TL;DR- This is a concise and heavily updated guide on how to approach dating sites. Most of this guide has been altered based upon which strategies worked the most frequently and consistently from beginning to end.
“The Red Piller’s Guide to Online Dating”
Almost all of the women I’ve slept with/plated in the past several months I’ve met on dating sites.
I’m going to explain how.
For the previous version of this guide, please see “The Comprehensive RP Guide to Dating Sites”. If you've read the previous version, I'd highly recommend you read this one as most of its content has changed.
Note: Several Addendums have been added since this article's original posting.
Don't start until you're ready. A strong frame, attractive figure and abundance mentality are REQUIRED prior to attempting this guide. If you don't have these 3 qualities yet or you feel that they could use improvement, handle that first. A lot of how you'll be judged as an alpha from here on will be based solely on perception and not necessarily the reality of your situation. Because of this, these qualities need to become second nature and aspects of yourself you don't have to think about. You need to know your frame is strong, know you're attractive and know you could move on if you had to.
All women on dating sites are not innately serious about meeting you in-person. Women use dating sites purely for validation. It is your goal to pull them from this mindset and into your frame. Once this has occurred, the rest becomes easy.
Understand you opponent. Always think from the LSSW's (Local Sexy Single Woman's) perspective: they receive up to 50 messages a day, don't respond to most of them, but something about your profile picture and bios caught her attention. Find out what that something is and exploit it. Also, if you're noticing a point in the guide where a lot of LSSWs are dropping off, find out why and repair it.
Understand your SMV. The hotter she is the higher her SMV range will be. You may be considered an 8 amongst the women you frequently see, but remember that if these women are less attractive compared to the LSSW you’re pursuing, then that 8 will drop comparatively. For example, what I find hot and attainable is completely different compared to Brad Pitt.
Understand your competition. Even if you’re in the top 20% in your area, there are always hotter guys out there. Thanks to the globalization of the internet, women can see and judge any guy within a 100-mile radius. She is always weighing her options. Should one of these more-attractive guys reciprocate her interest, it’s likely she’ll suddenly drop off the face of the earth. Most times she’s only picking you over the hotter guy because of limitations like range. Never over-invest, never forget hypergamy. Don’t take it personally. Move on.
Learn from your opponent. A lot of the successes from the strategies in this guide were inspired by how hot women reply to men they’re not attracted to. You will be using their strategy against them. The key to understanding this guide is understanding the importance of fleeting investment and why overinvestment is often the silent killer to most of your attempts.
Be attractive. Again, this is very important. This is a late-game strategy and can ONLY be implemented successfully if your body is in the right place. Physique is the main driving point of this strategy; most women I’ve encountered don’t even read my bio or even open my profile (you get notified when they do). They’ll look at my profile picture and decide from there.
Insecurity shows. If you go into any encounter thinking, “this woman’s waay out of my league, I hope I don’t mess this up”, you’re going to mess it up. It’s best to picture the woman you’re messaging as fat or unattractive to keep your mind planted in a position of higher SMV.
Less is more. Though we’ll cover this more in the actual guide, the less you say in both messages and texts, the less you initiate as opposed to her, the more likely you are to succeed.
Don’t creep. Most dating sites will inform you when you have a visitor. Don’t be that guy that visits her profile every hour. She will notice and it will put her off.
Approach dating sites like baking. You don’t begin baking a cake without all the necessary ingredients, you don't bake as soon as your starving and you don’t only bake one cake in case something goes wrong. Approach multiple women at once, only approach women you’d be excited to fuck and be ready to let them “bake” for at least a few hours to days. Abundance mentality is a prerequisite to success.
Be ready to drop out at any time. This is very important. I don’t care how hot she was. I don’t care how well it was going. I don’t care how it seemed like a sure thing. Women and LSSWs are fickle, and remember that you are not real to them until you’re standing in front of them. They don’t feel the need to hamster or explain their actions to someone who doesn’t exist. So until you’re sitting in their living room sipping on whiskey and coke, don’t expect any compassion or mercy from them.
Don’t settle. You’ll notice that the higher your SMV appears on your profile, the more subpar women will begin outright chasing you. Do not engage. If you settle for less than you’re capable of, more often than not you’ll end up mistranslating the subpar women as “your league” and your actual league as unattainable. Long term this does more harm than good.
Don't be afraid of WonderTits™ one-word responses. If she's responding to you at all, she's interested to some degree and the guide still stands. This goes double for WonderTits™, who probably get 10x the messages compared to ordinary women.
