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TheOGJammies
[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice325 points326 points327 points 5 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
Why is it you always see the man immediately create a new family? So selfish.
[–]CatlovesMocaFDS Newbie209 points210 points211 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Especially when he is so uninvolved in his old one??? Any women would be decimated as being a "bad mother" (which means a terrible human apparently), but people don't criticize this dead beat behaviour
[–]kortiz46FDS Newbie141 points142 points143 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Because they need a new bangmaid to do all the housework and cleaning and take care of his responsibilities
[–]mtan15FDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This, and little ones tend to go to mum for their needs to be met and big kids tend to require more of dad eventuallt and can see when he's shit or selfish. and if they have attitude, or guts, they may even call him out on it. So they move on and get a new bangmaid and new kids who think he's awesome.
[–]ThiccMommy88FDS Newbie94 points95 points96 points 5 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
I am not much amased by a man lining up new bangmaid what i am amazed at the fact that the bangmaid knows this and STILL PROCEEDS TO REPRODUCE WITH THIS GUY. LIKE WTF SIS DO YOU THINK HE WON'T DO IT TO YOUR KIDS? how selfish can that be .
[–]viellFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
because it was all the other woman's fault! now he'll behave perfectly because she's the one /s
[–]RegularStatus5FDS Newbie43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
This 👆👆👆 Why would a woman, any woman, decide to have kids with a man who has proven himself a terrible father? Guy abandoned his sons, pretends his life with them never happened after he cheated on their mom. What makes a woman think he would be an involved, capable father she could depend on to help raise their kids into mature, independent, competent adults, any responsible parent's goal? He has already proven that he is willing to abandon his kids in the chance he gets divorced with the mother. Okay, she thinks she is the one and they will stay together forever. What if something happens to her? Illness, accident, etc? Does she trust this man to adequately care for and raise their kids? Smh
[–]_Twixes_Throwaway Account20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
For some reason these women always think they’re different and will be treated differently than the last woman was.
[–]TheboredshrimpFDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because HiS Ex wIfE wAs CrAzY
[–]kortiz46FDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s because pickmes don’t listen and learn from the behavior these men display, they don’t take them at face value. Instead they think about what they COULD act like, and that this will be DIFFERENT this time because they will just LOVE their man hard enough or some shit
[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Pickme women in a nutshell. They should all be shamed
[–]Davina33FDS Disciple46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
They do it all of the time because they are heartless. I had to watch my best friend in my childhood suffer a broken heart because her father left her mother, moved from England to Wales and start a new family straight away. He basically just forgot about her and her brother. Many a time I would sit comforting her after school, this was in 1996 and we are still in touch today. She still doesn't see her father. My own stepfather met a woman not long after my mother kicked him out and married her. She had three children. To be fair, my mum and I were relieved because he was a violent alcoholic but my three younger brothers were very upset. They just don't care at all, they discard their children like they discard toilet paper.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It’s so sad. And you’re right, they do discard them like toilet paper - very similar to how Chris Watts literally disposed of his whole family, when he wasn’t getting enough narcissistic supply, and found a new source. Tragic.
[–]jp2117515FDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I wish we could make vasectomies mandatory for deadbeat dads - if you have a history of abandoning your children you shouldn’t be able to make more of them. Stop them from spreading their seed around like it’s nothing and bear no ownership or responsibility for it. What a disgusting piece of trash.
[–]CynicalSucculentFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I second this. This should be federal law
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right? He won't even take care of the first one.
We get a million of these stories every week in FDS, but it's really shocking how much men rely on/feel entitled to women's labor - so much so, they'll happily walk away and leave you to clean up after them.
[–]ekkokekekkoFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I luckily did not have kids with mine and he moved directly from our home into his new gfs home. He could not bear to be alone for a minute.
[–]CrazyPaineFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I never really understood that whatsoever especially after they dropped their new supply. Good lord.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (17 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie93 points94 points95 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
In this case he likely only left because he knew he had another option
[–]redpandanation_FDS Newbie85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Men typically only leave a woman when they have someone else lined up. It's pure weakness and a huge sign of codependency.
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Male culture is hilarious, on one hand they ridicule any hobbies or interests that are “girly” but at the same time they stereotype women as revolving our entire internal lives around men when literally he opposite is true. How many times have you read an interview of a famous man, and when asked, “why did you get into singing/photography/art/engineering?” The answer is always some variation of “to get chicks”
[–]Cotton1candyFDS Newbie57 points58 points59 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
He went to his side chicks house
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I had a very similar experience to you it sounds like - terrifying to be in that situation and be too scared to leave (in my case I was anyway, not sure if you were). I used to pray to god my ex would find someone new and just leave me.
