How is sex NOT a need for women?

WicGoingAnonymous · 2020-02-18T16:44:23+00:00

I have lost my libido due to medical reasons in the past.

I'd say that my normal libido is simular to the stereotype of male libido and I've had lower up to 0 libido.

The need for sex is entirely differently the bigger your libido is. When I had a drive of let's say 1 time a week, I could furfill that completely with mastrubating a bit more then once/week. Drive satisfied without sex. With a higher drive, I couldn't, mind would keep going "sex sex sex sex" until I had sex.

On top of that... The less libido I had, the more chance that sex was awkward, painfull or uncomfterable. Which is a common complaint from women.

In order to prevent that pain, I needed a large amount of foreplay. If the time for foreplay wasn't there, I was aware that sex would be painfull, so I would get turned off without even having sex because I did not want to be in pain.

Which then escalated because the more I had painfull sex, the less I wanted sex, so the less I got turned on, so even more chance of painfull sex.

You wouldn't feel like sex was a need either if it caused you pain. You would try to avoid it.

ohheyhi99 · 2020-02-18T17:30:28+00:00

Sometimes, the knowledge that you could easily have sex if you wanted it is equally or more satisfying than the sex you could be having.

eveleaf · 2020-02-18T23:20:19+00:00

I need sexual release, but masterbating works perfectly well for that. Sex with a partner, I do not need.

I am fortunate to be married to a guy who is great in bed. I enjoy that. But prior to him I was married to someone terrible in bed, and sex was "for him" only. So I just masterbated, and that was okay. Exactly the same as before getting married.

I've heard from both men and women who get something else critically important out of sex (validation? Connection? Love?) who lose their freaking minds without it, even if they are masterbating like crazy. And that's not me. So I know there's a difference there, but I'm not sure it's based on gender.

flamingoinghome · 2020-02-18T23:15:17+00:00

......Yes?

There are plenty of women who are anorgasmic, and plenty more who don't have orgasms from partnered sex.

If partnered sex doesn't make you orgasm, the only other needs it could serve would be bonding, validation, and procreation. And if you don't want kids, there's plenty of other ways to get the other two.

(Also, breaking news, but LL men exist)

dylang92 · 2020-02-18T16:41:10+00:00

It’s the over abundance of it. I’m sure if women couldn’t get sex as easily and as plentifully as they do, they’d feel it as a need as well. The man who is full and always has a fridge full doesn’t see the importance of food because it’s always available. It’s the hungry man with no food at all who see its importance.

queenfrigginbee · 2020-02-18T18:36:57+00:00

What really bugs me is that a lot of people seem to equalise orgasms and sex when in reality for women, at least for me, they are hardly equivalent. Depending on where I'm at in my menstrual cycle I can go a week, maybe two max, without masturbating. Sex? I can easily go months without. For me sex is an additional, but not necessary way of getting an orgasm.

Sex is way more than just an orgasm though. The best part about it imo is intimacy. Do I crave physical intimacy with another human being, preferably one that I care about? Hell yes. Can I go without it for months because I don't want to lower my standards / fuck a guy who I don't care for, who will probably not give me an orgasm if I have sex with him once anyway? Yes of course.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2020-02-18T18:21:39+00:00

wanting "an orgasm" and wanting "Sex" are two different things

Iamthegirliam · 2020-02-18T18:25:17+00:00

Well, from my perspective it isn't.

I could live years without sex. I traveled a lot without my man, didn't have sex for months and I didn't even masturbate. I think about sex when I have sex regularly. And even then I never need penetration, but rather kissing, touching and fingering clit.

intersIn · 2020-02-18T18:00:31+00:00

When I was single I did just fine on my own. However, once I trusted and cared for the guy, I do/did actually need it in my relationships. I understand how devastating a deadbedroom can be, it's like your SO has rejected you on a fundamental level. Even if there are legit reasons for it- it stills feels like your SO has rejected you. Not sex, you as a person. Every time your advances get rejected, it's like a sucker punch to your gut.

I certainly don't speak for all women. I just know in my marriage it feels very much like a genuine need.

eternitypasses · 2020-02-18T19:26:48+00:00

It’s not really a need because I can remember in the past, I’ve gone months without even masturbating. But it depends on hormones and what’s happening in your life. It’s definitely not as much of a need as it is for men.

daddysgotanew · 2020-02-19T01:03:20+00:00

Because they don’t have as much testosterone as men. It’s that simple. Women only want sex with certain men, at certain times, in certain ways. Your job as a man is to meet all 3 of those criteria with as many women as possible if you want consistent sex.

Women as a whole are absolutely NOT as driven to constantly have sex as men. Only a subset of them are, and they aren’t as common as people believe. If you take an average sample of 100 women and 100 men, the women couldn’t match the men’s collective sex drive if they tried. There would be a few loose women/nymphos in the group that would be as horny as the average man on the other side, but all of the men would be over the baseline. It’s just biology.

brenee1993 · 2020-02-19T02:45:12+00:00

I think I personally just have a low sex drive. It's not like I NEVER get horny, but I definitely go days without feeling that way. I haven't had sex in 4 or 5 years and I'm honestly fine with that. I'm what you would call demisexual.

chocolatefondant21 · 2020-02-19T08:22:05+00:00

I don’t think sex is a need for women or men. It’s a strong drive to be sure but no one dies from not slapping their genitals with someone else’s.