Don’t flash. Don't talk on how much you make or flash around your wealth. She'll perceive it as compensation for something else or perceive you as a potential provider, both of which you don't want.
Be wary of the “easy lay”. If something came too easy, there’s usually a reason. If she messages you first, quickly becomes sexual, gives out her number much faster than expected, begs to visit you with no shit tests or in a short amount of time, be skeptical. Ask for a picture, ask to Skype, whatever it takes to confirm her identity. You’d be surprised how many catfish there are.
Turn off those pesky notifications. This one I’d also highly recommend. A watched pot never boils. If you see pending messages from POF, Tinder or OKC every time you check your phone, you're pretty likely to respond too soon. Go into your phone's settings and turn off those pesky notification pop-ups so pending messages can be addressed at your leisure.
Dicks don’t attract chicks. Women don’t want to see your dick. Women are aroused by the high SMV man attached to your dick. Don’t go waving your dick around unless it’s explicitly asked for. Don’t be that dick. Dicks are like pens. Everyone's got one, most people'll loan you one if you ask for it and unless it's super unique, nobody cares about it.
Know what signs to look for. If her figure isn’t clearly shown in any pictures, if her pictures are taken at an obscure angle, if her pictures look dated and blurry, if all of her pictures are of just her face or in one post or just her ass, there’s a reason. You may think an LSSW has the traits you’d like in a woman, yet if you're unsure you open yourself to being catfished by an unattractive woman with good photography skills.
Text carefully. Read over your texts very carefully before sending them. Without the ability to read your body language to understand you on a covert level, women will attempt to do so through the texts you send. Small things give out huge messages to women if you’re not careful (more on this later). I’m not sure about iPhones, but on Androids there’s a “Text Delay” setting where you can type and send a text and it’ll give you up to 30 seconds to alter or change it before it’s actually sent out. I would highly recommend this to anyone attempting this guide.
Let convos die. More on this in the guide, but if she’s attempting to push a subject matter that bores you, stop the conversation there and leave her be. Most likely she’ll message you again in several days with a much more erotic disposition.
Learn from your mistakes. I've dropped the ball countless times and so will you. Figure out what you said, how you said it and why you said whatever you said that lost her interest. Maybe you responded too soon? Maybe you came off as insecure or desperate? Remember, for this to work her perception of you is what matters. I'll be repeating this a lot.
And now for what’s been removed since the last version of the guide:
Organization is key. Drop this advice. Documentation of various LSSWs you’ll encounter both a) causes overinvestment in any particular interaction with an LSSW and b) subconsciously causes you to approach LSSWs differently based on SMV, race, locale, etc.
Avoid single mothers. While I’d highly advise caution when dealing with single mothers, complete avoidance is unnecessary so long as nothing other than sexual promiscuity is established between the two of you.
The entire calling section. Calling can work for some people, but for others –especially the younger RPers- it’s wildly inconsistent and may communicate an overinvestment on the RPer’s part. This guide will aim to avoid calling altogether.
PART 1: DATING SITES
LSSWs aren’t serious about meeting any of the guys they see online in-person. It’s like a game to them; the more men in their inbox, the more attractive they perceive themselves and the more confident they feel.
You are not real to her until you are standing in front of her.
The goal of this guide is to make that happen in as short a time span as possible while cutting out as much “shit-test”, “I have to get to know you first”, “I’m not that type of girl” BS as possible.
The goal of this section will be to get her number as effortlessly as possible ALL WHILE MAINTAINING YOUR FRAME. I stress this because getting a number is meaningless if the LSSW’s perception of you is beta or a validation resource. Until you’re standing right in front of her, perception is all you have - false or otherwise. She must perceive you as alpha all the way through for this to succeed or else you’ll all fall on your ass in Part 2.
--Building Your Profile--
1. When fishing for bass, use the right bait.
Minnows are a better bait for catching bass than worms. On the same note, shirtless, attractive pictures are a better bait when fishing for purely sexual encounters with women.
The idea here is selective marketing. If you own a restaurant and you want to attract hungry people, do you put a nuclear scientist conducting research as your commercial? No, as that would either attract the wrong demographic or misrepresent the goals and intentions of your restaurant.
The same applies for shirtless pictures. The key is to tap into the reptilian side of her mind. Any LSSW that messages or responds to a message to a guy with a good shirtless picture has made it clear that your physique piqued her interest.
