Backpedaling

UseResponsible4368 · 2024-06-18T22:13:30+00:00

. She got in a fight with her mom (oil meets fire) and called the police on her. She called me in a panic, crying and begging me to take her to my house.

I wouldn't be surprised if her mom wasn't excited she was moving back in, with kids, and leaving you for an ex and realizing she might be stuck with her for years. She was hoping daughter would be your problem forever!

"...he's [my husband] probably the worst I've ever been with honestly"

Women retcon the hell of their own past, they are masters of Constanza ("It's not a lie... if you believe it.")

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-06-17T15:10:32+00:00

We’re all here because we picked the wrong one and you did the same. She’s a piece of garbage and your marriage is over. There’s zero argument of what she did even know she’ll try to convince you otherwise. Good men are in high demand on the open market, if that is you or can be you, go find your worth with someone new.

ImAScatMAnn · 2024-06-16T23:27:50+00:00

So she planned to leave you for him, and it didn't work out, so now she comes running back to you (her backup plan). You get to choose how you want to be treated in a relationship, so I'm not going to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. I'm just going to say that I personally would never knowingly and willingly be someone's backup plan.

Just know that should you follow through with the divorce, years later whether she's remarried, dating or single, you can expect a message similar to the one she sent her ex. People like her are miserable at their core and don't know how to fix themselves. They expect others to make/keep them happy, which is impossible. When the happiness fades, they look through their past with rose-tinted glasses, remembering the last time they were happy and attempt to return to that state in life.

This obviously makes for a very unstable and unsafe partner. I think it would be best for you to move along with the divorce, but you know yourself better than any of us. Do what you think will make you ultimately happy.

captainchippsixx · 2024-06-15T21:25:45+00:00

Dude. It was all pre mediated. The treat her right is a bullshit cover story. She is lying her ass off. I wouldn’t believe anything she says. Time for divorce.

TheBoyBand · 2024-06-15T21:12:51+00:00

FUCK.HER and more importantly YOU filed, so YOU!!!!! don’t backpeddle! Get it done!

ajackofallthings · 2024-06-15T18:51:09+00:00

No context if she makes enough money on her own and/or you make a ton and in divorce she'd get a healthy check or not.. but I am assuming she does not since she lived with sister then mom for 8 weeks instead of getting an airbnb or some shit. That's not a definite.. just thinking.. that likely she realized her ability to divorce/live on her own came to a hard realization that she couldn't pull it off.. it was going to be way harder than her anger/emotions the day she left accounted for, and figured fuck it.. better to live ok in misery than try to do this all on my own where I am not responsible for kids, job, house, car, etc.

stupididiot78 · 2024-06-15T18:24:59+00:00

Yeah, you're not even plan B with this woman. The two guys she already knew and brought around your kids were plans A and B. The 6 dating apps were C, D, E, F, G, and H. Congratulations, the first 8 options fell through and now you're plan I.

grimxluna4ever · 2024-06-15T17:21:23+00:00

Document everything. Stay the course. Get those kids

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-06-15T15:40:42+00:00

First, she was already talking to a lawyer, so she is spewing total bs. You need to file an emergency order with the court to have the children returned to the marital home, or at least make an interim parenting schedule. File for exclusive use of the house as well while you are at it. She is setting precedence right now, and will use it against you, you need to move faster than fast. Get your lawyer to file motions IMMEDIATELY!! Lastly, she is a POS, don’t even entertain taking her back.

capnjackstation · 2024-06-15T12:33:10+00:00

She found out her plan wasn’t going to work and that she was for recreational use only.

She’ll come back long enough to get her ducks in a row and do it again. I’d keep moving forward with the divorce if it was me.

0neMinute · 2024-06-15T11:41:56+00:00

Had something similar happen, she came back until she got her plan together again and went round 2. Your lady is already gone, the problem is her plan fell through. Dont be her back up plan.