[–]heythere360FDS Disciple52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’m not saying men aren’t capable of this but please realize you were dating a complete psychopath. That is not normal...like at all.
[+][deleted] 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Splatzy19FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sorry sis just noticed this was all part of your thread. If you read my comments on Glasser above and how it fits with FDS, after asking 'What do they have to gain from doing this?' the next question is 'Did their actions get them what they want?'. OR, in individual counseling we would ask 'Is what you are doing getting you what you want?'. This is why the FDS Block and Delete at an immediate misstep is crucial. If a behaviour works one time in getting someone what they want, it goes in their 'behaviour cupboard'. When faced with a situation, and we need to make a behaviour choice, we look to our personal behaviour cupboards for what we think is going to work for us. So, if a man has used gaslighting, violence, threats, etc and it has worked before, there's every chance he will use it. Any behaviour that has worked or he knows works is up for choice. So if he wants you to provide his lifestyle for him and give him his selfish needs but he doesn't want to choose the behaviours of being loving, wooing a girl, making himself good enough for her or he thinks that's not going to align with what he wants to achieve (being a selfish lazy leech), he will choose what he knows or thinks will work and these are often abusive behaviours.
[–]delawenFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I guess luck plays a big part here.
I had to ask for help to convince my NVM-ex out of the house. The lease was on my name and his plan was that I was the one leaving and he stays there. I am not sure if he expected me to continue paying the rent or he would just barricade himself in until police get him out. I'm in Spain so he didn't really have any legal claim over my rented house, as long as he had an alternative (his mom's). I think he thought he could manipulate me into staying, as many times before.
He finally left, reluctantly, not before breaking and stealing a lot of things (including kidnapping my cat). Their family ask me to go out of the house while he packed and I had no idea what they told him to convince him, but it worked. Probably they painted me as an evil witch that was abusing him (that's their side of the story: I abused him because I refused to be a his maid and fulfill all his whims). On this case he was also literally delusional (mental issues) so I have no idea what was on his mind to decide to leave, probably to demonstrate how I will crawl back to him again. He always thought I was trash and he was a superhuman, so his ego probably played a part there.
I left the house that same night to never come back. So the threat of violence that inevitably came after a few days was useless: he didn't know how to find me. And he didn't even had any means to go back to our house: it was in a different city and he didn't have money or a car.
It was highly risky but I didn't understood it at the time. I was so used to live with a violent person that for me being on a life threatening situation was the usual. Friends who were with me when I told him he had to leave were appalled I had been living on that situation. They didn't know.
[–]BlueJeanMistressFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Did you get your cat back?
[–]delawenFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Five years later, still waiting for trial. As it is legally classified as "theft", it is not prioritized.
[–]BlueJeanMistressFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Oh I’m so sorry :(
[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you check out chump lady you’ll see a lot of cheaters refuse to leave. And as much as insensitive and ignorant people will tell you to just kick them out as if you’re stupid, that is not how the laws work in most places. You can’t just kick people out. I went through hell getting mine out too and I was not legally entitled to kick him out.
[–]Splatzy19FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Depends what need is being fulfilled or they feel they need to fulfill. So your ex may have been trying to (in the worst possible way) fill a power need. Some men, it's fun (bangmaid, pick up and leave mentality) Glasser behaviour theory teaches that there are five key needs that drive behaviour: Love and Belonging, Fun, Power, Freedom and Survival. The first four are what we focus the most on in developed societies as survival is not always at risk on a constant basis (shelter, food, water etc etc). I've found it helpful in understanding people's drive for behaviours. In behaviour management techniques (with students) the first question is always a varient of 'What are you trying to achieve by doing that?'. When reflecting on what has happened to us in past relationships it's important not to ask 'why'. There aren't any Why? questions in Glasser. For self reflection on how other people have behaved around you, ask 'What did this person have to gain by doing this?'. It also helps us to make sure we are not putting blame on ourselves for other peoples behaviours or blaming others for how we behave. FDS philosophy has a lot of Glasser (and possibly other CBT psychology) thinking in it.
[–]mistlylotpotFDS Newbie81 points82 points83 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’ve just sent this to my mother. My father has just walked out on her after 47 years of marriage, unexpectedly with no notice, no explanation, no nothing. Just left. And, whilst my sister & I are adults (32, 30) he has no interest in being involved with us & is acting like we don’t exist. He’s getting on with his life whilst we are experiencing literally the most intense grief of our lives. Men are trash, choose very very carefully ladies.
