, most guys won't directly hit on a girl unless they are extremely sure she is interested in them.

and most women vastly overestimate how effective their IOIs are. i'm sure most guys have experienced a woman sending them tons of (fake) IOIs, then when the guy makes a move the woman says something like "ewww no, i only like you like a friend". after that happens a few times, guys stop assuming that IOIs mean that a woman is actually interested in them. and the fake IOIs that attention whores use to bait orbiters are usually very exaggerated and obvious compared to the actual IOIs that women send when they're really interested. i've seen girls literally pull out their tits and show them to dudes just trying to get a free drink. playing with your hair and occasionally glancing at a cute guy across the room isn't as obvious of an IOI as you probably think it is.

only a relatively small number of guys will approach some random girl on the street or in the grocery store or whatever and start blatantly hitting on her, regardless of how hot she is. and a lot of those guys are either players or desperate social retards who hit on almost every chick, no matter how hot or not she is.

also, it seems like the less attractive fat/ugly a girl is the more likely she is to exaggerate or make a big deal about how often they're getting hit on by guys, especially hot guys. this may skew women's perspectives about what is normal.

ohheyhi99 · 2019-06-23T14:52:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

MGTOWtoday · 2019-06-23T15:00:43+00:00

I think that in general women are having increasingly unrealistic views of their SMV.

2019-06-23T15:13:40+00:00

Either they have too high of standards or men who approach them they don’t like or both.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-06-23T15:21:38+00:00

Its an invitation to someone to approach her

ohheyhi99 · 2019-06-23T15:44:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

wtknight · 2019-06-23T15:57:21+00:00

Either the woman is very picky and she mentally discounts any "lower-tier" men who approach her, or she is terrible at giving out IOI's.

2019-06-23T17:02:19+00:00

It means they don't even do little things like for example "return eye contact with a smile" and still expect men to approach them. They aren't doing enough if theyre attractive and not getting approached

friggandfrayed · 2019-06-23T17:42:57+00:00

RBF and over perceived SMV

HumanSockPuppet · 2019-06-23T18:07:07+00:00

It means "compliment me".

-AveMaria- · 2019-06-23T19:58:49+00:00

Well, as a good looking woman, xD, my experience is that beyond a certain point of beauty you do start getting hit on less. The normal pretty girl gets hit on a lot. But girls more attractive than that actually do get hit on less. I think the main reason is that there are just far less men who are in or league. Men are rather insecure, (even the attractive ones can be!) they subconsciously don't want to get rejected, and women are picky. So why would you want to be rejected by a gal you probably have no chance with?

That's what I think happens, because I've definitely noticed that my most attractive friends don't get hit on as much as you'd think.

That said, a lot of those friends also don't give the same vibe to guys that they are interested in them, I think. And there also a lot of other factors ofc like how outgoing and friendly you are etc.

cxj · 2019-06-23T20:26:49+00:00

Tbh I think a lot of dudes rule out 8+/10 girls due to thinking they have no shot. Unless those girls are openly attention seeking like social media . A 6/10 gets approached constantly and frequently for casual sex by hot dudes and for LTRs by 4/10 dudes so she’s the most jaded and cynical. 8/10 with RBF has much less approaches

QuietisViolent8 · 2019-06-23T22:42:19+00:00

I used to get people telling me they were surprised that I'd never been kissed or even asked out by guys when I was about 18. It was true. Guys did not approach me unless they were twice my age and drunk, not that I was in those sorts of environments often but it had happened a handful of times. It's probably also a good idea to note that I have social anxiety and would rarely speak or even smile in public, especially before I was seeking treatment for that. But yeah, there are lots of other girls much better looking than me who have gone through bitter and lonely phases because guys wouldn't approach them.

iceicle999 · 2019-06-24T01:07:52+00:00

It can mean many things. At first it usually means that those women display bitchy signals that guys are repulsed by on a visceral level. Internet postings complaining that guys react that way won't change anything. These women often think they can solve this conundrum by going on the internet and trying to shame guys into being higher value, but again, that's the wrong approach. These women need to be reminded that nobody owes them anything (sound familiar?) and that not everybody is meant to connect, hence they need to suck it up and keep trooping on. Internet circlejerking about how awful and cowardly guys are for not smiling at those women and maintaining eye contact with them is not actually doing those women any favors. It's deluding them into believing a false sense of reality that is based in trash-heap sites like reddit and shitty blogs and such.

celincelin · 2019-06-24T07:29:55+00:00

It means she’s bullshitting. Attractive women get non stop attention. As to why they complain, who cares, women complain half of their waking hours.

bocelot · 2019-06-24T17:56:33+00:00

It means good-looking men aren't approaching them. They don't consider unattractive men (the lower 80% of men, according to the date) to be real men. 80% of men are mostly invisible to women. If an unattractive man approaches a woman, it is literally not even committed to memory.