This_Train340i · 2024-06-15T11:39:15+00:00

She's gaslighting you. When a woman shows you who they really are, believe her. Your real "wife" wants an open relationship and you to accept being cucked. Take her back at your own risk and peril, but know if you do that you are only delaying the inevitable. She doesn't love you the way you have loved her, she doesn't respect you, and she holds you in contempt. If sparks were flying with her ex and he was well off enough to financially support her, she'd be gone. That's not loyalty, that's monkey branching for a better opportunity. And that's what love means to a woman.

TechnicalAd5152 · 2024-06-15T11:15:08+00:00

Why do men always fall for this never ever ever under no circumstance let your spouse leave with your children she can leave with a patenting schedule at least agreed upon in text preferably in the court or between your lawyers.

silmarp · 2024-06-15T10:59:44+00:00

Lets summarize.

She is disrespectful.
She is having fights with her own mother.
She called the police on her own mother. That means you are not even a tiny little bit safe from a fake dv and then you will probably have to work to pay a mortgage and expenses so she can live with her boyfriend on your dimes.
She does whatever she wants with little to no regards to your opinion.
She have lots of dating apps.
When confronted she is not remorseful.
She is manipulative and mean.
She put the blame on you for things that are her fault
She takes no blame for things she did.
She wants you to fix her problems (housing her when her parents don't want her anymore).
She asks for "alone time" and you might not know but "alone time" means time she wants to try sausages I guarantee you she didn't sleep alone in her alone time.
She is not remorseful even after creating such a ruckus.
You are still the wrong one in her discourse.
Not one of the other guys wanted to take her. That's the only reason she's back.
She created all chaos but she told she only wanted to be "treated right". That means she goes for the sausage ride and when everything fails she expects you to treat her even better than before. She wants to be rewarded for sausage riding.
She's a liar.
She's a conniving bitch.
She's cheaper than a whore(because whores they do get paid).
She's dating her ex while married.
If she said she never wanted a divorce than that means she's cheating and not remorseful. Let me explain, if she really wanted a divorce it's kind of fair game. She wants a divorce and you are separated she can go suck a bag of dicks. However it's not the same if she "didn't want a divorce" or whatever shit talk she's spewing.
She abandoned her kids to try and find sausage land. She's not even motherly.
She's disloyal.
She's dishonest.
She doesn't love you.
She doesn't like you.
She doesn't love her kids.
She is broke and can't pay a hotel.
She got rejected by her ex(he can date her in a cheap motel but he won't take her home but if you accept her you don't have to worry, soon you are the one having to pay the bills so he can live comfortably).
Etc.

Now let's see her good traits to try an balance stuff. Can you say what's so great about her that is making you tempted to stay on this marriage? Because I can't say a single good thing about your wife at least by what you described here.

fewdo · 2024-06-15T10:04:34+00:00

Offer the kids a home but not the lady who needs a place to stay for a few months while she finds the next guy.

Subtle-Catastrophe · 2024-06-15T08:06:26+00:00

I think you already know, what we think.

I mean, if you want to be tossed around like a sea lion by a killer whale, then you do you. But if you don't, well, tell her to make like a tree and get out of here.

No_Fee_161 · 2024-06-15T07:36:10+00:00

She's spouting BS.

Most single parents will wait a couple of months, some even years, until they introduce their new partner to their children. What she did was deceitful and irresponsible.

She's only asking for a second chance now because her plan didn't work out.

You're her safety net. She doesn't see you as anything else. Continue with the divorce. You deserve better.

Accomplished_Gene176 · 2024-06-15T07:00:31+00:00

She was monkey branching and the branch she grabbed broke. She will do this nonsense again

upvotersfortruth · 2024-06-15T06:50:51+00:00

She’s just trying to play you. March forward. You can always get remarried or have a relationship in the future with her if you want.

BK2AZ · 2024-06-15T06:48:29+00:00

RUN!!! You can’t trust her whatsoever.

Gattsama · 2024-06-15T06:32:34+00:00

Do NOT take her back. She is lying and only telling you enough truth to paint herself as a victim and appeal to your love. You are her backup plan, NOT her primary concern for focus. IF things worked out with the new guys or her living situation, she would not be calling you.

