If girls don't want to be led, then why don't they ask guys out on dates???

disposable_pants · 2016-01-15T19:51:09+00:00

There's exactly one reason why women don't ask men out on dates: They don't have to. The vast majority of women will have men regularly approach them (for sex and relationships). Say you run a business and you have clients calling you nonstop wanting to work with you. You already have all the business you want -- how much effort/expense are you going to put into going out and getting more clients?

artichokess · 2016-01-15T17:52:05+00:00

do you think that feminism just came down from heaven and immediately reformed all women? it's a process. women being active about what they want is something feminism encourages, but by no means have most women come to that point.

if you want to encourage women to ask men out, do it. tell your friends to do it with guys they like, write in your online dating profiles that whoever asks you out gets bonus points.

ginasaurus-rex · 2016-01-15T15:28:29+00:00

Maybe all of my relationships have just taken a very strange path, but I don't get the BFD that is made around "the approach." I see it all the time: how to approach women, why don't women ever approach men? No real relationship I've ever been in has started by being approached in a bar.

Every serious relationship I've been in has started by meeting through mutual friends, or knowing each other peripherally through a shared interest. Step 1: See each other around, become acquainted. Step 2: Exchange contact info or become Facebook friends, usually communicating about group activities/parties/etc. (Ex: Are you going to bar trivia tonight?) Step 3: Flirt like crazy at aforementioned group activities/parties/etc. Step 4: Start communicating more and more, spending more and more time together. Step 5: Eventually make out and/or have the DTR (define the relationship) talk.

tl;dr: Approaching strangers seems like it would only work for casual sex. If that's true, then you have the answer as to why women don't approach men. They are less interested in casual sex than men.

Ichtragebrille · 2016-01-15T07:54:42+00:00

Because often women are told, by fucking everyone, that men don't want that.

I almost always make the first move with men because I'm a pretty impatient person and most seem surprised or a bit caught off guard. I mean, afterwards they are pleased and say something to the affect of, "It's nice to be the one asked out." Yet, I've had many male friends say that my actions are kind of strange, or too aggressive and I should be more coy. Most women have been told that their whole lives and I think it has little to do with feminism and more to do with people spouting off "traditional" gender roles.

Not to mention, from what I've heard here it seems like a RP man wouldn't want an aggressive woman that way, as it would hint at her being a "slut".

appencapn · 2016-01-15T10:20:36+00:00

If a guy asks a woman out, its seen as normal. If he gets rejected then it might hurt him personally but its also not out of the norm and he can joke with his buddies about bitches. If a girl asks a guy out its seen as desperate. No one wants her so she has to ask people out herself. If a guy rejects its seen as even more desperate and pathetic. The old, "Guys will fuck anything but they won't even fuck you so you must be a monster."

Imo thats society but others will say its biology or something.

madscientistlove · 2016-01-15T16:31:38+00:00

Some of us do. That's how I met my fiance.

RoseSGS · 2016-01-15T09:51:10+00:00

There isn't anyone I particularly want to date right now, so I don't ask anyone out. Guys sometimes want to date me so they ask me out. If more of the opposite gender asked you out than you wanted to date so al you had to do was agree, would you put effort and the risk of rejection in?

Transfatcarbokin · 2016-01-15T18:57:16+00:00

Many do! They just have the option of not doing so, and those who consistently initiate contact are more rare.

For those who don't, we ask them out because we think we're expected to initiate. And they don't ask us out because they think we expect to be the ones to initiate.

This double standard is harmful to everybody, but I really don't see it changing. Not sure if I'm pessimistic, cynical, or realistic for that one.

Xemnas81 · 2016-01-15T14:32:05+00:00

"Feminism may sound good in theory, but the evidence is not bearing out..."

Feminism never had anything to do with having women ask men out on dates, or with being the same as men. Contrary to belief, feminists don't insist that men and women are the same, merely that they deserve equal rights.

to answer your question, the average girl believes that her friends and the guy she is asking will both perceive her as desperate (and as a result, she perceives herself as desperate) if she goes and asks a man out.

Archwinger · 2016-01-15T19:38:55+00:00

Women hit on guys all the time. If women aren't spontaneously walking up to you and feeling on your arms and chest, you need nicer muscles.

Yeah, sure, some girls sit around trying to look pretty, accepting fuck applicants all night long and won't even notice you because they can't be bothered to look up from their cell phone, but if you're super-hawt and lots of fun to be around, you won't need to waste time making your rounds to all of those idiots in the room. They'll hear the commotion of all the other ladies in the building giggling and playing with their hair every time you say something assholish (that they'll think is cute and funny because you have muscles) and join in the fun.