Look confident. Relaxed posture, relaxed shoulders, relaxed palms, no head tilt, no deer in headlights stare.
Making your profile picture shirtless is making sexuality and physicality your thesis statement; most women typically don’t look past the profile picture anyway, so she’ll draw as much as she can from the profile picture alone. Make it a summation not of you or what you are but what you want and what you expect. A profile picture of you riding in a race car? “He’s interesting and fun, but he’s looking for women who also like that sort of thing and I don’t care about cars.” A shirtless picture in low-waist jeans at some beach in Maui? “He’s attractive and comfortable with himself.”
This will establish you as attractive, a woman’s first alpha prerequisite.
NOTE: I'm not implying that having pictures of you doing interesting things is a bad thing. Quite the opposite, I'd encourage it. What I am saying is that if sex is what you want from an LSSW, shirtless pictures will make that message clear.
2. Pre-selection is powerful. Use it.
The second most potent statement one can make through pictures is displayed/”unintentional” pre-selection.
Preselection basically boils down to any evidence supporting you as a hot commodity, or in this case, pictures with women genuinely enjoying your company.
I’ve posted pictures of myself from the Toyko nightlife with a swarm of 8-10 women. I don’t remember their names or how we’d met that night, but in reality, for what I use them for, that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that by reading their body language in the pictures it was clear that they were having a good time and I was the cause. While they don’t need to be Tonk Stark-esque pictures, you should post pictures like these.
NOTE: Do not post pictures of you near women or with women where interest or attraction isn’t blatantly displayed. The women need to seem enthralled just by being in your company. The truth of what’s really happening in the picture doesn’t matter, only how it appears. More pictures like this but none like this or this or this. Watch for body language. That “they’ve probably boned before” look.
3. Write about how you’re the shit.
Juxtapose the vain shirtless selfies with a bio that tells about all the amazing hobbies, interests and accomplishments that represent you. Go as in depth as you can. Be cocky. Describe your life as the best thing since sliced bread.
This extravagant regaling of your life will be contrasted nicely by your short and rare responses while chatting with the LSSWs, causing them to hamster into thinking maybe they’re not good enough for you. Why would this attractive, interesting, smart alpha want to spend time with a boring woman like me? And all this will come without you having to lift a finger.
This will establish you as higher value than her, a woman’s second alpha prerequisite.
NOTE: DO NOT talk about how much money you make, your high-paying corporate job, your nice car, your big house, etc. Only boast about YOU and things that can only be found within YOU. Otherwise, the LSSWs will immediate peg you as a potential high-SMV provider, the shit tests will get insane and same-night/short-term sex will be near impossible.
4. Real you vs. digital you.
If you’ve continuously floundered on the first date every time you’ve met an LSSW in person, this could be your problem. If you’re more attractive in your profile picture than you appear now, she’ll brand you a liar.
And she’s not wrong in feeling that way.
If a HB9 agreed to meet you for coffee and a HB4 walked through the door, you would feel cheated.
Humble yourself a bit, be honest; are you as attractive as you’re making yourself look? 1,000 numbers means nothing with 0 lays. Attracting them is only the first step. Maintaining their intrigue is the rest.
Before we delve into messaging on dating sites, let’s briefly discuss “baking”.
Baking is the process of leaving messages or text messages unanswered for long periods of time to invoke intrigue.
Just like in actual baking, LSSWs can be left to bake for too long or not long enough.
Over-baking is leaving a text or message for too long, often leading to an unintended “soft” next. The resulting soft next isn’t the same as one towards a known woman, however, and future interactions with the LSSW may be lost as you have yet to exist to her i.e. have yet to enter her perception.
Under-baking is how most guys handle messaging on dating sites; as soon as the notification of a new message arrives, they jump on the sight and reply on the spot. This invokes over-investment in her and significantly weakens your chances of success in any form. Remember, women watch actions over words; if you’re responding to her immediately every time she messages you no matter the hour or day, she’ll notice your over-abundance of interest and be put off.
You should bake a minimum of 15 minutes and a maximum of 24 hours. The more attractive you consider her, the longer you bake.
Why? Attractive women expect a certain level of investment from men. By separating yourself from this expectation, you effortlessly invoke intrigue putting you above whomever else she’s considering.
Now back to the matter at hand.
5. Succint and selective.
The shorter the message the better. Nowadays, I begin all encounters by sending “Hi” to every women I’d enjoy fucking. No punctuations, no double messages, no questions.
