Why are you personally against being in a polygamous relationship/marriage?

Lunar_Compass · 2021-07-25T09:23:32+00:00

I like how polygamous relationship/marriage is always a harem with one penis policy (basically just a tiny wheiled excuse to cheat). How about the other way around? Would you guys like to unite with other average or poor guys to date an attractive and young woman to reduce the financial burden? It also means you will have a bro to play videogames and go to fishing. Sounds great to me.

NarniaFox · 2021-07-25T07:25:19+00:00

I could try it out if it was polyamorous, not polygamous. So all partners were into each other and there doesn't have to be a man, just some girls and me having fun.

But realistically I think it's hard to make it work. People are bad at communication and the more participants there are, the higher chances that something will go wrong. Also you have to fit your plans with all your partners and it's hard even for two people, let alone 3,4 or 5. Time is also an issue. Dating one person takes lots of time, if you have to divide it between more people, they will get less of it and less of your attention as well.

And, I guess the main reason is that jealousy is a thing.

Most people want to be exclusive, they want to have someone only for themselves. And I perfectly get it, that's why I prefer monogamous relationships over polyamorous ones.

Polygamy is a hard no from me. For a bunch of reasons that are common for polyamory, but also because I see no reason to be exclusive to a partner who can't or don't want to provide the same for me. Some other downsides are possible competitiveness between wives, having too many kids to care about, inheritance and divorce issues etc.

Benefits you've listed do little for me. I'd choose a less wealthier man who's into monogamy over an extremely rich guy who wants to have 3 wives. Attractiveness is purely subjective for me, considering that I'm close to demisexuality. Your second point doesn't make sense for the same reason. A man doesn't have to be exceptionally good-looking or rich for me to fall for him. And I have my own friends and family, so I don't need my partner to have some extra wives, so I would have a social circle. Nah, thanks.

PollaTronante · 2021-07-25T08:47:29+00:00

The men I have relationships with are already extremely desirable to me. Why would I need to make compromises to try to get a "more desirable" man? What does "more desirable" even mean?

Furthermore, I would detest the double standard of him having multiple romantic/sexual partners while (presumably) I only have one (and one who is shared). I only date non-monogamously so that especially wouldn't fly.

Reisiluu · 2021-07-25T10:10:28+00:00

Because I would be going out to fuck other men while he was with his other wives, and that would make him sad and jealous. Men are much easier to live with when they aren't sad and jealous.

ask_fair · 2021-07-25T07:31:41+00:00

Means you don't need to make the unfortunate decision of choosing someone you're not crazy about in a monogamous marriage or being alone

I think you're vastly underselling "being alone".

Because for a single woman, if she chooses to "be alone", she controls her life. She lives how she wants, eats what she wants, controls her living space, can get pets, travel, spend her money how she wants. And if she wants to have sex, it's fairly easy for her to access NSA sex -- with a FWB, Tinder, etc.

But a women in a polygamous marriage is signing up for a life where her choices are controlled not only by her husband, but also her sister wives.

Every relationship involves compromise. In a monogamous relationship, at least you're only compromising with one other person.

ohdiddly · 2021-07-25T08:54:28+00:00

So only the man can have multiple partners but I’m restricted to just one? Lol no thanks. I’d prefer an equal relationship dynamic.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-07-25T09:17:19+00:00

Why does he get more than one woman and I don't? Eff that. Is this one of those men is the head of the household shit?

Also no thanks. Its hard enough the navigate a relationship with one l person. Now I have to compromise with multiple people? Plus all the jealousy etc that will have to be navigated.

rft24 · 2021-07-25T09:50:01+00:00

because i deserve to have my own man, simple as that. i do not want to share, i should not have to, and i refuse to.

i can have a wonderful life with a desirable man and not have to share him. i know that seems unfathomable to you, but it’s not impossible.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-07-25T10:56:41+00:00

what do i need a man for at all if he has other women, im not some poor shitholestani who needs a meal ticket

ItWasBrokenAlready · 2021-07-25T07:39:15+00:00

My desire (sexual and romantic) is very, very possessive. I cannot unlink 'I want you' from 'I want you to be mine & mine only'. Even the thought of previous partners is unpleasant, let alone this poly stuff. And if I somehow got over the 'I want you only for myself' that would probably lead to emotionally/sexually checking out of the relationship at all, like 'I don't care what you do with other women bc I don't care about you'.

YMaedchen · 2021-07-25T07:58:02+00:00

Let's say "many" means 3 women.