WhiteningMcClean · 2019-06-23T14:20:06+00:00

It's almost certainly bullshit

sadomasochrist · 2019-06-23T14:44:00+00:00

It means that she has an elevated sense of her attractiveness. She thinks she's an 8 because one time a 7 slump busted with her, but she's a 6, and 6s approach her.

Sir_Koopaman · 2019-06-23T19:49:51+00:00

*attractive men never approach me

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daniellederek · 2019-06-23T15:48:22+00:00

It means men she has pre qualified never approach her for anything other than sex.

friggandfrayed · 2019-06-23T18:42:45+00:00

RBF and over perceived SMV

Nodoxxintoxin · 2019-06-23T19:14:38+00:00

When I worked as a bartender, the guy who owned the bar said he hired women who hot enough so that every guy wanted to sleep with her, but not so incredibly hot that she was unapproachable. He claimed no matter how friendly she was, guys would peg a 10/10 as being “stuck up”.

He hired me, so....not sure if I was supposed to take that as a compliment or an insult.

2019-06-23T21:53:25+00:00

What does it really mean when some very good-looking women claim “men never approach me”?

if you consider she is telling the truth... then there is some possibilities.

She is not as good looking as she thinks. (like those obese women who believe they are good looking).
Her looks show to be a bad choice of partner to a man to be with (she may look like a rad fem, a tough woman? a criminal, a goldigger, a female-dog, etc.)
Her other attributes may make men not want to deal with her (like here in Brazil, I know a woman who can only talk about leftist politics thus, none wants her at our age.)
She is not considering men who are interested in STRs or sexual relationships.
She is not considering men who are not "up to her standard" (i.e. the bottom 80% by TRP hypotheses, more if she is particularly picky)... this is my opinion as the most common occurrence.
She do not put herself in conditions to be courted. (If she does not have a social media and only works/sleep then she obviously gonna have a hard time
She can be good looking only for her age (a 8/10 for a 40 years old can be a 2/10 in the overall market)
She lost her opportunity window (Finding someone interested at 40, by moral means, is hard as most are already married or do not want to deal with women)
She is lying/exaggerating (never takes what an anonymous person on the internet says at face value.)

When this statement is said, it’s often followed up with the suggestion that the woman looks too intimidating, but would that really be enough to fend off all men?

Even the worst women I know have partners. Devils incarnate. women who murdered husbands. legally stupid women. Even a woman who was born without her legs... You need to work hard to literally not be courted as a woman. Intimidation may be at play but to have that as the most important factor, she needs to be attacking any man she sees (like some feminists do).

Do they really mean that they get hit on, but not by men they find attractive enough?

the most probable cause. most women forget they are by unattractive men. case in point, Tinder shown that women consider that a man in the top 20% as being median... i.e. 60% of men were not even computed on these calculations.

I find the claim hard to reconcile with some other women’s complaints about men hitting on them too much.

I find it hard to reconcile when the same woman says she is being hit too much... which normally happens... constantly...

for those and others, I put those women in the "illogical" category in my mind.

2019-06-23T21:53:41+00:00

What does it really mean when some very good-looking women claim “men never approach me”?

if you consider she is telling the truth... then there is some possibilities.

She is not as good looking as she thinks. (like those obese women who believe they are good looking).
Her looks show to be a bad choice of partner to a man to be with (she may look like a rad fem, a tough woman? a criminal, a goldigger, a female-dog, etc.)
Her other attributes may make men not want to deal with her (like here in Brazil, I know a woman who can only talk about leftist politics thus, none wants her at our age.)
She is not considering men who are interested in STRs or sexual relationships.
She is not considering men who are not "up to her standard" (i.e. the bottom 80% by TRP hypotheses, more if she is particularly picky)... this is my opinion as the most common occurrence.
She do not put herself in conditions to be courted. (If she does not have a social media and only works/sleep then she obviously gonna have a hard time
She can be good looking only for her age (a 8/10 for a 40 years old can be a 2/10 in the overall market)
She lost her opportunity window (Finding someone interested at 40, by moral means, is hard as most are already married or do not want to deal with women)
She is lying/exaggerating (never takes what an anonymous person on the internet says at face value.)