This is the preverbial “casting of the net”; this part of the process is purely a numbers game.
You only engage the women who reply back. Those that don’t have their reasons which you don’t have time to dwell in.
Your physique increases the number of initial responses, your frame increases the number of in-person meets, your SMV increases the number of sexual encounters.
If you’re having trouble in any of these areas, check their corresponding causes.
Her first response will almost always be “Hey”, “Hi”, “Hello”, etc. Follow it up with “What’re you looking for” (no punctuation).
Starting a conversation with “Hi” and following with “Whatre you looking for" has rarely changed for me. It’s pretty standard.
Oh no, did she asked “How’re you?” or “How’re you doing?”
Respond with “Good you” (no punctuation).
Seems overly short and uninterested, right? That’s the point. We want her to feel as though you’ve got better people to message with. Too preoccupied to pay her any attention. She’ll say “good”, you say “What’re you looking for" and move forward.
6. “What’re you looking for” and the wonderful letter K.
This is the best point to judge her investment in you.
If she gives you some long-winded explanation about how she wants guy whose sweet, funny, caring, blah blah blah, you’re officially under-invested in comparison. That makes the rest of this guide very easy.
If she responds with one word like “Friends”, she’s still under-invested, but no problem. We’ll use the rest of the guide to appear even less invested than her.
No matter what her response is, I reply with the wonderful letter “K” (no punctuation).
Here's an actual exchange:
“I want a man would loves me for me and will be by my side no matter what.”
”So, what about you? What’re you looking for?”
The fact that I completely ignored her desires for a man didn’t bother her in the slightest.
If you’re ever in a bind and don’t know how to respond, always always use the wonderful letter K.
Most times, because this mundane response is such a farcry from what they’re accustomed to, the LSSW will continue the conversation of her own volition. She desperately wants to get inside your head and see what makes you so different from the others.
And you’ll notice this a lot. It’ll seem like she’s having a conversation with herself. Just let it happen.
I was on Skype the other night with an LSSW and I played with my phone the entire time. I rarely looked at the screen.
She used this technique I like to call “blind firing” where she'd jump from topic to topic to see what grabbed my attention.
She brought up sex, I finally looked at the screen.
It’s sort of like a reverse psychology version of classical conditioning. Let her feel like she naturally reached the conclusion. Mind games through silence and succinctness.
NOTE: “K cool” and “K good” and “K great” (no punctuation) work as less-succinct variations. The K is what matters. It’s such an unimpressed and pedantic response, it’s hard not to use it.
Nobody joins on a dating site looking for friends. "Friends" on dating sites is slang for sex partners. Remember that.
If she asks what you’re looking for –especially after she just described her Prince Charming- respond with “Friends” or “Friends maybe more” (no punctuation).
In the last guide I made the mistake of advising “I can manage that much” as an acceptable response. That implies interest in becoming whatever lollipop definition of a guy she described previously and invokes an over investment. Remember, Friends means sex buddies. You want friends for now.
NOTE: If she says “Friends and you?”, you respond with “Same” (no punctuation).
NOTE: "Nothing serious right now" is an equally -if not more- effective response. [Addendum]
8. “Whats your number”
You want to keep going until you get to the point where she has nothing left to say or the conversations hit an end. If she responds with “yeah” or “okay” or “cool” or anything that ends that arch of the conversation, respond with “Whats your number” (no punctuation).
If she follows up with “What do you do?” or “What’s your favorite color?” or “What’s your favorite movie?” respond with “Only in person” and keep going.
If she doesn’t respond to your number request, fuck it and move on. If multiple LSSWs are non-responsive at this point, check the level of SMV you're displaying both in your pics and in your bios ad make some adjustments. Be honest and be objective.
If she gives you some schpeel about how “It’s too early to give out her number” or “she doesn’t give out her number after the first conversation” or she wants to “talk more on here more first to get to know you” or any other possible excuse, she either sees you as a potential provider, as a lower SMV compared to her or as desperate/sexually-depraved (comes across by responding too quickly; scarce mentality). This cake is bad, move on and work on yourself more.
PART 2: TEXTING
Unlike conversing on dating sites, texting is a bit trickier with someone you’ve never met, simply because this is usually when the real shit tests start. On top of that, ignoring, combating or brushing off these shit tests will usually lead to her cutting you off in an instant because remember: you don’t exist to her until you’re standing in front of her.
