Q4RP: Loving you for who you are?

Littleknownfacts · 2017-04-05T12:49:53+00:00

Last time this came up, I asked my boyfriend if he loved me for me or for what I did. He answered that he loved me for what I did, because my actions were indicative of my love for him. This answer reminded me that his preferred love language is acts of service. So my theory is this divide of loved for self or loved for what you do is more related to love languages rather than man/woman. People who's love languages are service, gifts, or touch may be more in the 'love for what you do' camp and the love languages quality time and words of affirmation are more in the 'love for who you are' type.

SetConsumes · 2017-04-05T16:04:18+00:00

if men answered by saying "I love you for WHAT you do for me" it would be tons more genuine.

but women want to hear the words "i love you for who you are" because it means you can be ANYTHING and still be worthy of his love, which is bullshit.

badnews4u · 2017-04-05T12:10:56+00:00

Yes thats the point lol. Its called male mother need in mgtow and is what bluepillers exemplify time and time again with puppy dog love. Theyll never get it again but go into each relationship with that idea. Also related is being whipped. Once it is identified you can work around it

Women dont have this. They adapt and will move on if you dont stay on top of shit. Thats the point of some men giving up. Thats why huge amounts of divorce are started by the woman. Women probably cant love in the first place since they need to keep looking for the best male possible. Just look at it from evo psych perspective

youcantdenythat · 2017-04-05T13:55:56+00:00

I come from a very family oriented background. I learned as a child that family is everything. I learned that people within a family sacrificed for each other. You love someone because they are family. You do whatever you can to help them and they do that for you because nothing is more important.

Holy shit was I surprised when my relationships failed over and over because the women I was with were not raised that way. It took me many years to learn how most of them really are and now everything is running much more smoothly because I generally put myself first.

LewisCross · 2017-04-05T17:37:24+00:00

I keep reading TRPers go on about "she'll never love you for who you are" and it raises the question to me, what does that even mean?

I've addressed this before. So has Rollo. Basically, it's that men love women for what they represent in their lives, the "good" part of life, a respite from the toils and tribulations of life.

From what I know, no one gives a shit about who you are,

This is true generally, about how women think about men generally, how men think about women generally, and even how a woman thinks about her man. But it is NOT true about a man thinks about and considers HIS woman.

people love you for what you do to them,

That's how women love men - for what their men do "to" them and "for" them. Men aren't like that. A man loves HIS woman for what she represents to him, what she represents about life to him. He loves her because she is, as I said, a respite from the harshness of life.

I don't feel like men love women at all just for being women,

That's a problem with you Blues. You need to stop feeling and start thinking. Yes, it's true, that men don't love women just for being women. A man loves HIS woman just for being A woman and for being HIS woman.

Get it straight. Men do not love "women". Men love THEIR women.

there is no Male Protective Instinct when it comes to ugly chicks.

False. Men protect women. That's not "love". That's "protection". Men (through their labor and their money) always make sure even the weakest, nastiest, sluttiest, cuntiest, and most infirm of women have the basic essentials of life. (Welfare, social programs, "battered women's" shelters, court systems, child support/alimony laws, etc. etc ad infinitum ad nauseam).

Also men leave women when they get terminally ill, have their faces burnt or even ran over with a car, those guys sure loved them for who they are.

A few men have done that. Outliers and exceptions only prove the rule.

I feel like a lot of the love that these guys want, is the unconditional love from mommy, but your mom only loves you like that because you're her son, if you weren't her son she wouldn't care.

there's that phrase again. You really need to fix that about yourself.

fatchobanispliff · 2017-04-05T18:55:45+00:00

Yeah, nobody is really ever going to love you unconditionally but your parents. However, pretending that men are these selfless creatures that always love women for "who they are" is ridiculous when half the time on redpill and in general women are condensed to their biological function and looks. I have a hard time believing these men would love a woman that was ugly, fat, and never put out. This assertion that women can't love are just the ramblings of a lonely teenager or a 40 year old divorced man.

DrunkGirl69 · 2017-04-05T12:09:13+00:00

I see "love you for who you are" as "not performance based love".

I, personally would like to be loved just for my looks. That'd be great.

JaggedYellowPill · 2017-04-05T17:54:09+00:00

Every now and then TRP will phrase it as "your wife/girlfriend will never love you like your mother did," which doesn't help their case for not having mommy issues.

IamTheWalkingMenu · 2017-04-05T12:26:58+00:00

Idk. I'm not a man. So they may in fact be the "true romantics" who suffer because "she will never love you the way you want her to."

All you have to do is read TRP/MRP to see that all this "different live" they feel doesn't affect their self interested behavior. So, does it even matter?

Eastuss · 2017-04-05T12:24:34+00:00

I love my wife for all what makes her up. She doesn't have the same philosophical beliefs than I but I love her critical thinking, the way she is honest and not hypocrite about those. This is an example of something I love about her, and this is her, not the way she treats me.

What does she answer when I ask her why she loves me? Because I'm kind to her, affectionate, cute, protector... At no point this is ever about me, who I am, ect... Even worse, she doesn't love who I am, she often complains about my way of thinking and my personality.