When this statement is said, it’s often followed up with the suggestion that the woman looks too intimidating, but would that really be enough to fend off all men?

Even the worst women I know have partners. Devils incarnate. women who murdered husbands. legally stupid women. Even a woman who was born without her legs... You need to work hard to literally not be courted as a woman. Intimidation may be at play but to have that as the most important factor, she needs to be attacking any man she sees (like some feminists do).

Do they really mean that they get hit on, but not by men they find attractive enough?

the most probable cause. most women forget they are by unattractive men. case in point, Tinder shown that women consider that a man in the top 20% as being median... i.e. 60% of men were not even computed on these calculations.

I find the claim hard to reconcile with some other women’s complaints about men hitting on them too much.

I find it hard to reconcile when the same woman says she is being hit too much... which normally happens... constantly...

for those and others, I put those women in the "illogical" category in my mind.

2019-06-23T22:41:55+00:00

HA!

It means that she has never been approached by 9/10s with tons of cash.

verticordia · 2019-06-23T22:43:23+00:00

Idk how to describe it, but literally I have some kind of beta repellent vibe that only attractive/high status/otherwise interesting and charming men approach me. However, those kinds of men are not very common. So, as a result, I don't get approached very often. I guess I can't complain about that, because would I really want the opposite where I can easily attract men I don't want?

I don't know if I look too intimidating or what, because this applies to social media too. It took 5 or 6 months of having me added on snapchat and following me on instagram for this one guy to have the balls to approach me because I posted something about how people assume I have 100s of DMs or messages from guys and I don't. I hear literally ALL the fucking time "I didn't shoot my shot cause I thought you already had like 30 guys trying to talk to you."

I think a lot of guys have that mentality, the fear of competition. But they never consider other guys think the SAME thing. It's just like how people say "Oh we should get there early to miss the crowd" and everyone else thinks the same thing, so there's still a crowd.

flyinghorse1 · 2019-06-23T23:18:33+00:00

Could it be self deprecation for the sake of humour? I often mock my singleness but its merely done for the sake of a few laughs.

katymarx · 2019-06-23T23:35:22+00:00

Is this only for a cold sober approach in a public place? Because guys I meet out in the world may be through extended social circles or sports, and they usually find my social media and slide into them DMs to let me know they are interested.....people don't interact much at all these days due to phones, social media, and dating apps.

Now if you are talking about out at bars and clubs, some environments have more of a meat market vibe than others. If hot chick is dressing to the nines but hanging out in uptight hipster dives, she isn't going to get the same attention as in "the club"

2019-06-24T07:00:30+00:00

Attractive women are like high paying high status jobs.

Less applicants but the quality of applicants are far far higher. So the applicants gunning for a upper management position are (on average) far far higher than the applicants at the entry level.

Triadfamilyties · 2019-06-24T10:13:53+00:00

When beauty, intelligence, and confidence collide you get a person who naturally intimidates many people around them. Combine with and kind of introverted personality that doesn't welcome interaction by default and you've got a recipe for social isolation

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-06-26T11:04:57+00:00

I don't approach or get approached much (I think this is a cultural thing where I am) I get cat called sometimes, but those people I flip off.

All my previous sexual encounters flourished organically with men I was already acquainted to at social events. I like it this way.

ohheyhi99 · 2019-06-23T15:13:21+00:00

"Chad doesn't want me"

2019-06-23T18:13:04+00:00

Sub8 males are invisible to hot women thanks to Chad goggles. If you approach one she will behave as if you dont exist, because you dont. You’re like a ploughhorse or facelss cog in society’s machinery, like all the other inhuman face plebs.

If she does notice you at all then it is only through application of Radically Aggressive Pressure from Encroaching Y-Chromosome (RAPEY) to temporarily become tangible and visible and exist on the same plane as hot chicks... one can either be invisible to them or creepy, there is no third way.

caseynotcasey · 2019-06-23T19:50:38+00:00

I very rarely see anyone approaching anybody in public. I'm talking like I can count the instances on one hand. People in general are not really interacting in any sense, not just when it comes to seeking relationships.

Title	What does it really mean when some very good-looking women claim “men never approach me”?
Author	ohheyhi99
Upvotes	31
Comments	190
Date	June 23, 2019 2:14 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/c45bf0/what_does_it_really_mean_when_some_very/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-does-it-really-mean-when-some-very-good.255156 https://theredarchive.com/post/255156

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