The goal of this section will be to establish your existence (and your frame) within her world by meeting in person, all-the-while avoiding those game-ending shit tests most people encounter at this stage.
Also, be very very succinct. Shorter the better. Think of what you want to say then shorten it as much as possible without using unnecessary abbreviations (u for you, wyd for what’re you doing, ur for your, etc.)
NOTE: Some phones (all Androids I believe) have a text setting called “Text Delay”. It allows you to edit any text you send out 30 seconds after pressing send before the text completely leaves your phone. I highly recommend altering these settings in your phone to prevent premature text responses.
9. Make her remember you.
Once you’ve received her number, start off by texting “Name’s ___” with a picture of your profile picture attached to the text. Do this so that after you leave this conversation to “bake”, she’ll remember what you look like.
Women rarely save the numbers of guys they haven’t met. Sending your picture solidifies a reference to your physique should a great deal of time pass and she choose to reach out to you again.
Do this soon after receiving her number to keep it relevant.
10. Give her a taste.
If she responds, reply back with a “Whatre you up to” (no punctuation) to invoke a small level of interest.
This may sound odd, but start a conversation with the sole purpose of leaving her hanging mid-way through. For example, start talking about movies, ask what hers are, and when she responds drop the conversation for the day. After baking, do not continue or acknowledge this conversation.
This’ll cause her to hamster, but the direction she hamsters isn’t really important. What’s important is that now you’ve become relevant to her.
11. Bake at 450 degrees.
Bake for however long you deem appropriate do not continue or acknowledge the conversation you were having previously. Simply tell her “Hey” and move on to the next step.
12. “You free any this week”
You’re variation may change from mine, but I’ve found “You free any this week” (no punctuation) after baking to be the best way to get an LSSW out the front door.
If she says she's free on a particular day, don’t say “Let’s [blank]” or “We should [blank]”.
Say “Im free after ” (no punctuation) or "__[time/day] works" (no punctuation).
Remember, women don’t too much care for blunt, direct conversation. Imply what you want without outright saying it.
You asking if she’s free is implication enough that you're interested, you're attracted to her and you want to meet her.
If she asks what you two will be doing, dance around it but stay succinct. “Whatever I want”, “Whatever I feel like”, “Things”, “Crazy shit”, “Cool stuff” are all evasive-type answers that can build up intrigue.
If she asks when to meet up, either say “Whenever” (no punctuation) or just give a number, like "6". If she asks where, just send the address.
As short and sweet as possible.
NOTE: "Variations like "hows your week look" are just as effective. [Addendum]
13. Make her ass worry you flaked.
Whether you’ve decided to meet back at her place or at some coffee shop, once the date/time has been finalized and the address decided, don’t bring it up again and if possible, stop texting her until that date (unless she reaches out).
Do not double-check the time you’re meeting, don’t check if she can still make it, don’t call her to say you’re on your way, etc.
She’ll do that for you and you need to allow her to. It’ll further her investment in meeting you.
NOTE: I’ve noticed that reconfirming dates will increase an LSSW’s likelihood to flake, even if this guide is implemented perfectly. By not reconfirming and letting her reach out first, I’ve yet to see an LSSW flake.
14. Flakes will happen.
For flaking, I like to use the College 20 rule. If she doesn’t show or contact me in 20 minutes after our arranged time, I’m gone.
Don’t get mad. Don’t get upset. Don’t reach out. Simply drive off and go do something else.
You’d be surprised how surprised they get when you don’t passive-aggressively call after being stood up.
If she calls later, act like it didn’t faze you.
Or even better, tell her you didn’t show up either! Show control of your emotions an she’ll repay you in kind.
An LSSW was supposed to meet me and my friends one weekend to attend a rave. She never showed nor called. I dropped it and we had a good time.
Two days later I get a half page message of how sorry she was that she’d forgotten. She invited me over as recompense. Maintain frame.
Don’t be shaken.
Always expect a flake and always have a back-up strategy.
A fun thing you can do should she not show up. This will keep you from making your happiness dependent on her arrival; sure having her around would be cool, but the mall is 5 minutes from here.
Behavioural patterns of LSSWs can be controlled for the experimenter’s best possible outcome through a concise, repeatable cause-and-effect method developed through behavioural experimentation and approach modification.
For any further questions, I'm open to talking over Skype under Skype username OmLaLa2015. Please message me set up a meeting.
This should suffice as proof of the usefulness of the wonderful letter K and succinct grammar when dealing with LSSWs.