She dislikes the fact that I may be polysexual and that I have no need for feelings for that, she likes the fact I stay monogamous just for her.

We've been together for 10 years, we know each other well, and it's one of the highest RMV woman I know.

manletttime · 2017-04-05T16:31:15+00:00

That's stupid.

You are the things you do.

Even your outward appearance is a synopsis of your lifestyle and the choices you make.

Some traits, such as your skin color or height or frame size and the like, aren't in your control. So, I believe that 'loving me for me' can refer to those traits that just are not within our power to change.

And, after 25 but especially after 30, personality is more or less fixed. So, in that case "love me for me" is more a request that your partner let you be who you are and not ask you to change. Of course, even then, I believe that that is an unfair request: if you are incompatible, you are incompatible.

DarkLord0chinChin · 2017-04-05T12:40:24+00:00

The fact that some guys leave their terminally ill partners does not mean that they no longer love them or that most guys would or that redpillers would.

What RP means when it says 'girls don't love you' is literally that. You always have to prove yourself to her, pass shit tests, maintain status.

Just like if you were a king, your court would never love you unconditionally and would plot and plan a coup behind your back if you were to ever show a hint of weakness.

So are women, the moment you stop treating her like the oldest teenager in the house and fail a shit test, is the moment she is calling her 'friend Lucy' who is actually a Chad she used to be a 'naughty girl' with

BPremium · 2017-04-05T12:41:35+00:00

I think they mean being loved for something innate, rather that performance based. Id much rather be valued for looks, if I was in such a position to choose, because its something I was born with and didnt necessarily work for it. Thats my interpretation anyway

dj10show · 2017-04-05T15:22:06+00:00

Haha, joke's on you. My mom disowned me because being picked on for not being white, short, and skinny and watching me ride the bench for the few soccer games she took time away from my sisters to come to weren't what she signed up for as a mother.

Loving you for who you are is bullshit, because what I am besides those aforementioned things is an engineer who got full rides to undergrad and grad school, soccer vice-captain (got real good in college), great golfer, and a friend circle that is basically all Chads (the people my mom wished I was growing up). But yet, I was told being born was one of the two biggest mistakes of my own mother's life, because she had to deal with me not having a perfect high school life. You're loved for how you make them feel. It just turns out that what makes guys want to be around you has no correlation to what makes women want to be around you.

godfatherchimp · 2017-04-05T15:19:48+00:00

It means she loves you for the way you make her feel at that current point in time. She doesn't actually love you for you.

Xelloss_Metallium · 2017-04-05T21:46:07+00:00

I'm really confused by this :/ With every guy I've been romantically interested in, I've had a reason beyond what they do for me of how they treat me. One guy I was into for awhile was very passionate about working in national park preservation. I liked his ambition, his passions, the way he spoke about preserving nature despite me having no interest in the subject. He had his flaws: a bit arrogant and preachy, but I liked him all the same. All of his quirks and hobbies made him who he was and even when I found out about some stuff he got into that was less than ideal I still liked him. I don't think that would change if we were dating or not.

The point is that though we didn't end up dating (he went to college) is that none of the things I liked about him were how he treated me. They were all his own traits. Of course I can't say much more since I've never had a long term relationship bc I'm 18, but I'd like to believe that I, along with many women, would love every aspect of a man I marry. Not just what he does for me. Thoughts?

[deleted] · 2017-04-06T03:33:52+00:00

Well, what you do is who you are.

Perhaps a better way of putting it is people rarely love you unconditionally, just for being you. They love what you do. I think a lot of people get complacent after finding a new partner, and they think "ok well they love me now, so I can relax".

This sort of unconditional love doesnt exist outside of (some) families, so it pays to be aware that you arent being loved for you but for your actions. If that makes any sense.

trpobserver · 2017-04-05T15:29:40+00:00

All I know is, I'd love to be able to cuddle and watch a movie with a girl without being concerned that if I don't take her out to do something "more exciting" she might start looking elsewhere. I guess that is what people mean by performance based love?

InformalCriticism · 2017-04-05T16:12:22+00:00

Loving someone for who you are is the way men are taught to love from birth. Men are actually really good at it.

The question is better phrased these ways: is it women cannot love unconditionally? Or is it they they do not have to?

I quietly lean toward women would be more like men if they had to, but we are so manipulated at this point that none of them has to in order to be romantically and economically successful.

Quite frankly, why wouldn't guys be more pissed off if they found out women can, but choose not to play along in the lie? Do you get why that's an even bigger shitshow? "Women aren't just equal to men, they are far more insidious, lazy, and uncaring than we ever thought before".

At least under the red pill lens, it's not exactly their fault; it's female nature nurtured by the lie - women are taught they're special, so what solipsism that exists is amplified and nurtured to morbidly obese proportions.

what does this mean, loving you for who you are?

It depends. It is the love we were taught women were capable of having, but their behavior never seems to reflect. The love we were trained to give that laughably dries up pussies and the very love we were told women were capable of feeling.

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Title	Q4RP: Loving you for who you are?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	23
Comments	404
Date	April 5, 2017 12:06 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/63l3s4/q4rp_loving_you_for_who_you_are/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4rp-loving-you-for-who-you-are.269079 https://theredarchive.com/post/269079

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