LillthOfBabylon · 2020-02-18T16:40:48+00:00

Its not a need for anyone.

Sexual release COULD be a need, but not sex. Saying “sex is a need” is so entitled and its typically said by entitled people.

“Sex is a need! I must cheat!”

“Sex is a need! Pay for my sex life!”

“Its common sense to only want to marry hot women! Sex is a need!”

“Sex is a need! So if you love me, have sex with me on Date 4!”

wub1234 · 2020-02-18T16:36:51+00:00

It doesn't apply universally, but there are many women who are just not that bothered about it.

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-02-18T17:14:14+00:00

without food you don’t continue to breathe. Without sex you don’t continue your bloodline.

In that sense sex is a need on some grandiose evolutionary scale, but it’s not a super urgent one.

throwitawaypleasse · 2020-02-18T19:45:27+00:00

20F. Never had sex and honestly don’t see a good reason to. I get harsh comments when the topic gets brought up but I seriously just don’t see a need to do it. Masturbating yeah but actual sex with a person? No

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-02-18T16:53:35+00:00

[removed]

civil_scientist · 2020-02-18T19:14:38+00:00

In general, I don't often want to orgasm and I masturbate probably once a month. This general lack of interest in orgasm or sexual fulfillment is also true if I have a partner with whom I am not sexually compatible (as has been my unfortunate past experience. He wasn't willing to modify his ideal sexual routine to make sure I was satisfied as my needs changed over time).

If, however, I have a partner who is able to regularly turn me on and we have great sex, I often have difficulty thinking about anything else. Gimme that D/V.

So my personal experience as a woman: if it isn't available, it's not really a big deal to me as there are tons of things I enjoy as much or more. If it IS available...it's a pretty darn strong pull, and I want it often.

extrachromozomes · 2020-02-18T20:06:39+00:00

Sex doesn’t always guarantee an orgasm for most women so sex isn’t a need for us but sexual fulfillment is, either that being sex or masturbation

weag5l · 2020-02-18T20:27:57+00:00

It's a need they don't know they have. Therefore it's not a need.

Unlike in all other primates species, human females don't go into heat. They also don't even know if they're aroused or not. There is almost no brain-vagina connection.

https://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html

This allows them to prioritise other things. Ask 1000 people if they'd rather have a lot of casual sex and no close friends, or a lot of close friends and no sex. Now predict how the answers will break down by gender.

Cash50000 · 2020-02-19T02:17:59+00:00

Yes, it's true. And I'm so goddamn jealous.

SeemedGood · 2020-02-19T03:39:02+00:00

In my experience women need/desire sex as much as men do, maybe more. They just desire it from a much smaller segment of the male population than men do of the female population. Thus, they cultivate the appearance of needing/wanting sex less to the significant majority of men and the appearance of needing/wanting sex more to a very few men.

2020-02-19T11:33:30+00:00

You're in a sub dominated by sexually unsuccessful men. A lot of these men are meeting women who don't want to fuck them, and for some reasoning they think this other mens experience

Reletively successful men will tell you how Insatiable women are when it comes to sex. Or, you could make a profile on a lesbian dating app and see how horny those gals are as well.

DontTouchTheCancer · 2020-02-19T14:35:45+00:00

Yup.

And as women get older, their sex drive drops massively.

Also, if they get on any antidepressant meds.

Or birth control.

Or it's a day ending in Y.

Think of women's sexuality as being like a soap bubble. You've got to blow through that little wand JUST RIGHT. Too hard, and you have a soap spray. Too little, and nothing happens. And then in a second or two *pop* and it's gone.

A girl felt her vulva throb for 10 minutes while watching "New Kids on the Block" in the 1980s when she was 12 and thinks that's the equivalent of a male sex drive, which fuels literally every advance on the face of the planet.

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Workaholiconew · 2020-02-18T16:43:14+00:00

It is a need for both sexes in the sense that its absence may decrease a person wellbeing.

It just takes absurd amounts of time for women. Months, years, sometimes a decade. To men it takes only days to feel the effects of sexlessness in happiness and productivity. But yes, it is a need for both sexes. Just in no way near a major one for women.

Many women seen to not understand it is a need because they never really stayed years without sex after puberty and kept using palliatives (masturbation, SSRI, etc) which do not seem to work in long enough timeframes.

This question seen to be more stuck into the definition of a need (many seen to have no understanding of need theory) than what sex really is for each gender.

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averagedude4 · 2020-02-18T18:12:25+00:00

Just the same reason women say men don’t need sex

YasuotheChosenOne · 2020-02-18T18:51:55+00:00

It is a need, it’s just sated.

I put blame on sex toys. If porn gives men unrealistic expectations for sex, female sex toys AND porn have ruined our females. This may explain why EVERY female seems to unanimously agree that men are shit in bed.

Title	How is sex NOT a need for women?
Author	The_INTJ_Girl
Upvotes	10
Comments	211
Date	February 18, 2020 4:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/f5u8ny/how_is_sex_not_a_need_for_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-is-sex-not-a-need-for-women.339178 https://theredarchive.com/post/339178

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