[–]peleksFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What was he like before, were there any signs?
[–]mistlylotpotFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
He was an absent husband and father. The definition of NVM as I’m now learning. Misogynistic career military man. My mother is my hero, she’s raised us basically alone and I’m grateful every single day for her but she has allowed, excused, sat uncomfortably through so much terrible behaviour all to be left for dead after standing by someone, supporting their career, raising their kids etc. etc. - it’s just heart breaking but also another huge eye opener in terms of how easy it is for men to just walk the fuck away and start a new life and leave a burning fire behind them.
[–]ravenx1979FDS Newbie116 points117 points118 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is beautiful, and she is a queen. I feel for her, though my circumstances were different, and I was widowed. I do know how it feels to crawl, and the only reason I wake up every day is to make sure my daughters have the best,like they deserve. It gets better, in its way. And I hope she knows she's doing God's work.
[–]monaalohaFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
i crawl with them on my back... i am sobbing this is so strong. my mom had to raise my sister and I the same way. My father left us when I was 11 and my sister was 16. She got into medical school but my father refused to pay because “she’s a girl, why does she need to study?”. 10 years on, now he walks around saying his daughter is a doctor.
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist14 points15 points16 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sounds like a typical narc the way he could just discard, and the way he didn’t support your sisters dreams but now basically wants to claim fame for having a daughter who is a doctor (no thanks to him). I’m sorry you all had to go through that.
[–]jelilikinsFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was so mad at the last sentence that I nearly downvoted you before realising it wasn't your fault!
[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Well my story doesn’t top that.....but I just defriended a guy on Facebook who I was in a situationship with a while ago. I realized I didn’t want to see his life and I didn’t want him to see mine. Likes and views mean nothing to me.
[–][deleted] 41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
My mom is like this woman. Immigrated to another country with 2 kids and is an independent woman at peace. My dad has hypertension and looks soooo much older. He also started a new family and I wish him the best, but he ain't $hit.
[–]StrawberryMoon3FDS Apprentice56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He doesn't deserve the best sis, you do
[–]fdssavedmylifeFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Meanwhile LVM be like, “I agreed to neglect my kid every other weekend without their mom around so I don’t have to pay as much child support... where’s my award???” 🙄
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m not crying, you’re crying!
[–]lollykpopsFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dunno if it’s because I’ve had an awful morning but this made me cry really hard! Good luck to her she is doing an amazing job
[–]localgirlcultFDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The "neighbors whispering" gets me. Like she was the one who did something wrong.
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is powerful. And uplifting. Don't let anyone thwart your life.
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[–]randomgirlimokFDS Apprentice325 points326 points327 points (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]CatlovesMocaFDS Newbie209 points210 points211 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kortiz46FDS Newbie141 points142 points143 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mtan15FDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ThiccMommy88FDS Newbie94 points95 points96 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]viellFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RegularStatus5FDS Newbie43 points44 points45 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]_Twixes_Throwaway Account20 points21 points22 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TheboredshrimpFDS Apprentice18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]kortiz46FDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lavender_flowFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Davina33FDS Disciple46 points47 points48 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist19 points20 points21 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jp2117515FDS Newbie56 points57 points58 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]CynicalSucculentFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Inspection-CriticalFDS Apprentice11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ekkokekekkoFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CrazyPaineFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (17 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie93 points94 points95 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]redpandanation_FDS Newbie85 points86 points87 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]shortywannarockFDS Newbie40 points41 points42 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Cotton1candyFDS Newbie57 points58 points59 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (2 children) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist6 points7 points8 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]heythere360FDS Disciple52 points53 points54 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+][deleted] (1 child) | Copy Link
[deleted]
[–]Splatzy19FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]delawenFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]BlueJeanMistressFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]delawenFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]BlueJeanMistressFDS Apprentice2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]LevelTurbulentFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Splatzy19FDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]mistlylotpotFDS Newbie81 points82 points83 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]peleksFDS Newbie24 points25 points26 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]mistlylotpotFDS Newbie42 points43 points44 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ravenx1979FDS Newbie116 points117 points118 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]monaalohaFDS Newbie27 points28 points29 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Unlikely-MarzipanRuthless Strategist14 points15 points16 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]jelilikinsFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 25 points26 points27 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 41 points42 points43 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]StrawberryMoon3FDS Apprentice56 points57 points58 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]fdssavedmylifeFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]CarpedictumFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]lollykpopsFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]localgirlcultFDS Apprentice9 points10 points11 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]breadandbunnyFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link