FDS has awakened me to the reality that most men are LV. I do not want to be taken advantage of by them, which requires me to enter interactions with them with a hefty dose of skepticism and keep my guard up. But I am a spiritual person, and my religion teaches me to treat others as I would want to be treated, to remember that every human being is a beloved child of God. These seem like irreconcilable stances.

Let's acknowledge up front that religion has always been one of the most potent weapons of the patriarchy, and many a woman has suffered years of abuse while being told to "turn the other cheek." That being said, I'm not going to give up a core faith commitment of mine that all human beings are worthy and beloved just because so many of these men behave like trash.

I think where I land with this is having to separate the person from the behavior, and having to separate how I relate to a male human into how I relate to him as a human being vs. how I relate to him as a man. As a human being, I see any and every man as beloved of God and with the potential to grow as a human being if he would have the humility to be influenced in a positive way. But as a man, by which I mean "someone living within the construct of male identity in this society," I do not trust him for one minute until he proves himself, and my expectation is that he will behave abominably. As a person I may owe him the sort of disinterested, well-boundaried care that I owe any fellow human, but as a woman I owe him nothing. I need the realism and self-care (self-defense, even) that our justified anger gives us, but I refuse to let NVM make me degenerate into a spiritually bankrupt and joyless cynicism. It's sticky.

Idk, I'm still struggling with this and can't decide if it's a helpful framework or an unhealthy compartmentalization. I welcome your thoughts.