My abusive ex sent me a cashiers check (via my mother) for 30,000 dollars. What do I do? (Besides cash it)

MysteriousLife7 · 2021-04-17T14:41:26+00:00

Way too flowery and verbose for an abusive manipulator who learns no remorse. This is it, we don't need to look any further -- the king of all manipulative tricks. This is beyond the paygrade of all the guys who have ever used their words to woo me and fool me in the past. I never fail to be amazed and repelled by the utter pretense men like this put on.

outward_hand · 2021-04-17T12:43:55+00:00

Check if it's legit, file a restraining order if he tries to contact you directly, protect your mom, then cash it, invest it and enjoy the rest of your life without him.

EDIT: Saw comments about stalking likelihood. Lawyer up and taser/pepperspray up. Protect yourself, your mom, and your whereabouts first. Save the letter and the messages on your mom's device. Send to police. Legit I still want you to have that cash for your own use but safety comes first.

FrozenExpanse · 2021-04-17T14:39:38+00:00

How abusive are we talking here?

Because I can see this being a trap if he's extra crazy.

Can he be trying to find out your location if you cash it? Could he be setting you up for legal entanglements down the road by suing you to get it back?

I'm particularly suspicious of him telling you you don't have to file taxes on it. I'm pretty sure any monetary gift over 10k you gotta pay taxes on. It's a stretch, but he could even be trying to set you up with the IRS by planning to report you for not paying taxes on it.

My advice is to talk to a lawyer before you cash it, just to see what the potential consequences are.

If it's safe, then my advice is to cash it, move to your dream location, and use it as a down payment on a house.

The_Pyramidion · 2021-04-17T12:51:02+00:00

"This is not an attempt to get back into your life" 🤡

Omg, does he think you are that gullible? He only talks about himself in this and his sad sausage pity party to manipulate into you swooning amd being all "no! Don't say such horrible things about yourself! You are a changed man now!!"

Spoiler: he hasn't changed, he is absolutely trying to get back into your life and the check is 99.9% there to manipulate you down the line.

NottodayScrote · 2021-04-17T12:54:10+00:00

Cash it, but hold on to that paper

throwawayheyyy5 · 2021-04-17T14:49:11+00:00

My cynical side believes he might use this to contact you in the future or get you involved in legal issues. I would contact a lawyer before cashing it.

princesspeach896 · 2021-04-17T13:54:02+00:00

Lurker here, I’m a lawyer and had to make an account to weigh in since I’ve had both professional and personal experience with this type of guy. My thoughts:

Save the letter, as well as the envelope it came in. Make copies.
You likely will owe taxes on this, depending on your location. Be careful signing it over to your mom because then she may owe taxes too.
I don’t see any reason not to cash it, but don’t touch the money for a while (a month or so) in case it’s not legit.

You seem to see right through the manipulative nature of this action, and that’s amazing. He’s trying to guilt you into responding and my guess is that has worked for him in the past. Keep him blocked!

goatismycopilot · 2021-04-17T13:48:30+00:00

Take the money don't respond, don't look back whatever he wrote there was bullshit to make himself feel better.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-04-17T14:18:48+00:00

It's a manipulation.

Don't fall for it.

noxy13 · 2021-04-17T12:48:07+00:00

My strongest recommendation is that as additional penance and reparations, your abusive ex make it his life's mission to convince every other abuser who has made that speech that attaching a $30,000 check to it is the only way to truly show sincerity.

As for you...there is nothing for you to do but figure out the smartest way to grow that money. Invest, or learn to invest, and this check will benefit you in multiple ways.

But if, as I suspect, you're wondering if you now should/can/are obligated to connect with him in some way, to acknowledge the gesture...then (gently) shame on you. Don't get pulled into any kind of interaction with an abusive person who apparently caused you harm. I assume you did a lot of mental/emotional and maybe physical work to get free of it - for a reason. It's okay never to speak to some people ever again. Especially abusers. It's a trap.

Chaotic-platypus · 2021-04-17T15:39:25+00:00

Wow hoovering game at 1000. You've already got some good advice I just wanted to stand in awe of the lengths these weirdos will go to in order to keep you under their thumb.

2021-04-17T13:46:43+00:00

Really tempting. But I would not cash it and I would ask your mom to change her number again and stay safe.

The amount, and the language used in the letter (as if proof read by a psychologist) are making all kinds of alarm bells go off. An abusive man does not feel remorse. Ever.

If it is weird, it is probably a trap.

whiterabbit818 · 2021-04-17T12:54:17+00:00

Cash the check, go on a vacation, never think about him again. (And assuming you have him blocked/deleted already - keep doing that!)

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-04-17T16:39:07+00:00

The question is, why would he just give you so much money? It stinks. He has some shady plan, no doubt.

SnooPickles4103 · 2021-04-17T16:11:33+00:00

Why do abusive ex’s do this? This happened to me too but he only sent $700 lol. Do they really think they’ll win you over just by sending money? So stupid.

FDSfollower1 · 2021-04-17T17:01:37+00:00

Contact a lawyer. He may be trying to set you up so that you don't file civil suit, criminal charges, or otherwise embarrass him with your revelations. I would not accept this check without consulting with a good attorney first. Please consult with an attorney before you do anything.

working-girl- · 2021-04-17T12:44:37+00:00

I wouldn’t do a thing. I wouldn’t cash it and I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Why is he sending this now ? Why is he even talking to your mother ?

elementalvirago · 2021-04-17T13:13:54+00:00

Unless it's a gift from family it's absolutely taxable. Make sure you plan for that before you blow it all.

Edit: assuming you're in the US.

Heather619 · 2021-04-17T15:22:04+00:00

Cash. Block. Delete.

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-04-17T14:34:14+00:00

Make sure it’s not a fake check. I don’t think they are that hard to forge. You can call the issuing institution. Plus what everyone else said.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-04-17T16:23:39+00:00

[deleted]

Charming-Bee-2337 · 2021-04-17T14:38:09+00:00

Keep the letter and cash it.

Homeisallmine · 2021-04-17T15:05:19+00:00

Do not correspond with the man at all but for real cash that check. 100 percent.

XMochiixMochiiX · 2021-04-17T17:04:53+00:00

This guy is disgusting to believe that by paying you his negative treatment of you is forgotten/healed in the relationship.

Mella_20 · 2021-04-17T17:31:00+00:00

Looks like a trap tbh 😕

blackflowerx3 · 2021-04-17T17:47:46+00:00

Do you have documentation of his abuse? Build a portfolio that backs his "recognition" of abusing you and provides specific instances, times, dates, witnesses, medical records. Like everyone else has said, lawyer up and lock down all social media, Google searches of your name, invest in protection for your home and yourself/your mom. Have a safe place you can go to if he tries to stalk you or confront in person. This is psychotic, insidious behavior on his part.

Consider if you have any offense on him that you could use if he attempts to hoover/manipulate/control using the legal system.

FDS-GFY · 2021-04-17T19:43:57+00:00

Cash his check then block and delete.

gigi_chi · 2021-04-17T19:48:16+00:00

Cash it, you deserve this. Hang on to the money for a few months incase he tries to pull any bs.

Title	My abusive ex sent me a cashiers check (via my mother) for 30,000 dollars. What do I do? (Besides cash it)
Author	HappyNovel
Upvotes	154
Comments	96
Date	April 17, 2021 12:32 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mspvbn/my_abusive_ex_sent_me_a_cashiers_check_via_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/my-abusive-ex-sent-me-a-cashiers-check-via-my.763004 https://theredarchive.com/post/763004

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