- I'll get to spend 1/3 of the time I'd have with a regular guy with my husband

-Most men aren't rich enough to entertain 3 families.

-I don't want my partner to sleep with other women.

-I might not get along with the other women.

-4 different parenting styles are clashing together.

- My children will constantly have to fight for their father's attention with the other siblings.

-I'd be extremely embarrassed to admit this arrangement to my friends /family

Means you don't need to make the unfortunate decision of choosing someone you're not crazy about in a monogamous marriage or being alone

So it's better to choose someone that you're not that into? I could still do that while being monogamous. And besides, being alone is a GREAT option. I't's so much better than choosing someone I'm not into or being polygamous. You really overestimate the importance of getting a rich dude.

CrazyBaby8891 · 2021-07-25T10:42:27+00:00

Because it goes against everything I stand for: that marriage is a lifelong (barring certain exceptions of infidelity and/or other types of abuse, ofc) exclusive sexual and romantic committed union that actually means something for the good of both individuals and society. Polygamy wouldn't lead to a better life for me because I don't see true romantic and sexual love as sharing someone (and yes, that still applies no matter how much money the selfish douchebag has; money by itself does not impress me.) As for settling, I refused to do that anyway even if it made me single for life because as much as being alone sucked, it was still better than to be in the wrong relationship, especially a wrong relationship in which I'd be just one of multiple interchangeable bangmaid babymommas. So polygamy would be settling all the same. It's laughable that you think there isn't any conflict among the women too; I know society is currently glamorizing poly lifestyles but that's not the reality of them. It's likewise ridiculous how so many of the guys crying "Cuck!" when the situation is reversed will hold the double standard that they should be allowed a harem. Miss me with that sh!t, all of it.

misiepatysie · 2021-07-25T12:10:59+00:00

I am able to love only one partner at once and I lok for someone who is the same.

I also think that between wiek, hobbies, house chores and every struggles, there is barely tone to cultivate one healthy relationship. If my partner were to have many relationships, our would be negatively affected. Not to mention the struggle to acomodate to the needs, esthetic and lifestyle od everyone involved.

HappilyMrs · 2021-07-25T13:27:31+00:00

Because monogamy is a deal breaker for me. Having tried a triad style poly situation before, I know I am too jealous and insecure for it to work, and it makes my mental health plummet. I dont want to share, at all. I couldn't give a crap if he was the hottest and richest guy on the planet.

UrFoodMolestedMyNose · 2021-07-25T07:11:32+00:00

Naturally the husband will have all the leverage. Not interested in that type of dynamic in a commitment setting.

However I wouldn’t mine and open relationship type arrangement with hvm with both of us seeing others.

TheSunshineMan · 2021-07-25T08:49:29+00:00

No thanks, I don't like to share.

That being said, I've had quite a few relationships where she wasn't allowed to talk/see other guys but I was able to see other women.

No way I'd share a girl if I was in a relationship.

Siukslinis_acc · 2021-07-25T08:58:15+00:00

• It doesn't seem fair that he can be with many women and I don't have the option to be with many men, if I would want to.

• Sometimes it's already hard to compromise/plan things with one person. Doing it with many people is even more harder.

• You would get less personal time. As his free time would be divided by the number of wives (also he needs to have some alone time).

• You would need to consider if you would get along with other wives before you commit to the man. So it's more vetting. One of the examples could be that one wife can't live without something that you have severe allergy to.

• You don't need to choose someone that you are crazy about as due to the day-to-day life the crazyness might fade. It's enough to coose someone with whom you are content with.

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-07-25T10:01:32+00:00

I am selfish and like to have all the attention to myself only.

midwestufohunter · 2021-07-25T10:21:10+00:00

Because I’ve never dated a man I felt I had a good enough emotional connection w. Like he wasn’t present enough.

So why would I accept less than already not enough if he’s now dividing his energy between multiple women?

Life w a man who wants multiple women is not aspirational or desireable lol

Cupcakelover1985 · 2021-07-25T11:07:14+00:00

I’m against it because I prefer being monogamous in a relationship. With routine testing, it’s easier to avoid stds that way too.

Also polygamous relationships are unbalanced and no fun. They’re cuckqueaning. Your husband can be with all the women he wants but you have to stick with only him? There’s no benefit to that unless he’s really rich and doesn’t bother you for anything.

EleanorAbernathyPhD · 2021-07-25T11:26:57+00:00

Allows a more average woman to be married to a very attractive or wealthy man. Assuming many men who are most sought after will exercise their option to be polygamous. Of course many sought after men will choose monogamy but not every woman can win that game.