Tell her the kids can come back. She needs to work it out. Others here will tell you if you take her back, all this will repeat itself. She doesn't respect or love you. Sorry to be that blunt about it. Love is not a feeling, but a series of actions and choices. Do not judge her by her words, but by her actions.

Her actions are not loving. She will say whatever she thinks she has to say to accomplish her goals. Many women do NOT communicate to exchange knowledge and information or exchange ideas. Instead, words are like Harry Potter magic spell to create a certain goal or outcome.

'Floating light-airdum' = an object floats. Similarly: 'I was finding myself. I love you, but I'm not in love with you. It was a cry for help and attention. I was confused, but now I know what I want.' = please simp for me and make decisions both against you better judgment and own self interests.

BuddhistChrist · 2024-06-15T06:05:43+00:00

You’re going to regret taking her back if you do. I guarantee it.

EnvironmentalAd3558 · 2024-06-15T06:02:40+00:00

I think the marriage is probably over in her own mind. However she failed to have a plan A when she hit the trigger. Now she is a bind because she has no other options and you are a reluctant plan B.

I could not trust my wife if she did want she did. Therefore she is no longer wife material. It is better to finished the divorce and separate all financial entanglements with her and make arrangements for CS and custody.

Strict-Front-2375 · 2024-06-15T06:01:44+00:00

If a woman leaves like that, it's to get new dick. She was definitely at the min already talking and planning it, and the majority of the time, already doing so, and the leaving is to indulge more in it.

When they get new dick, they're done with you. The only reason they ever 'come back' is because they aren't able to currently take care of themselves, either not enough support from friends, new dick taking care of them, or divorce proceeds.

If she comes back, she will continue fucking other men, she just won't leave right away this time, until she's sure she doesn't need you. Like, a friend who will let her stay long term, a simp who will take care of, etc.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-06-15T05:59:01+00:00

She's settling, dude.

If she wants to come back, she's going to have to work on it.

First, secretly record her and ask her if you've ever abused her. She'll say no. Be sure and get that recording. It's not for court. It's to control the narrative.

Second, she needs to publicly admit to your parents, her parents, and on social media what she did. Going out on dates while married and having her dates play with your kids. Also, state on social media that she has joined dating apps behind your back.

Third, she has to go to therapy for herself and marriage therapy.

Fourth, you need unfettered access to all electronic devices.

Fifth, buy cameras from Amazon and hide them around the house. This will again help control the narrative. They probably won't be able to be used in court. Depends on what state you're in.

Sixth, tell her to read "How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair"

Seventh, look into a post nuptial agreement with your lawyer.

I guarantee she'll balk at this, and you can then divorce her with impunity if you have it all recorded.

Forward-Transition-5 · 2024-06-15T05:39:21+00:00

She’s just bullshitting you because she’s running out of options. Once she’s found another option to take she will. My advice is stand your ground and continue with the divorce and don’t let her use her sad puppy routine to get anything out of you. No need to be cruel but first and foremost you need to do what’s best for yourself and your children. During and after a divorce you won’t have any say in who she can bring your kids around which sucks but that’s how it’s going to be from here on out so it’s something to deal with. It’ll probably never stop bothering you but unfortunately unless there’s some criminal activity and state laws to address it there’s nothing that can be done about it. It won’t be easy by any stretch of the imagination so you may want to seek counseling for yourself to help you through this because it will be an emotionally confusing time. Be sure to shop around and find a counselor that you feel safe with and remember you don’t have to stick with the first one you find.

Techdude_Advanced · 2024-06-15T05:38:15+00:00

She's settling for you, the ex will always hang over your relationship. Do what's right and get the 50/50. You deserve better and life is amazingly beautiful. Never be that guy , give her a chance and you will pay for it dearly when she disposes you and she will. She's coming back to buy time.

Listen carefully to all the replies you will receive here. Many men gave them a chance only to be totally destroyed years later. Wanna be homeless while living in your car?

Title	Backpedaling
Author	jd385272
Upvotes	36
Comments	35
Date	June 15, 2024 5:18 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dgampu/backpedaling/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/backpedaling.1521599 https://theredarchive.com/post/1521599

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