This has nothing to do with feminism. If you're attractive, women find ways to let you know they're interested.

That's part of the reason why feminists/blue-pillers think it's so creepy to approach and try to pick-up women. Because if a woman hasn't let you know she's interested, then there's a decent chance your advances are unwelcome and you're bothering her. Not being familiar enough with the ways women let you know they're open to being approached is, itself, a deal-breaker. A major demonstration of a lack of social aptitude.

OfSpock · 2016-01-15T08:30:17+00:00

So red pill is calling for a boycott on men asking women out?

Eris235 · 2016-01-15T20:56:52+00:00

I mean, of my 4 relationships, the girl asked me out in 3 of them, and we are all quite feminist.

If you're in a situation when men are the ones who are seen to be the initiator, like most bars and clubs, then of course women are going to take the easy way. It's less work to be asked out than to ask people out, and if women don't have to, why would they? If you're in a friendship or otherwise have bonded platonically, I've seen plenty of women be the ones to ask people out.

2016-01-15T12:39:32+00:00

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midnightvulpine · 2016-01-15T11:15:07+00:00

How exactly does not being the aggressor in engaging with the opposite sex directly equate to not wanting mastery of every other aspect of your life? Does that mean any guy who doesn't approach women and instead waits for them to come to him is inherently submissive and wants women to lead him? After all, isn't the highest level of amused mastery knowing you don't have to approach or not caring enough to let others make the first move?

It's all context. I'm not saying the above attitude is why women don't approach. There are a lot of reasons. Some deal with social training. For a long time, it's been established that men make the first move. That kind of thing doesn't change quickly, it changes slowly over time. But there is a certain power in not having to extend yourself as well. Being receptive rather than aggressive is not always an act of lack of power.

So the issue is far more complex than you make it out to be.

lauren_collins · 2016-01-16T04:08:09+00:00

idk, i do want to be led but have asked out more guys than visa versa. the most attractive guys will usually want the most attractive girls so if you're not in the top 10-15% but want to date someone from that bracket, you're gonna have to be more forward often the guy will go the path of least resistance rather than going for whats best. being the path of least resistance also involves other things like being easy going, non argumentative, not demading a lot financially, etc.

2016-01-16T05:02:13+00:00

Women dress like that and act flirty because they want attention. They want men to think that they are these voracious sex fiends that, with the right amount of attention given to them, the right amount of money and effort spent on them they'll bang you like they're sasha gray and can't get enough of you.

its all a con artist scheme. Women are addicted to male attention, and the money and the gifts that that come along with pretending to be interested in a particular guy are a bonus. Women dress like that to get validated and emotionally nurtured by men, but they are only interested in chad. As women approach and are open to be approached by chad 24/7.

2016-01-16T07:30:31+00:00

Women want to look good, so some wear makeup. And most who wear makeup want some attention from men. How that logically means they want men to lead them, I don't know. Don't see the jump to that.

dallasdarling · 2016-01-18T21:51:14+00:00

We do. I do. Idk what everyone else's problems are.

2016-04-26T16:32:15+00:00

This is an old thread, but I thought I'd give my two cents.

Society and media tell us, from a young age, that men are the pursuers. If he is interested in us, he is supposed to, and will come after us.

After this conditioning, if you're interested in a guy who doesn't go after you on his own, your first thought isn't usually to go after him. It's that, since men are supposed to go after girls they like, and he hasn't come near you... he must just not be interested.

Being coy, etc. is also considered attractive.

wombatinaburrow · 2016-01-15T07:27:49+00:00

Because they will be slut shamed.

RoseSGS · 2016-01-15T11:38:40+00:00

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2016-01-15T08:30:31+00:00

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Wumpus1 · 2016-01-15T17:48:57+00:00

I love it when girls hit on me, its absolutely hilarious. Since they don't get much practice, their game is pathetically weak. I have to keep myself from laughing too hard most of the time.

alreadyredschool · 2016-01-15T13:06:52+00:00

This is the one detail that makes me think feminism is a complete lie and fabrication. As much noise as I hear about women being independent and equal to men, a girl has yet to ask me out on a date.

Hmm, despite being asked to go home with them I too have never been asked for out. Obviously both nature and nurture play a role in this, but if women are nurtured differently how can they be equal?

Title	If girls don't want to be led, then why don't they ask guys out on dates???
Author	hyperplexus
Upvotes	12
Comments	282
Date	January 15, 2016 7:02 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4120gh/if_girls_dont_want_to_be_led_then_why_dont_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-girls-dont-want-to-be-led-then-why-dont-they.276937 https://theredarchive.com/post/276937

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