I dont share and so far I have no problem attracting the kind of guy I like.

you don't need to make the unfortunate decision of choosing someone you're not crazy about in a monogamous marriage or being alone

I have no problem being alone.

could involve strong female friendships between the wives and you have a guaranteed social circle into old age

I have my own friends.

TomorrowsWar · 2021-07-25T12:32:37+00:00

If he’s the only one with multiple partners no way lol

Superfluous_Toast · 2021-07-25T14:23:55+00:00

None of that sounds appealing to me. What good is a man you have to share? Never.

Painfulmenstruation · 2021-07-25T13:31:50+00:00

Nope. Polygamous relationships exist because men are greedy and controlling.

I would rather be single than share a wealthy good looking man with other women.

Polygamy should be illegal and any MAN found practicing should be jailed for 15 years.

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MadsMkay · 2021-07-25T09:59:07+00:00

To your first point — I don’t have difficulty getting the men I want in committed LTRs. Ultimately I don’t wanna share his resources with another woman so polygamy isn’t my forte.

However, I’d be happy to be polyamorous but I seem to date men that prefer being possessive and wouldn’t allow me to fool around with other men.

oldmanwinter_68 · 2021-07-25T13:22:02+00:00

So why are women hesitant to join polygamous marriages when this could lead to a better life for most women compared to being in a monogamous one with a less desirable man?

I think the real reason is that women are very sensitive to social norms and for women it's seen as demeaning to tolerate their man openly being intimate with other women.

My evidence for this is that in my experience, most women will prefer a polygamous relationship so long as they can pretend to themselves and others that it's not. For example, when I was married I regularly cheated on my wife and then told her lies about it which really weren't that believable but she accepted them anyway. Most of the time when the man's cheating ends the relationship, it's because he does it in such a way that it becomes impossible for the woman to pretend it's not happening, for example if he has sex with the woman's female friend.

As the saying goes, most women would rather date a man who lives with his wife than date a man who lives with his mother. In fact, I was reading that some really high percentage of men on Tinder are married or otherwise in relationships. Women could easily avoid most of these guys by insisting on going back to his place rather than hers. And yet they don't.

At the moment, I'm in an openly polygamous relationship, but what's unusual about it is that my girlfriend has a jealousy fetish, i.e. she enjoys watching me flirting and more with other women. Most women don't have this kind of kink, or at least don't have enough of it that they are willing to flaunt social norms.

The other thing to keep in mind about social norms is that talk is cheap. When these types of subjects come up online, you can expect a flood of women to post that they would never in a million years tolerate sharing their man with others.

But what people say and what they do are two completely different things. Even in my relationship, the girls don't like to be too open about it if we are at an event like a graduation where people they know will see us. Rather than me being in the middle and holding hands with both girls, one of them will be in the middle as though the 2 of them are just good friends.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-07-25T17:36:08+00:00

So why are women hesitant to join polygamous marriages when this could lead to a better life for most women compared to being in a monogamous one with a less desirable man?

Because women want everything for themselves. In a polygamy situation they have to share the man's resources, and they get a smaller share in case of divorce.

Also the first wife has no reason to share her resources with another woman.

I think that you assume that women get along. In reality it would be a non-stop catfight.

Why am I against it personally? I don't wanna commit to just one girl. I'd rather my man have a series of gfs.

DplusLplusKplusM · 2021-07-25T21:07:02+00:00

Human nature being what it is, more partners = more opportunities for misunderstandings and conflict. Unpopular theory: Minus some unifying belief system (such as a religion that urges polygamy) not many people can overcome their basic desire to be "special" to a partner and not just be part of an entourage. Probably why this is more common and tends to work better in Muslim nations than in the West. Wonder how you feel about polyandry though as your focus seems to be on one man having a gaggle of female partners.

blueXcat · 2021-07-27T12:56:40+00:00

Why is your version of polygamy only 1 men for a few women?

I would never be in that type of relationship because I already don't have enough sex when I'm the only one.

Like maybe if there wasn't stds, I'd be the head of a poly relationship with a few partners for myself. My fiancé would like me having another woman available so he could take a break 😂

But I mostly already have a hard time trusting just 1 person

Title	Why are you personally against being in a polygamous relationship/marriage?
Author	owta_this_world
Upvotes	0
Comments	55
Date	July 25, 2021 7:01 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/or6vqf/why_are_you_personally_against_being_in_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-are-you-personally-against-being-in-a.794766 https://theredarchive.com/post/794766

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